Hi, I actually found this GrimmIchi fanfiction just sitting on my laptop already written, so I proof-read it and did an edit here and there and this is the end product. I'm trying to become more regular when it comes to writing my fanfictions, editing them and then uploading and I do apologise for making everyone who reads/reviews/favourites/follows and generally likes what I write a while until my next one, but things have been pretty busy for me at the moment, and are only going to get more busy (I'm so sorry). Truth be told, I don't actually remember where the idea came from (laughs awkwardly to myself). With that being said, I accept all constructive criticism, as well as ways to improve my writing style. Yaoi, so if you don't like, please don't read. Please like/favourite/follow/review and all that jazz - I like hearing what you have to say about it. Hope you enjoy!
Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach or any of its characters. All I own is this story.
Sunrise
I made a mistake. I made the mistake of ever thinking that I could keep a secret so big to my two best friends for so long. But my friends never blamed me for it. If I had realised that something like that would happen before I came out and said how I felt towards him, then maybe I could have avoided jeopardising everything. I screwed up, and because of it, I lost. I felt like I had lost, but no-one blamed me. Not my friends or him. If I had kept my big, fat God-forsaken mouth shut in the first place, then I wouldn't have had to put everything on the line. But I didn't. I made the mistake in telling him how I felt. He told me that he loved me, he cared for me. I gave him everything, and in the end, it nearly jeopardised everything. No-one blamed me though; they said that it was just a mistake. An unfortunate coincidence. Just 'one of those things'. I, on the other hand, blamed myself. I was left off easily; my friends wanted me near them, and he wanted me to be his'. I felt like I had to make a choice; I tried to force myself to make a choice: My friends or him; the person that I loved with all of my being. No-one blamed me for the mistake I made. My friends and the person I loved were innocent, clean people. The only one that was dirty was me.
I guess I should explain myself. He was in the year above me in high school. I hadn't done anything wrong, but for some unknown reason, it always attracted people's attention, and I would end up getting into fights. My short, spiky, bright orange hair always grabbed people's attention, and not in a good way. The first time I met him was when I had gotten into yet another fight. He had prevented me from getting seriously hurt and then threw several punches at the people who dared to 'put me in my place', as they claimed it. He managed to send a group of five college men running like dogs with their tails between their legs, but not before he got a couple of punches etched into his skin and a split lower lip. I was in awe.
"Come on. Let's get you checked up" he had said and offered a hand for me to take. When he spoke to me that first time, he sounded bored. As if it was something he dealt with on a regular basis. I had thought about his offer for a minute before I took his hand and with his help, I was on my feet. He then cocked me a large, feral grin. When I took a proper look at him, I realised it. His unruly blue hair that made it look like he had just rolled out of bed matched his cyan blue eyes. That was the start of it; the start of our simple relationship that meant the world to me. A week had gone by after our initial meeting and the pair of us sported tightly wrapped bandages around our wrists and plasters on our faces. I had wanted to thank him for helping me out, but for some reason, I couldn't get the right words out. I had been walking to my next class with a couple of my friends. A tall, muscular man of about 6 feet with crimson red hair that was forever tied in a manly ponytail, narrow brown eyes and thick, black tribal tattoos, Renji, and a girl. She must have only been about 5 feet, but she did make up for her height with her very vocal opinions and loud voice. Her bright violet eyes, dark short black hair and lean figure made her attractive with the boys in our class. Rukia. We had been mid-conversation when I noticed him walk with two of his friends. A boy who looked to be about my height with dark black hair and piercing green eyes, and another with equally as black hair, dark brown eyes and a height that put even Renji's tall form to shame.
"Hey, I know you. You're that kid from last week" he said and pointed to me. Both Renji and Rukia exchanged confused looks at one another.
"Yeah. I wanted to thank you for helping me out, Senpai" I said quickly and bowed. I was grateful for his help. It went quiet for all of a minute or two, like it had been a week ago. I felt his hand touch my shoulder. It was gentle and light at first, but also strong and well-defined. I didn't know why I became this...this formal. Usually, I wasn't that formal to anyone. I would either call them by their first name or by their last, but in that case, I didn't know this boy's name. I was left with very little choice when it came to him. He was a mystery. A mysterious boy who seemed to only live off of his instincts.
"Don't call me 'Senpai'" the boy snapped abruptly. My eyes widened at that point and I straightened out into my original height. I wasn't the only one that was shocked by what he had said, and I felt Renji and Rukia look dead ahead at him from where they stood slightly behind me. I looked at him for an instant and felt something begin to boil within me. "It makes me twitch. The name's Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez. See you around, kid" the boy said and left the area with his friends. I felt his hand slip off of my shoulder and come into mid-air, just above his shoulder to wave goodbye to us as he left. I was stunned. My feet remained fixed to the ground for an instant, but what I did feel next was Rukia's small hands push me forward.
