Disclaimer: I don't own anything. If I did, I wouldn't be writing fanfics about it! Also, this is rated M for language and sexytimes (in the forthcoming chapter 2), don't read this if you're sensitive to that sort of thing.

Author's Notes: Well, hell's bells, I've actually written something, and it's a Bleach fanfic? I've really become obsessed with this series. It's been a while since I've written anything like this (as in about ten years o_o), so I'd greatly appreciate any reviews and gentle suggestions.

I may write a "sequel" of sorts in this same vein, but from Hinamori's point of view concerning Aizen... got a great Goethe poem to inspire me for that one. If I do, it only seems right that I finish it off by writing one with Hisagi and Tosen, right? But I can't guarantee I'll keep a hold of that spark.

Summary: Kira Izuru awakens the morning after the betrayal of Soul Society and contemplates the effects of it on his sordid, one-sided affair with Ichimaru Gin, and reminisces on their past. Gin x Kira, Aizen x Hinamori, obviously pretty angsty. Rated M for language and adult content.

The Aftermath

Chapter 1: Kira Izuru I

I awoke to the sun shining carelessly through the glass wall onto my pale face, near-cloudless skies, a breeze playfully jostling the blooming tree branches … and an empty bed, confirmation of my worst fear: the events of yesterday had not, in fact, been a horrible nightmare. Not just yesterday, but the entirety of the past few months, months during which my captain's behavior had become increasingly erratic and suspicious. Months during which I tried to rationalize these behaviors as something other than what I suspected them to be. Months during which the time we spent together each night became more like an extended farewell. They were terribly and irrevocably real.

I awoke and cursed the day itself for coming as I sobbed into my captain's pillow, cursed the sun for daring to rise as I clawed at his bed sheets, cursed the sky for being so goddamn perfect on a day like this as the pain of his utter betrayal tore at my heart. I cursed myself once more for raising my sword against poor distraught Momo. I cursed myself for the fact that I knew deep down that I was being used, but let it go on anyway. But even as my sobs wracked my body mercilessly, I could not bring myself to curse him, my captain. I could not bring myself to let go of the last dregs of hope that this all was just a big misunderstanding, that at any moment the silver-haired fox would glide into the bedroom smelling of dried persimmons, lie next to me, twist his slender fingers up in my blonde hair and assure me that it was all part of his plan and everything was going to be all right...

"Kira Izuru, right? Don't worry. We got this covered."

I stared in disbelief at the silver-haired lieutenant. He had seemingly appeared out of nowhere, and at the last moment, to cut down a vicious Hollow that was seconds from consuming me. I felt the grip of fear slowly release me, replaced by gratitude towards the grinning man. He held my gaze firmly for a moment, though I'm not sure how considering his eyes were closed, then leapt away to follow his captain into the fray.

He remembered my name... We had only been introduced once, many months ago when he and Captain Aizen had visited my class, and yet out of all of my classmates he remembered me? When did I ever tell him my name? I suddenly realized that my face was hot and more than likely flushed red, something which he had certainly noticed. This realization only served to further embarrass me.

His breath had carried a perfume of dried persimmon. Had he really been standing that close?

Just a few moments later, the outline of his lithe frame stood in stark contrast against the bright moon as he dove from the sky, sword held high, to strike a massive Hollow from behind. Blood - my own blood - dripped from my brow into my eye, momentarily blinding me. As I wiped furiously at the offending substance, a feral roar of pain startled me. When I could see again, there was no Hollow and no silhouette of the lieutenant where they had been just moments before. I squinted in the dim light of the evening, searching for him - and suddenly spotted him on the ground a few meters away from where he must have landed, surrounded by several huge Hollows. I stiffened and swallowed hard, apprehension welling up from the pit of my stomach. There was no way he was going to make it out of this unscathed…

Then, as if spoken right in my ear, but at the same time thundered aloud by some omnipresent god, a hiss of murderous glee slashed at the night.

"Shoot 'em dead, Shinso."

Ichimaru deftly flipped his zanpakuto around his wrist to an overhand grip, and drew it back behind him. As he thrust it forward, a streak of blinding light erupted from the wakizashi - no, it was the sidearm itself, lengthening into a spear - and pierced through the mask of the Hollow directly in front of him. The wielder swung the spear around in a full circle over his head, and before they even had time to react, the remaining abominations were also deprived of their heads. They didn't even have a chance to scream before dissipating into the indigo sky.

"Lieutenant Ichimaru..." I whispered in awe.

