Remembering

Alice is getting flashbacks of her past, just split-second flashes, a color, a voice, a feeling. Will she be relieved she knows her past, or will it be enough to break her? Takes place during New Moon; after Edward left Bella, and Edward is in Brazil. Alice's POV. Canon Pairings.

Black is all I can see. Pain is all I can feel. A voice in the back-round "Turn it up to 30%!" I can hear a scream.

I come out of my vision gasping. The pain felt so real. I'm suddenly glad I went hunting alone today. I'm sitting in a ball, with my arms wrapped around my legs. I really hope that future will change, I can't tell how stable it is, and I can't see anything. I still feel like my body's burning, somehow, I know it the vision didn't come true, not yet anyway. I push the thought out of my head and start to stand up, when I feel a stab of pain. I scream out loud, and throw my hand over mouth, as I fall to the ground. My entire body is throbbing. I try to move, but I can't without making it worse. I'm shakily taking my hand off my mouth and let out a whimper. I slowly reach for my phone. I debate who to call, and am in indecision with Jasper or Carlisle when the pain stops. As quick as it had come, it has gone. What was that? I've never felt anything like that before, at least, not that I remember. I crawl to a rock a couple feet away from me, not trusting myself to stand, and lean against it. I close my eyes, and try to forget what I saw.

After a half an hour of trying to focus on the sound and smell of the forest. I open my eyes and cautiously stand up. I'm shaking a little, but I'll be fine eventually. Did I somehow feel the pain before it happens? I start walking back to the house, the last thing I need is to cause the family any more problems than we already have. I shiver. Wait… I shivered? Vampires don't get cold. It's just not possible. I'm sucked in to another vision.

"No! Not that! Anything but that!" A girl screams, sobbing. She's half-dragged, half-carried into an all-white room with little tiny holes on the wall. One of her restrainers yells back "Maybe you should have thought about this before you made up those lies, then!" The two men release their grip on her and throw her in to the room. Then the water turns on. Every hole on the walls, ceiling, and floor, water shoots out, fast and hard. The girl screams, clearly in pain from the ice-cold water. She's shivering, screaming, and crying.

I come back to reality on the couch in the living room. For second I wonder how I got there, until I glance around the room and see the entire family around the room, watching me anxiously. I jump up and run to my room, bolting the door shut- not that's going to keep anybody out- but, it will note I want to, no, need to be left alone. I need to work this out myself. I felt everything the poor girl felt. The tight grip from the two men. Her getting thrown into the room. The ice-cold water. I look at myself. Unbelievable. How am I shivering?! It shouldn't even be possible for me to be cold. I grab the comforter off my bed, and wrap it around myself and walk toward the corner for some reason. I go back to the same position I was in earlier, I don't know why, but I just felt safer. Here I am, a shivering vampire, curled in a corner, buried in a blanket. That's a new one.

I start work out the most obvious question. How did I get here? Did I come here on my own, when I was still in the vision? I've done anything like that before, so I highly doubted it. But that leaves one other option. Someone brought be here. Did some else come hunting, and came across me in a vision, maybe for a longer period of time than usual? Not likely. Did I somehow call them on my phone? Even less likely. I'm shivering like the girl was. Now that I think about my body aches all over. Was it possible I was screaming too? That's most probable. Actually, I'm almost certain. All I have left to do is confirm it. I'm ready to face them yet, if someone actually heard me do everything the girl did, including screaming and crying.

The first vision was a voice, but I can't make sense of the one sentence I heard. It also included a shock of pain…. I trailed off my thoughts. Shock. That word sounded right, somehow. Maybe it was the girl again? Was she getting shocked? Possibly. The next vision, however, I could see, which makes it much simpler. I understand what was happening there, but why? What can the girl done to deserve that? Tell a lie? There isn't a possibly a lie bad enough to deserve that.

