This story is just based upon something that had just popped into my head and I just had to write it...too many "just's" right? Yeah I know but that's just who I am, hope you like the story cause it took awhile before I started writing again. :3

Do I cry because I can? Or do I cry because of the pain I get everyday? Its hard to tell by the way I get treated around here, my boss treats me like crap and the employees here do the same...even my best friend can get too hard on me sometimes but...why me? Is it because I'm little? Is it because I act like a douche sometimes? Or is it just because my feelings for a certain someone are getting out of control and its annoying others around me? I don't know but all I know is I should stop writing in my diary for now, I don't want Mordecai coming in and seeing I have a girl's journal. I close the journal gently and sigh, I lock it and hide the key on the last drawer in my dresser on my right and I slide the journal underneath my trampoline, hoping noone in this house would find it, it may be a stupid place for it to stay but it'll do for now until I can find an actual hiding place. I ruffle the clothes I sleep on and under and I throw them off pathetically, not really in the mood to go to sleep. Mordecai had left with some friends to get a drink or two and he left me behind to keep an eye on Pops. Funny thing is he knew Pops wasn't gonna be here cause Pops went to Benson's place for the night and I had just noticed that until Mordecai had left about 2 hours ago. I guess he didn't want me to come with him. I thought to myself, normally Mordecai would take me everywhere...well I'd always complain to let me go with him so he'd have to but this was different, he didn't take me this time and I'm worried he's doing this to avoid me. I sigh again and decided I couldn't just mope around in my room so I got up and left, making sure the door doesn't slam on my tail on the way out. Right as I was on the third step downwards the door slams open and Mordecai came in, his blue feathers ruffled everywhere and he was a bit wet on his chin and his chest, he had a can in his left hand and his other hand was against the wall, keeping him in balance. I make a worried expression and sat on the rail and slid the rest of the way down and as I landed Mordecai said bye to his buds and they drove away but a crash could be heard a couple feet away and I look up at the blue jay worried.

"Where have you been dude?" He doesn't answer me, he just looks at me as if he's never seen me before until he makes a face of recognition and laughs. "Oh d-dude I didn't know who you were for a second...or two!" He made a couple hiccups and he stepped towards me and he crashed the can on his head and he threw it and it landed in the sink. "HAHA! GOAL!" He yells triumphantly, for some reason I was angry at him, angry that he didn't know who I was, angry that he left me here alone, angry that he didn't take his best-friend with him and telling him that he'd be alone throughout the night, and angry at to what he had just done to himself. Getting drunk off his ass and acting stupid, this was not Mordecai's normal behavior, something's going on and I'm gonna try figuring it out, even if it means just having a small pep talk with him, usually I never like to talk about these things, mostly my feelings but I know that part is some other day but for now I need Mordecai to spill before I could. "Hey Mordecai? Could you please sit down? I need to talk to you." He makes the face he always makes when he doesn't wanna talk about anything but I grabbed his hand and walked him into the living room, I blushed as I did this, never had I held his hand like this before, it was warm and soft, his feathers tickled my fur and I chuckled a bit but I ignored this feeling and sat him down on the couch next to me. I turn to his direction and Mordecai is just looking forward, watching our reflection on the TV that was off, he laughs a bit and I shake my head disappointed, I know this will be hard for me cause this isn't normally what we usually talk about, mostly its who could spit the farthest, or who won the last baseball game, or some other crap but Mordecai got drunk and I know he would never do that, especially since he didn't take me so I had to get this out of him whether he liked it or not.

