Team Arrow was home to Felicity. When she first became a part of the team, she couldn't wait to get to work every single day and be a part of something bigger than herself and her old desk job. It made her heart race watching Oliver and Diggle run out the door, ready to kick ass and help make Starling City a safer place, especially when she knew she was there with them in their earpieces. While it was clear that Ollie and Dig were the muscle and did all the hard work outside of the Arrow cave, it was easy back then to take some credit too; they would never find all the criminals they needed if it wasn't for Felicity's astute searching and hacking of every database. It was a thrilling existence, and for once in her life Felicity had purpose. Until she didn't. After the Arrow cave was up on its feet and running smoothly, the young genius felt her role get smaller and smaller. Oliver had the city memorised and was experienced enough to know where each criminal was likely headed or camping out, so he didn't need Felicity to hack into security cameras any more. Diggle's skills in combat had progressed even more, so he no longer needed her to scope out blind spots for stealth attacks. Felicity was still useful and she still had a role in the team every day that she turned up, but eventually it felt like Oliver was just keeping her around for errands.
It's like when you're a kid and the school play is coming up, but you're given the role of '"chorus" or "friend with bag". At least you made it onto the cast, right? But it's not enough; it's not the gripping, plot-twisting, intrinsic role that you imagined yourself in. When you get home you cry to your mom because it turns out after all she raised you to believe; that you are brilliant and you can do anything and you are so special, you are in fact nothing more than a part of a collective. And after wiping away your tears, your mom says, "The chorus is where the whole show is at! Without you, the show couldn't go on. The leading lady wouldn't even matter without you there to back her up." And it manages to pacify you well enough, so you go on with the show and let your mom be excited about the special shirts the chorus wear or find the perfect bag for your role as "friend with bag", but in the back of your mind you know that the show could very well go on without you. Your voice might help raise the decibels of the chorus ever so slightly, but ultimately no one except your mother would notice if you decided to disappear that day.
Felicity definitely felt like she was part of the chorus of Team Arrow. She was the smartest one out of the three of them, a fact that she didn't necessarily brag about but she wasn't modest about either. It was a fact that Felicity knew her way around a computer faster than Ollie could make his way up the salmon ladder, but at the end of the day they could manage without her. If Oliver decided to stop taking down bad guys the whole operation would be null and void, but if Felicity took a step back from the trio there would be maybe one less drop in the ocean that was Team Arrow. The waves of Ollie and Dig would still roar and crash down on the darkest parts of Starling City, but the trickle of information and usefulness that Felicity provided would stop. The chorus might be one voice quieter, but ultimately Team Arrow would go on.
The only other card that Felicity always held onto as part of the team was that she was the only woman, but the day Sara Lance walked through the door was the day that card burst into flames. Beautiful, strong, scarred Sara Lance. What made things even worse was that Sara even knew a fair bit about computing, diminishing Felicity's role on the team even further and she was honestly petrified of the day that Ollie would realise that. She hid her fear with jokes and kept her head down with every intention of hating Sara, which proved a lot harder than she initially thought. Seeing as the threat from the other woman was created mostly in her head, Felicity had no grounds to actually hate Sara. Despite being a deadly trained assassin, Sara never failed to smile at Felicity or chat to her whenever she came into the Arrow cave. That was the best part about Sara; she actually wanted to talk about things beyond the latest mission. So far their conversations had been mostly trivial, talking about the weather or the tamer stories about countries Sara had visited, or Felicity's dress and where Sara might be able to get one for her sister. It made them both feel normal, but it also made Felicity feel once again drawn to the cave that she worked in. She still felt unimportant in the grand scheme of things, but at least she could look forward to seeing Sara almost every day.