Suddenly, he craned his neck back over his broad shoulder to glance at me. My body jolted as though I'd been struck by lightning. Had he heard me? But at this distance, that was impossible...

His mouth stretched into a knowing grin. I could feel his narrow eyes boring holes into my own. I could have sworn his reiatsu reached out and tickled my skin purposefully, like a snake sending out its forked tongue to taste for prey. It wrapped sensually around my waist and wrists, reached up in tendrils along my neck to trace my jawline... A pale sweat broke out over my body and I felt my cheeks flush in embarrassment yet again.

Little did I know at that moment that I was marked, caught, and cornered by a snake who intended to swallow me whole.

Some time later, I awoke again. The sun was even brighter now, and had risen nearly to high noon. A gentle breeze was seeping in through the cracked windows, filling the room with the scent of the woods outside. How, I wondered again, could this be such a perfect day, and yet such a damned one?

I stretched and inhaled deeply, and my senses were suddenly flooded with his scent. My breath caught and I felt as though I had been stabbed through the heart. I thrust the offending bedsheet away from my face, eyeing daggers at it when it settled around my knees. To be reminded of him like this… it was too much to handle!

A tearless sob caused me to shudder, and I gave into a sudden compulsion to retrieve the sheet and pull it back to my nose apologetically. I inhaled his intoxicating scent once more, and stared at the empty space next to me on the bed. I could almost convince myself that he really was there, feel the weight of his body spread out next to me, encompassing my own frame with his long limbs, see his face and its eternal grin directed at me, catch hints of pale blue eyes flashing like light reflecting off of gentle waves... hear him chuckle, "Pretty li'l thing," as he pushed my chin up with one bony finger and caught my lips with his own. I closed my eyes and felt myself flush at the mere thought, losing myself in memory once more.

"Kira Izuru."

If I hadn't already been blushing, I would have begun to at that moment when he spoke my name. Though he stood a few feet away, I caught a fleeting aroma of persimmon and barely held in a sigh.

"Y-yes, Ichimaru-fukutaicho?" I stuttered, struggling to speak audibly and look my superior in the face as proper etiquette demanded. I had seen him around many times since the training incident a few years back, but never had the opportunity to speak to him again. I had merely admired him from afar, content with distance. Besides, it seemed I couldn't keep myself fully together in his presence. Something about him unraveled my nerves completely… and also set my blood pumping rather inappropriately. His ever-present grin widened just a little as he looked at me, assessing my level of embarrassment. I looked behind him to Captain Unohana, pleading for reassurance, and she simply nodded and smiled serenely, tilting her head toward the lieutenant. I reluctantly returned my gaze to his intimidating visage.

"Firstly, let me congratulate ya on graduating from the academy. At the top of yer class, too. And for achieving yer shikai. In light of this, while ya certainly have a talent for healing kido, Captain Unohana has recommended ya be assigned to a squad where all yer abilities may be... better utilized," Lieutenant Ichimaru intoned smoothly, yet informally as ever. "I personally extend to ya the offer of a seated position in the fifth squad, 'neath myself an' Captain Aizen. Specifically, the position of seventeenth seat is yours to fill, should ya accept."

I looked behind the intimidating man again to silently plead help from Captain Unohana. It once again proved to be a fruitless gesture, as she simply nodded authoritatively as if to say, "you will not be staying here, this is for your best interests." I swallowed a growing lump in my throat.

So many things had happened so fast over the past few weeks, since I had graduated from the academy and finally discovered the name of my zanpakuto and released him: Wabisuke, the Penitent One. I was confronted with the inescapable and daunting fact that I was the wielder of such a sword, one whose release was a taunting challenge to the enemy to "raise your head" and accept an inevitable death. Had such a being really spawned from my soul? Was this the sort of person I was? And now because of him, I was being transferred out of my comfortable internship as a healer, not to a full-time healing position but possibly to the fifth squad to work almost directly under the gaze of a man who made my cheeks redden and stomach drop past my knees just by looking in my direction? A seated officer's position, no less, with all the responsibility it entailed. What was it about that man, anyway? It was all too much at once.

His silken voice interrupted my thoughts once again, and I forced my lowered eyes back upward to face him. " A 'course, someone like yerself who graduated the academy at the top 'a his class must have other offers ta consider." I had not yet been approached by anyone else, at least not yet, but the attempt at flattery touched me all the same. "Let us know yer decision 'fore the week's out, hm?"

I gulped once again and nodded, then remembering myself, I shook my head rapidly in apology for such an informal gesture. "I - y-yes, of course, Ichimaru-fukutaicho. Tha-thank you."