Pain shoots through me, and I can't contain my scream, or what becomes screams, when it doesn't die down. Seconds later, Jasper is running into the room, followed by Carlisle. I try to back away, I don't want more pain, but I just press into the wall. I try to hide, feel safer, wrapped up in my blanket, bundled in a ball. They approach me, and I tense up, waiting for the pain to increase. They can do whatever they want to, as long as they didn't harm my little sister. I freeze for a second, shocked. Then I'm pulled into another vision.

The girl woke up in her room at 5:30am.

Jasper and Carlisle are trying to untangle me from my cocoon, which isn't working very well at all, as I'm thrashing against them.

The girl is getting forced out the door and into a car by her father

I don't have the blanket on me anymore, I feel too open, and I shrink back in the corner, fearing what will come next.

Arriving at a warehouse-looking place

They're trying to get me to get me out of the corner, but I'm just screaming and curling myself into a tighter ball.

Getting dragged into a cell-like room.

Two people are trying to get me to come to them. Do they think I'm crazy? Yes. That's exactly what they think. I realize as I make the connection.

I'm getting pulled into a room; two men pick me up and are lifting me onto a table.

Someone is grabbing my wrists and pulling me toward them. He is talking, but I can't focus on what.

Multiple people are holding me down to the table, others tying me to it.

I'm getting lifted myself onto a bed. I struggle to get free.

I'm in restraints, and have only two other people in the room with me. One person is working with some type of machine.

Someone with honey-blonde hair looks at me sadly while I'm still trying to get free.

Everything is quiet for a moment, until my screams fill the air. I look toward the machine. A dial is on it. It's set to 10%. This is too much, too, too much pain. The person by the machine turns it from 40% to 50%. I realize I must have passed out.

I'm lying on the bed; three or four pairs of hands are restraining me on the bed, one of them talking to me in an urgent tone.

I'm back in my cell, another 'doctor' is with me, but he's not going to hurt me like the others. I know it.

I scream in panic as I realize what I'm seeing. I fight as hard as I can, but I can't escape. I scream louder.

I have a vision. "He's coming!" I yell. The doctor turns around and looks behind him. He looks back at me.

I think of a new idea. I can use my teeth. I try to bite the hand closest to me.

The good doctor whispers "I'm sorry, Mary Alice Brandon"

I miss and a hand grabs my forehead and puts enough pressure to not let me move it. I scream, knowing I can't escape.

He bites my neck.

I scream as it feels as if my entire body is on fire. There is no word to describe this pain.

I scream as it feels as if my entire body is on fire. There is no word to describe this pain.

Anything is better than this. I want to die. Why can't I just already die?!

I focus after what is happening for a minute. 'He' is fighting the doctor. They are fighting at an inhuman speed; my eyes can't keep up. Eventually I see the doctor in a fire, no sign of his killer. I scream as the non-existent flames engulf me.

Let me die….. Let me die…..let me die!

Let me die….. Let me die…..let me die!

I scream louder than I ever had in my life.

I scream louder than I ever had in my life.

I must be a pile of ashes by now. How long have I been burning?

I must be a pile of ashes by now. How long have I been burning?

I am slowly becoming aware what's in present time. I'm not on fire anywhere by the looks of it, though.

My sense of smell and hearing is really good now…. The pain is just in my heart now. The fire is hotter, if that's even possible. I don't want to be this person when I die. The girl who 'lives' to be experimented on. I think of everything I want to forget. Which is everything except my name? The part of my name I do like. I imagine everything but the name 'Alice' in my heart, all the memories will burn into ashes with the flame.

I'm laying on something soft. A rug? A bed?

I feel my back arch and the pain is gone. Who am I? Alice. What happened? I don't know.