"Come on, we're late. You owe me big time, Ichigo" Rukia sighed. I could tell that that confrontation gave her something to talk about, something to tease me about until I next spoke to him, until I spoke to Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez again. I looked over to Renji who smirked sadistically to me.
"What? I don't owe you anything" I retorted and added a scowl in for added effect. Rukia didn't buy it and I stopped briefly just as she manoeuvred from behind me, grabbed my wrist and pulled me down the corridor. I turned to look back at Renji who sighed once before he broke out in a grin.
"You owe me an explanation" Rukia grinned before a giggle slipped past her lips. All I knew at that point in time was that I was going to be teased chronically about it. For someone as small as Rukia, I didn't expect her to throw me into a seat the way she did. Class hadn't even started when she began to interrogate me. "Okay, spill. What the hell happened to make you call him 'Senpai'?" she asked and finger-quoted the word 'Senpai'. It was over exaggerated by anyone's standards, but that's Rukia. She'll make a scene if she can.
"Nothing happened. I was just on my way home and I bumped into him. No big deal" I replied dully and readjusted my body into the harsh seat.
"I'm not buying it. I bet the two of you had some sort of romantic encounter" she grinned cheekily and placed her hands on her hips.
"I'm telling you the truth. What else do you want me to say?" I asked and looked at her with a bored look. Truth be told, I didn't want to tell her. It was embarrassing as hell, and there was no doubt that she'd tease me about it until we graduated, and possibly even after that.
"You're lying. There's got to be more. Something along the lines of a secret relationship" Rukia smirked. I scoffed to myself at the idea. Since I had first met Rukia, if nothing else, I had learnt very quickly that she had an over-active imagination, particularly when it came to anything romantic or girlie. I think Renji had first introduced me to her. She had moved to Karakura when we were about five or six and lived a few houses down from Renji's place with her family. She had been strong and fearless, and even that part of her remained to this day. I had heard from Renji that she had a deep admiration for her older brother, Byakuya. I had only met the guy once, but my first impression of him couldn't have been any further from the truth.
"Rukia, drop it" Renji sighed heavily and slid into his seat next to me. Both Rukia and I turned to face him. "Ichigo's got his reasons for wanting to keep it a secret. I know what you're thinking; don't. You'll only wind up in trouble" he quickly added and flashed a reassuring smile to me. Rukia's face contorted into a sour look before it fizzled out and she took her seat. She remained quiet for all of five minutes, and in those five minutes, I looked over to Renji and mouthed a single word of thanks to him. I was glad when school ended that day, but I knew that it wasn't over just yet. I walked home alone; my mind was preoccupied with thoughts. Unnecessary thoughts that weren't even worth thinking about. I had been so lost in thought that I didn't even hear a pair of rushed footsteps come from behind me. The only thing that snapped me out of my thoughts was a hand on my shoulder. I turned to face the figure behind me.
"Hey, kid" the boy in front of me grinned.
"Would you stop calling me kid? It's really annoying" I asked and slipped out of his grasp. The last thing I needed was for Rukia or Renji to see me with Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez like this. I quickly turned on my heel. I felt my blood rush to my cheeks. I wasn't a believer of 'love at first sight' but this guy had the body that put even a sex god to shame. His well defined, muscular, tanned body, his bright blue hair and eyes, even his pearly white feral grin made me feel the way I did.
"I call you kid because I don't know your name" Grimmjow responded. "At least tell me your name. On second thought, let me guess your name, Ichigo" I couldn't help but turn and look at him with a scowl on my face.
"How the hell do you know my name?" I asked. The grip on the strap of my bag tightened immensely at that point, as the bag itself rested on my shoulder.
"Your girlfriend has a loud voice" Grimmjow pointed out.
"She's just a friend" I corrected him. I didn't see Rukia as 'girlfriend material'. Plus, I knew that Renji had a bit of a thing for her. I didn't want to play that card; I didn't want to steal a girl from my best friend. Renji had been one of my closest friends since we were kids and even when Rukia had moved here, he and I made a promise not to take a girl from one another. It may have just started out as a simple children's promise but that promise, to me, was something that I couldn't break, no matter what. I was all of a ten minute walk away from home, and I was tempted to turn on my heel and run.
"So, you're not with anyone then?" Grimmjow asked and walked closer to me. I backed away slowly.
"So what?" I shrugged and turned on my heel. I then felt Grimmjow's hand on my shoulder and spin my body around to face him. Unlike the grin he had offered to me several times before, he looked at me with a serious look on his face.
