Disclaimer: Harry Potter, and all the characters associated there with belong to JK Rowling, and Scholastic. If I did own it then Harry and Hermione would have ended up together. I get no profit from this, besides reviews obviously.
AN: Now that that's over, Welcome! I'm going to update a few ideas of chapters on here and I hope to get some positive feedback on which ones everyone will enjoy. I will probably write all of these eventually, but am having trouble deciding which to write and having problems finding motivation and knew ideas to continue writing. I hope to get help from all who read this, but realize that there are lots of people who don't review so my hopes are unrealistic. Anyways here we go on my first chapter. It is based in sixth year but I don't really want to write it in sixth year so I was thinking about making some kind of time travel in this. Let me know what you all think. I already have a good plan for a second chapter.
Chapter 1
Love. Love can be a powerful motivator... It can cause you to fight for your life while others would give up, to overcome unbelievably difficult obstacles or to accomplish unreal feats. But when love is proven unwanted and unreturned... it can cause even the strongest to crumble. Which brings us to the top of the astronomy tower of the prestigious Hogwarts Academy of Witchcraft and Wizardry. A figure stumbles up the steps and through the open door of the stairway, crumpling as he reaches his destination. The figure sobs heart wrenching cries of sorrow and despair. This figure is none other than Harry Potter, The-Boy-Who-Lived. The savior of the wizarding world.
As the 16 year old Sixth year student sobs he thinks of the past hour and the events of the night before. Oh how much he wishes they didn't happen. While he loved the night before and longs to be forever caught in that moment, the event this morning caused him.. no causes him the deepest, most Excruciating pain in his chest. With those thoughts on his head he brings out the parchment he had grabbed during his quick return to the common room that morning and his quill and begins writing.
Deciding his letter and agony has gone on long enough he ends his apology with "I will always love you- Harry Potter" and turned towards his Snow White companion that he had retrieved prior to his trip to the tower. "Thanks for always being here for me girl... It means the world to me." She gave a short nod and he smiles. Stroking her head he gives her a sad smile. "Go give it to her girl." Watching as she flies off her takes a deep breath and picked up a loose brick and transfigured it into a small knife and takes one final deep breath before holding it to his wrist and slicing, smiling as he feels the physical pain start as the mental and emotional pain slowly start to fade away. Switching hands he repeats the process with the other wrist before walking to the edge of the tower and in a small voices says "I`m so, so sorry..." and plunges the small blade into his chest and through his heart as he throws himself off the building.
In the Great Hall, a young woman sits slowly at the Gryffindor table. She grabs for her favorite cereal and a bowl and pours herself a bowl, fully aware that she is nowhere near hungry at the moment but knows that she needs to eat.
The flood of flapping wings alerts her to the morning owl post. Looking up expecting to see her issue of the Daily Prophet on the way, she is surprised as she notices Hedwig flying towards her. Anger fills her before she sighs and accepts the paper and the letter and decides that she might have been too harsh this morning. Opening the letter to read the apology, panic rises as she reads, hoping that her gut feeling was wrong and that she was just overreacting at the depressing, sorrow-filled letter of a boy that sounded like he had nothing to live for. Getting up and walking towards the Head Table. As she was about to reach Professor Dumbledore to talk to him she halted after hearing a scream.
"ALBUS!" The whole Great Hall quieted as Madam Pomfrey bustled through the doors and sprinted towards the Head Table, screaming the whole time as she ran. Dumbledore stood and rushed around the table and met her as she skid to a halt and breathed deeply.
"Poppy, what is the problem?" he asked in a hushed, concerned tone. The answer was the last thing he expected, and though the young woman standing closely had a sinking feeling in her stomach long before he had even asked his question, she hadn't expected an answer as bad as the one she heard.
"A student has jumped off the Astronomy tower with a knife in his chest and slit wrists, Albus!" She whispered in a voice so quiet that could only be heard because of the silence in the Hall. "I stabilized him, I have no idea how he survived the fall, let alone his wounds... I've done everything I could for him, Albus!" She managed before breaking down. Dumbledore grabbed her and calmed her before looking deep into her eyes. Answering his unasked question she said, "Albus, it.. it was... it was Harry Potter!" Before breaking down yet again.
