Alright, just so you know, this story is definitely not supposed to have
any sort of plot or make any sense whatsoever. Also, I'm going by my nick-
name Genie, so when you see Genie, that's me. Um.also please review it for
me, k? If I don't get any reviews I'm not gonna write any more. Got that?
Ok, now.beware. Oh yeah, and I don't own Venus and Serena Williams, btw. If
I did I would be making tons of money and probably wouldn't have time to
write Hamtaro fanfics. Oh yeah, and also I don't own Lucky Charms or its
stupid little mascot the leprechaun thing.
~
Genie: It was a normal day. A normal, average day. A normal, average, plain day. A normal, average, plain, boring day. A normal, average, plain, boring, unimportant -
Mysterious hamster with no origin, point or even existence: SHUT UP ALREADY!!! *bashes Genie over the head with a pot*
Genie: ow hey ughhhh pain pain pain *faints*
*Applause*
Mysterious hamster with no origin, point or even existence: My work here is done. *vanishes into thin air*
*Resounding silence*
Cricket: chirp chirp.
*Applause*
Cricket: Thank you, thank you very much.
Random person in audience: Can we get to the story now?
Cricket: There's no one to tell it now. Genie's out cold.
Genie: Actually I think I'm starting to come around again so -
Cricket: Shut up. *bashes Genie over the head with a pot*
Genie: Wow, even the characters in my stories hate me. *faints again*
Stan, appearing out of nowhere in particular: Okay, dudes and dudettes, I'll tell the story. A-hem. Once upon a time, there was this totally gnarly dude who like had orange fur and tiger stripes and an annoying little twin sister who looked exactly like him but she was a lot less rad and all that jive. So anyhow, this dude was like a complete chick magnet and all the ham- babes totally adored him. So one day this dude -
Sandy, also appearing out of nowhere in particular: STAN!!! *grabs him by the tail with her ribbon and drags him offstage* That was totally uncool. You like totally dissed me.
Stan, being dragged along the ground by Sandy's ribbon: Hey, I didn't mean it! Honest! I love you sis! Come on, gimme a break, I was just telling the people what they wanted to hear!
**************We are experiencing technical difficulties. Please stand by.**************
BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP.
*************We will now return you to our regularly scheduled program.*************
Genie: Hello, it's me again!!!
Cricket: I've got my eye on you.
Genie: O _ O
Cricket: That's right. Be afraid. Be very afraid. : D
Genie: A-hem. So on this normal day, Hamtaro was on his way to the clubhouse...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Hamtaro: Dun dun DUN!!! Ham-ha everyone!!! It's a beautiful morning, I think I'll go outside for a while...
Snoozer: Don't sing. It sickens me. *throws pillow at Hamtaro*
Hamtaro: Hey, where is everyone???
*Silence*
Hamtaro: Nobody's here.
Snoozer: Great observation, Sherlock. Let's promote you to chief detective.
Hamtaro: -_-
Boss, popping out from the middle of nowhere: RYAAAAAAHHAAAAAAFROOOOOWWWWGRRRRAAAAHHHHRRRAYYYYY!!!!
Hamtaro: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!! BE GONE EVIL DEMON!!!! GO BACK TO THE FIRES OF HELL!!!!! *whips out a little cross and holds it in front of him*
Boss: Um...
Hamtaro: Oh ha ha. It's just you, Boss.
Snoozer: Not gonna say anything...zuzuzu....
Boss: Fo sho it's just me. Everyone else wented to various random places.
Hamtaro: "Wented"???
Snoozer: I'm outta here. *picks up a few suitcases and dases out the door; in the background is heard the sound of a jet plane taking off and Snoozer's voice saying "Take care of Fluffy for me!"*
Hamtaro: Who the heck is Fluffy?
Boss: Snoozer's pet pillow.
Hamtaro: You mean the one he threw at me?
Boss: Probably.
Hamtaro: Well I don't know where it wented.
Boss: "Wented"???
*Outside is heard the sound of a jet plane landing and then scurrying footsteps; the door is thrown open and there is Snoozer*
Snoozer: YOU LOST FLUFFY?!?!
Hamtaro: I'll buy you a new one.
Snoozer: Not good enough. NOT GOOD ENOUGH!!! I WANT FLUFFY BACK!!! NO ONE WILL REST PEACEFULLY UNTIL MY PRECIOUS IS RETURNED!!!!!
Hamtaro&Boss: "My precious?"
Snoozer: Yes, my precioussssss. *for those of you who aren't familiar with 'Lord of the Rings,' that was a take-off of Gollum*
*Snoozer starts searching frantically for Fluffy*
Hamtaro: So where did you say everyone else wented?
Boss: Various random places.
Hamtaro: Like what?
Boss: Well, let's see...Howdy and Dexter went to play tennis...
