"Oh yeah?" Aragorn said challengingly.
"Yeah!" Boromir replied.
Legolas sensed the tension and stepped in between the two-friends-turned- recent-rivals.
"Rest easy, brothers. We shall need all our strength for the journey", he laid a long, slim, restraining hand on each of their shoulders.
"Shut up!," both of them turned to the astonished elf, "I'm not going to listen to some airy-fairy elf!"
"What?? I'm NOT airy-fairy!" Legolas cried.
"Yeah right. As if. Look at me! I'm Legolas. I'm going to go hug some trees, sing some songs, recite some poetry, pick some pretty flowers and brush my lovely, long, golden hair," while Aragorn said this rather sarcastically Boromir dropped his shield and pretended to skip along gaily, picking flowers, smelling them and sighing with pleasure.
Frodo had crept up to watch this rather interesting verbal slinging match and when Boromir had started up the charade he and Aragorn burst out laughing, rolling around on the ground, clutching their sides.
"I'm NOT like that!!!" Legolas almost wailed then rallied, "Well, at least I don't smell and I'm going to live forever AND I pick up all the girls!" his clear, green eyes flashing.
At this remark Aragorn and Frodo stopped laughing - things had become serious.
Frodo stepped forward and looked up at the elf with his large, blue eyes, "Uh, Legolas, you know that I pick up quite a lot of girls, being small and slim and just overall cute."
"But that's not fair! Just because you're small all the girls call him cute. CUTE?!?!? I'm much more prettier!", Legolas smoothed back his hair, "Its not my fault that he's got such blue eyes, they're fake anyway! He uses contacts!", at this accusation everyone fell silent.
"And he's got hairy feet", Legolas sniffed with disdain.
"Oh, that's right. You don't have hairy feet or legs cause YOU SHAVE!!" Frodo pointed a finger at his accuser, who was vertically above him.
"And you moisturise!" Boromir put in, "I"ve seen you when no-ones looking and then you sneak off and wash your hair in the stream with shampoo AND CONDITIONER - ruining the stream!" everyone gasped with shock.
Legolas turned red, "I-I-I do not!", he stuttered revealing his lie, "Well, at least my hair is all nice and long and it doesn't have split ends! What about yours and Aragorn's hair? Do you look after it at all??? All greasy and oily - it's disgusting. I'll bet you have dandruff!"
"NO!" they replied together, "Well, Arwen doesn't seem to mind it.,"Aragorn put in slyly. Legolas' face darkened at the thought of a she-elf with Aragorn, especially such a beautiful she-elf.
"Um, Legolas", Frodo stepped in to try and diffuse the situation a bit. Legolas spun around all fired up, "And YOU! You sleep in curlers! And every week you used to get a perm - just to keep your curls!"
Frodo's normally pale face turned an interesting shade of pink as he gently touched his brown locks, "Well, the girls don't seem to mind.," he finished lamely.
"Don't you talk to my master like that!" Same rushed to his master's defence.
"YOU! At least I'm not gay!" Legolas cried and pointed to Sam.
"I'm not gay!" Sam replied indignantly, "In fact", his eyes misted over, "There's a girl back at the Shire called Rosie who---"
"YOU'RE GAY!! Everyone thinks you're getting it on with Frodo! All that comforting and walking, all alone, all that following around Frodo like a love-sick puppy. You're pining after Frodo and everyone knows it!" Legolas finished satisfied.
Sam looked shocked and slightly sick.
Aragorn burst out laughing, "And you're not gay yourself Legolas? If you're not gay then you're a girl!"
"I'm NOT GAY!!! I'm just very in touch with my inner child and feminism. I'm a very modern new-age guy!"
"G-getting in on with Frodo?? Me with my master?? You think that----" Sam turned green and threw up in a bush.
"Hey!! Am I that revolting???", Frodo threw the heaving Sam a evil glance and sat - sulking.
"Maybe you and Sam could get something together, Legolas", Aragorn slapped his knee with laughter.
"I'M NOT GAY!!!" Legolas screamed, "I can act all macho when I want!"
"You smell like LAVENDAR! You shave your legs, pluck your eyebrows - yes I've seen you do that too!" Aragorn grinned as he saw Legolas' panicked look, "You even braid your hair!"
Boromir had fallen off the log he had been sitting on since he was laughing so hard - tears rolled down his cheeks.
"But it works! I get all the girls! Ok, me and Frodo," he added quickly as the hobbit advanced threatenly, "Who do have Aragorn? You can't even get a date with your own species!! You have to take a she-elf!"
"Ex~cuse~~ me~~! I'd like you to know that lots of girls like the strong, silent type!"
