A/N: Recently I had major technology failure and was trying to piece everything back together, when I got stuck and started messing around with fanfic ideas for different anime.

DGrayMan seemed like a good idea because of it's ever underlying angst.

... so many of my characters died when I lost all my fanfics and the backups.

Disclaimer: I do NOT own anything to do with DGrayMan. That belongs to Hoshino Katsura.

This story is about an OC girl named Jane who lost everything and everyone she ever cared about but is still trying to 'keep walking'. Sadly, it doesn't turn out as she'd hoped and so begins her slow descent into insanity mixed with a little supernatural stuff.

WARNING: contains dark themes; insanity, character death, etc.

Plus the title's a work-in-progress and I don't really like how it came out - but just have read and tell me what you think anyway.

EDIT 13/11/2011: Looking back to when I first wrote this, I can see I was right. It was pretty crappy. This is the rewritten version, I changed quite a few things, so I'd say it's worth a re-read.

~Begin Chapter~ ~Layla & William~

"Jane, wake up! Wake up!", giggled the voice of a little boy from the next room.

Groaning, I rolled over, the wooden bed creaking, and I pulled the pillow over my head to try and drown out the noise of the eight-year-old boy.

The door to my bedroom slammed open, and my eyelids opened a crack. What the hell did he want so early in the morning?

"Jane~!", he sang again, jumping up and down at the foot of the bed,"Jane~! Jane~! Jane~! Jane~! Ja-!".

"What, Will?", I interrupted, my tone both scathing and muffled by the pillow. The boy was not deterred in the least, in fact I could see he was grinning as he moved over to the side of the bed.

"Mummy's back! And she's got chocolate!"

Now that got me up.

Grinning madly, I threw the pillow off my face, jumping out of bed, and stumbling a bit as I did.

Whoa, maybe I shouldn't have gotten up so fast... Wait. Chocolate!

I hadn't had chocolate since waking up in this crazy nightmare!

... wait, maybe it's a bit rude to call the person who just went into town early in morning to buy chocolate part of my crazy nightmare.

Will, however, can stew all he wants. The rotten little brat.

Speaking of the brat, he'd already run off ahead of me. Damn it! He got a head start!

Yeah, I know. I'm acting like I'm his age, but hey. Chocolate.

Grinning, I threw on pair on a fresh pair of breeches and a cream blouse before running after the brat.

"William Rain! How many times do I have to tell you? Stop running inside the house!"

That'd be Layla, the brat's mum.

"I was trying to stop him, Layla", I said, walking into the kitchen of the small victorian-era house with a 'I'm totally innocent' look on my face.

By the way, did I mention I was the brat's live-in-nanny? What can I say, all I cost is food and board and the brat gets an education.

The woman smiled tiredly,"I know, dear", she replied, with a look in her eyes like she knew I was just messing with Will,"now could you get some breakfast ready while I put away the food?"

Sure enough, the moment her back was turned so she could put away the groceries, the brat shot a glare at me.

I smirked in response as I pulled out a pan to start making scrambled eggs and bacon. Success - he was so easy to goad!

How had it gone so wrong?

Just this morning, we were mucking around like usual, and eating chocolate.

Then, around mid-afternoon, Layla collapsed.

I helped her to bed and fetched the doctor. Who advised me to send a letter to Marick, Layla's husband, for him to come home.

Layla didn't have long.

I knew she had been sick since before I came to live with them as Will's nanny, but my hands still shook as I wrote a short paragraph, barely even able to come up with that before giving it to the doctor to send.

'Marick, Layla's sickness has become much worse. The doctor says there is nothing he can do. She does not have long. He said to come home and say your goodbyes'

Two months passed, and Layla hung on to life. Waiting for Marick to return. She was as pale as a ghost, skin clinging to bone, and the medicines the doctor used smelt horrible.

But Marick never returned.

Sennen ko ha, sagashiteru~

William was clinging to my waist, crying, as we stood on top of the hill by a gnarled tree. He couldn't bare to look, yet he couldn't bear not come here everyday.

It had been another week, and Marick still hadn't showed.

I swore, if he ever did, I would be so pissed at him.

William had no other relatives and I while I was okay with him, I had no idea how to take care of a kid.

What do I do, Layla? What the hell do I do?

'Here lies Layla Rain,
Beloved Mother and Wife'

Daijina hearto sagashiteru~

The storm raged outside the small house, sitting at the edge of the woods. The foundations creaked, trees swayed, lightening flashed and thunder sounded.