~~~~~~~~~~~~We now flash to where Howdy and Dexter are playing tennis~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dexter: Okay, that's forty-love. One more point and I win.
Howdy: Did you just call me 'love'?
Dexter: Um, no. Love means zero. It's forty to zero. My favor.
Howdy: Hold on there. How'd you get forty points? You've only scored three times.
Dexter: Sigh...aren't you at all familiar with the rules of scoring in tennis?
Howdy: Not really. How do you know so much about it anyway?
Dexter: I had two personal trainers...
Howdy: Seriously? Who?
Dexter: Venus and Serena Willaims... *for those of you who aren't familiar with them, they're these two sisters who are like really famous tennis players*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Dexter's pointless flashback~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Venus Williams: Dexter, I hate to tell you this but I don't think you'll ever make it as a pro tennis player.
Serena Williams: In fact, the only way you'll ever probably win is if you're playing against some random hamster wearing an apron who has a southern accent and squinty eyes.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Dexter's pointless flashback ends~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dexter: Ah, those were the days...
Howdy: Serve's up!!! *hits the tennis ball as hard as he can, which goes flying directly into Dexter's forehead*
Dexter: Ouchichi. *falls over backwards*
Howdy: Haha! I guess I don't know my own strength, but that was pretty good, wouldn't you say, Dex?
*Dexter's foot twitches a little*
Howdy: Dex? Dex?
*Silence*
Howdy: That ain't cool...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Now we flash back to the clubhouse~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Boss: And I think Maxwell went to find a cure for cancer.
Hamtaro: Again?
Boss: Yeah.
~~~~~~~~~Now we flash to where Max is working in some secluded little laboratory on the edge of nowhere, with piles of scientific papers and stuff stacked all over the place~~~~~~~~~~
Maxwell: Eurika! I've got it!
*A little tiny alien spaceship lands on his desk and a little tiny alien pops out*
Alien: How many times must you force us to do this? It is against the laws of the universe for a hamster to know the cure for cancer. Therefore we once again must erase it from your memory. *zaps Max with a little ray gun thingy*
Maxwell: Hello alien. You look familiar. How did you get here? Who am I? What's the cure for cancer?
Alien: I must leave you now. Farewell. *hops into spaceship and takes off*
Maxwell: Right about now, I really wish I knew how to get home. Wherever home is. Do I have a home? Why does my memory fail me? Sigh...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Flashing back to the clubhouse again~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hamtaro: Isn't that about the 57th time he's tried to find a cure for cancer?
Boss: By my calculations, 59th.
Snoozer: Precioussssss is gone...
Hamtaro&Boss: -_-
Hamtaro: So anywho, where's the rest of them?
Boss: All the girls went fishing.
Hamtaro: Fishing???
Boss: Yeah. Fishing.
~~~~~~Guess where we flash to now? That's right! The place where the girls are fishing!~~~~~
Bijou: Anyone caught anything yet?
Pashmina: Nope.
Sandy: Nope.
Penelope: Ookwee. *pulls up her line and Bijou is on the end of it*
Pashmina&Sandy: O - O *look over to where Bijou was sitting just a second before and she's still sitting there; look back at the end of Penelope's line and now there's nothing on it*
Penelope: Ookwee. *puts her line back in the water*
Bijou: I don't know why we are not catching anything.
Pashmina: Maybe we're not using the right kind of bait. *there's a sweaty gym sock on the end of her line*
Sandy: No, I don't think that's it. Maybe the fish are all sleeping.
Maxwell, popping out of nowhere quite randomly: Fish don't sleep. They don't have eyelids, so they can't even close their eyes. *disappears back into the middle of nowhere*
Penelope: Ookyoo ookyoo ookwee?
Bijou: What does that mean?
Pashmina: She said, 'Maybe this isn't a good place to fish.'
Sandy: Haha. She's so cute. Of course this is a good fishing hole.
*Now the camera zooms out and we see that they are sitting on the edge of a table fishing in a bowl of lucky charms*
Penelope: Ookweeeeeee. *translation: Whatever*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Ok, we're flashing back to the clubhouse again~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Boss: Oh yeah, Stan went out looking for cute chicks.
Hamtaro: Well, that's a big surprise.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Flashing to Stan, who is surrounded by cute chicks~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Stan: I love you babes. *throws them some chicken feed*
Chicks: Cheep cheep cheep. *yes, they're actual chicks, as in baby chickens. You didn't think Stan would be doing something typical, did you? That would completely ruin the point of the story.*
Stan: Actually, you there, with the eyepatch? You're not that cute. Get out of here.
Chick with eyepatch: CHEEP??? *translation: What do you mean, I'm not cute?*
Stan: You heard me.
Chick with eyepatch: : O
Stan: What I meant was...ummm....