"Brothers, we are all friends here," a huge hand tugged gently at Aragorn's and Legolas' cloaks. They looked down at the Gimli, the dwarf. "So lets all just be at peac-"
"SHUTUP! Nobody even likes you! Do you see any fics about you here huh? No one likes short, stumpy, non-cute-looking dwarves, so go away!" Aragorn knocked the poor dwarf's hand away.
"Well, I'd like you to know Mr Leader, what a crappy job you've done in this group." Gimli snarled back, " Let's see. In your care, the town of Bree gets devastated, Frodo gets stabbed with a Morgul blade and nearly dies, no thanks to you, then we get spotted at the pass and then have to go through the mines of Moria. Before we even get into the mines, Frodo nearly gets taken but a huge squidy, tentecaly thing and then we get trapped in the mines. THEN, in the mines we get attacked to Orcs and Frodo nearly dies AGAIN!! Then we lose Gandalf. Then when we get to the forest we get captured, then ambushed by orcs and they kill Boromir!!"
"HEY~! WHAT?!?!?! Who said I WAS GOING TO DIE????" Boromir shouted getting up. "That wasn't in the contract!! I said specifically---"
"If you don't mind, I'm trying to build an argument here," Gimli pointed out, then went on. "Then you push Boromir over the waterfall and we lose Sam and Frodo!! Merry and Pippin get taken and then even Frodo gets taken and beaten, slightly" he added grudgingly. And when it comes to the end of the ring, WHAT THE HELL DO YOU HAVE TO DO WITH IT???? You're not even there to provide moral support!!!"
"Um, excuse me, could we get back onto the minor detail of, ME BEING SLAIN?????"
Merry and Pippin walk in quite unaware of the nasty turn that the bickering had taken. "Hey guys! We brought some mushrooms---"
"Did hear just what Gimli said? He said that you get taken by orcs and die a horrible death of toture, torment and pain!!!! AND I DIE!!" Boromir started panicking, "But that's not going to happen, cause I'm on my guard and I've got my horn and I've got my sword and I've got my shield and I rule Gondor, and and, OH MY GOD, I'M GOING TO DIE!!!" he sat down, put his head in his hands and started wailing.
"Um, ok. Does anyone want some mushrooms?" Merry presented them fearfully, scared that things were going to turn even nastier.
"I never said that Merry and Pippin were going to die like that" Gimli corrected Boromir hastily.
"But you didn't hestitate saying that I would!!" Boromir started wailing even louder. Aragorn, Legolas, Frodo, Sam, Merry and Pippin stared.
"Ok, what's been going on here?" Pippin asked, trying to stay calm, with his hands on his hips.
"I don't think you really want to know," Sam looked up at them and wiped his mouth. Suddenly turned green and started thowing up again.
Frodo gave him a look of pure death, "Hmpf!"
"What have you hobbits been doing, all alone in the forest, huh?" Aragorn raised an eyebrow and nudged Legolas.
"Yeah, all alone. I notice you two go off a lot and sleep close a lot too" Legolas grinned evilly as the 2 young hobbits started shuffling around nervously.
"Uh-uh-h-hhh-have a m-mushroom" Merry offered them, getting really quite scared.
"Mushrooms!" Legolas scoffed, "That's another thing Aragorn! What do you do in your spare time!! You look stoned most of the time!!!"
"What???? I don't touch drugs!!!"
"OH yeah? What the hell do you put in that pipe of yours??? I bet that's where all those athelas leaves have been disappearing to, huh? HUH! You've been smoking it and getting high!!"
"Um, guys. I really think that you should be watching the forest" Merry said as he caught a glimpse of something silver flash by.
"Yeah, I'm getting a bad feeling" Pippin faded out as he looked at the group. Frodo was sitting with his back to Sam - sulking. Sam was still throwing up in a bush, "How much food does he have in his stomach???" Pippin thought. Legolas and Aragorn were still bickering, "I'M NOT GAY!!" the words could be heard. Gimli sat there looking smug and tough, strong Boromir was sitting sobbing into his hands.
"What the f**k happened when we were gone??????" Merry asked Pippin. Pippin didn't answer. He thought that he could feel countless eyes on them. A twig snapped and no one seemed to notice but Merry grabbed his arm, "Something's stalking us."
Abruptly where there had been nothing a cluster of orcs jumped out.
"Do YOU MIND????" Aragorn raged, "We're trying to have an argument! Make an appointment next time!"
The orcs were startled for a second, but only for a second. Then one swiftly smashed something into the elf's head and Legolas fell. Then all around them orcs swarmed.
"Hey~! I just washed that today and now it's all wrecked! Do you have ANY idea how hard it is to get bloodstains out of BLOND HAIR????"
~*silence, while everyone is stunned*~
"I'M GOING TO DIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
"Oh, shutup".
