Ah yes, watch as I project my insomniac bitterness into my writing
You dont sleep.
You can't sleep, you never sleep. No matter how dark it was, no matter how tight you pressed your eyelids, no matter what lullabies thrummed beside your ear, you couldn't sleep.
Maybe it just didn't come naturally to you. Maybe you just weren't built for sleeping at night. You were so tired, but you couldn't settle. You were so alive at night.
It was with practise that you rolled nimbly out of bed, expertly managing to barely ruffle your covers. Your steps were odd and jerky, carefully placed. You sway as you moved to avoid the spots you knew the floorboards creaked.
You made it all the way to the front door and allowed yourself a sigh of relief as it swung close behind you. You weren't going to be caught this time.
"Hey buddy."
Your mind went blank and you startled like a wet cat, leaping away from the skeleton who spoke in front of you.
His eye sockets were empty, but after a moment his pupils materialized and swung up to meet yours. His grin looked a little strained. Maybe it wasn't. You were too tired, too frazzled. Your vision practically vibrated.
"Arent you supposed to be asleep? Or is this a human thing."
You wanted to flinch. It sounded like an accusation.
"Walk," You managed to mumble out. Blinking made your eyes burn and you looked down to avoid looking at him. You were filled with unease.
"...In the middle of the night?"
Now you flinched.
"...yeah," you managed. You didn't look up at him. You're shoulders hunched inwards at his disbelieving huff.
"...I can't…. I can't sleep…" You confessed, fidgeting from foot to foot. Your fingers tangled up in each other and you stared at them, rubbing along your knuckles. Fascinating.
Sans sighed. You startled when he took a step forward, nudging you back through the door as he opened it with his magic.
"It's too dark for a walk. Got any tea left?"
You nodded hesitantly, watching him shrug off his coat onto your couch. It was still warm from you laying there. You hoped he wouldn't notice you hadn't been in your bed again.
You felt out of place, watching him bustle around in your kitchen.
The lights flicked on in your kitchen and you winced away from the sudden light. Sans immediately lowered its intensity without even looking at you and you huffed in embarrassment.
The cupboard opening had you following him into the kitchen to watch him pull your box of chamomile out off the shelf. You moved to take it from him, your other arm already reaching for a mug but he lightly smacked it away. "Nuh uh, bird nerd. Go sit down."
You frowned slightly. You felt like you were humming from how restless you were. Every part of you was bubbling under your skin. With the way sans eyed you, you were probably shaking.
Sans sighed in exaggerated exasperation; his pupils rolling in his sockets.
"I know you're just," He gestured to your unsteady hands pointedly, "Vibrating with excitement," Your snicker was a little hysterical. "But I got this handled." He picked up the mug by the handle, winking at you.
You tried to groan but ended up giggling.
Hesitantly, you sat, glancing at him every few seconds. He paused in his task to glare at you pointedly until you were seated firmly.
He shook his head as he turned back to the tea.
He reached for the honey container and you nearly leapt up again. He sent a sharp glare and you hesitantly sat, grumbling in agitation. You needed to do something.
Your eyes wandered back to the door. Would he notice…? You killed the thought. He noticed the first time, why wouldn't he this time? You should fix the creak in the door. Maybe then it wouldn't happen again-
You registered a heat against your finger pads and jerked forward to stare at the mug. Sans smile was strained. He didn't move, staring into your own eyes until you moved to take the mug from him. Your wrist trembled. The spoon clanked against the inside of the mug and you frowned in annoyance.
Another shiver traveled down your fingers and sans quickly took the mug back before you spilled the drink.
With a creak of joints, he fell beside you. He barely made a dent in the cushion with his weight. He closed his eyes for a minute.
"You can't keep doing this, kiddo."
You flinched.
"You have enough money for medication- you know where to get it- hell, you probably have some already. You can get help, why won't you?"
You looked down and away and he groaned. "No, not tonight." Phalanges rugged on your arm gently and you closed your eyes.
"You're hurting yourself, you know. Humans need sleep and you're no different."
"I-I know," you mumbled. He sat a little straighter.
You leaned further forward, curled further into yourself. "I know I can't… Can't keep… I just… I don't like it."
You breathed deeply, burying your fingers in your hair as though to massage your scalp but didn't move. Sans was patient.
"I don't like to… I don't like thinking I have to take medication to be normal. To do something other people find so… Easy."
A sigh whistled out from between his teeth and phalanges gently tugged your fingers from your hair. You followed his hands without protest, letting him tilt your head towards his skull. Your eyes caught his pupils and held them.
"Taking medication isn't easy either."
You squinted a little, forcing yourself not to roll your eyes. "Well yeah, it's expensive,"
"That's not what I mean."
His sockets slipped shut soundlessly, darkening the room as his pupils hid away from you. A breath of silence and they were open again. Something pulsed inside of you, a rush of feeling. Adrenaline, maybe.
"Taking medicine is hard. Acknowledging you're not okay is hard. Look I know i'm not the best at this- I barely know what I'm doing but…"
His forehead bumped against yours affectionately. His pupils burned into your own, brighter and brighter. The urge in your chest matched his intensity. You were mesmerized.
"You're strong in your own way, you know? Strong in the real way. Strong enough to take control and try to make things better. Determined to make things better."
His pupils flickered out, swathing you both in darkness.
"You're keeping yourself alive. Not the medicine, but you, with your drive to take it. I… I really admire that, I guess?"
You blinked.
You took a long, measuring breath, and stood.
Sans jerked in place, pupils flicking up to your face. You marched upstairs, hands clenched into fists. from downstairs, you heard a low sigh and a creak as the skeleton likely slumped into the couch.
You walked quickly into your room, practically shoving half the papers off your desk with the way you snatched up the bottle. A squeak and a pop and you balanced a single pill to roll in your palm. Spinning on your heel, you stomped back to the living room.
Sans jolted upright the moment you entered the room. Sockets wide, he watched quietly you.
You hesitated, standing in front of the coffee table, fist clenched around your medicine.
Something in your blood boiled.
Setting your jaw, you popped the pill into your mouth and rushed to take a mouthful of tea before you could spit it out.
It burned down your throat like the adrenaline under your skin.
Sans stared, shocked, and you huffed softly as you sat back down beside him and settled against his side.
After a moment, he patted your hand gently where it shook in your lap and you grinned a little.
"Strong enough to beat insomnia?"
Phalanges bit into your knuckles where they squeezed reassuringly.
"Beat the hell out of it."