"Good to know" he said and walked past me. "See you tomorrow, Ichigo" he waved from behind. His actions made my body freeze over, and as I watched him walk away from me, I felt my body heat up. The blood that had rushed to my cheeks showed more and a bright tint of blush spread across the bridge of my nose and on my cheeks, not to mention that my hands felt clammy. That evening, I lay on my bed, lost in thought about what Grimmjow had said. His words and actions interested me; he was definitely mysterious, but then an unsettling thought crossed my mind. 'So, you're not with anyone then?' What did that even mean? Did he subtlely ask me out? What did he even want with me? I was nothing special, and yet he gave me the time of day? Why? What was he after? A bit of harmless fun? Was that it? Or was it genuine? It seemed, to me at least, genuine enough. I believed that. Every day for the next month or so, Grimmjow and I talked alone. It didn't matter where we were, but I found myself grow to like the boy. He had moved to Karakura when he was a kid with his mother and older sister. He preferred dark, vivid colours to light, pastel ones, and he wasn't afraid to speak his mind or aback down from a challenge now and then. I even found out that his friends, Ulquiorra and Nnoitra, were more of a handful than Grimmjow. Nnoitra, according to Grimmjow, was always getting into trouble with the police. A real hardcore delinquent. As for Ulquiorra, he may have been the 'strong and silent' type, but he was a ladies' man. Practically catnip to them. When I had heard that, I was gobsmacked. I couldn't believe it at first. It then hit me. Grimmjow was mysterious but open; he never refused to answer any of my questions about him.
"Okay, your turn. Have you always lived here? How long have you known that red-haired guy and the girl? Are you sure nothing's going on with you and that girl?" Grimmjow asked and opened a can of soda that he had bought from a vending machine before school.
"You mean Renji and Rukia? I've known both of them since we were kids. We used to hang out a lot. I made a promise to Renji when we were kids. I promised him that we would never go after a girl the other one liked" I answered and leant against a building wall. Silence broke out as Grimmjow took a swig of his canned drink. Even when he drank, he looked drop-dead gorgeous.
"So, you'd be fine if Ulquiorra slept with her?" Grimmjow asked. I blushed feverently at that.
"No. She's like a sister to me. Besides, Rukia's one violent-ass midget" I chuckled to myself. It seemed to catch Grimmjow off-guard and within a minute, I felt his hand rest gently on my chin and turn my head to face his own.
"I'll believe you there" he smirked. I blushed at the sudden contact, and even more when I felt his lips crash gently onto mine. My eyes widened hysterically and my body reacted on its own, as if it was instinctively. The kiss itself was short and sweet. Grimmjow tasted of spearmint gum and cherry-flavoured soda. I was left shocked when Grimmjow pulled away from me. "I've got to go. See you around, Ichi" he grinned once and left, waving goodbye in his signature way. The kiss left me shocked, and the nickname he had given me passed me by. Just like the gentle breeze of wind had done the following moment. When I entered my class, Rukia instantly ran up to me, pulled me towards her seat and forced me to take a seat.
"Spill, Ichigo. Something happened, didn't it? Between you and Jaegerjaquez, that is. Anything interesting?"Rukia asked. I could tell that Rukia was fighting the urge to break out into a large smile as she tried her best to remain serious.
"His name's Grimmjow, and I don't know if interesting is the right word to describe it" I replied simply and sat back into the seat. I felt my blood creep slowly to my cheeks and leave them tinted with a pale pink colour.
"What do you mean? Was there a confession? You're blushing! I bet there was. What did he say? Are you two going out? Have you done it yet? Come on, tell me" she finally gave into the urge and grinned like a Cheshire cat, and clenched her fist. I turned to face Renji, who looked at me and simply nodded once.
"There wasn't a confession, and there never will be. We're not like that" I answered. I noticed Renji's smile; it made me feel a little at ease. Rukia caught on to it.
"You two never tell me anything. I just want to know what's happening. Is that too bad? I'm your friend, right?" Rukia snapped. I had never seen Rukia this upset before, and it scared me a little. It looked like she was close to tears.
"Of course you are. I just... I just don't understand it myself. I know you want to know but I can't explain it. Grimmjow and I are just friends...I think" I softly replied and stood up from the seat. I leant in close to Rukia. "I promise that I'll tell you everything when I figure it out" I offered her a reassuring smile. I knew what had happened in that instant. After two short months, I had fallen for Grimmjow. Hard. I made the mistake of falling hard for him, but I didn't know it at the time. I had received a phone call from Renji that night. Something along the lines of how Rukia was over at his place and had cried about how I had been so secretive. It sent my stomach into turmoil, and Guilt ran through my body. I listened in guilt as Renji explained to me that she was asleep and how she would be alright once I figured out how I felt about Grimmjow. I wanted to tell him; I wanted to explain myself but I found myself tripping over my words. It resulted in Renji ending the conversation and I listened to the monotonous dialling tone as he hung up. I put the phone down on its receiver and made my way over to the sofa. It didn't take me long to collapse onto it. I barely got any sleep that night.