There was of course the added bonus of being able to watch Sara fight Ollie and John. The two men fighting had always impressed Felicity, the attraction mostly being their shirtless and muscled bodies, but there was something else about their fights when Sara was added into the mix. The two men fought like warriors, which was impressive and a definite display of strength, but watching Sara fight was like watching a choreographed battle dance that combined strength, agility, and grace. Her coordination meant that her legs and arms worked in perfect synchronicity despite doing two completely different things, sometimes kicking and punching in opposite directions. Then there was the matter of her muscles; holy crap the muscles on Sara Lance. Her abs were prominent and unmissable when she wore nothing but leggings and a sports bra, and her arms carried so much strength that it was almost illogical how Sara moved them so gracefully and could be so gentle with them. Her legs carried her so lightly, yet the muscles in them looked as though they would propel her halfway to the sky if she so wished, and finally her back muscles moved in a way that reminded Felicity of the strong waves she compared Team Arrow to. Except this time, she didn't feel daunted or overshadowed by the waves, but reassured by the strength that they carried and a longing to one day, maybe, dive right into them. Felicity continued to watch the battle and observe how swiftly Sara would dodge each attack, whilst simultaneously launching jabs of her own. She wasn't quite fast enough to dodge all of Diggle's attacks though, and everyone drew back when he caught her hard on her face. "It's okay," Sara said, raising up a hand as if to physically push back against the concern, "I can just add this scar to my collection." Soon Oliver was showing off his scars too, and then Diggle joined in with his old war wounds. Just like that, Felicity's feelings of ease and comfort were gone. John fought in wars; Oliver was trained on a super secret ninja island for five years; Sara was a trained assassin, and Felicity was just Felicity. Feeling the walls between her world and theirs grow higher and higher she said as boldly as she could, "I have a scar too". She pointed to the back of her jaw and with a small grin said, "It's in my mouth…" The laughter from the others was settling for only a moment, but it was clear that Felicity was the outsider here. She was just about to turn back to her desk when she heard Sara say, "You're still cute." Felicity could hear the smile in her voice and couldn't help but grin and blush back before finally retreating to her desk.
She had no idea what time it was when she had eventually finished up in the Arrow cave but John and Oliver had left a long time ago, and she hadn't seen Sara around for hours. Her general scan of CCTV and the usual databases had finally finished running without producing anything useful, and Felicity was ready to call it a night. She knew she should get up and grab her coat but the energy required for standing up was something she was yet to muster. It felt like a long day, despite there being little action. The toll had been taken mostly emotionally with more than a few occasions that day reminding Felicity of her minor part to play, so she stayed put at her desk; head in her hands and a small groan coming out of her mouth. "Something wrong?" a voice from behind made Felicity jump and knock her glasses askew.
"Sorry, it's the assassin thing. We're good at sneaking up on people," Sara said, trying her best not to laugh at the startled look on Felicity's face. She reached out to straighten the younger woman's glasses and allowed her thumb to fleetingly brush across Felicity's cheek. "Everything okay Flick? You seem… sad, or at least that groan didn't sound happy," Sara asked lightly, trying not to scare her away with an overly serious tone but wanting to also show concern. Felicity smiled gently, considering for a moment whether or not it was worth opening up to Sara. "I'm okay, just tired," she settled on saying, but she should have known better than to be able to lie to a master assassin. As Sara raised an eyebrow at her, Felicity knew she didn't have much choice but to be honest. It actually made her feel a small spark of happiness and relief, knowing that she finally could confide in someone what had been bothering her for so long. The guys were great but they never noticed the changes in Felicity, yet here Sara was picking up on it after only a short time of knowing her. Felicity took in a deep breath, buying herself time while she tried to quickly sift through the feelings she was willing to share with Sara and storing the more intense emotions for a later conversation that she hoped would never arise.
She leaned back in her chair and watch as Sara came to sit on the edge of her desk, legs swinging gently but her eyes fixed completely on Felicity to let her know that she had her full attention. "I just… it's like… you ever feel like a shadow? Like a complete and utter shadow?" Felicity began, feeling an unfamiliar struggle to find the right words. "Yes…" Sara replied, "But that's because I was trained to be an assassin and live in the shadows, which I'm guessing isn't the same as what you're trying to say."