"Be seein' ya, Kira Izuru." Ichimaru nodded at me again, not releasing me from his eye contact (if it could be called that) for what seemed like an eternity. He then turned to acknowledge Captain Unohana before leaving the office, gliding out silently as though he walked an inch off the ground. His grace was frightening and unnatural, but it entranced me all the same. Even as the door closed silently behind him, I was transfixed on the remnants of his reiatsu that marked his path out of the room. I could have sworn it was rising in tendrils, little snake tongues reaching out to stroke my cheeks like that time before, that same inappropriately arousing caress that pervaded my dreams. "Kira Izuru,"it called out from afar in that silken voice, so far that when I reached for it I felt only a massive void...

Unohana's voice startled me from my thoughts.

"Are you all right, Kira-kun?" she asked with genuine concern, brows raised slightly.

"Uhh..." I laughed nervously, scratching at the back of my head. "I'm fine, Captain. It's just that everything is happening so suddenly..."

"And Lieutenant Ichimaru can be very intimidating," she finished knowingly. By then I must have been beet-red from head to toe for all the blushing I was doing. If she only knew what else he could be... The revered healer stepped toward me and put a gentle hand upon my shoulder. "I believe you will rise to the occasion, Kira-kun. Just promise me you won't forget all I've taught you and become a blade-brandishing meathead, wherever you end up."

I laughed again, less nervously this time. She certainly had a way of defusing anyone's anxieties. "I promise, Unohana-taicho."

"Excellent. You're dismissed, Kira-kun."

I returned her gentle smile with a nod and exited the room, hurrying off to the dining hall to meet up with Shuuhei, Renji, and Hinamori for dinner and to tell them the news.

We ate, drank, and chatted well into the night. Matsumoto had also been there and had forced copious amounts of congratulatory sake upon me, demanding I drink until she or I passed out. Fortunately for me, she had started her drinking session well beforehand and had to be carried off by Shuuhei before the end of the party.

As I left the hall for my living quarters around half past midnight, I was riding the line between pleasantly buzzed and drunk, hanging a little towards the drunk side. Thankfully, my family's home was not far from the dining hall, so I wasn't going to be stumbling around in the dark for very long. I wouldn't have minded getting a little lost, though, it was an especially pleasant night for walking: warm with a glowing full moon, the path alight with fireflies dancing to the rhythmic chirping of crickets and cicadas, a light breeze rustling the trees ever so gently. Perhaps I would immortalize it in a haiku in the morning. I turned the corner onto the street where my residence was -

- and promptly ran into something firm and warm. I toppled backwards into the shadow of a tree, arms waving madly, and cried out in surprise. My eyes squeezed shut and my teeth clenched in anticipation of the impact. However, the cry was cut short when, instead of hitting the ground, a hand snaked under my left arm, followed by another which wrapped about my ribcage to my back, and caught me. The bearer of the strong arms brought me back up part of the way, pressing my face into their shoulder. I put my left leg back to stabilize myself, and it brushed against my rescuer's bent leg. Whoever they were, they were much taller than me. I finally breathed a sigh of relief.

Then I smelled persimmon.

The hairs on the back of my neck stood up. I blinked several times, trying to adjust my eyes to see clearly in the dark. I had definitely been drinking too much, I was probably imagining things…

I wasn't. My eyes focused on unmistakable, moonlit silver hair lying atop a valley of pale neck and shoulder. I fell limp from shock in his grasp, arms dangling behind me.

"Ya have a li'l too much tonight, hmm, Kira-kun?" His hot breath tickled my ear and I shuddered involuntarily, which caused him to chuckle. He straightened out his legs to stand at his full height, bringing me up with him. My face slid down past his shoulder as he rose and ended up against the middle of his chest. I had never noticed just how tall he really was, and his sudden closeness made it all the more shocking.

"Hey, Izuru." I froze at his usage of my first name without an honorific. Not even my friends called me that… "Ya just gonna stand here all night?"

Wholly embarrassed, I stumbled backwards out of his grasp, almost too quickly to keep my balance. "I-Ichimaru-fukutaicho, I-I'm... I'm sorry!" My tongue and voice all but refused to cooperate with my attempt to apologize, and it only made him laugh more. I stared up at him fearfully.

Suddenly he reached out and grabbed the front of my kosode with one hand, pulling me back toward him and out of the shadows cast by the tree. My mind went haywire. I was really in for it now -

"Pretty li'l thing, aren't ya, 'neath the moonlight an' all." I could practically feel the coolness of his silver tongue on my skin.

"I - wha?" What did he just call me?