"Yeah!" Boromir replied.
Legolas sensed the tension and stepped in between the two-friends-turned- recent-rivals.
"Rest easy, brothers. We shall need all our strength for the journey", he laid a long, slim, restraining hand on each of their shoulders.
"Shut up!," both of them turned to the astonished elf, "I'm not going to listen to some airy-fairy elf!"
"What?? I'm NOT airy-fairy!" Legolas cried.
"Yeah right. As if. Look at me! I'm Legolas. I'm going to go hug some trees, sing some songs, recite some poetry, pick some pretty flowers and brush my lovely, long, golden hair," while Aragorn said this rather sarcastically Boromir dropped his shield and pretended to skip along gaily, picking flowers, smelling them and sighing with pleasure.
Frodo had crept up to watch this rather interesting verbal slinging match and when Boromir had started up the charade he and Aragorn burst out laughing, rolling around on the ground, clutching their sides.
"I'm NOT like that!!!" Legolas almost wailed then rallied, "Well, at least I don't smell and I'm going to live forever AND I pick up all the girls!" his clear, green eyes flashing.
At this remark Aragorn and Frodo stopped laughing - things had become serious.
Frodo stepped forward and looked up at the elf with his large, blue eyes, "Uh, Legolas, you know that I pick up quite a lot of girls, being small and slim and just overall cute."
"But that's not fair! Just because you're small all the girls call him cute. CUTE?!?!? I'm much more prettier!", Legolas smoothed back his hair, "Its not my fault that he's got such blue eyes, they're fake anyway! He uses contacts!", at this accusation everyone fell silent.
"And he's got hairy feet", Legolas sniffed with disdain.
"Oh, that's right. You don't have hairy feet or legs cause YOU SHAVE!!" Frodo pointed a finger at his accuser, who was vertically above him.
"And you moisturise!" Boromir put in, "I"ve seen you when no-ones looking and then you sneak off and wash your hair in the stream with shampoo AND CONDITIONER - ruining the stream!" everyone gasped with shock.
Legolas turned red, "I-I-I do not!", he stuttered revealing his lie, "Well, at least my hair is all nice and long and it doesn't have split ends! What about yours and Aragorn's hair? Do you look after it at all??? All greasy and oily - it's disgusting. I'll bet you have dandruff!"
"NO!" they replied together, "Well, Arwen doesn't seem to mind it.,"Aragorn put in slyly. Legolas' face darkened at the thought of a she-elf with Aragorn, especially such a beautiful she-elf.
"Um, Legolas", Frodo stepped in to try and diffuse the situation a bit. Legolas spun around all fired up, "And YOU! You sleep in curlers! And every week you used to get a perm - just to keep your curls!"
Frodo's normally pale face turned an interesting shade of pink as he gently touched his brown locks, "Well, the girls don't seem to mind.," he finished lamely.
"Don't you talk to my master like that!" Same rushed to his master's defence.
"YOU! At least I'm not gay!" Legolas cried and pointed to Sam.
"I'm not gay!" Sam replied indignantly, "In fact", his eyes misted over, "There's a girl back at the Shire called Rosie who---"
"YOU'RE GAY!! Everyone thinks you're getting it on with Frodo! All that comforting and walking, all alone, all that following around Frodo like a love-sick puppy. You're pining after Frodo and everyone knows it!" Legolas finished satisfied.
Sam looked shocked and slightly sick.
Aragorn burst out laughing, "And you're not gay yourself Legolas? If you're not gay then you're a girl!"
"I'm NOT GAY!!! I'm just very in touch with my inner child and feminism. I'm a very modern new-age guy!"
"G-getting in on with Frodo?? Me with my master?? You think that----" Sam turned green and threw up in a bush.
"Hey!! Am I that revolting???", Frodo threw the heaving Sam a evil glance and sat - sulking.
"Maybe you and Sam could get something together, Legolas", Aragorn slapped his knee with laughter.
"I'M NOT GAY!!!" Legolas screamed, "I can act all macho when I want!"
"You smell like LAVENDAR! You shave your legs, pluck your eyebrows - yes I've seen you do that too!" Aragorn grinned as he saw Legolas' panicked look, "You even braid your hair!"
Boromir had fallen off the log he had been sitting on since he was laughing so hard - tears rolled down his cheeks.
"But it works! I get all the girls! Ok, me and Frodo," he added quickly as the hobbit advanced threatenly, "Who do have Aragorn? You can't even get a date with your own species!! You have to take a she-elf!"
"Ex~cuse~~ me~~! I'd like you to know that lots of girls like the strong, silent type!"