No matter how hard I tried to avoid Grimmjow for Rukia's sake, he wouldn't have it. It seemed like wherever I went, he was either there already or we bumped into one another on the way. I had been with Renji and a very quiet Rukia one afternoon; we hadn't been up to much but it didn't stop Grimmjow from wanting to talk to me. I took one look at Rukia and Guilt resided in my stomach. It didn't take me long at all to grab a hold of Grimmjow's wrist and pull him to one side. I quickly walked ahead; I felt sick. Disgusted at what I had done to Rukia, and I couldn't do that to her anymore. I thought briefly about what could have happened if I never met Grimmjow. Yeah, it would have made Rukia feel a lot better, but what about me? Would I feel any better if I never met Grimmjow? It would make things a lot easier for all of us. I knew that it would be hard for me, but if it made Rukia happier, then that meant more than my own happiness. I was prepared to end all communication with Grimmjow for Rukia's sake.
"What's up with you?" Grimmjow asked as I stopped short. I didn't bother to turn to face him; I didn't know if I could right there and then. My hand was still clasped tight around his wrist. The words I wanted to say to him faded instantly on the tip of my tongue. "Hey, are you alright? Ichi?" That hurt. That hurt more than what I had done to Rukia.
"Don't call me that" I snapped. My hand slipped off of his wrist and down to my side. I didn't know what to do. I knew somewhere, deep down, that I had to break it off with him. I couldn't get close to him. Not for Rukia's sake, or anyone else's.
"Why not? It's cute, just like you" Grimmjow smirked. Did he just call me 'cute'? You don't call a guy 'cute'! No-one does. It's embarrassing. I blushed madly. "Have I done anything to upset you?" Grimmjow slowly asked. I could hear his breath infiltrate and dance on my skin. My hands clenched tightly at my sides. I quickly turned around and threw a punch at him. It stopped just short of his face. I watched as he made no attempt to block me, like he expected me to hit him. It came as a shock to him when my fist stopped short of his face.
"I can't do it anymore. I'm hurting Rukia; she's my best friend and I know that what I'm doing is killing her. I can't be seen with you anymore. Not for her sake. But I want to be. I want to be near you, with you, but I know that what I'm doing is killing Rukia. I can't do it anymore. I never thought that I'd..." I watched as my once-tightly clenched fist fizzed out into a shaky, power-lacking hand. I let it slip down to my side as I felt my body shake uncontrollably. "Just by getting to know you, I never thought that I'd become like this. I hate it, but I can't stop feeling like this. I...I love you" The part came out as nothing more than a choked cry. I dropped my head in defeat. I had told him, and knowing Grimmjow, he would either laugh or deny what he heard. I felt small tears well up in my eyes, turning my usual brown eyes to a glassed over, dull colour. I felt pathetic and disgusted with myself. I had put Rukia through Hell and back, and all for Grimmjow? I couldn't forgive myself for doing that to her. I had made Renji worry over her, and it was all my fault. I couldn't move, much less feel anything but Guilt course throughout my body. I hadn't even recognised what I had just said to Grimmjow; it didn't matter anymore. He now knew the truth, and whether he wanted to accept it or not was his choice. I had been close to just turning on my heel and walking away, but what stopped me was Grimmjow's hand gently hold me back by my wrist. I couldn't face him; it was humiliating. I had put everything on the line for this guy. My friendship with Rukia and Renji meant the world to me and I had jeopardised that for this guy? What kind of a friend was I to either of them?
"Look at me" was all Grimmjow said. It was quiet and it made me blink. Had his voice always been that gentle? That quiet? That...intoxicating? I didn't reply; I couldn't. I had blurted out the truth to him, and that was all he said? Look at me? Why? So he could break me down? So he could laugh in my face at how pathetic I was? I already knew that. "Look at me" he repeated. This time, his voice reached me. I turned around slowly and felt my blood rush immediately to my cheeks. His hand on my wrist, his concerned face and voice, everything about him made me crave more. I just about looked into his eyes before I felt everything I stood for crumble around my feet. "See? Was that too hard?" Grimmjow asked and leant in close to me. It didn't take him long enough to crash his lips onto mine. Unlike the previous time, this kiss was different. It seemed to convey all of his emotions into one single kiss. I blinked in shock but I found my own body relax slightly. It was as if my body had reacted on its own accord, and I felt his grip on my wrist loosen as it slid down to my hand. I felt him take a hold of my hand and with his free hand; he pressed it to my cheek and deepened the kiss. I felt completely at a lose when his lips left mine. We didn't speak for a short while, but I did feel his fingers interlock with mine.
