Fondue for Two
Season 2 and 3 spoilers. Some innuedos.
***I am really missing Fondue for Two, during season 3, so I felt like writing some episodes. This may be a few chapters. If you have any one that you would like to be interviewed let me know.
"…That's some hot dish, fondue for two!"
"Hello everyone, my name is Brittany S. Pierce and this is my talk show, Fondue for Two. Here with me today is R. Berry. Don't tell anyone, but I think she is secretly R. Kelly." The camera zooms in to Brittany whispering this last bit.
"Brittany, no one calls me R. Berry. I think you must have me mistaken with some other person." Rachel says, with a perplexed look on her face.
"You are right, I was thinking of Lord Tubbington. Who by the way, is protesting and refuses to appear today. So we will have to deal with other strange people. Like the hobbit." Brittany says with an eye-roll.
"I resent that remark, I am not a hobbit. You have been listening to Santana too much."
"So you deny the fact that you shave your feet?" Brittany asks as Rachel gasps.
"I do not have hairy feet, look I will show you." Rachel says and pulls off her loafers and knee socks.
"Oh, so you do shave. You heard it first—the hobbit is clean shave. Speaking off shaving, do you prefer to wax or shave your lady parts?" Brittany asks and looks intently at Rachel.
"Oh my Barbara, I am not even discussing that with you. Can we talk about my awesome singing voice or my amazing acting abilities?" Rachel asks beaming at the camera. There is a silence…and Brittany shakes her head no.
"You can save that for Jerry Springer. Fondue for Two is about juicy gossip and cheese. Since you are a vegan we can't discuss cheese so let's talk gossip. I heard that a hobbit and the jolly green giant did it. And by hobbit, I mean you. Care to confirm that rumor?"
Rachel opens and closes her mouth and stares between Brittany and the camera.
"I will take your silence as a confirmation. Thank you for confirming that you are no longer a virgin. Does this mean you will start dressing better? I could use the yarn from your sweaters for Lord Tubbinton's workout. Chasing yarn is good for cats.
Rachel remains silent, and gaping at Brittany.
"No comment." Rachel finally sputters.
"Alright, well, considering you are boring, there is nothing else to talk about, unless you want to address the rumor that Finn is really bad in bed." Brittany prods.
"I refuse to answer that. That would be like me asking if Santana was any good in bed." Rachel said, crossing her arms over her chest.
"Well duh, everyone knows she is amazing." Brittany retorts, making Rachel blush. "This concludes this week's episode, where we learned that although Rachel is no longer a virgin, she is still Rachel Boring-Berry. Stay tuned for next time when I will have a special guest, Rick the stick. No wait, he declined. Almost everyone did. Sugar Motta will be our next guest, so brace yourself."