Chick with eyepatch: CHEEP!!! *translation: ATTACK!!!*
*all the chicks start chasing Stan*
Stan: Wait! I didn't mean it! Don't hurt me, I have a wife and three kids! Okay, maybe just a wife! Well, maybe just a girlfriend. Well, actually, not even that. But I have a sister! That counts for something, right?
*the chicks keep chasing him, until finally he runs into a dark alley and all the chicks lose sight of him and run in the opposite direction looking for him*
Stan: Phew. Safe.
*some random chicken appears behind him*
Chicken: Cheap.
Stan: AAAARRRGHHHHH!!!! *runs away*
Chicken: What's his deal? I was just telling him about our low prices on eggs. *holds up an egg tray with sticker on it that says 'Cheap'*
Stan: Man, this is crazy. Maybe if I sneak around behind this building...
Chick behind building: CHEEP!!! *starts chasing him*
Stan: AAAAAGHHHHH!!! *runs away*
Chick: Hey, come back! I just wanted to return your wallet that you dropped!
*please forgive me, I know those were some pretty stupid jokes*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Back to the clubhouse~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hamtaro: What about Oxnard? Where's he?
Boss: Oh yeah, how could I forget? He went on an extremely intense quest for the lost treasure of Monkey Island.
Hamtaro: Monkey Island???
Boss: Yeah. Don't tell me you've never heard of it?
Hamtaro: Actually................................................................no.
Boss: Well, anyhow, apparently there's some lost treasure there.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Flash to Monkey Island!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Oxnard: Hey, do you guys think you could help me find some kind of lost treasure?
Monkey number 1: Eeek eeek ooh ooh eek.
Monkey number 2, in a British accent: You'll have to excuse him. He has some trouble speaking sometimes.
Oxnard: Why do you have a British accent? Isn't this off the coast of Mexico?
Monkey number 2: I'm an immigrant monkey.
Oxnard: Well do you know where the treasure is?
Monkey number 1: EEEEEEEEK EEEEEEEK WEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!
Monkey number 2: Oh shut up.
Oxnard: *crying* I'm sorry!!! Please forgive me!!!
Monkey number 2: No, I was telling Monkey Number 1 to shut up.
Oxnard: Oh. Doesn't he have a name?
Monkey number 2: *whips out a script and looks it over* Nope. Just monkey number 1.
Oxnard: Ok...well for the third time, do you know where the treasure is?
Monkey number 2: Nope. Sorry.
Oxnard: Can you read those signs over there for me?
Monkey number 2: Nope. Sorry. Can't read.
Oxnard: But you just read the script!
Monkey number 2: I um...well I... uhhhhhhh... gotta go. Bye. *helicopter comes down and Monkey Number 2 gets in and rides off into the sunset*
Oxnard: Great. That leaves me with you.
Monkey number 1: WAWAWA!!! *holds out a banana to Oxnard*
Oxnard: Um...no thanks. Maybe I'll go look somewhere else... *edges away slowly from Monkey Number 1, then makes a run for it, but runs right into a palm tree*
Oxnard: OW!!! Uh heheheh.....meant to do that. *runs away*
Monkey number 1: What was his problem? Oh well. *eats the banana, then looks at the signs while he's chewing* TREASURE BURIED HERE...I wonder what that means...
*Haha. I know. More really stupid humor. Oh well.*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~To the clubhouse once again~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Boss: And that leaves...Cappy and Panda.
Hamtaro: So where are they?
Boss: Fridge shopping.
Hamtaro: HEKE???
Boss: They're shopping for a refridgerator.
Hamtaro: Why???
Boss: Dunno. I'm not sure how they plan to get it in here, much less be able to move it whatsoever...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Flash to Cappy and Panda~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cappy: Hahahaha! I can't believe Boss believed us when we said we were going fridge shopping!
Panda: Yeah, I know! This is so much more fun!
*they're sitting in front of a blank TV screen*
Cappy: Um...this is what humans do for entertainment, right?
Panda: Yeah. I'm pretty sure, at least...
Cappy: Ok. Just checking.
*several hours go by*
Panda: Man, this just keeps getting better!
Cappy: Tell me about it!
*a person comes in and turns on the TV*
Cappy: Oh man!!! They turned it off!!!
Panda: I guess that's over.
Cappy: What else can we do for fun?
Panda: Hmmm...
*they both think about it for a minute, then look at each other*
Cappy: You thinking what I'm thinking?
Panda: Yeah! Fridge shopping!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Once again, the clubhouse~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*Hamtaro and Boss are playing chess*
Boss: Check.
Hamtaro: Hmmmm... *thinks for ten minutes*
Boss: THERE'S ONLY ONE POSSIBLE MOVE!!!
Hamtaro: Oh! I got it. *picks up a pawn and bashes in into Boss's king* Checkmate.
Boss: Um, Hamtaro? Pawns can't move six places at once. And they can only move diagonal to attack. And it's not checkmate if you just plowed my king off the board.
