Transformation

Bella yawned. There was light streaming through the creamy curtains, making the room too light to fall back asleep. Sitting up, she stretched her arms over her head, flexing her legs, pointing her toes.

Edward chuckled at her from his perch on the chair in the corner. His reddish hair gleamed darker in the sunlight and purplish circles ringed his eyes. His eyes were golden as he flashed his smile on her.

Bella grinned back, pulling the blanket over her chest. She had slept on the leather couch in Edward's room, covered in a fleecy blanket. "Good morning," she said brightly.

He smiled at her. "Morning. You want some breakfast?"

She considered, then nodded. "Definitely, but I have an idea first. Let's have a picnic!" Bella jumped from the couch and walked into her shoes.

Edward raised an eyebrow. "A little excited, are we?"

"Well, of course. Can't you see the weather? It's gorgeous!" She was already standing in the doorway, the light blue sweatshirt she'd worn the day before sliding over her head.

His eyes brightened. "I know where we can go. Do strawberries sound good?"

Bella returned his seductive grin with one of her own. "Absolutely."

"Good," he said, taking her hand and leading her down to the back door.

Once outside, they ducked around the wood fence that surrounded the downy lawn, walking in the sparse forest that immediately surrounded the house.

Bella was already lagging behind after the first mile and had tripped four times over unseen roots.

Edward smiled apologetically at her. "I'm sorry. I didn't realize this would be so long." Carefully, he lifted her into his arms and carried her the remainder of the way.

Bella, weightless in Edward's arms, closed her eyes tight to avoid the dizzying vertigo of being carried by Edward. She pressed her face into his collar, avoiding the light flashing by them. When the movement stopped in a second, she turned her face up thankfully into his neck. She kissed it.

She didn't realize it, but Edward had set her on the ground and pulled her body against his and kissed her. Bella pulled away to catch her breath, kissing his neck and running her hands into his hair.

"Bella," he breathed, "I can't. You'll be the death of me!" He pulled away, his face serious.

"I'm sorry," she staggered away from him. Quietly she walked away, seeing the strawberry bushes a few yards away. She could feel his eyes on her back, watching her reaction. Bella knew Edward was always watching for the moment she cracked. Trying to relieve her mood, trying to not be offended but failing, she picked some clean-looking strawberries. She popped one into her mouth. It was sweet and juicy, perfectly ripe.

Looking up at the July sky, Bella stalked back to where Edward sat sprawled on the ground. Blushing, she sat down. With a rueful grin, she threw a strawberry at him to show him she wasn't too mad.

"What are you thinking?" Edward looked puzzled.

"Why do you always need to know what I'm thinking?" she retorted. Bella looked away, sighed. "I'm frustrated."

"Why are you frustrated?"

"I'm mad because we can't be…together. I'm eighteen, you know. I'll be nineteen in a couple months. We love each other. What better reasons are there?" Her voice had risen in volume, Bella realized. Her voice was almost frantic.

Edward glared at her, his eyes darkening. "You know why, Bella. I'm not sure if I could control myself: if we got that far without me accidentally slaughtering you."

"I know, but…" she protested.

"No." He knew what she would say. She was saying it far too much and it made him afraid. Afraid of himself. Afraid that it might be too much temptation for him to ignore. "I won't make you a monster."

"Like you? I've told you, Edward. You're not a monster! Please," she sat up, getting closer to him. She took his hand. "Edward, I'm running out of time. Every second I'm losing time." She was silent for a moment then took a deep breath. "I want you so bad," she admitted.

In the blink of an eye, Edward was standing across the meadow. He couldn't be near her when she said this. Hearing her lust made his almost too difficult to control. Her want made his all the stronger. "I'm sorry," he whispered.

Tears welled up in Bella's eyes, every muscle in her body aching for him. Gingerly, she lay back on the grass and balled her knees into her chest and cried. "I'm sorry too," she whispered. Her tears soaked in the marshy ground, but didn't absorb her sorrow.

Edward watched her from across the meadow, sitting on the ground, his hands gripping each other. He needed to get some self-control. If he didn't he would loose her. Edward shuddered. He didn't know what he would do if she died.

He watched her slender body, balled up in anger, shake with tears. He desperately wanted to comfort her, to hold her, but he knew it was too dangerous. Eventually though, she quieted and fell into deep sleep.

Bella slept soundly, all evidence of their fight gone from her face. Edward smiled at her angelic face as he kneeled over her.