"Brothers, we are all friends here," a huge hand tugged gently at Aragorn's and Legolas' cloaks. They looked down at the Gimli, the dwarf. "So lets all just be at peac-"
"SHUTUP! Nobody even likes you! Do you see any fics about you here huh? No one likes short, stumpy, non-cute-looking dwarves, so go away!" Aragorn knocked the poor dwarf's hand away.
"Well, I'd like you to know Mr Leader, what a crappy job you've done in this group." Gimli snarled back, " Let's see. In your care, the town of Bree gets devastated, Frodo gets stabbed with a Morgul blade and nearly dies, no thanks to you, then we get spotted at the pass and then have to go through the mines of Moria. Before we even get into the mines, Frodo nearly gets taken but a huge squidy, tentecaly thing and then we get trapped in the mines. THEN, in the mines we get attacked to Orcs and Frodo nearly dies AGAIN!! Then we lose Gandalf. Then when we get to the forest we get captured, then ambushed by orcs and they kill Boromir!!"
"HEY~! WHAT?!?!?! Who said I WAS GOING TO DIE????" Boromir shouted getting up. "That wasn't in the contract!! I said specifically---"
"If you don't mind, I'm trying to build an argument here," Gimli pointed out, then went on. "Then you push Boromir over the waterfall and we lose Sam and Frodo!! Merry and Pippin get taken and then even Frodo gets taken and beaten, slightly" he added grudgingly. And when it comes to the end of the ring, WHAT THE HELL DO YOU HAVE TO DO WITH IT???? You're not even there to provide moral support!!!"
"Um, excuse me, could we get back onto the minor detail of, ME BEING SLAIN?????"
Merry and Pippin walk in quite unaware of the nasty turn that the bickering had taken. "Hey guys! We brought some mushrooms---"
"Did hear just what Gimli said? He said that you get taken by orcs and die a horrible death of toture, torment and pain!!!! AND I DIE!!" Boromir started panicking, "But that's not going to happen, cause I'm on my guard and I've got my horn and I've got my sword and I've got my shield and I rule Gondor, and and, OH MY GOD, I'M GOING TO DIE!!!" he sat down, put his head in his hands and started wailing.
"Um, ok. Does anyone want some mushrooms?" Merry presented them fearfully, scared that things were going to turn even nastier.
"I never said that Merry and Pippin were going to die like that" Gimli corrected Boromir hastily.
"But you didn't hestitate saying that I would!!" Boromir started wailing even louder. Aragorn, Legolas, Frodo, Sam, Merry and Pippin stared.
"Ok, what's been going on here?" Pippin asked, trying to stay calm, with his hands on his hips.
"I don't think you really want to know," Sam looked up at them and wiped his mouth. Suddenly turned green and started thowing up again.
Frodo gave him a look of pure death, "Hmpf!"
"What have you hobbits been doing, all alone in the forest, huh?" Aragorn raised an eyebrow and nudged Legolas.
"Yeah, all alone. I notice you two go off a lot and sleep close a lot too" Legolas grinned evilly as the 2 young hobbits started shuffling around nervously.
"Uh-uh-h-hhh-have a m-mushroom" Merry offered them, getting really quite scared.
"Mushrooms!" Legolas scoffed, "That's another thing Aragorn! What do you do in your spare time!! You look stoned most of the time!!!"
"What???? I don't touch drugs!!!"
"OH yeah? What the hell do you put in that pipe of yours??? I bet that's where all those athelas leaves have been disappearing to, huh? HUH! You've been smoking it and getting high!!"
"Um, guys. I really think that you should be watching the forest" Merry said as he caught a glimpse of something silver flash by.
"Yeah, I'm getting a bad feeling" Pippin faded out as he looked at the group. Frodo was sitting with his back to Sam - sulking. Sam was still throwing up in a bush, "How much food does he have in his stomach???" Pippin thought. Legolas and Aragorn were still bickering, "I'M NOT GAY!!" the words could be heard. Gimli sat there looking smug and tough, strong Boromir was sitting sobbing into his hands.
"What the f**k happened when we were gone??????" Merry asked Pippin. Pippin didn't answer. He thought that he could feel countless eyes on them. A twig snapped and no one seemed to notice but Merry grabbed his arm, "Something's stalking us."
Abruptly where there had been nothing a cluster of orcs jumped out.
"Do YOU MIND????" Aragorn raged, "We're trying to have an argument! Make an appointment next time!"
The orcs were startled for a second, but only for a second. Then one swiftly smashed something into the elf's head and Legolas fell. Then all around them orcs swarmed.
"Hey~! I just washed that today and now it's all wrecked! Do you have ANY idea how hard it is to get bloodstains out of BLOND HAIR????"
~*silence, while everyone is stunned*~
"I'M GOING TO DIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
"Oh, shutup".