After some curry soup and a bath, I tucked Will into bed.

I frowned when he didn't insist I read him a story. He always did that.

Said it helped him get to sleep faster, the little brat. But I always did.

Hesitantly, I left the room, closing the wood door behind me, and going about my own bedtime ritual.

Basically, bath, brushing my hair - which had become very long since I came here, it was now waist length when I usually had it cut very short - and then going to bed.

I laid awake, just reading a book for a while and listening to the storm, it was something I had always liked to do before.

After a few chapters, I put the book down and blew out the candle, before settling down to sleep.

Not long after, I started hearing creaking noises in the hallway.

Now that isn't so usual, especially during a storm, but the sound of the door slamming open jolted me fully awake.

Knowing that I wouldn't need a candle for light as it was a full moon tonight, I pulled a large overcoat on over the breeches and blouse I slept in and left the room, heading for the outside door in the kitchen.

Sure enough, the door was wide open, wind rushing through and rattling the fallen pans and scrap paper that were scattered across the floor.

Wait.

I looked down and picked up the paper.

Scribbled across the scrap in the handwriting of an eight-year-old was 'I'm going to get mother'.

Eyes wide, I ran to Will's room, swinging open the door, to find the room and his bed empty.

No. No, no, no, no, NO!

Bare foot, I ran out into the storm.

Anata ha Atari, tashikameyo~

Feet crashing through the wet undergrowth, I ran away from Layla's grave, tears streaming down my cheeks.

Will, how could you be so stupid? I warned you about the Millennium Earl!

At a run, I burst from the tree line, running up the hill towards the gnarled tree.

The Earl's maniacal laughter filled the night air as I stumbled again, falling to the ground in front of Layla's grave.

Damn it! I must've got turned around!

I turned, wind making my long wet hair fly around my face. Lightening flashed and thunder rumbled as the rain pelted down around me.

Looming over me was an Akuma. A human soul reborn as a demonic weapon and forced to do the will of the Earl.

I stared at the bulbous creature I knew to be Layla as the other Akuma got behind me, shadowed by the light of the full moon.

"William!" I yelled, turning to the other Akuma.

"What were you thinking?"

"What the hell made you think that this would work?" I asked it, not knowing if it would answer, or if it even could.

But I was desperate now. The Earl was going to force them to kill me.

They reached towards me and my fear reached all new high.

I blacked out.

When I came to, the storm had settled. The moon still shone brightly in the sky behind the gnarled tree.

The Millennium Earl still stood behind Layla's grave stone.

Around me were the remains of two Akuma, dissipating.

Fingers nails clawing at my scalp, pulling at my hair as Layla's ring with a green gem that was hanging from a string, fell to the ground.

My breathing becoming harsh with panic, I sat up and just screamed.

No.

Not again.

This can't be happening.

Not again.

No.

Not again.

Not again.

No!

No, no, no, no, NO!

I screamed again, eyes wide.

I can't take this.

Not again.

I can't lose everything. No, not again. Not again.

I can't do this again.

"Bring them back", a voice whispered, sounding raw, and it took me moment to realize it was me,"bring them all back".

"As you wish", the Earl replied.

Akuma skeletons descended around me in a circle. I counted nineteen.

One for every person I had ever cared about. Had ever cared about me.

Tears trickled down my cheeks.

I don't know what possessed me.

I'm still not exactly sure why I did it.

I think I just finally cracked.

Being ripped away from every thing and every one I ever knew with no way of getting it back. No way of going back to how it was...

I'd cracked alright, but in that moment, when I screamed their names.

My sanity had already shattered.

After all, who in their right mind, would knowingly turn all their family and friends into demonic weapons for the Millennium Earl to use to kill you and countless others?

I guess I deserved death then, or at least, the everlasting suffering and anguish that came from being an Akuma.

Sennen ko ha, sagashiteru~

Daijina hearto sagashiteru~,

Anata ha Atari, tashikameyo~

~Chapter End~

A/N: Cookies for those who know where the song's from. And by cookies, I mean brownies, because my cookies always end up burnt.

Translation is;
"Sennen ko ha, sagashiteru~" The Millennium Earl is searching

"Daijina hearto sagashiteru~" Searching for his precious heart

"Anata ha Atari, tashikameyo~" Let's check to see if you are it

Anyways, thanks for reading! Please remember to rate, review, story alert, story fav, etc, etc.

C ya~!
Milley02