Hearing a gasp followed by a sob he looked up to see a student running from the room while a piece of parchment fell down and towards him. Squinting he saw the first few words on the page.
'Dear Hermione,'
11 hours earlier...
Harry held Hermione as she cried about Ron and Lavender. He didn't really know what to do about this or how to make her feel better but he held her all the same, for that is what a best friend was for. He felt her shift in his hug and looked down at her to the step below him where she was sitting and was surprised to see her looking at him with a sad but questioning look that only Hermione could pull off. Raising an eyebrow at her she pulled away slightly and looked into his eyes and asked, "Is this how it feels when you see Ginny and Dean together?" The question through him completely off guard. 'What does she mean?' he thought. 'I don't love Ginny'. At his confused look she mistook it as confusion on how she knew, not that he really didn't know what he meant. "I see the way you look at her, Harry." she told him in a small voice.
"Hermione I.." seeing the accusing look on her face he decided to tell her a small portion of the truth, "what you're feeling know is how I've always felt when i saw the girl I love with or longing to be with another man." Harry finished with a pained expression. Nodding she looked down and Harry felt relieved that she didn't dig any deeper and accepting his half-truth. Yes while Harry did technically tell the truth, he hadn't told her the real reason she gave Ginny those looks. His looks towards Ginny have been from wanting a good relationship like she and Dean had, not that he wanted Ginny. Of course he couldn't tell her that! She would ask who he wanted to have a relationship with and then Harry would be forced to tell her who he was really in love with. It wouldn't exactly be the best time to tell Hermione that he loves her as he held as she cried about Ron and Lavender.
"How do you do it Harry?" She whispered from his chest. "Deal with the pain I mean.."
He sighed as he held her and thought for a few minutes. Then deciding that he should tell her how he does it he said, "Get up." She looked at him and he repeated, "Get up, 'Mione" She slowly stood and he followed, taking her hand and pulling her behind him. "I'm gonna show you how I deal with the pain I have over the woman I love. She followed all the way and didn't pay attention to where they were going. As Harry let go of her hand she watched as he walked back and forth past a section of wall and thought 'I need my private place to get past the pain.. with a place for Hermione' Then Harry grabbed the door and opened it, stepping aside and holding it open for her to go in first and watched as she paused to observe his room.
It wasn't very wide, but it did extend long past what she had suspected. At the front of the room was pair of couches facing each other with a long rectangular table in the middle and a fireplace on the wall not so far away with a large cabinet on the opposite wall. Further down the long room was lots of dummies and on the ceilings were what looked like white Television screens. Looking at Harry with a raised eyebrow she pointed at the screens and he gave her a small smile and said, "You'll see"
He walked over and flopped down on the couch and gave her a look that said 'Are you just gonna stand there' and she gave a small, sad smile and walked over and gently sat down. "So this is my way to blow off some steam and get passed pain. I use the dummies over there to feel better and to improve my casting so I'm ready to duel against stronger and faster opponents and so that I can take down easier opponents both easier and faster" Harry said and then stood and pointed at the screen. "That is actually a really cool tool. It tells you how accurate your spells are and how powerful they are," he paused and fired a stunner at a dummy and two numbers appeared on the screen, one on top of the other, "The top number is how powerful your spells are. The number ranges from 0-100... I think 100 is the highest at least. That was a low-level stunner that registered at 43." He fired another stunner and the number read 65. "Now the number changes color depending on the type of spell its hit with. Harmless spells register green, while spells that would hurt an opponent register as yellow. Spells that would disarm/incapacitate an opponent register an orange color. And a spell that would kill or severely injure opponents register as black color." He finished
"The bottom number is your accuracy. For instance if you were to hit the dummy in the head, neck, heart, or if you are aiming for the arms then at the shoulders and hands score higher. The type of spell affects it too. Obviously you are more likely to try to hit someone with a cutting curse in the shoulders or neck instead of their chest so those score higher than if were to hit the same place with, say, a stunner. The color of the accuracy number is either black, grey, or white with a black outline so you can see it. It stands for if you use a light, dark, or neutral spell." Turning to look at Hermione he asked, "Any questions?"
She just stared at him with a shocked expression. Then she said, "Yeah that is pretty awesome, Harry.." He frowned. 'Was that it? No How does it work? No questions followed by theories to explain it all? She really must be beat up..' Harry thought to himself. He sighed and walked over to the cabinet and opened it. "What's in there Harry?"