"Nothin', nothin'," he replied, waving his free hand dismissively, but with mischief still written all over his face.

"That was most certainly not nothing!" my brain countered.

"Oh ho! Ya take that tone with every one of yer superiors?"

Had I said that out loud? "Oh shit," I muttered to myself.

"Tsk, tsk. Terrible potty mouth ya got there, blondie," he chided in amusement.

Again? That was audible? "I'm so sorry, fukutaicho!" I apologized, voice thick with desperation for forgiveness.

"Ah, it's no big deal. Yer right though. I lied. It wasn' really nothin' at all, was it?"

I blinked and furrowed my brow in reaction to the darkness his tone had suddenly taken on. Was that... lust? Or was the booze really addling my senses worse than I could imagine?

I had my answer hardly a moment later when he redoubled his grip on my uniform and shoved me roughly into the shadowy cover of the trees to my right. Before the back of my head could snap backwards, he braced my neck with his free hand. He leaned in close to my face, until our noses were hardly two inches apart.

"Now, this isn' how I normally do things," he chortled, trapping me under his gaze, "but yer a special case."

"L-lieut-tenant," I stuttered yet again. Impossibly pale blue irises flashed from between his slittled eyelids for just a moment, something I had never seen quite so clearly before. My breath caught in my throat at the sight.

"Izuru," he half-whispered, again with that silvery coating on his voice. "I've been watchin' ya, ya know." Suddenly I realized that as I had stabilized my posture, he'd released his grip on my clothing, and the palm of his hand now rested on my shoulder, halfway under my collar so that there was nothing but skin between us there. I could feel his reiatsu enveloping us as if we were surrounded by a wall of flame.

"W-watching m-me? What do you...?" I trailed off.

"I mean, I've been watchin' ya. Ever since the firs' day I saw ya in yer academy class. Ya stood out from them others, Izuru. That's why I'm askin' ya personally now, to join my squad. 'Cause I see potential in ya, great potential. That Wabisuke of yers - " how did he know it's name? "- now that's a sword I can see gettin' ya places. I'll train ya myself. And when I become captain of my own squad, I'll make ya my lieutenant." He smirked, practically purring with self-satisfaction. Tendrils of his reiatsu nipped at my skin.

I was suddenly aware of his other hand twisting through my hair... and that I was leaning my head back into it, and pushing forward toward the hand inside my clothing. What's more, my hands had found their way to his chest, fingers curling over his exposed collarbones. The beginnings of warm arousal were stirring through my whole body at his touch.

"What...?" I trailed off, lost in the implications of his words and the sensation of his hands. My feelings must have been painfully evident on my face, because he hummed with laughter once more.

"Ya heard me right, blondie. I'll - make - ya - my - lieu-te-nant. Actually…" His mouth drew back into a frighteningly wide grin, wrapped around the lower half of his face like a white ribbon, reaching up toward his ears. With just the slightest movement of his hand, he slipped the collar of my uniform over my shoulder and let his hand wander over my exposed skin. "Actually, if ya don't mind, Izuru, and I don't think ya do, I'd like to make ya just… mine."

"I - what?"

Instead of offering an explanation, he pulled me into a kiss. My entire body was set afire as our lips met and his reiatsu engulfed mine, completely subjugating me. His lips were impossibly soft for all the commanding force they beckoned me with, ordering me to obey their wishes and return the kiss. I grasped the collar of his uniform now, pulling myself more fully into his embrace. Far from all the nervousness I felt leading up to this moment, I now felt as though I was a parched man gulping down cool water after going weeks without it. Nothing had ever tasted quite so delicious, even through the haze of sake. So this is why I flushed red and couldn't speak whenever he was near, why I shuddered when my name fell from his lips, why I felt so peculiarly inappropriate in his presence. Had I really fallen in love with Ichimaru Gin?

His tongue darted out and pressed for entrance, which I willingly gave, allowing him to explore my mouth and massage against my own tongue. All the while, his hands traveled over my body freely, fanning the flames wherever they tread. He suddenly pulled away just a little and nipped my lower lip between his teeth, and I could not resist releasing a soft whimper of pleasure and longing in response. I felt his lips curl into a satisfied smirk against my own and he continued to nibble his way down to my neck, getting progressively more aggressive until I cried out aloud when he bit at a spot that made my knees give out just a little.

"Shh, Izuru," he muttered in my ear, stepping back slightly, "yer louder than ya think." I lowered my gaze and stared at the grass in apology in response to his look of warning.