Hamtaro: It isn't?
Boss: No. It's checkmate when you're in position to kill me the next turn and there's no move I can make to escape it.
Hamtaro: Oh, okay! *whips out a machine gun and points it at Boss's king* Like that?
Boss: No. You can't use machine guns in chess.
Hamtaro: *whips out a pistol* This better?
Boss: No. No weapons whatsoever.
Hamtaro: Oh. Okay.
*Just then the door to the clubhouse opens and everyone comes in*
Hamtaro: Hey, it's the Ham-Hams!!!
Boss: So, how'd everyone's day go?
Howdy: Well, er...we had a little tennis ball mishap, but nothing a little minor brain surgery couldn't fix.
Dexter, with a giant bandage on his forehead: Tjkfayurbjkdallowrfjgafe.
Everyone else: O_O
Boss: Um...are you feeling okay, Dex?
Dexter: Coifgkalahduifrpg.
Boss: Howdy, you wouldn't happen to be the one who actually performed the brain surgery, would you?
Howdy: Um...of course not! I took him to a trained professional......named....Howdy....
Everyone else: -___-
Boss: Okay then...wait a second, where's Maxwell?
Sandy: Huh? He's not here? Oh no, I hope that alien didn't erase his memory again...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Flash to Maxwell~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Maxwell: Hm.....maybe this is where I live....*knocks on door, and a really tall fat guy wearing lederhosen comes to the door but he doesn't see Maxwell on account of he's a person and Max is a hamster and therefore a heck of a lot shorter*
Tall fat dude: Bloed Kindern!!! *that means 'Stupid children' in German* *slams the door*
Maxwell: Am I in Germany? That's strange... I thought I lived in Australia...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Back to the clubhouse once again~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Boss: So how'd fishing go, girls?
Bijou: Muy bien! *that means 'Very well' in French* Look vhat ve caught!
*The girls hold up their 'catch'*
Bijou: Hearts, stars and horsehoes! Clovers and blue moons!
Pashmina: Pots of gold and rainbows!
Sandy: And the red balloons!
Penelope: Ookwee. *sigh*
Stan: Well at least you guys did better than me. All those chicks totally ditched me. After trying to peck my eyes out. And you know what? I totally lost my wallet, too.
Oxnard: And I couldn't find the treasure. I guess it would have helped if I had had a map or something. And could read. But the monkeys were really scary.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Flash to Monkey Island~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Monkey number 1, who is wearing a crown and a robe and sitting on a golden throne on top of a pile of gold and jewels and is surrounded by beautiful female monkeys: Man, I'm really glad I found that treasure.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Back to the clubhouse~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cappy: Well, fridge shopping went well.
Panda: We found this really cool model with an ice dispenser and everything.
Cappy: We had to leave it outside, though. It wouldn't fit through the door.
Panda: But you guys should see it! It's awesome!
Everyone: OKAY!!!! *they all pile outside*
Hamtaro: Where is it? I don't see it.
Cappy: That's weird. We left it here just a minute ago.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Flash to leprechaun land~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lucky the Leprechaun, in an Irish accent: I'm so 'appy I finally found this fridge to keep me milk in! *puts milk in stolen fridge* Try me Lucky Charms! They're magically delicious!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Once more, to the clubhouse~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Snoozer: I must find precioussssssssss!
Sandy: What's with him?
Boss: Hamtaro lost his pillow. Fluffy.
Hamtaro: It's not my fault! He threw it at me!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Leprechaun Land again~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lucky: I'm so 'appy I finally found this pillow to rest me lucky head on!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~That night~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Laura: We had a pretty good day today, didn't we, Hamtaro?
Hamtaro: Well, let's see...I got a pillow thrown at me...mistook Boss for an evil demon....Dexter is suffering some kind of major brain trauma....we lost Maxwell....Pashmina used a sweaty gym sock for bait in a bowl of cereal....Stan lost his wallet and almost had his eyes pecked out...Oxnard failed to find the treasure and apparently ran into a palm tree....our beautiful new fridge that Panda and Cappy bought got stolen...and Boss beat me at chess. So I'd say...no.
Laura: That's right, we did! And tomorrow will be even better!
Hamtaro: You better hope so, sister.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Genie: MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! THAT IS MY STORY OF TERROR AND VANISHING PILLOWS!!!!!
Cricket: That was stupid. Go back to sleep. *bashes Genie over the head with pot*
Genie: Baby....I got your....number.....8675- 309........fashwooozzzghhhh....*faints*
~
Did you guys think that was funny? Did I manage to make any of you at least maybe smile a little? Yeah, that was just supposed to be a bunch of nonsense, so don't worry if you didn't understand it. Neither do I, and I wrote it. If I get some good reviews I'll write more chapters. Oh yeah, and please don't flame me saying stuff like "This story sux cuz it makes fun of Hamtaro" because I love Hamtaro just as much as anyone else and I wasn't trying to make fun of the show or any particular characters in this fic. Just having a little fun, that's all. Oh, but you can flame me about other stuff if you want. I don't really care.