After that, we begun a secret relationship and I watched Rukia as she got better. She had dropped the subject altogether; I personally think that was just her way of coping with everything. I wasn't going to jinx it by saying anything about Grimmjow and me to her. Within a month, Rukia's usual cheeky smile had returned. I was happy for that. Renji, Rukia and I had hung out one evening at mine. We ordered pizza and talked like nothing had happened. The atmosphere in the room was happy and relaxed. That was until the phone rang. Without a second thought, I rushed out of the room and into the corridor to answer it.
"Hey, how's my Ichi doing?" the voice on the other side of the phone asked.
"I told you to quit calling me that" I said in a hushed voice. I couldn't help but blush. When we first got together, Grimmjow gave me his number and I had given him mine. The usual evening phone calls came, and I was happy. However, that night, I would have done easily without it. If Renji and Rukia overheard it, I would be in for it. I didn't want to break Rukia again. I didn't know if she could handle it for a second time.
"Aww, don't be like that. You know you really love it" Grimmjow cooed. I could hear him smirk over the phone. "Can I come over? I miss you" Grimmjow asked.
"Not tonight. Renji and Rukia are over. I'll drop by tomorrow" I replied. As much as I was happy to be with Grimmjow, I couldn't let Rukia and Renji know. It would destroy Rukia completely, and Renji would hate me for it.
"You seem to spend more time with them than you do with me. You better promise me that you'll drop by" Grimmjow said. His tone was harsh, but honest.
"I'll make it up to you. I'm just...scared to hurt Rukia again. She's only just started to smile like she normally does" I quietly said. The guilt soon returned; it usually did whenever I spoke to Grimmjow on the phone. The same conversation played over and over like a vinyl record on repeat.
"Okay. See you tomorrow" With that, Grimmjow hung up. I remained silent for all of a minute. I hated feeling guilty. I hated feeling so dirty, so disgusted with myself. Grimmjow was innocent and so were Renji and Rukia. I was the only one that was dirty. I slowly put the phone back on the receiver and walked back into the room to join Renji and Rukia. I listened as they talked and laughed happily; all I could do was force a smile here and there. Once Renji and Rukia were asleep, I slipped on a jacket and looked at the time. It was just after midnight. Without a second thought, I grabbed my phone and dialled Grimmjow's number.
"Ichi, it's after midnight. You're glad I..."
"I love you" I blurted out. It seemed to stop Grimmjow from saying anything else. I waited for a minute, and I heard it. His signature smirk. It was clear as day; I knew it all too well, and I loved that about him.
"You called me just to tell me that?" Grimmjow asked. I nodded. I knew that he wouldn't be able to see it though. "That means a lot. What time are you going to be over?" Grimmjow asked and yawned. I chuckled to myself.
"Renji and Rukia are leaving early, so about midday. You better not be going anywhere" I grinned.
"I wasn't even thinking about. Night, Ichi" Grimmjow smiled gently.
"Night" I smiled and hung up. I waved goodbye to Renji and Rukia later that day. At first, I had an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach, but when midday came around, it vanished. Gone with the wind. It left no visible trace. I walked over to Grimmjow's possibly all too happily and when I got there, I suddenly felt something. Against my better judgement, which was to turn on my heel and just come clean about Grimmjow and me to Renji and Rukia, I did a quick check of myself before I knocked on the door. I smiled as Grimmjow opened the door and let me in. I was surprised at how big the apartment was. We talked for a bit, but after an hour or so, Grimmjow started to get impatient. He acted like a little kid who couldn't sit still.
"Would you just stand still? It's making me nervous" I asked and looked at him. He could have easily worn down the carpet with all the pacing he did.
"I can't help it. You're here with me. Alone" he spoke. I watched as he drew closer to me. "Besides, you said it yourself. You said you would make it up to me" he smiled. His breath ghosted over my skin, and it made me shudder. I closed the distance between us and kissed him hungrily. I wanted more. I needed more. I ran my tongue over his lower lip, enticing him to part and let me 'make it up' to him. It didn't take me long to run my fingers through his blue hair; it drove me crazy. As we kissed, I felt him pull me to my feet. I allowed him to overpower me. Time seemed to pause in that moment, as the pair of us let go of all sense of rationality and inhibition. I then felt his hands on my waist, and I was left with an empty feeling as he pulled away. That soon went as soon as I realised that Grimmjow had picked me up and I felt him move from underneath me. I had tried to argue with him, but it didn't take me long to realise what was bound to happen. I hung onto the fabric of his shirt as he walked up the stairs, taking two at a time. It seemed to me that he couldn't wait to carry on from where we had left off in the bedroom.
