Spike heard the human approach but paid them no attention. It was no one he knew so he wasn't interested. It was no doubt a kid, thinking they were hard core by walking through a graveyard at the dead of night. Chances were they'd end up as some newbie's first meal or running for their life with a certain slayer to thank that they had a life to run for.

He was therefore thoroughly surprised when the door to his crypt began creaking open. He leapt to his feet, almost knocking over his glass of blood in the process, and turned to the entrance, morphing into his game face to scare them off before they got inside.

"Oh. My. God," a feminine voice said as the door opened revealing a girl of about eighteen, dressed in a black mini-skirt, red tights, a black tank top and a small black jacket. As she made her way across the floor, her footsteps clunked heavily on the stone due to the chunky boots adorning her feet.

"This is SO cool!" she cried, looking around the place. Her eyes rested on Spike and she squealed—but not in terror.

"Oh my god! A vampire! A real, live vampire!"

Spike had a feeling the only thing keeping her rooted to the floor was the weight of those boots.

"Yeah. A real dead vampire," he said. "Now you might wanna get out of my crypt before-"

"Your crypt?" she interrupted. "You live here?"

"Yes, now—"

"That's so awesome!" She was wandering around, inspecting every inch. "Man, I'd love to live here. It's wicked!"

"Look, if you don't get out of here in the next five seconds, you're not going get out of here at all! I'll drain every last drop of blood from your body."

The girl finally turned back to him. "Really?"

He nodded. She looked positively delighted.

"Awesome!" She came around from the tomb he slept on and approached him. "I always wondered what it'd be like. I mean it's gotta be a bit of a rush really, to have the blood drained from you. But you can do it without killing people, right? I mean, I could be like ... your blood buddy. Like a fuck buddy, only with drinking blood instead of sex. I can quit smoking too, if you want."

She stopped and stared up at him. He stared at her for a moment and then morphed his face again, the shock becoming more evident as he did.

"Hold up a sec," he said, taking a step back and holding up his hands as if it would ward her off. "You mean to tell me that not only do you think vampires are 'cool', you'd like to live in a crypt and you WANT to be fed from?"

The girl nodded. Spike stared at her for a while. When she didn't become shifty with fear or anxiety he took another step back and pointed at her.

"You're crazy, you know that? A hundred percent, completely and utterly crazy."

The girl resumed wandering about. "Yeah. My shrink said the junk my mum took when she was pregnant had 'adverse effects' on me. But I keep telling him vampires are real. Werewolves too. Hey! Have you ever seen a werewolf? I want to, but I think vampires are way better," she added hurriedly.

Spike was still staring at her incomprehensibly.

"And what's to say this isn't a hallucination or a dream?" he asked. He really hoped it was. This was worse than the last human, non-Scooby visitor he'd had. At least she'd run off screaming good and proper.

The girl scoffed. "Hallucinations don't suggest they're hallucinations—gives the game away. And it's not a dream."

"How'd you figure?"

"Because I just mentally commanded you to be naked and you're still dressed."

Coming from anyone else he likely would have grinned and offered to de-clothe, if that was what they wanted, but coming from the crazy teen, he found himself feeling a little disturbed.

He raised a hand to his head; he could feel a headache coming on and if this girl didn't leave soon he was gonna lose it—and then he'd REALLY have a headache.

"Look, it's nice that you think I'm cool and shit but we are not going to become 'blood buddies' or any other kind of 'buddy' so will you please leave now?"

The girl pouted. "You're not gonna kill me? You're not even gonna bite?"

Spike growled. "No. Just get out."

She moved closer to him, frowning. "Well what kind of vampire are you? You've got this hot young girl offering herself up to you and you don't even take one little bite."

Spike felt his anger rising. He'd long grown used to his situation and even if he lost the chip now, he wouldn't start feeding on humans again because then he'd lose everything he had with Buffy, little as it was. But to be taunted by this little whelp ... that pissed him off.

"Get out," he growled. For the first time since she'd entered, he smelt fear on her. Thank god, he thought, she's finally getting the message.

But instead of leaving, she stepped closer to him. "Bite me."

"Believe me, I'm tempted."

The girl just stared at him, daring him too. He stared back at first and then pulled away, moving to the other side of the crypt.

"Just get out," he told her.

"Fine. You're a pathetic vampire anyway. You don't even-"

Her sentence ended with a scream. Spike's temper flared and he lunged himself at her, game face on but only managed to get his hands on her shoulders before having to pull away, screaming and clutching at his head.

The girl was really scared now, the fear pouring off her in waves, along with confusion.

"What's going on here?" Buffy's familiar voice said from the doorway. "Who are you?"

She entered, stepping up beside the girl and looking down at Spike.

"Spike?"

"Get her out of here," he growled, pointing at the girl with one hand, the other still pressed to his head.

"He tried to bite me!" the girl cried.

"You were begging for it! Literally!"

"Oh come on, you can't expect me to believe that?" Buffy said. "Who would be stupid enough to ..." she trailed off at noticing the guilty look on the girl's face. "My god. Are you crazy?"

"No."

"Ha!" Spike laughed, looking up at her, loathing in his eyes. She scowled and crossed her arms over her chest.

"Why did you want him to bite you?" Buffy asked. Spike couldn't help thinking how adorable she looked when she was confused.

The girl shrugged. "I thought it'd be cool, you know? The whole vampire thing. If they're all as pathetic as this one though, I think I'm gonna change my mind about vampires being better than werewolves."

Spike growled and stood up. Buffy stepped forward, placing herself between him and the girl.

"Look," she said, turning to the girl after giving Spike a warning look. "I don't know where you got the idea that vampires were cool, but let me tell you from personal experience, they're not. They will kill you in an instant."

"He didn't," she pointed out.

"Wish I had," Spike muttered, and just shrugged when Buffy glared at him.

"Spike ... well, he's just ... wired a little wrong, in the head," Buffy told the girl, "if you catch my drift."

"I am not!"

Buffy turned to him and raised an eyebrow. He glared at her. The girl was looking at him critically.

"Yeah, I think I do. Suppose that's probably a good thing really or I'd be dead by now."

"Right. Wouldn't that be terrible," Spike murmured, turning away from the two females and collapsing into his chair, taking up the glass of blood and draining it.

"You should probably go," Buffy told the girl, leading her to the door.

"What about you?"

"I should deal with the vampire."

"Are you gonna kill him? Turn him to dust?"

Spike groaned. The excitement was back. And Buffy wasn't helping; he could hear the amusement in her voice as she answered.

"I just have to make sure he isn't going to hurt anyone else."

"Can I watch?"

"It's not gonna be pretty. Best if you just go."

The girl scowled but did as asked and Spike let out a sigh when the crypt door finally shut. Buffy made her way over to stand before him, opening her mouth to talk but Spike lifted a finger to his lips, indicating for her to be quiet. He could hear the girl still hanging around outside, obviously hoping to at least hear him die if she couldn't see it.

Buffy raised her eyebrows in question and he jerked a thumb at the door. She nodded in understanding and dropped to her knees. He looked at her in confusion and then surprise when her hands went to his belt, unclipping it and then unzipping his pants. Spike lost all interest in the girl and when she left a few minutes later he didn't even notice.