All of a sudden, a red alert flashed in his mind. Some of her blood was out of her body. Quickly he scanned her figure.

A tiny pool of her sacred blood had emerged from her hand. She'd cut it when picking the strawberries.

And she woke up, her eyes smiling groggily at him, all anger forgotten. With a hand, she pulled a weakened Edward down to her on the ground.

He couldn't resist her, not again. Not like he had miraculously the year before.

She kissed his hands, his mouth, his jaw. "I love you," she whispered. "So much."

Edward realized she thought she was dreaming; she wasn't thinking. He tried to pull away, save her. He couldn't. He had to taste her. Taste her blood. "I love you too," he managed.

It happened suddenly.

His mouth was at her hand, on the cut, draining her. It was like nothing he had ever experienced. The richness of her blood was mind numbing.

Bella was fully awake now. Her frenzied eyes found his, locking on them. "Edward…Edward! What are you doing!"

But his understanding had past.

She began to cry. "Edward, this hurts. This hurts me, so bad," she groaned, her eyes rolling back in the sockets.

"I know it does, Bella," he murmured, enthralled. "I love you."

In her pain, Bella found Edward's hand and squeezed it. Somehow, this connection brought the haziness from his brain. Edward rolled away from her, ashamed and horrified.

"Oh God, oh God," he cried, taking her hand back and shaking her shoulder. She had passed out.

With the taste of her blood still in his mouth, Edward pulled a weak Bella into his arms and loped to find Carlisle.

Bella woke up, her mind groggy and her body flaming with pain. And she knew. Edward had really done it. But why hadn't Carlisle interfered? God knew he had the knowledge and means to do so.

She closed her eyes tightly. The light that seemed to melt the neutral room strained her sensitive eyes, giving her a headache. She wanted it all to go away. Now.

Bella didn't know how long she lay there, unable to sleep but exhausted. There wasn't a clock in the room. But through the half-closed drapes, she could see the beginnings of the sunset. She didn't even know what day it was. Or if her parents were wondering where she was. Where Edward was.

With the softer light in the room, her eyes didn't hurt as much and her skin became less blue and deathly. She held her hand up above her face, moving her fingers and watching their new dexterity. She flexed them, clenched and unclenched a fist. The skin seemed much tauter and her hands were thinner. But they were strong, too. Stretching, Bella could feel the powerful health and vigor pulse through her. It made her smile.

Carefully, Bella reached over to gently touch the crystal vase filled with daisies that sat on the bedside table. With a great crash, the vase was flung against the wall and water and daisies covered the hardwood floor.

Collapsing into the sheets, Bella wept. For the first time, she was beginning to understand the word monster.

Even later that night when darkness had set over the house and dried Bella's tears, Edward silently entered. He knew she was awake, her eyes not focusing on anything but on the room but in her thoughts. Her blue eyes were puffy and red and wide open, staring. She couldn't sleep, nor would she sleep again.

"Hi," he said quietly, kneeling on the floor next to the bed.

She smiled vaguely at him. "Hi. Where am I?"

"A guest bedroom on the second floor."

"Oh."

Edward stroked her face gently with a finger. "What happened, love?" She didn't answer. Then he saw the flowers dying slowly on the floor. He kissed her ear. "I'm so sorry, Bella."

"I'm scared," she whimpered, burying her face in the pillow. "Could you lay with me? Please?"

Nodding, Edward walked around the bed and climbed in. Wrapping his arms around her and pressing her now cold back against his chest, he kissed her hair. "Of course."

After awhile, Bella regained a little bravery. "Edward, why don't you hate me?"

"Why would I hate you? I'm the one who doesn't deserve you. I thought you would have left already."

"Oh. I just thought…"

"I know." He soothed her hair. "Why didn't you leave? Aren't you hungry?"

Bella shook her head. "I don't know. It didn't occur to me to leave. Why didn't Carlisle…"

"Save you? Fix you?" Edward sighed and Bella felt his tears soak into her hair. "Bella, I…I tried to save you myself. But I only made you worse. I was ashamed to find Carlisle right away."

She could feel him against her back, a tear soaked into her shirt. Bella rolled easily in Edward's arms to face him. She laid her face against his chest.

They lay on the bed holding each other, forever cold and sobbing. They didn't speak for a long time.

"Look," he pointed over her shoulder. "The sun is rising."

Outside, a bird started to sing.

Hey everyone! Thanks so much for reading. This is my first Twilight fic, so please let me know what you think. 3 Ali