~
Genie: It was a normal day. A normal, average day. A normal, average, plain day. A normal, average, plain, boring day. A normal, average, plain, boring, unimportant -
Mysterious hamster with no origin, point or even existence: SHUT UP ALREADY!!! *bashes Genie over the head with a pot*
Genie: ow hey ughhhh pain pain pain *faints*
*Applause*
Mysterious hamster with no origin, point or even existence: My work here is done. *vanishes into thin air*
*Resounding silence*
Cricket: chirp chirp.
*Applause*
Cricket: Thank you, thank you very much.
Random person in audience: Can we get to the story now?
Cricket: There's no one to tell it now. Genie's out cold.
Genie: Actually I think I'm starting to come around again so -
Cricket: Shut up. *bashes Genie over the head with a pot*
Genie: Wow, even the characters in my stories hate me. *faints again*
Stan, appearing out of nowhere in particular: Okay, dudes and dudettes, I'll tell the story. A-hem. Once upon a time, there was this totally gnarly dude who like had orange fur and tiger stripes and an annoying little twin sister who looked exactly like him but she was a lot less rad and all that jive. So anyhow, this dude was like a complete chick magnet and all the ham- babes totally adored him. So one day this dude -
Sandy, also appearing out of nowhere in particular: STAN!!! *grabs him by the tail with her ribbon and drags him offstage* That was totally uncool. You like totally dissed me.
Stan, being dragged along the ground by Sandy's ribbon: Hey, I didn't mean it! Honest! I love you sis! Come on, gimme a break, I was just telling the people what they wanted to hear!
**************We are experiencing technical difficulties. Please stand by.**************
BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP.
*************We will now return you to our regularly scheduled program.*************
Genie: Hello, it's me again!!!
Cricket: I've got my eye on you.
Genie: O _ O
Cricket: That's right. Be afraid. Be very afraid. : D
Genie: A-hem. So on this normal day, Hamtaro was on his way to the clubhouse...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Hamtaro: Dun dun DUN!!! Ham-ha everyone!!! It's a beautiful morning, I think I'll go outside for a while...
Snoozer: Don't sing. It sickens me. *throws pillow at Hamtaro*
Hamtaro: Hey, where is everyone???
*Silence*
Hamtaro: Nobody's here.
Snoozer: Great observation, Sherlock. Let's promote you to chief detective.
Hamtaro: -_-
Boss, popping out from the middle of nowhere: RYAAAAAAHHAAAAAAFROOOOOWWWWGRRRRAAAAHHHHRRRAYYYYY!!!!
Hamtaro: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!! BE GONE EVIL DEMON!!!! GO BACK TO THE FIRES OF HELL!!!!! *whips out a little cross and holds it in front of him*
Boss: Um...
Hamtaro: Oh ha ha. It's just you, Boss.
Snoozer: Not gonna say anything...zuzuzu....
Boss: Fo sho it's just me. Everyone else wented to various random places.
Hamtaro: "Wented"???
Snoozer: I'm outta here. *picks up a few suitcases and dases out the door; in the background is heard the sound of a jet plane taking off and Snoozer's voice saying "Take care of Fluffy for me!"*
Hamtaro: Who the heck is Fluffy?
Boss: Snoozer's pet pillow.
Hamtaro: You mean the one he threw at me?
Boss: Probably.
Hamtaro: Well I don't know where it wented.
Boss: "Wented"???
*Outside is heard the sound of a jet plane landing and then scurrying footsteps; the door is thrown open and there is Snoozer*
Snoozer: YOU LOST FLUFFY?!?!
Hamtaro: I'll buy you a new one.
Snoozer: Not good enough. NOT GOOD ENOUGH!!! I WANT FLUFFY BACK!!! NO ONE WILL REST PEACEFULLY UNTIL MY PRECIOUS IS RETURNED!!!!!
Hamtaro&Boss: "My precious?"
Snoozer: Yes, my precioussssss. *for those of you who aren't familiar with 'Lord of the Rings,' that was a take-off of Gollum*
*Snoozer starts searching frantically for Fluffy*
Hamtaro: So where did you say everyone else wented?
Boss: Various random places.
Hamtaro: Like what?
Boss: Well, let's see...Howdy and Dexter went to play tennis...
~~~~~~~~~~~~We now flash to where Howdy and Dexter are playing tennis~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dexter: Okay, that's forty-love. One more point and I win.
Howdy: Did you just call me 'love'?
Dexter: Um, no. Love means zero. It's forty to zero. My favor.
Howdy: Hold on there. How'd you get forty points? You've only scored three times.