Grimmjow pushed open the bedroom door, walked in and threw me down unceremoniously on the bed. I watched as he turned his back to me and shut the door. He then ripped off his shirt and turned to face me. No words could describe how flawless he looked in what little light his bedroom provided us with. I licked my lips subconsciously and remained on the bed as he walked over and captured my lips in a frenzy. I became so lost in how passionate the kiss that I didn't realise that Grimmjow had sipped one of his hands underneath my shirt. They felt warm against my cold skin, and I shuddered at the feel. His lips left mine agonisingly slow and attached themselves onto my nape of my neck. When his teeth grazed and sank themselves gently into the sensitive skin like a parasite, I gasped breathlessly and let a quiet moan slip pass my lips undetected as he continued to torment me oh-so sweetly. His spearmint breath danced on my skin and it flew into my ear. I moaned in delight as Grimmjow placed open-mouthed kisses down my neck and along my jawline. I hummed into the kiss as he recaptured my lips shortly afterwards. His hand roamed up and down my chest freely, but what made me shudder was when his fingers ghosted over my nipple. At that, I threw my head back into the mattress, allowing him to sink his teeth more into my outstretched neck. I couldn't help but gasp as he gently sank his teeth into me similar to how a predator sunk its teeth into its prey.
His hand from underneath my shirt moved out and slipped the fabric off of me. Without a care, the shirt flew into the air briefly and landed on the floor. Grimmjow broke away from my neck only to latch onto one of my nipples and it caused me to moan wantonly as he did and I felt my blood rush into two directions. A little amount of blood had rushed to my cheeks and dusted them in a vermillion red colour, whilst the majority of it travelled downwards. No-one ever pleased me as much as Grimmjow did, and because of him, my body reacted on its own. I felt him press into me, and I moaned softly as he did. I could feel his body thrust into mine, hoping to get a reaction out of me. It worked and I felt my hips rise up to meet his. His tongue ran over the sensitive bud and I hissed as it did. I pulled him close to me and felt both of his hands rest on my hips. It didn't take him long at all to undo my belt and slip me out of my ripped jeans. I felt his hands slip further down and I moaned as one of his hands glossed over my half-hard erection. He pulled away from me, just a little, and looked at me in the eyes; his own were glassed over with pure, raw lust and need.
"You drive me crazy, Ichi. You have no idea how long I've wanted this" Grimmjow smiled serenely. His hand started to move slowly along my erection; I moaned breathily as he did. The pace was slow to begin with.
"Somehow, I kind of get the...feeling that when we first met, it wasn't...just a coincidence" I managed to say just as the pace of his hand quickened. It didn't take Grimmjow long at all to reduce me to mewls and moans of sheer pleasure, nor did it take him long at all to fully undress both himself and me. As his hand quickened once again, I felt myself slowly start to tip over the edge. If he had kept it up for a little longer, I would have come undone, but he stopped. He looked at me once, smiled and leant in closer. I couldn't make out what he whispered to me, mainly because I felt something intrude and penetrate me. His finger. I hissed at the discomfort it gave me.
"I've had my eye on you since you first started high school" he whispered huskily to me. The next few moments made the room heat up and the whole scene became erotic. I moaned loudly as the finger moved inside of me, and I squirmed. I had hoped that by squirming around, it would help to eradicate the foreign sensation as it omitted throughout my body. In the end, I had just about become accustomed to the intrusion, but as he slipped another finger into me, past the tight ring of muscle and began to stretch me in a scissoring motion, I moaned shamelessly. I was just about to say something when a third finger pushed past the tight muscle. At that, my head buried itself into the mattress further. I tried to become accustomed to the sensation, and I was close to coming undone until he pulled out. The feeling of emptiness overpowered me quickly and in one swift movement, I felt him thrust inside of me without a moment of hesitation. "God...feels so tight" Grimmjow moaned. Neither one of us moved for a minute or two, but after Grimmjow pulled out slowly and rocked back into me equally as slowly a few times, I got adjusted to his size. The pace quickened after the first few slow thrusts in and out, and I found myself moan like a mantra. The sound of skin on skin was present and the more I tried to bury my head into the mattress, the more our hips met in a synchronized, erotic dance. I felt myself start to come to the edge, but what tipped me off was Grimmjow's skilled hand around my cock. Compared to the intensity and fierce pace that he thrust into me, his hand ghosted along the shaft in a slow, gentle pace. I had never been turned on this much before.
"ugh...Grimm, I'm gonna...nngh..." I moaned in ecstasy.
