I don't know what got into me to make me write this... because its so depressing! but it's here... dun kill me! *hides*
Dean is his everything. It's as plain and simple as that, no 'if' 'ands' or 'buts'. Dean is his whole universe, the anchor that holds him down, the home that he will always have when the day ends. It doesn't matter where they sleep at night, Sam will always be able to turn over and see his brother there on his other side, will always have him when he needs him most. He's been there from the beginning and now he's going to be here for the end.
Sam takes a deep breath and takes one last look to his brother, his face bloody and swollen from Sam's own fists. He wants to grab Dean and run until the world is left miles behind them both. But the hopelessness and resignation are too strong and really, he just wants to cry, wants to fall into Dean's arms so his big brother can make it all better again. But he knows that even this is way beyond Dean's control. Everything just got so fucked up, went and slipped from between their fingers like water you try and keep cupped in your hand. Now they are both standing in the greens of the Kansas cemetery, the seconds that tick by so unbelievably precious. Because it will be the last they will ever see of each other, and Sam hates that the last image he will have of Dean is his beaten up face. Hates even more that it was him that had done it; even if he was possessed by the devil it was still his hands that beat down on him. His hands that soaked up his brother's red blood.
Tears are forming in his eyes, and he wants to kiss Dean good- bye. Wants to tell him everything he wasn't able to before now, because he had harnessed a hope that maybe this wouldn't have to happen. Be it the smallest flicker of hope, he still wanted to believe his brother when he insisted that Sam wouldn't have to go into the depths of hell; because that's what he had always done. He listened to his brother's words, because if Dean said them they had to be true.
He wants to do a lot of things, things he wished he'd had the sense to do before they came to this point. But here they were, and Sam only blinked and tried to send all he felt right then to his brother with just one look. The flicker in his brother's deep green, gold speckled eyes told him that Dean understood everything he was communicating, and he sent a look back, and it had said it all and then some.
Love you, want you, don't go, come back, I forgive you don't worry, you'll always be mine.
Good bye.
And when Sam was falling into the depths of the dark gaping hole that was now below him, even though he knew Dean hadn't uttered a sound, he could hear his brother's tortured cry ring out in his mind. Could hear the sorrow and hollow pain as the sound reverberated throughout his entire body, and he let out a sob as the hole above him closed, and he continued to fall into darkness, leaving behind the one person who was his everything.
this made me cry TT-TT a lot *cries*