He took out two small glasses and a bottle and walked over and sat down on the couch opposite Hermione and leaned across the table and set a glass in front of her and then poured the contents of the bottle into her glass and leaned back and did the same in front of himself before grabbing his glass and sitting back and saying, "Firewhiskey" before draining half of his glass and looking up at Hermione. She looked at him in shock and he replied "It helps with my pain." He still remembered the first day he had drank. It had been with Sirius the year before when he had told the man that he was in love with Hermione. He had known even then and yet still hasn't told her. Sirius had been the only person he had ever told of his feelings for his best friend, and they had followed that conversation with drinking. A lot of drinking.
Returning to the present he looked at said love and saw as she looked at the glass with an unsure look before attempting to take a large drink to drown her sorrow. Key word being attempting. She gulped down half of her mouthful before spitting half of it out as she coughed and sputtered as her eyes watered and Harry laughed. Grabbing his drink he moved to sit next to her and rub and pat her back as she tried to breath again. After regaining her breath she laughed at herself and her failed attempt at her first drink and then tried to yet again take a drink, this time taking smaller drinks and successfully drowning her sorrows. As they finished their first glasses Harry refilled them and looked at the girl who he believed to be the love of his life and smiled. As he drained his glass he stood and walked towards the target range and fired off spell after spell hitting his target each time. Overtime his power levels started to increase and his accuracy did also. After around a half hour of launching spells at the targets his numbers were power levels were going down but his accuracy was the best yet.
Finally deciding that he was satisfied enough and that the dummies had taken enough beating he walked back to the couch and collapsed next to Hermione exhausted and sweaty but happy. Looking over he saw that she had refilled his drink and looked at her to say thanks only to laugh as he saw that she was starting to feel it and was nursing another glass. deciding to catch up he held his drink up and said, "I see you are getting into this" and drained his glass in a few gulps and filled and drained another glass and sat back with his fifth and smiled. "This is more fun than drinking alone."
She smiled at him and returned. "I'm having fun tonight Harry. This is getting my thoughts off Ron and dulling my pain. Are you still upset about Ginny?" She slurred.
"It isn't Ginny," he said softly and she looked at him in confusion. "Hermione, I never was upset about her. I have never been upset about Ginny Weasley." Seeing she was about to interrupt he held up a hand and said, "I don't love Ginny."
"Who do you love then, Harry? Huh? Because you said that this was the place that you go when you get sad about the girl you love!" Seeing the blood drain from his face and not hearing an answer she said, "Exactly Harry!"
"Ginny isn't the girl I love! She is like a sister to me! Why would I want Ginny? I'm not trying to be mean or anything but Ginny doesn't even know me 'Mione! All she sees when she looks at me is The-Boy-Who-Lived not the real Harry Potter. I don't want the Fangirl." Seeing her confused look he started again. "Hermione I know that everyone thinks that I look at her with longing, and I do, but for different reasons. I want a real relationship with someone and I envy her because she is one of the only people I know who actually has something real..."
"Who then? Harry, who are you pining over because you think they won't be with you? Because any girl in this school would want to be with you Harry, you are amazing!" She finished with a tone that broadcasted her thoughts. That Harry was stupid to think he wasn't good enough. What happened next took her by complete surprise.
Harry stood up and walked around the table to sit next to her. As he sat her reached out and cupped her face with both hands and leaned in as he pulled her towards him and his lips crashed against hers and time seemed to stop for Harry as he realized what he had just done and waited for her to respond however she would. As her surprise ended it was Harry's turn to be surprised as he felt her start to respond by kissing back instead of the smack he had been waiting for. As her hands reached up to run through her hair Harry deepened the kiss by opening his mouth slightly and running his tongue across her bottom lip, causing her to open her mouth in response. As their tongues met Harry thought to himself, 'I never thought I would ever have the chance to do this. And I certainly never expected it to be this good' he added happily. After the passion filled kiss ended Harry pulled back and looked into her eyes and let all his love show as he finally said, "It's you Hermione. It has always and will always be you."
"Harry... I.. I..." Hermione stared at her best friend. He loved her... He really loved her and he always has. Not sure how to respond sh ejust stared at him in shoch.
