It shouldn't have to be a fight
"It shouldn't have to be a fight."
This was it. It was over. He left her. Sam was standing and looking the rain outside. Just like she felt inside. This morning when he told her that they are done she has felt like she was diving. Sam wasn't sure how she was able to handle her work on the case. They had to find the girl and that was the most important thing. That made her not to give up and cry until she left without any power. She wanted to talk to him, to explain to him. Maybe they could fix the things and decide how to deal with the problem. But he obviously didn't want to talk to her. The pain was burning inside her. Sam wanted to scream after him, to tell him that she loved him but her voice was gone. She couldn't say a word.
Tears started to roll down her face. Something deep inside her broke down. Sam hardly tried not to sob loudly but she failed. Her shoulders were shaking from the sobs. Her hands were pressing her lips. All the pain she repressed the whole day was coming out now. And everyone could see her but for the first time in her life she didn't care. It just didn't matter. That was the thing that she tried to show him this morning when she told him that she would go to the wedding with him. She was ready to be his girlfriend, not only his secret lover. But it was obviously too late. Martin has given up and didn't want to fight anymore. Sam felt so alone and so lost in this cold night. She had lost him. But he had taken her heart.
Memories were running in front her eyes. Her thoughts weren't going to help her to get through this. Why she didn't tell him earlier how she was really feeling? Maybe if she hadn't been so afraid of the change in her, she would have noticed that she was hurting him. But she had been so blind and hadn't noticed until a few weeks ago when he had wanted to the Knicks' match with her. Sam understood that him being hurt was his reason for running away from her. But what she didn't know was how she was going to live with it. At least not now! The meeting with that diviner had given her the push she had needed. The wedding should have been their first time as a real couple. Thinking about this only made her feeling worse. God, would the pain ever going to stop?
Her sobs became louder and louder. Danny finally noticed that something was wrong with her. He came over to look after her and got really scared when he saw her actual condition. They had worked together for years but for the first time he saw Sam crying. Samantha Spade, the cold and strong woman, was crying right in front of him. And not only crying, she was really, really hurt and upset.
"Sam, what's wrong?" Danny asked worriedly.
She just shook her head. He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close to him. He placed her head on his shoulder. Her sobs still didn't pass off. Her tears moistened his shirt but he didn't care. The only important thing was what was happened to Sam? Danny looked around. It was late and almost nobody was there. Martin had gone to bring the files back to their place and he still hasn't returned. Jack was still working in his office. All people around seemed to be ready to go home. No one cared about the crying female agent from the Missing persons unit. Danny tried to comfort Sam the best he could. What the hell was going on with her? If Martin had something to do with it he would have to pay for it, he thought.
Jack came out of his office to tell them to go home. Seeing Sam crying on Danny's shoulder was the last thing he had expected to see.
"What's wrong with her?" he asked Danny quietly.
"I don't know." Danny shook his head. "She didn't tell me anything."
Jack put his hand on her shoulder also trying to comfort her.
"Sam, what's wrong? What happened?" he asked her worriedly.
She didn't answer just shook her head. Sam didn't want to talk about the reason for her condition. She felt so ashamed but was unable to stop crying. Her entire life her heart had been screaming for love and when she had finally found it she just pushed it away. Her soul writhed in pain.
In that very moment Martin came back. The scene he saw shocked him. His Sam was crying on Danny's shoulder while Jack was rubbing her back trying to comfort her.
Jack noticed him and nodded him to come closer.
"Do you know what's wrong with her?" he asked him.
Marin didn't know what to tell him. What was the reason for Sam to cry this way? It had to be very strong reason to make her crying as she was in front of all of them. What had happened after he left her? Or maybe it was because he had left her. No, it couldn't be that. She didn't care for him so much as to cry over him. At least not in the middle of the office and in front of Jack. No, Sam never would do that. She was so embarrassed when he caught her crying over Jack's departure but she had loved Jack in a way she never loved him. Loved him? No, she had just slept with him. She had made this quite clear.