I scream, afraid of what I saw. What I remembered. I feel hands on me, holding me down. I want to go somewhere, anywhere. I have to make sense of what I 'saw'. Or is this a vision? Who am I? Alice- Mary Alice Brandon. What happened? Everything. The question is what's real or not. Is this real? Is this the vision? I open my eyes. I can see everything here. It the other… place? Time? I can't see half this good…there? Then? I don't know. I squirm under they're grip. They don't let me go I start to thrash, and scream. They don't even loosen their grip on me. What are they going to do to me? More shocks? Ice-water baths? Over my screams I faintly hear parts of a conversation. "…she's never had flashes like this before, not mention the amount present…" "…confused what's present and what's past…." "…she doesn't recognize us yet…" "…no, Jasper wait until she stops" Jasper. I know that name. It's an important name. Jasper, Jasper. Jasper. I'm jerked back into the past… or is present?

A picture of a man with honey-blonde hair swims before my vision. I open my eyes and whisper "Jasper" I need him. This has to be the past.

Present. This is real. That was real. This is happening right now. I'm still screaming, but unlike before, it's not from waiting for the upcoming pain. I'm just in full-blown panic. I'm being held against my will; just remembered my past. I open my eyes- when did I close them?- My struggles fade into shaking, and my screams fade into whimpers when I realize I'm surrounded by my family. They slowly take their hands off me and I sit up and wrap my arms around my legs. I tuck my head in my ball for good measure. I liked this position. I felt smaller, safer. A stab of guilt shoots through me, and I cry out. A hand starts massaging my shoulder, and I debate whether to look up or not. I do. I lift my head to look at the hand, and follow it to its owner. My mind struggles with the name, even though I recognize him immediately. I whisper "Jasper". I lean forward, seeking his comfort. He pulls me into a tight hug; I bury my face in his chest. "It's okay; I won't let anything hurt you." He says in a soothing voice. I'm in too much of a shock to do anything but whimper into his shirt. He rubs circles on my back while I just curl up in a ball on his lap.

It must be hours later when I can will my body to stop shaking. I look up at Jasper, and say my full name out loud for the first time in decades. "Mary Alice Brandon" my voice is barley even a whisper. "My name is Mary Alice Brandon" I say in a shaky voice so everyone in the house can hear- Jasper and I are the only ones in the room. Everyone freezes. There's not a sound in the house." I was born in Biloxi, Mississippi, in 1901." By now everyone's in the room with us. I shrink back into Jasper; my memories are too new to want to be surrounded by a bunch of people. I take a deep, unnecessary breath "I have a little sister, Cynthia." I press myself more into Jasper. "I could see the future when I was human, of course no-one believed me….. My father was fed up with my 'lies'. He sent me away. My mother just watched him drag me out of the house. He checked me into the state mental asylum and told the world I died." My arms tighten around myself. "Ice-baths and electroshock therapy. Daily. For years. There was only one doctor who was nice to me. He saved me when I warned him that James was going to fight him, and he was going to lose. When James entered the room he bit me. Then the fire started…." I trail off, when I think about it, it feels real. My body's on fire and I can't think. I jump, surprised, and let out a cry of pain. Jasper pulls me closer to him. Then as quick as it started, it stopped. I press myself into Jasper, wanting to feel protected. He wraps his arms around me. "I promise I'll protect you." Jasper whispers low enough so only I hear. "I love you." We say to each other at the same time..

Epilogue

I'm learning to live with my past. Looking back, I realize on how much I looked like a disaster. But I'm alright with that. I didn't have any experience with my past, and all of a sudden I'm forced to re-live it. The darkness and pain. There has been got long periods where I was screaming, UN-aware to the rest of the world, for hours at a time over the next few weeks, and a repeat of the same events, including me wondering what is in the past, present, or future. I still get flashes, sounds, visions, the feeling as if 'm being electrocuted, or chills. I have to re-learn how to work my gift, whenever I try to look into the future, I get locked in my past for hours, with only glimpses of what's currently happening, which makes it hard to know what's real. The flashbacks can be known ahead of time, minutes before, I will get a paralyzing pain, as I first did when I was hunting, which comes in handy when I'm at school. Overall, it'll get better. It always does.