"I know Hermione. You don't have to say anything. I know that you don't feel the same way." He just have her a sad smile and a single tear escaped his eye and as it slowly fell down his face he opened his mouth again and tried to find exactly what he wanted to say, then paused and shut it and thought. Finally, deciding he knew what he was gong to say he cleared his throat and grabbed her hands before saying, "I always have Hermione. That's why I haven't ever said anything. I realized that you would never want me a long time ago. I-"
He was cut off as she slamed her lips into his with a firey passion and he paused, started for a second and then returned the kiss. After a few minutes she broke the kiss and pulled back, looking into his eyes with an expression of want and said, "You never know until you try Harry. You should have told me a long time ago." Then returned to kissing him.
Harry couldn't believe what has happening. She was actually kissing him after he finally told her his secret. Feeling a hand on his shoulders, he was surprised as he fely her weight shift onto him as she moved into his lap and then leaned onto him, pushing him down onto his back.
He sighed in loss as she broke the kiss only to open his eyes in surprise as he fely her hands start to unbutton her shirt. Looking first at her hands then up at her face he saw her looking down at him wth lustful eyes and biting her lower lip and he groaned at the feeling of her hands carressing his chest as she finished the last button, the feeling plus the way she looked becoming too much. She startled as she felt him start to poke her as her started to harden He moved his hands up and rubbed up her sides and then moved then up to cup her breasts, giving them a small squeeze before moving his hands down and grabbing the bottom of her shirt and lifting it up over her bra and then over her head, marvelling in seeing her beautiful, pale stomach and set the shirt next to him. Realizing that it shouldnt be able to fit next to him he looked and saw that while they had been busy the room had morphed the couch into a bed, a comfortable one at that.
Looking back at the goddess in his lap, he saw her lean down onto him and met his lips, now a kiss of gental passion instead of the firey lust that it had been before. Closing his eyes, Harry relaxed into the kiss. After a few moments he broke the kiss, planning on telling her he loved her. That plan was ruined as, as soon as his lips left hers she moved down to his neck and started working on it. As Harry's mind clouded in lust and want he got lost in the feelings. Next thing that he knew, he was laying on top off her locked in a passionate kiss and then Harry realized that they both were naked and he was slowly grinding onto her, thrusting back and florth slowly as she moaned into his mouth.
Pulling back Harry thought that this should be more special and that she dserved more so he looked deep into her eyes and let his heart lose as he told her how he felt about her. "Hermione I love you. So much more that I can or will ever be able to describe, but I am going to try. You are the first and last thing that I think of everyday. I don't know what I would have done if you would have been hurt worse in the Minsitry last year. Everything that I have done has been for you. I stopped that troll from hurting you in first year. In second I killed the Basilisk, not because it took Ginny, but because it had hurt you. You are MINE Hermoine and I will never let anything or anyone EVER get away with hurting you! Whenever I have ever faced a challenge, no matter how deadly or unblieveable, I always come back because I think of you during. Whenever I was being tortured by Voldemort during the third task only the thought of making it back to you kept me going, kept me from being overtaken by the pain of the Cruciatus curse and slipping away into madness. You are my everything Hermione and I won't be able to live without you."
"I love you too Harry." She said through her tears of happiness and they yet again shared a kiss, though this one more tender and loving. After a few moments the kiss heated up and she broke away from him, looking into his eyes with a lustful need and said, "Make loved to me Harry."
Looking into her eyes he met hers with his as he lined himself up and slowly slid into her tight hole. They both groaned as he reached the base and slowly withdrew, thinking that it shouldn't be possible for something to feel as good as she did. As they got into rythym, Harry started to speed up his thrusts and Hermione moaned as he did. She felt herself start to get close and became louder as the pace built and the thrusts became harder. Finally, she felt the dam start to break as she moaned out, "I'm really close Harry!"
"So am I" He said and he felt her start to clench and flutter around him as he twitched and came inside of her and collapsed on top of her. After sitting there for a few moments he rolled off of her and gave her another long, tender kiss and wrapped his arms around her, feeling sleep start to overcome him. As he fell asleep his last thoughts were, 'I hope that this lasts.'
Hermione looked at Harry and smiled and moved her head into his chest.
The next morning...