"Mordecai?...why didn't you take me to the bar with you?" "I-I wasn't feeling very w-w-well." I nod and grab my tail and put it in front of me and hold it tightly. "Why?" "C-cause when I went to see the red lady, Mary, Margaret, M-Margaret...I tried asking her out and apparently s-she had another BOYFRIEND! H-how in hells name does she get them all huh! Do people pay her to g-get laid or what? HUH?" He raises his voice at me and I cringe in fear. Don't be scared Rigby, its just Mordecai who is drunk off his butt, there's nothing to be worried about...is there? I look back at Mordecai who was twiddling with the tip of my tail, I gasp since my tail is super sensitive it makes me moan and or gasp as I had just done. I pull my tail away from him and hide it behind my back and clear my throat, "But why did you have to go and lie to me and go drink your ass off dude?" "C-cause I'm sick of that bitch being oblivious to me a-all the time so I HAD IT! I h-had to lie to you dude cause I was f-feeling so depressed and I decided to bring my pain out on b-booze...I know it isn't a good thing to do but I just had to, I mean how else am I suppose to bring my pain out?...cut myself? I d-don't think so! Then I'd be dead and I wouldn't be able to hang out with my b-best-friend you know?" "Yeah...I do know." Its silent for awhile until Mordecai's eyes became watery and he started bawling, I was shocked, I've never seen Mordecai cry before so this is the first, seeing him cry made me cry and without hesitation I open my arms wide which I hope I didn't but Mordecai went ahead and hugged me and I was glad he did, we needed comfort at a time like this, I couldn't let my friend keep this up and he needed me at the time, he didn't need that bitch around, he didn't need to drink, he didn't need anything he has done, the only thing he needs right now...is me.

There, there Mordecai, I'm here. Don't cry, please, when you cry, I cry. Your sad, I'm sad. You smile, I smile. Everything you do, is something I'd be willing to tend to. I thought, I wanted to tell him that but I wasn't sure what was gonna happen so I kept quiet and rubbed his back, he rubbed mine and I could feel hot tears stream it too. We stayed hugging for quite some time and Mordecai did his last sniffle and pushed me away. "Thanks for being my friend dude...I don't know what I'd do without you." Those words were like a small noise from heaven and when you get something from heaven that is small its big and warm hearted down here, "You should go to bed dude...you need to rest up." I tell him softly, he nods and wipes the tears away with the back of his hand and I do the same and he limply walks upstairs and into our room, I follow him and as I reach the doorway I see him face down in his bed, his pillow becoming soaked. I sigh and rub his back and head into my trampoline and pull out the journal again, Mordecai doesn't move and I start writing. I knew one day that, that bitch would ruin Mordecai, I'm just glad he didn't go down the wrong road, I know its bad of me to think that Mordecai drinking is good but hey its better than him cutting himself...I remember when I used to do that when I was a child, I would only do it cause Mordecai was always oblivious to me and he'd only pay attention to Margaret. She's just someone who needs to be put away for her sins, she has hurt too many souls and she deserves to die alone, she deserves to have noone love her, she deserves to rot in fucking hell for WHAT SHE HAS DONE TO MORDECAI THAT STUPID SKA...The lead of my pencil breaks and I realize my handwriting was getting scratchy at that point and dark, I sigh knowing what I had written is true, Mordecai doesn't need her, and Margaret certainly does deserve to rot for what she has done to my poor Mordecai...I-I mean my best-friend of course. I see Mordecai staring at me and I quickly hide my journal, not even knowing I had forgotten to put the key away and he hiccups again and pats the empty space beside him on the bed. "I could really use your help to h-help me fall asleep please." He pleaded, a tear streams my cheek for no reason and I go over to him and lay next to him. My back facing him and I close my eyes, but they quickly snap open when a pair of arms are rapped around me. "I cant sleep." I hear Mordecai say, I hesitate and ask him why and he replies, "I just can't...my head hurts too much...do you mind helping me?" I gulp, from the pressure I'm receiving and also having Mordecai hold me so I start to sweat a bit and I sigh. "You know I always sang this song to help me sleep...its something I do almost every night before I go to bed...it helps...a lot really." Its quiet for awhile until I heard what I had been expecting, "Could you sing it to me?"