Felicity laughed gently in response then continued, "No, I guess shadow isn't the right word. I just feel… I feel like I'm nothing here. Or maybe I'm something, but I'm nothing more than the stupid intern who fetches coffee and faxes. Everyone else is strong and fast, you're all fighters and if you quit the team tomorrow it would matter. And then I'm just the IT girl fetching the occasional file for Oliver, sitting at my desk while all of you go out there and actually do something. I guess… I just feel expendable. And one day Ollie is going to realise that and I'll be gone, which won't make much of difference to you guys but for me that's my life over. Team Arrow is the only good thing I have in my life, and I hate that I can't bring something useful to the team in return for all the thrills it's brought me." She sighed once more and then closed her mouth, trying to hold back her usual habit of talking too much. She rested her head back in her hands and covered her face from Sara, now wondering if it was time to regret opening up to the assassin.
"Felicity," Sara said quietly and sincerely, waiting for the blonde to look at her once again. "You are irreplaceable."
Felicity rolled her eyes. It was a kind gesture but she knew that if Sara thought about it; really truly thought about it, she would realise that Felicity was right.
"I'm not just saying that to make you feel better," Sara continued. "We couldn't do half the shit that we do without you and your genius brain."
"Except you could, because you know your way around a computer well enough to get by."
"I'm not as good as you though."
"True," Felicity said with a small smirk, "But Ollie hardly needs me any more. Now he's more familiar with the city all he needs are basic database searches, which I know you can do."
"Seriously? If all Ollie is getting you to do is database searches then that's on him, not you. You feel useless because he is letting you go to waste. He's too busy trying to do everything and prove that Oliver Queen, the Green Arrow is a force to be reckoned with but he's ignoring his greatest asset; you. He's too self-involved to realise that he could be even more powerful and formidable if he actually acknowledged your potential."
"I can't blame Ollie… he's done so much for me," Felicity said, partially seeing Sara's point.
"You're right, he has. But that doesn't mean he is always perfect. Felicity, you are so smart. You are so kind and funny and cute, as well as being an absolute genius. You can see things on a whole other level to us, and if I was the Arrow I know I would make sure you were right there by my side fighting with me and not just sitting here running database searches."
Felicity was quiet, thinking over what Sara had just said to her. She looked up at the assassins face with a gaze of admiration, feeling like Sara had just completely turned her world around. Sara spoke once more with more softness in her voice, "You are incredible. If no one else has bothered to help you realise that, then I hope I can." The two women let Sara's words sit in the air between them, bright blue eyes mirroring one another. Felicity felt a heavy pulling in her chest, willing her to move closer to the woman sitting on her desk just so that she could be sharing her space. She sat still, fighting with herself not to move and break the connection between them. Meanwhile Sara's hands gripped tighter onto the desk, her hand itching to touch Felicity's face once again; to stroke her soft cheek with her thumb except hold it there longer, so that Felicity could press her cheek into her palm while her thumb moved to explore her lips…
Felicity was the one to move away first, spinning away on her chair and leaning down to pick up her bag. "Anyway, I should get going… I'm sorry I offloaded on you, I know you have better things to be doing that chatting away to me," she said, slightly flustered.
"Nothing's better than chatting to you, why do you think I keep coming back?" Sara teased, leaving Felicity unsure whether she was being completely serious or not. She jumped off the desk and walked across the room to grab her jacket that she'd discarded on the floor earlier, then turned back to look at the tech genius. "You can offload on me anytime, babe. Maybe next time I'll bring popcorn and a movie too," she said with a wink.
Felicity being Felicity fumbled with her bag and let her reply stumble out of her mouth, "You should! I mean, I get that you're kidding but also it might make it more fun. Not that I'm planning on always venting to you because that's unfair but yes - I mean, sorry… I'll let you go. Thank you… you know… for what you said earlier…"
"Get some sleep, Flick. I'll see you tomorrow," Sara said with a wide grin, leaving Felicity to pack up her bag alone in a much lighter mood than before.