Dexter: Sigh...aren't you at all familiar with the rules of scoring in tennis?
Howdy: Not really. How do you know so much about it anyway?
Dexter: I had two personal trainers...
Howdy: Seriously? Who?
Dexter: Venus and Serena Willaims... *for those of you who aren't familiar with them, they're these two sisters who are like really famous tennis players*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Dexter's pointless flashback~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Venus Williams: Dexter, I hate to tell you this but I don't think you'll ever make it as a pro tennis player.
Serena Williams: In fact, the only way you'll ever probably win is if you're playing against some random hamster wearing an apron who has a southern accent and squinty eyes.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Dexter's pointless flashback ends~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dexter: Ah, those were the days...
Howdy: Serve's up!!! *hits the tennis ball as hard as he can, which goes flying directly into Dexter's forehead*
Dexter: Ouchichi. *falls over backwards*
Howdy: Haha! I guess I don't know my own strength, but that was pretty good, wouldn't you say, Dex?
*Dexter's foot twitches a little*
Howdy: Dex? Dex?
*Silence*
Howdy: That ain't cool...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Now we flash back to the clubhouse~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Boss: And I think Maxwell went to find a cure for cancer.
Hamtaro: Again?
Boss: Yeah.
~~~~~~~~~Now we flash to where Max is working in some secluded little laboratory on the edge of nowhere, with piles of scientific papers and stuff stacked all over the place~~~~~~~~~~
Maxwell: Eurika! I've got it!
*A little tiny alien spaceship lands on his desk and a little tiny alien pops out*
Alien: How many times must you force us to do this? It is against the laws of the universe for a hamster to know the cure for cancer. Therefore we once again must erase it from your memory. *zaps Max with a little ray gun thingy*
Maxwell: Hello alien. You look familiar. How did you get here? Who am I? What's the cure for cancer?
Alien: I must leave you now. Farewell. *hops into spaceship and takes off*
Maxwell: Right about now, I really wish I knew how to get home. Wherever home is. Do I have a home? Why does my memory fail me? Sigh...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Flashing back to the clubhouse again~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hamtaro: Isn't that about the 57th time he's tried to find a cure for cancer?
Boss: By my calculations, 59th.
Snoozer: Precioussssss is gone...
Hamtaro&Boss: -_-
Hamtaro: So anywho, where's the rest of them?
Boss: All the girls went fishing.
Hamtaro: Fishing???
Boss: Yeah. Fishing.
~~~~~~Guess where we flash to now? That's right! The place where the girls are fishing!~~~~~
Bijou: Anyone caught anything yet?
Pashmina: Nope.
Sandy: Nope.
Penelope: Ookwee. *pulls up her line and Bijou is on the end of it*
Pashmina&Sandy: O - O *look over to where Bijou was sitting just a second before and she's still sitting there; look back at the end of Penelope's line and now there's nothing on it*
Penelope: Ookwee. *puts her line back in the water*
Bijou: I don't know why we are not catching anything.
Pashmina: Maybe we're not using the right kind of bait. *there's a sweaty gym sock on the end of her line*
Sandy: No, I don't think that's it. Maybe the fish are all sleeping.
Maxwell, popping out of nowhere quite randomly: Fish don't sleep. They don't have eyelids, so they can't even close their eyes. *disappears back into the middle of nowhere*
Penelope: Ookyoo ookyoo ookwee?
Bijou: What does that mean?
Pashmina: She said, 'Maybe this isn't a good place to fish.'
Sandy: Haha. She's so cute. Of course this is a good fishing hole.
*Now the camera zooms out and we see that they are sitting on the edge of a table fishing in a bowl of lucky charms*
Penelope: Ookweeeeeee. *translation: Whatever*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Ok, we're flashing back to the clubhouse again~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Boss: Oh yeah, Stan went out looking for cute chicks.
Hamtaro: Well, that's a big surprise.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Flashing to Stan, who is surrounded by cute chicks~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Stan: I love you babes. *throws them some chicken feed*
Chicks: Cheep cheep cheep. *yes, they're actual chicks, as in baby chickens. You didn't think Stan would be doing something typical, did you? That would completely ruin the point of the story.*
Stan: Actually, you there, with the eyepatch? You're not that cute. Get out of here.
Chick with eyepatch: CHEEP??? *translation: What do you mean, I'm not cute?*
Stan: You heard me.
Chick with eyepatch: : O
Stan: What I meant was...ummm....
Chick with eyepatch: CHEEP!!! *translation: ATTACK!!!*
*all the chicks start chasing Stan*
Stan: Wait! I didn't mean it! Don't hurt me, I have a wife and three kids! Okay, maybe just a wife! Well, maybe just a girlfriend. Well, actually, not even that. But I have a sister! That counts for something, right?