More pressure builds onto me and I decided to go with it and I turned around to face him and I hug him tightly, rubbing my hand on his back and his arm and I started to sing, "Now I lay me down to sleep...I pray the lord my soul to keep...if I die before I wake...I pray the lord my soul to take." It was a short song which I was thankful for but it helps me sleep and before I could start again I hear snores, I look up and see Mordecai sleeping, I giggle by accident and I cover my mouth quickly and I try retreating back into my trampoline but fail. "Mordecai." I whispered softly, he doesn't respond and I struggle more and I give up, knowing if I woke him up he'd want me to sing to him and I'm really not looking forward to that so I snuggled onto him and decided to try and fall asleep without having my hands wander where they shouldn't be. ;)

Dream

"Mordecai?...why do my feelings for you interfere with what this world is coming to? Every time I try talking about my feelings for you Benson comes and takes you away...why? Why does he only take you and not me? Or when you try talking with Margaret she breaks your heart to a million pieces yet you keep going back to her...why? Why not forget her? There are others to be found but you stay on her...she's a whore who can't go anywhere but hell...please accept my plead...I plead to you to stop trying...stop trying to bring more pain into your life, stay with a friend who cares for you and helps you on your way, stay with me and forget about the woman who caused you pain and utter despair and think of your friend...best-friend to be exact and listen to him, listen to me and stay. Your memories will be no more, they are just the past and will fade like the rest of them and new memories will begin, memories that will last, memories that will stay, memories that you won't want to forget and these memories will be the happiest they can be and all you have to do...is stay with me." "But Rigby...what if I don't want to stay? What if I want to keep trying? What if I don't want what you give? What if I don't want your help at all?" "Then you are just a fool, letting your feelings be tossed around, you need to make things right, but yet you refuse to get help...that is why I intend to help you along the way...help you throughout your days, do what I can to make you stop your crying, make you stop your trying, make you stop from dying, I care and I can't let you go and if you can't accept me to help you...your just bringing more pain to yourself." "But there is one flaw in this plan you are enduring." "And that is what my dear Mordecai?" "...if I don't accept...than I lose you...forever." Those words hurt me as they bounce onto me and stab me like a knife already aiming towards me, I hold my chest in pain as my heart disappears, he didn't want me and he's expecting me to go away but that isn't going to stop me...I'm never gonna go away.

End of dream

I wake up tossing and turning and I realize I'm losing my breath underneath the sheets and I finally throw them off and I try catching all the air I could get and I relax and look to see Mordecai is gone, I ponder and hop off the bed and crack my back, I scratch my fur and walk down the hall and down the stairs and I see Mordecai on the couch and I hop on there with him and see he's crying again. "Mordecai what's wrong?" I ask him quickly, seeing him cry twice was not a good sign, I thought it was all over and done with yesterday but I guess he's having trouble trying to get it off his mind. "I don't know...I just had a nightmare is all." "About?" He looks at me, "Since when do you care?" I've always cared Mordecai. I shrug and just look away, maybe thinking he'll tell me anyway but he doesn't, he stays quiet and sighs. "I'm thinking of going to the coffee shop." "What why!" I yelled at him by accident, I mean...why is he going back there? Doesn't he know what Margaret did to him yesterday yet he goes back to her, this is exactly what I fear and I can't let that happen. "Mordecai please don't go! If you go back over there bad things will happen!" "Calm down dude, I'm just gonna get some coffee." "No your not! Your gonna try asking Margaret out and then..." I cut myself off there, if he can't remember what happened yesterday than that just makes it worse for me cause if he wants to know it'd make me cry just telling him about it and then he'd end up crying again, I don't want that at all but I guess it was too late cause he's making a face at me, "And then what man?" Don't say anything Rigby, if you do than you'd be hurting not only him but yourself and you know that. I know but what am I suppose to do? Just ignore him and proceed to stop him from leaving. But wouldn't that just make things worse? Why would it just do what you need to do. I nod and see Mordecai already heading out the door, I run over to him and I grab his hand and I blush horribly and Mordecai makes a face at me and scoffs and pulls his hand away and hops in the cart, "I'm going and thats final!" He yelled at me, "But Mordecai please! You don't have any idea WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN!" I started yelling as the golf cart was driving away and exiting the gate. "I'm too late." I whispered softly, I didn't care if he didn't want me to come I was gonna go anyway, even if it means having to ask someone else for help to get over there.

