'I just don't know what to do Fletch. I kissed Bernie-well if I'm being pedantic she kissed me and I kissed her back and then I kissed her. It was the best kiss I've ever had and it was on the floor of an operating theatre. Isn't that just my life summed up in a bow. I'm so confused. I've never even thought of another woman in that way, I was always into men so matter what Harry Tressler might have thought. But Nernie isn't just another woman. She's my best friend. She's brilliant and fantastic and fearless and just incredible. I don't love her. Not yet at least but I think I could. Does that mean I'm into women now or just her

You saw how the grapevine spread the news of her affair with that Alex woman, what if that happens to me? Not her cheating on me, but the gossip. This would fuel the fires for months if I pursued my feelings for her. I really do have feelings, string feelings. I can't imagine my life without her but i don't think I'm ready to accept a life with her like that.

I don't want to hurt her. She's the most important person to me after Elinor, what if I ruin our friendship? What would happen to the trauma unit of something went wrong between us? The unit means so much to her, it's her baby, our brain child. She's so fantastic in it, she's far too good for this place but I couldn't bare to see her leave. Is that selfish of me?

I have to consider Jason as well of course. Robbie left me because of him and he poor boy feels terrible about it, I can't put him through that again. Not of course that Bernie would turn her back on me because of him, she's so good with him. She accepts him unconditionally, she never knew me before him I suppose. How much does he even understand about same sex relationships? I never give him enough credit for his understanding but there's always limits. Did his mother ever talk to him about it? Heavens I could do with a sister to talk to this about.

I can't believe I didn't see it coming. I should have done in hindsight; we've been flirting for months I suppose, consciously or not.

I think I'm going to tell Evie she can stay with me whilst you're in here. Raf is a saint but four kids might be a tad too much for him to handle. She's a smart kid, you should be so proud of her. In a way she reminds me of Elinor, if Elinor had gone through the trials Evie has. Did I tell you Evie met Jason this morning? They love each other, bonded instantly over that Pokemon game everyone is on about at the moment. And he's friends with Morven and Cam apparently. I think those two might be hitting it off rather well. Morven is still deep in mourning for Arthur but i think Cam is helping her. Maybe one day they'll date and Morven could be Bernies daughter in law. That's a strange thought. I suppose she could be mine too in a way if I act on my feelings. And we've come full circle again. I didn't get a wink of sleep last night between marrying about you and trying to work out what the hell happened on the floor.

I should probably head off. I'm due back on the ward. It's not the same down there knowing you're here. Get better soon. We miss you.' Serena squeezed her friends motionless hand. She made for the door before a voice stopped her.

'Ms Campbell? Serena? An air ambulance crashed into the hospital a few days ago. 8 people are dead. My 10 year old daughter is in a coma with probable severe brain damage. Life is short. Don't give a crap what others think.'

'I'll beat that in mind. And I hope Grace gets better soon.'

'Thank you.'

Serena slipped out into the corridor and found the woman she had been avoiding all morning stood there looking pensive.

'I heard what you said.'

'Did half the hospital eavesdrop?' Serena tried to act angry but failed spectacularly. She was terrified by the woman before her, terrified of what she might do to the blonde and the lips she now knew to be as soft as anything she could dream of.

'Take your time. There's no rush. Think about what it is you want. Just know that I meant what happened last night. I don't regret a single moment of it.' With that Bernie slipped into the room to begin her bedside vigil of the friend neither of them had realised meant so much to them leaving an even more conflicted than before Serena deep in thought.