*the chicks keep chasing him, until finally he runs into a dark alley and all the chicks lose sight of him and run in the opposite direction looking for him*
Stan: Phew. Safe.
*some random chicken appears behind him*
Chicken: Cheap.
Stan: AAAARRRGHHHHH!!!! *runs away*
Chicken: What's his deal? I was just telling him about our low prices on eggs. *holds up an egg tray with sticker on it that says 'Cheap'*
Stan: Man, this is crazy. Maybe if I sneak around behind this building...
Chick behind building: CHEEP!!! *starts chasing him*
Stan: AAAAAGHHHHH!!! *runs away*
Chick: Hey, come back! I just wanted to return your wallet that you dropped!
*please forgive me, I know those were some pretty stupid jokes*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Back to the clubhouse~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hamtaro: What about Oxnard? Where's he?
Boss: Oh yeah, how could I forget? He went on an extremely intense quest for the lost treasure of Monkey Island.
Hamtaro: Monkey Island???
Boss: Yeah. Don't tell me you've never heard of it?
Hamtaro: Actually................................................................no.
Boss: Well, anyhow, apparently there's some lost treasure there.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Flash to Monkey Island!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Oxnard: Hey, do you guys think you could help me find some kind of lost treasure?
Monkey number 1: Eeek eeek ooh ooh eek.
Monkey number 2, in a British accent: You'll have to excuse him. He has some trouble speaking sometimes.
Oxnard: Why do you have a British accent? Isn't this off the coast of Mexico?
Monkey number 2: I'm an immigrant monkey.
Oxnard: Well do you know where the treasure is?
Monkey number 1: EEEEEEEEK EEEEEEEK WEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!
Monkey number 2: Oh shut up.
Oxnard: *crying* I'm sorry!!! Please forgive me!!!
Monkey number 2: No, I was telling Monkey Number 1 to shut up.
Oxnard: Oh. Doesn't he have a name?
Monkey number 2: *whips out a script and looks it over* Nope. Just monkey number 1.
Oxnard: Ok...well for the third time, do you know where the treasure is?
Monkey number 2: Nope. Sorry.
Oxnard: Can you read those signs over there for me?
Monkey number 2: Nope. Sorry. Can't read.
Oxnard: But you just read the script!
Monkey number 2: I um...well I... uhhhhhhh... gotta go. Bye. *helicopter comes down and Monkey Number 2 gets in and rides off into the sunset*
Oxnard: Great. That leaves me with you.
Monkey number 1: WAWAWA!!! *holds out a banana to Oxnard*
Oxnard: Um...no thanks. Maybe I'll go look somewhere else... *edges away slowly from Monkey Number 1, then makes a run for it, but runs right into a palm tree*
Oxnard: OW!!! Uh heheheh.....meant to do that. *runs away*
Monkey number 1: What was his problem? Oh well. *eats the banana, then looks at the signs while he's chewing* TREASURE BURIED HERE...I wonder what that means...
*Haha. I know. More really stupid humor. Oh well.*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~To the clubhouse once again~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Boss: And that leaves...Cappy and Panda.
Hamtaro: So where are they?
Boss: Fridge shopping.
Hamtaro: HEKE???
Boss: They're shopping for a refridgerator.
Hamtaro: Why???
Boss: Dunno. I'm not sure how they plan to get it in here, much less be able to move it whatsoever...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Flash to Cappy and Panda~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cappy: Hahahaha! I can't believe Boss believed us when we said we were going fridge shopping!
Panda: Yeah, I know! This is so much more fun!
*they're sitting in front of a blank TV screen*
Cappy: Um...this is what humans do for entertainment, right?
Panda: Yeah. I'm pretty sure, at least...
Cappy: Ok. Just checking.
*several hours go by*
Panda: Man, this just keeps getting better!
Cappy: Tell me about it!
*a person comes in and turns on the TV*
Cappy: Oh man!!! They turned it off!!!
Panda: I guess that's over.
Cappy: What else can we do for fun?
Panda: Hmmm...
*they both think about it for a minute, then look at each other*
Cappy: You thinking what I'm thinking?
Panda: Yeah! Fridge shopping!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Once again, the clubhouse~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*Hamtaro and Boss are playing chess*
Boss: Check.
Hamtaro: Hmmmm... *thinks for ten minutes*
Boss: THERE'S ONLY ONE POSSIBLE MOVE!!!
Hamtaro: Oh! I got it. *picks up a pawn and bashes in into Boss's king* Checkmate.
Boss: Um, Hamtaro? Pawns can't move six places at once. And they can only move diagonal to attack. And it's not checkmate if you just plowed my king off the board.
Hamtaro: It isn't?
Boss: No. It's checkmate when you're in position to kill me the next turn and there's no move I can make to escape it.
Hamtaro: Oh, okay! *whips out a machine gun and points it at Boss's king* Like that?
