My Special Story-LINK HAS FEELINGS TOO

The Minish Crap

Author's note: hi everyone out there in fan fiction land. i was really bored and my friend showed me this site. some stuff in this won't be EXACTLY what really is supposed to happen in the game. also, my spellng and GrAmMeR may not be perfect but bare with me. i love this site and i hope you lovvvvvvvve my fic! peace out homies! (lol)

Link: coff coff...omg! i can talk! umm, sorry about cakedoughnutschickenboob (CDCB)'s long intro. CDCB does not own me, any Zelda characters, Napoleon Dynamite, the creepy, fat, mental, lady on the diving board (inside joke but v. v. funny), the clownz, cows, evil demon chickens, or the random British kid looking for Harry Potter. now that i can talk, i'd just like to say, that all you residents of Hyrule suck! i save you guy how many times and WHAT THANX DO I GET? Absolutely nothing! NOTHING! i want presents not just "thank-you for saving us Link, we love you!" you know what? NO! (also if u can help me, CDCB is such an obsessed fan she has kidnapped me and i am being held hostage in her basement! HELP ME!)

Chapter 1- The Little Random British Kid

Day 1: my grandfather wants me to write this journal… he says it will help me in school…..NEWSFLASH I'm not 12 anymore, I'm 13…and a ½! Gawd idiotz! (excuse my Napoleon Dynamite for i am very sugar high on the pop, cake, and cookies after all it is my b-day)

Day 2: today wuz really creepy! my stalker (princess Zelda) came over to my house and made me go to some tarded festival about this fairytale. Something to do with real small elves or something…… girlz! who actually understands them? the worst part wuz that my grandpa thinks dat she's my gf! holy crap it wuz awkward! anyways the festival sucked and Zelda is a spoiled brat. the highlight of the day wuz talking to this little British kid…..

Flashback:

'lil kid: 'ello 'ave u seen 'Arry Po'er? 'or platform 9 3/4

Me: Kid… ur in the wrong fic!

'lil kid: dreadfully 'orry!

Me (pulling out my sword and basically murdering him): night, night random 'lil kid (cue maniacal laughter)

'lil kid (saying his last words): bl…..bl…..bloody……'e…'e….'ell………..

Day 2½: well, my day turned around just then…. Zelda and i went to da sword contest thingy and all of a sudden this really disturbing fat guy wearing a spandex suit with a cape came up to us. it reminded me of that time at the swimming pool. this creepy, fat, mental, lady went off the diving board. She almost broke it! It was so bloody funny (curse you random 'lil British kid). where wuz i…. oh yeah the guy in the spandex! apparently his name is Vaati! he wuz such a tard………. until he turned Zelda to stone…. u could just here the angels go "Alleluia!" i tried to save her….. sort of so i might get resents or something for being a hero….but I ended up in the castle almost dead (dun DuN DUN!)

Day 3: yawn why you peoples always wake me up before 1:00 pm! some old maid woke me up (SHE WUZ SO UGLY I THOUGHT SHE WUZ A HAG or a witch…..maybe a hagitch or a wag….. I think I'll go with a hagitch 'cause it's more original) anywayz, I walked over to the "Throne Room" and saw the king….. omg he wuz soooooo fat ewwwww… he wants me to help, yes help his daughter. at first I thought he meant mentally and that can't be done…but he wanted me to save his daughter and all of Hyrule! why didn't he just say so! Hylians….geez. all I can say is that they better give me cookies and presents for all of my hard work! (what i luv cookies especially chocolate chip ones nummy!)

Day 3½: apparently, i'm supposed to go to the forest or the "Minish Woods." What the insert swear word of your choice here is a Minish! sooo in the "Minish Woods" (MW) i saw this creepy 'lil bird/hat/green thingy. it wuz getting beat up and I wuz laughing at it from afar. it's not that hard to kill the pig/octopus thingamabobz anywayz. all of a sudden an image of my dead mother appeared…..

Flashback #2:

Dead Mother (DM): hello Link

Link: what the Hell?

DM: WHAT DID I TELL U ABOUT USING LANGUAGE LIKE THAT!

Link (sucking his thumb): sorry Mommy! soo why r u here?

DM: the three goddesses sent me to make you do things…..

Link (open eyed): WhAt?

DM (pulling out a list): clears voice 1. help save Hyrule, 2. chew with ur mouth closed, 3. say pleaz and thank-u…………… …17. never ever fart in public, 18. never ever, ever crap in public,…………………21. eat all ur veggies, 22. listen to ur mother, 23. don't swear,………………………………………………173. save the Minish Crap dude

Link (almost asleep): this is retarded!

DM (still drowning on): #187: NO BACK SASS!

Link (bored out of his mind): so i'll save the creepy hat thing!

DM: Good boy! have a cookie. soooo where wuz ur father buried...

Link: no? yes? i can't seem to remember… mabe some presents will help clarify this 4 me.

DM (splinging away): spling

Link: CRAP! i really wanted a pony too.

Day 3½'s ½: after my mom splinged away i decided i didn't want to be killed by the goddesses so I helped the "Minish Crap?"

Yet Another Disturbing Flashback:

Minish Crap? (while Link kills the pig/octopuses): thanx! call me Ezlo.

Link: yeah and call me Shit Face!

Ezlo: take me on your quest i can help Link! that's funny! i had a sister named Shit Face

Link (disturbed): is Ezlo really ur name?

Ezlo: why wouldn't it be?

Link: ummmmmmmmmm well my name is really Link

Ezlo: pleazed 2 meet u Link

Link: uh yeah

END OF FLASHBACK

it turns out, "Ezlo" (if that's even his real name), is v. v. OUT OF SHAPE

i'd walk two steps and it'd be all "slow down" and I'd be all "if I slowed down any more I'd be standing still" and it'd be all "i like chicken" and i'd be all "i like cheese." Well ya get the picture!

All of a sudden it said, "Link, i would like to train you to become a demon-chicken-cow-liking-clown-controlling warrior…."

omg this is my 1st fic… be nice or else DUN DUN DUM

i'll try to update this ASAP (every week...or 2 weeks... or so...or not but i WILL try)

i don't mind if you flame me just as long as u review honestly (i just will flame you back! ha ha ha).

PLZ PLZ PLZ REVEIW

-CDCB