"Wait for me, Ichi" Grimmjow grunted and quickly sped up the pace. I was almost certain that he would break me at the pace he went, and as he hit my prostate dead-on every time he did, I couldn't hold back the moans that had formed at the back of my throat. He leant down and kissed me on the lips just as I came hard. It felt like I was on Cloud Nine. With two or three quick, short thrusts, Grimmjow came deep into me. Our heavy breathing was the only thing that resonated throughout the bedroom, and I felt Grimmjow pull out of me slowly. It didn't take him to collapse next to me and pull me close to him; our bodies were covered in a light sheet of sweat. I listened to Grimmjow as he panted gently beside me before he fell asleep. No matter how hard I wanted to sleep in his embrace, I couldn't. I slipped out of his loose embrace, grabbed my clothes from the floor and quickly got dressed. I checked my phone and noticed the single, missed call. It was Renji. I dialled the number.
"Hey, Ichigo. Where the hell are you? Are you alright? Did something happen?" Renji quickly asked. His voice was filled with worry.
"I'm fine, and no, nothing happened. Why? What's up?" I lied. I had to at least sound convincing, if nothing else.
"We need to talk. Can you come over? Like, as soon as?" he quickly asked. That sent my body into turmoil. Something had happened, but I wasn't sure what.
"What's happened? Is Rukia okay? What the hell's happened?" I asked. My only answer was the sound of dial tone. I pulled the phone away from my ear and looked at it oddly.
"Did something happen?" I heard Grimmjow ask me from behind. I turned to face him. By the look of it, it looked like he had just woken up. The way his hair looked defiant, and the way his eyes looked reassuring as I threw my phone into my jacket pocket.
"I have to go. Something's happened. Sorry" I quickly apologised. I watched as Grimmjow walked up to me, took one of my hands in his and kissed me on the cheek.
"I see. Love you, Ichigo" That hurt. That took time to sink in. Unlike Grimmjow's signature 'See you tomorrow' or his nickname for me, he had just come out and said it. Something about it seemed genuine, almost believable. I believed him.
"Love you too" I answered quietly, kissed him once and left. I ran over to Renji's quickly; I didn't care if I looked like a state or smelt of sex at that point. Something had happened. As soon as I got to Renji's place, the first thing that greeted me was a scared look on Renji's part. It didn't take me long to piece everything together. According to Renji, Rukia had been sat on the rooftop of the house and had slipped off of it. Nothing had broken, luckily, but she had been out of it for an hour or so. Guilt instantly overcame me. I had just had sex with Grimmjow, and in that time, Rukia had been seriously hurt. If I had been there, I could have saved her. Because of me failing to be there when she needed me the most, I felt something I hadn't felt in a long time. Fear. I watched nervously as Renji paced around the kitchen, his mouth was shut tight but his thought process was running like mad. Even I could tell that much.
There's something I need to tell you, Renji" I slowly began. I was scared. Scared to tell him what happened between Grimmjow and me, scared to tell him the truth. Scared didn't even match up to how I was feeling. I was terrified. My hands felt clammy and I couldn't stop my foot from tapping uncontrollably from underneath the kitchen table. Renji looked over to me and froze in place.
"Listen. Before Rukia got injured, she ran into Ulquiorra. I don't know what he told her, but it must have obviously triggered something in her mind, and I found her on the rooftop. I couldn't save her as she slipped off of the rooftop and fell. Because of me, she might not make it. I feel like shit. I'm the worst person to call a friend" Renji explained. The guilty feeling within me only heightened more. The fact that Renji tried his best to be there and protect Rukia, whilst I had fallen for Grimmjow and slept with him; it made my stomach churn countless times.
"You did everything you could do to protect her. I just wasn't there to help you" I said quietly. "If I was there instead of be with him, then maybe she wouldn't get hurt? Because of me, she got hurt. It's all my fault. I did it to her twice, who knows how many times I'll do it to her again? She doesn't deserve to even speak to someone like me, and yet, she calls me her friend? I love being near her but if I'm going to hurt her, then why should she have to suffer?" I asked. I looked down at the wooden kitchen table; I needed to fix things before Rukia got seriously injured, or worse, killed. It was bad enough that she was in a life and death situation as Renji and I spoke.
"What the hell are you talking about? You didn't know what happened, so don't go blaming yourself, okay? If anything, you should be pissed at me for not being able to protect her. I love her and I let her get hurt" Renji backed towards the counter and supported his rigid body with the edge of it. I blinked once and looked over at him.
"What did you just...you love her?" I asked slowly. Renji nodded.
"With all of my heart. I would do anything to take her pain away. I would take it all on and not complain about it. It's funny; love, that is. Once you think 'I like her', you've automatically lost. I bet you feel something like that with Jaegerjaquez, am I right?" At that point, I stood up. The chair scooted back as I did. I nearly lost it. I wanted to break down; I wanted to tell Renji everything that happened. All the pain I had caused Rukia to go through, just because of Grimmjow. I didn't blame him, I couldn't. The only person I could blame was me.
