I closed my eyes and took several deep breaths, trying to calm myself as I paced Alices' earthy decorated room. I concentrated on the forest green colour of the smooth walls and forced the thought that was pushing every other thought out of my mind at this point. A light knock on the door made me jump halfway through my pacing and I landed badly on my ankle.
"Ow! Come in…" I moaned, bending down and rubbing my ankle.
"Aw… Bella, are you okay?" An anxious voice greeted me.
Charlie was looking slightly lost as he stood in the doorway, not sure what to say. He rubbed his hands together; he looked surprisingly good in a tuxedo, even if the tuxedo was at least a decade old.
"Yeah, you just startled me, Dad," I replied, smiling and sitting down, taking the pressure off of my ankle, "Come and take a seat."
I patted the cushion beside me and grinned at him.
"No, it's okay sweetie, how are you feeling?" He looked genuinely concerned.
I forced a stretched smile across my face, "I am feeling…" I sighed in defeat, "I'm feeling like I want to throw up."
He smirked, "Well honey, let's hope you don't get cold feet."
His facial expression gave away the lie, he looked as though it was his only Christmas wish. I ignored it, he didn't know why I was feeling this way, in truth only a tiny portion actually had to do with the Wedding itself. It was two of the events happening afterwards that had me jittery.
"How are you feeling Dad?" I asked.
He was obviously taken aback by the question, he shrugged, "I'm feeling quite proud of my baby Bella."
He looked away quickly, avoiding my gaze, I thought I could see a tear glistening dramatically on his cheek. But his hand quickly took care of that.
"You look beautiful by the way," He commented, he gruffened up his voice with a cough, "Anyway, I'll be waiting to give you away."
He exited the room quickly, just as Alice entered. Her bubbly enthusiasm was overflowing from her tiny body as she bounced over to me, a large beam on her petite face.
"Hey Alice," I greeted.
"You haven't looked at yourself in the mirror yet," She looked appalled.
I rolled my eyes, "I don't need to… or want to."
"Don't be silly," She clicked her fingers and pointed at the mirror, when I refused to move she growled, "Don't make me drag you over here."
I had absolutely no doubt in my mind that she would so, I stood up resignedly and walked slowly and carefully over to the long mahogany framed mirror sitting in the corner of Alices' room.
I stopped and looked at my thin figure filling the dress, the dress itself of course was breathtaking. It's thin spaghetti straps held it up and crisscrossed across my otherwise bare back. From the waist down the dress was tutu-like, it formed around me in one big circle like a cloud, the base had golden embroidery etched decoratively and delicately all the way from the front of the dress to the very long train. A thin bow wrapped around my stomach. Even with my make-up completely done by Alice and looking like an expensive make-up artist had done it, I didn't feel confident. The reason for this was standing right next to my reflection. Alices' perfect appearance looked more deserving of this magnificent dress then I ever could.
"We're missing the hairpiece," Alice frowned.
My hair was tied up in a curly, elegant bun so I was wondering what was wrong with it. Alice disappeared and returned to my side almost instantly, she instructed me to turn around. I sat down on a footstool awkwardly and let her mess with my hair.
White netting covered my right eye, giving me a weird perception of the world.
"Okay, look again!" She said, triumphantly.
I peered once more at my reflection, an unnecessarily large clip sat to the side of my dark hair. The netting that covered my eye had tiny sparkling diamante's attached every here and there. The netting was attached to a large white feather that hung delicately to the back of my head and a tiny cluster of the smallest frangipanis I had ever seen sat beside that.
I nodded once in approvement, still imagining the entire outfit on Alice, Rosalie and Esme.
Alice frowned in frustration, "Hey! What's wrong?"
I shrugged, "It's nothing Alice, just my own insecurities I'd rather not talk about."
Alice rolled her eyes silently, "I have to get dressed, I'll see you soon."
She raced from the room and I wondered to myself when Renee was arriving. I sat on the padded windowsill and stared at the hum of activity happening on the Cullens' back lawn. It couldn't be long now, majority of the town had arrived, I peered at the extremely dark and cloudy sky, luckily Alice had thought of everything. A large tent sat in the centre of the lawn, I could just make out some of the guests seating for the wedding. They were normal outdoor chairs, made to look more elegant with large blue bows hugging each back and clusters of frangipani flower arrangements.
I closed my eyes and leaned back against the wall just as the door was tapped on one more time. I opened my eyes, "Come in."
It was Esme, looking less like a mother than a supermodel. Her hair was just the same as always, it hung loosely around her heart-shaped face. Her thin, perfect eyebrows were pulled together in concern.
"Alice was saying you were feeling a little insecure," Esme said, closing the door gently behind her and crossing to where I sat.
I rolled my eyes, "I'll kill her."
"Honestly Esme, I really don't want to talk about it," I said more clearly.
Esme smiled gently and I knew she wasn't about to let it go, "You can't enter a marriage riddled with insecurity."
"I thought that was traditional for most marriages," I replied, eying her knee length, halter neck, chocolate coloured, silk dress.
"Most marriages aren't intended to last for eternity," Esme reminded me.
I sighed deeply, knowing she was right.
"I like to think of you as one of my daughters, Bella, please let me help you," Esme pleaded.
I couldn't ignore her generous choice of words, "I appreciate that, Esme, really I do, but this is something I need to sort out in my own mind, nothing you can say will change my mind on this…"
Esme nodded with a small smile, "If you need to talk, don't hesitate to ask."
She was gone before I had time to say anything more.