Danny stepped back. He thought Martin would prefer to comfort Sam by himself. Probably he was the best for this task. At least they were a couple, weren't they? But Martin seemed not very thrilled it seemed. He felt that he had lost this right. Danny looked at them surprised. What was going on with these two? Suddenly it hit him.
"Sam, you and Martin…?" he whispered in her ear. "Are you two okay?"
"We… we broke up…" she whispered, hoping that Martin didn't hear her.
"So that's why you are…"
"I'm sorry." She tried to stop sobbing. "I… I don't know what got into me…"
Sam didn't want to explain her feelings to him. And how she should do that? The pain was unbearable. Her fears now looked so stupid.
"I know." Danny said. "You love him."
She should have expected that. He wasn't stupid, he was an FBI agent trained to witness little things. He couldn't not have noticed what had happened with her and her feelings.
Martin and Jack who stood beside them didn't hear the little conversation. Or at least they both pretended not to hear it. Sam wanted to be invisible. She felt so embarrassed. But it was stronger than her. A few minutes after she almost succeeded to stop crying and she decided to go the bathroom. Her make-up was a mess and she tried to fix it at least as much as possible. Her head was spinning and aching and she knew that the tears were still not over. But they would have to wait until she got home.
At the same time in the bullpen Danny decided to try to solve the problem. He knew that it probably wasn't his business, but it hurt him to see Sam like that and it seemed that Martin didn't feel more comfortable and happy than her.
"So?" he asked.
"So what?" Martin shook his head misunderstanding.
"Why did you break up?" Danny explained.
Martin looked away.
"There are a lot of reasons, Danny."
"Which are?" the Latino agent insisted.
"I am tired."
"Tired of Sam? I don't believe that!" Danny shook his head.
"Tired of hiding, of lies and of fights. I have enough." Martin still didn't look the other agent in the face. "She doesn't even love me. She loves Jack. And I don't want to be somebody's substitute. He is free now and Sam can go for him. She was so upset about him finding out about our relationship."
Danny stared at him unbelieving. Did Martin really think that? The problem obviously was more complicated than he had expected. Maybe to tell him the truth was the only right strategy for this situation.
"When you love somebody you don't cry if you break with somebody else, believe me." Danny said. "I don't think that she would cry like that if she really loves Jack."
"You think she was crying because of me?" Martin gave him a surprised look.
"I don't think. I know it. She told me."
Martin couldn't believe that. Sam was really crying because of him. Maybe he was wrong. Maybe if he hadn't refused her a hearing they could have fixed things. Actually she had agreed to come to the wedding with him. Should he try to talk to her? Should he give it another shot?
Danny knew that he had done what he could do. Now all was in Martin's hands. He watched him carefully. Surprise, hope and doubt – all these emotions were running over his face right now.
Just then Sam came back from the bathroom. She felt embarrassed. Luckily Jack was back in his office thus she could avoid at least his questions. Sam decided to go home so she grabbed her things. She didn't notice that Martin was following her.
He overhauled her in the garage.
"Sam?"
She turned. Tears were in her eyes again.
"Can we talk for a minute, please?" he asked softly.
"What do you want?" she tried desperately not to cry again.
"To know why you are so upset?"
Sam shook her head in denial. But in her eyes he saw everything he wanted to know. Martin slowly pulled her closer and kissed her hair. Her head was on his shoulder and her hands on his chest. He softly rubbed her back.
"Sam, I want to make it work." He confessed.
"Me, too. It's just a little hard for me." She bit her lip. "I never had had a relationship like this and I want to keep it. For the first time in my life I feel safe and complete. Till now everything was a fight for me. I didn't want to have to fight the gossip again. I didn't want it to ruin our relationship. And for all I know there would be a lot – first I slept with my boss and now have a relationship with the Deputy Director's son. I'm sorry."
The words just came out. Sam wasn't sure if what she said had made any sense but she felt a little better after that. His arms around her shoulders made her feel protected.
Martin didn't say anything. He just kissed her.
"I love you." She whispered.
He was happy to hear this from her, but for a first time he knew it without words.
"I love you, too, Sam." Martin said.
They kissed again. This kiss was a promise for change.
Hand in hand they walked towards her car to make their way home.