"Yeah. I need to tell you something, and I don't deserve any sympathy. I fell for Grimmjow and I lied about it to both you and Rukia. Right to your faces. I gave him everything, but it didn't stop me from hurting Rukia. Some friend I am" I explained slowly. I expected Renji to throw a punch at me in that instant, but he didn't. He looked quite shocked at me. "I don't expect you to forgive me, or anything, but please treat Rukia right. You can do that for me, can't you?" I asked.
"I'm not upset, if you think that's what I'll be. We all make mistakes now and then; we're human. It's all we know how to do. I can treat Rukia right, and I don't blame you for her injuries. Rukia's strong, give her that at least. She'll make it. I promise you that" Renji spoke. His voice didn't hide any emotions, and because of that, I felt like I was going to cry. "However, I will say this. What does Grimmjow mean to you?" he asked. It caught me off guard. We were friends, well, we had been. A simple relationship. Then things got complicated, and we had sex, so what relationship did we have? Was it worth everything in the end?
"I love him" I choked out; the tears burned my throat and my eyes and resembled fire. "I gave him everything" I choked out. I tried to hold back the tears, but I was close to breaking down in hysterics. I expected Renji to punch me and tell me that I was the scum of the face of the Earth, but he didn't. He offered a small smile, which only turned bigger.
"You idiot... you're a complete idiot, Ichigo. Guess that's one thing I like about the two of you" a familiar voice spoke softly. It wasn't Renji. I turned to look behind me. Stood in the kitchen doorway was Rukia. Her body was bruised and it definitely looked like she had taken a beating. Her hair had faint traces of dried blood in it from where she hit her head pretty hard, and her eyes looked almost lifeless. She struggled to support herself; I didn't want to break her more than what I had done already. Because of me, she nearly died. Twice. "I heard everything" she said softly. I watched as Renji quickly brought up a seat for her. She took it and sat in it carefully.
"I...I'm so sorry, Rukia" I quickly apologised. I felt my body sink down to the floor. I blamed myself for everything. I nearly killed Rukia twice, I kept a huge secret from Renji and I gave everything to Grimmjow; I didn't deserve forgiveness and no matter how hard I wanted the ground to swallow me up, it didn't. I had to face the truth. I knew what I needed to do. I needed to tell Grimmjow what had happened, and if we could get through it, then that meant more to me than the world. If not, well, I deserved it. I broke down in front of Renji and Rukia; I could care less about anything else. I made a mistake, and I blamed myself for it. I could only blame myself. That evening, I asked Grimmjow to come over and we talked about it.
"I didn't know...if I had known, I would have done something. You know that, don't you?" Grimmjow asked and took a seat on the sofa. My heavy body remained still; all I could do was nod as I stood in front of him. I trusted Grimmjow. I was lucky to have him. He meant the world to me, along with Renji and Rukia. "So, what do we do?" he asked.
"I don't know. No-one blames me for causing this; it would be a lot easier if you did" I said slowly and looked away. I couldn't face him. "I'm sorry for putting you through Hell and back" I apologised. I knew that it might not get me anywhere, but I had to say it. I expected Grimmjow to yell at me, or leave without saying goodbye, so I was surprised when he stood up from the sofa and pulled me close to him.
"Listen to me. I appreciate everything you did for me, and it seems like your friends do too. Quit blaming yourself, already. You didn't make a mistake, you were just unsure about what you should do. I don't blame you and no-one else does. I love you, Ichigo. That's not me saying it to lighten your spirits. That's the honest God-forsaken truth. I love you, Ichigo. I'll repeat myself over and over again, if it will get through to you" Grimmjow said sincerely. At that, I cried softly. The tears that I had held back started to pour out of my body, and I felt my hands reach up to his shirt. I felt them and my whole body shake as I cried.
"Thank...you" I cried and I held him close to me. Grimmjow was my world, my rock to fall back on. Renji and Rukia were also my rock, my foundation. For the first time in a long time, it felt like a black cloud had vanished from over my head. "I love you too" I choked out, the tears blocked my voice but the words were true. They were honest. The God-forsaken truth. I didn't need to make a choice; I didn't need to force myself to make a choice anymore. I knew that. My friends or the person I loved. I had both. It made me feel at ease, almost to the point where I felt happy. All of us had been through Hell and back because of what I had done, but it didn't matter anymore. With time, I could, slowly, start to forgive myself. Friendships had been tested, and a love so strong almost died in a heartbeat. It felt like a dark storm in the night had cleared, and all that was left behind was a small, pure ray of hope. Its name: Sunrise.