Boss: No. You can't use machine guns in chess.
Hamtaro: *whips out a pistol* This better?
Boss: No. No weapons whatsoever.
Hamtaro: Oh. Okay.
*Just then the door to the clubhouse opens and everyone comes in*
Hamtaro: Hey, it's the Ham-Hams!!!
Boss: So, how'd everyone's day go?
Howdy: Well, er...we had a little tennis ball mishap, but nothing a little minor brain surgery couldn't fix.
Dexter, with a giant bandage on his forehead: Tjkfayurbjkdallowrfjgafe.
Everyone else: O_O
Boss: Um...are you feeling okay, Dex?
Dexter: Coifgkalahduifrpg.
Boss: Howdy, you wouldn't happen to be the one who actually performed the brain surgery, would you?
Howdy: Um...of course not! I took him to a trained professional......named....Howdy....
Everyone else: -___-
Boss: Okay then...wait a second, where's Maxwell?
Sandy: Huh? He's not here? Oh no, I hope that alien didn't erase his memory again...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Flash to Maxwell~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Maxwell: Hm.....maybe this is where I live....*knocks on door, and a really tall fat guy wearing lederhosen comes to the door but he doesn't see Maxwell on account of he's a person and Max is a hamster and therefore a heck of a lot shorter*
Tall fat dude: Bloed Kindern!!! *that means 'Stupid children' in German* *slams the door*
Maxwell: Am I in Germany? That's strange... I thought I lived in Australia...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Back to the clubhouse once again~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Boss: So how'd fishing go, girls?
Bijou: Muy bien! *that means 'Very well' in French* Look vhat ve caught!
*The girls hold up their 'catch'*
Bijou: Hearts, stars and horsehoes! Clovers and blue moons!
Pashmina: Pots of gold and rainbows!
Sandy: And the red balloons!
Penelope: Ookwee. *sigh*
Stan: Well at least you guys did better than me. All those chicks totally ditched me. After trying to peck my eyes out. And you know what? I totally lost my wallet, too.
Oxnard: And I couldn't find the treasure. I guess it would have helped if I had had a map or something. And could read. But the monkeys were really scary.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Flash to Monkey Island~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Monkey number 1, who is wearing a crown and a robe and sitting on a golden throne on top of a pile of gold and jewels and is surrounded by beautiful female monkeys: Man, I'm really glad I found that treasure.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Back to the clubhouse~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cappy: Well, fridge shopping went well.
Panda: We found this really cool model with an ice dispenser and everything.
Cappy: We had to leave it outside, though. It wouldn't fit through the door.
Panda: But you guys should see it! It's awesome!
Everyone: OKAY!!!! *they all pile outside*
Hamtaro: Where is it? I don't see it.
Cappy: That's weird. We left it here just a minute ago.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Flash to leprechaun land~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lucky the Leprechaun, in an Irish accent: I'm so 'appy I finally found this fridge to keep me milk in! *puts milk in stolen fridge* Try me Lucky Charms! They're magically delicious!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Once more, to the clubhouse~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Snoozer: I must find precioussssssssss!
Sandy: What's with him?
Boss: Hamtaro lost his pillow. Fluffy.
Hamtaro: It's not my fault! He threw it at me!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Leprechaun Land again~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lucky: I'm so 'appy I finally found this pillow to rest me lucky head on!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~That night~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Laura: We had a pretty good day today, didn't we, Hamtaro?
Hamtaro: Well, let's see...I got a pillow thrown at me...mistook Boss for an evil demon....Dexter is suffering some kind of major brain trauma....we lost Maxwell....Pashmina used a sweaty gym sock for bait in a bowl of cereal....Stan lost his wallet and almost had his eyes pecked out...Oxnard failed to find the treasure and apparently ran into a palm tree....our beautiful new fridge that Panda and Cappy bought got stolen...and Boss beat me at chess. So I'd say...no.
Laura: That's right, we did! And tomorrow will be even better!
Hamtaro: You better hope so, sister.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Genie: MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! THAT IS MY STORY OF TERROR AND VANISHING PILLOWS!!!!!
Cricket: That was stupid. Go back to sleep. *bashes Genie over the head with pot*
Genie: Baby....I got your....number.....8675- 309........fashwooozzzghhhh....*faints*
~
Did you guys think that was funny? Did I manage to make any of you at least maybe smile a little? Yeah, that was just supposed to be a bunch of nonsense, so don't worry if you didn't understand it. Neither do I, and I wrote it. If I get some good reviews I'll write more chapters. Oh yeah, and please don't flame me saying stuff like "This story sux cuz it makes fun of Hamtaro" because I love Hamtaro just as much as anyone else and I wasn't trying to make fun of the show or any particular characters in this fic. Just having a little fun, that's all. Oh, but you can flame me about other stuff if you want. I don't really care.