Hermione woke up slowly, streching. Stopping suddenly at the pain in her legs she frowned and mentally observed herself. Feeling a small but pleasent pain in her crotch, plus the feeling of stickiness between her legs she sat up quickly. She watched as the unnoticed arm that had been across her stomach flew towards her legs and then retracted from her body to teh figure next to her. Slowly turning she saw Harry laying in bed next to her. 'Harry?' she thought panicked as she watched as he streched and slowly opened his eyes before blinking owlishly. Then a smile spread across his face and he said, "Morning beautiful!" as he watched her and grabbed her hand. Thinking to the night before she remembered coming to the Room of Requirement with Harry and the she remember starting to drink and then... Nothing. She flew out of bed and grabbed her clothes. "'Mione?" He said confused and saw as she turned towards him.
"What the HELL, Harry!?" she screamed at him. "You took me up here to get our minds off of the people that we love and then seduce me?"
"What do you mean Hermione? Don't you remember last night?" He asked and saw her shake her head. "You don't remeber anything?" He asked incredulously. At her confirm that she didn't he told her, "Last night was one of, if not the, cest night of my life and you are saying that you don't remember anything!"
"Of course I don't remember anything Harry! I love Ron! Why would I sleep with you of all people? You are my best friend, Harry. How could you take Advantage of me like this?"
"What? But.. but you said..." Harry said slowly curling up, realizing everything that happened last night was just firewhisky induced. She didn't really love him and never would
"Harry I trusted you to help me. I trusted you and you took me up here to take advantage of me! Instead of helping me get over my pain of Ron you practically raped me and caused me more pain!" She said, looking at Harry with a look of betrayal and pain as she cried.
He looked back with just as much betrayal and an infinatly greater amount of pain. "I...I..." He stopped and broke down as tear after tear escaped his eyes and flooded down his face. "You said you loved me! I should have known better." He said as he got up and started putting his clothes on and started getting mad, angrier by the second he stormed towards the door and sais, "Of course you don't love me! I never should have told you my feelings! No one will ever be able to love me. I'm just a Freak!" He said and turned towards the door and opened it, before deciding better and looking back at her and said, "I should have known you would leave me, too! Everyone does. My parents did! Ron always does! YOU were the only person that I thought would never leave me. You have always been there for me... That's why I love you so much and always have!" Finished, he turned towards the door and stormed out.
Hermione stood there shocked and then ran to the door and yelled out, "HARRY" only to see that he wasn't there anymore.
Present time
Hermione was rushing towards the Hospital Wing in disbelief. Hoping, praying that Madam Pomfrey had exaggerated Harry's condition and that he was ok, only to bust through the doors and see how wrong she was. In the far corner, Harry was laying on a bed and looked horrible. He was extremely pale from blood loss and was unconsious. His face was covered in b harsh looking bruises, 'Probably from hitting the ground after he...' She couldn't finish the thought. She walked towards his bed before collapsing into a chair nearby and completly breaking down. She was the reason he was in that bed. She had drove him to do this. Curling into a ball she let loose tear after tear until her crying turned into full on heart wrenching sobs of panic as she looked at her best friend.
She didn't realize how long she sat there crying, but soon jumped as she felt a hand on her shoulder. Looking up she say Professor Dumbledore staring deep into her eyes before he ehld up a folder piece of parchment. "I believe this is yours Miss Granger." he said as he handed it over to her. Recognising Harry's letter she snatched it out of his hand before looking panicly between the Headmaster and the letter. Seeing the look on her face he smiled at her. "I did not read the contents of that letter as they are between you and Mister Potter here" He reasured before looking up at said boy and frowning.
"It's all my fault, Professor!" She said before breaking down yet again and her patted her on the shoulder.
"Shush, child. Everything shall be ok. Mister Potter has proven yet and again that he can overcome these types of situations." Before turning and leaving the room.
Madam Pomfrey rushed over with two potions and thrust them into her hands before cheching on Harry. After finishing her diagnostics she turned and met the questioning glance of Hermione and said, "Drink those and you will fell better" after drinking the potions she leaned back and relaxed before her eyes closed and she fell asleep. Her last thoughts her, 'How can I have managed to do this to Harry?'
AN: Please review everyone. I could really use the feedback whether, dare I say it, positive and negative. Thanks everyone who takes their time :)