I arrive at Muscle-Mans place and I knock on the door and High-Five Ghost opens the door with a 5 o'clock shadow. "What are you doing here?" He told me in his ghoulish voice, I rolled my eyes and started to explain to him, "I need your scooter man! I need to go to the coffee shop immediately!" "Why?" "UGH! Please just let me use it and I'll do anything in return!" "Ah, alright." He goes inside and comes back with his scooter and he throws it to me and I un-fold it and he wrights something down on some paper and hands it to me, "There's this woman downtown and I need you to give that to her, its very important and I couldn't do it myself cause Muscle-Man would be furious that I was still talking with this girl." "Who is she though?" "Lets just say she is a friend who would helps those who need it...you should try talking to her sometime you know?" I nod and I hear Muscle-Man in the background and HFG shuts the door and I guess that was my signal to leave so I did. I started riding the scooter with top speed, trying to reach the coffee shop in time. I started to lose my breath easily as I reached the video store, I needed to pass two more buildings and I would make it and by the time I did I was breathless, my left leg was numb but I ignored it and before I could open the door I peeked through the window and saw Mordecai talking with Margaret, he was stuttering like usual but this time was different. Margaret didn't walk away, she stayed there and laughed and brought out yet another boyfriend of hers, I sigh, knowing exactly that was going to happen and this time Mordecai stands up and starts screaming and Margaret gasps and makes a worried expression and her boyfriend punches Mordecai so hard he actually flew to the window I was looking at and he slides down and lands on a table below. I start crying, looking at my best-friend cringe in pain, he coughs and yells at them more and he limply walks out of the shop, now was my chance to talk to him but right as he saw me he started crying and he shook his head and drove off, I watch as he drives forward than makes a right turn and completely misses the gates to the park. "Wonder where he's going." I said to myself, I start to hop onto my scooter again until I realize the note HFG had given to me and I sigh and shrug. A deal is a deal and I have to pay my dues. I thought and I started riding until I came to the only alley in town and I fold the scooter and place it by the garbage can that was laying against the wall there and I start walking. I look side to side, seeing the graffiti on the walls and the trash and muck on the floor, I stop when I see something or someone sitting on a trash can, it was wearing a hooded jacket like the dude from the spray paint incident but yet its figure was small and thin and I dared to look at its chest to see their perked. Oh my god it's a chick!...wait isn't this the person HFG wanted me to see?...yeah I bet it is. I thought as I approached her, she hops off and pulls out a pocket knife and aims it at me and I freak out and start stepping back, "Who are and what are you doing here? Are you a messenger? Someone who needs help? Or are you just someone from the police department snooping around and trying to find people like me? Huh! What is it! HUH!" She said as she kept jamming the knife closer to me, I gulp and hold up the letter HFG gave me, "I-I'm just here to deliver this message from...from..." "FROM!" "From High-Five Ghost!" I cringe in fear as she takes the letter from me and smiles, I could see her teeth shine white, they were pointed but I dare not believe she could be a vampire so as she reads the note I start stepping more away until she grabs my arm. I couldn't really see her face much because of the hood but I guess that would be solved as she started reaching for it and not letting me go.

Just had to cut it off here! But who is this mysterious woman HFG knows and has gotten Rigby into danger? Where is Mordecai going? And why is it that while listening to Neon Hitch sing Poisoned with Love make this a good story even if it doesn't go much? *shrugs* All that will be answered in Ch.2 so for those who are reading I appreciate you guy's reviews and if you don't review its alright I understand so until next time, Endoplasmic Reticulum will haunt us all!