"Oh now, don' be so easily hurt," he said, tracing my jaw line with his thumb, raising my chin up with it to look him in the face once more. "If ya get hurt that easy, I'll really have ta toughen ya up." He placed his long, spidery hands on my shoulders.

"Wh... what do you mean?" I managed to whisper fearfully.

"Oh, ya know... ya know. This and that sorta thing." I blinked, still confused, and he laughed yet again. "If ya decide to take me up on my offer, you'll find out, won'tcha?"

I nodded slowly, still not sure I understood. "Y... yes, Ichimaru-fukutaicho."

"Good, good. Now then..."

My mouth fell open slightly in surprise as he opened his eyes. I had never seen more than a flash of them opened, and my god, they were so cruelly beautiful. They were a wholly unnatural shade of electric blue that was both unnerving and hypnotically intriguing. As his gaze roved over my body, I felt that I might as well have been naked for the piercing way he took the sight of me in. It was almost embarrassing. Finally, his eyes traveled up to meet mine, and once he locked those eyes with mine I could not look away. With just that one look, my body was frozen beneath his gaze, and I could not keep myself from letting out a sigh of awe.

"Oh really," he smirked, and I tore my away in embarrassment at my lack of self-control.

"S-sorry..." I stuttered hopelessly.

"Oh, of all the things ya could be, yer sorry?" He fit my chin into the curve of his slender hand and lifted it, catching me in his icy gaze once more. "I'd wager yer not sorry at all, actually. Or have I mistaken the feelin's behind those cute li'l noises ya been makin'?"

I couldn't think of a previous time when I might have been more embarrassed. I bit my lip in bewilderment of what was happening. My mind, muddled with sake and the shock of the moment, had all but ground to a halt. How would I excuse myself from this, when all I could think of was how badly I wanted more from the tall, slender lieutenant, who had pinned me down with only a look?

"Don' look so upset, Izuru. You should be happy. I've chosen ya to be mine." He smirked once more, closing his eyes. "Though I think it goes without sayin' that ya won't tell anyone about this evenin', hm?"

I nodded affirmatively. Why would anyone believe me, anyway, if I told a story as wild as this? Not that I'd be able to tell it without turning into a ruddy, stuttering mess.

"Now get yerself to bed, pretty one. Ya got a bit of thinkin' to do. Or maybe just a li'l bit, depending on if I did well for ya or not." He released my shoulders and sidestepped me in one fluid motion, and began walking off into the night. Jilted by the coldness left by his sudden absence, I whirled around to face his back, and called out.

"I - Ichimaru-fukutaicho!" Desperation and longing were painfully evident in my voice, a fact that made my cheeks redden yet again. He stopped and turned over one shoulder to catch me in his gaze a final time.

"Hmm?" he purred expectantly.

I was suddenly at a total loss for words. "I, ah... erm... g-good night, lieutenant."

His grin became impossibly wider. "Good night, Izuru." And then he was gone, and I was left alone, already longing to be burned once again.

Of course, I had accepted his offers, and one thing had led to another... and then led to a living nightmare.

I was torn from my memories by the sudden realization that I was hungry. Guilt gripped me as well; I could no longer shirk my duties as the now acting-captain of the third squad by being any later. Still, I had already failed everyone so badly, what was one more small failure, really? I reluctantly rose and dressed, and made my way to the kitchen to find something to eat.

Shortly afterward, I walked robotically to the third squad's headquarters, and was greeted by many worried and relieved faces - where have you been all morning, we were so worried, looking for you everywhere, you have messages from Lieutenants Abarai and Hisagi and various others. I barely heard or saw any of them, in truth. It was as though there were some invisible barrier between me and the rest of the world, muting my hearing and vision.

Once in my office, I opened the transcript of Renji's message first, which had been delivered via Hell Butterfly that morning and transcribed by some assistant or another.

Kira-kun,

Firstly, Hinamori-kun's gotten worse. I spoke to Unohana-taicho today and she said that while her physical wounds are healing well, Hinamori-kun is in a "catatonic stupor." Not sure what that means, but I seen her, and its fucking god awful. She's just lying there in her bed, eyes wide open but otherwise not responsive at all. They have to give her food and water through a tube. She... she can't even get up to use the toilets on her own, Kira-kun. I can't fuckin' stand to look at her like this. I can't fuckin' stand to be sitting here right now doing nothing about it. I swear on my pride as a shinigami, when I get my hands on those three shitheads I am going to make them pay, if only for what they've done to poor Hinamori-kun.

Second. I understand why you did what you did. You were only following orders from that squinty-eyed bastard. But other people ain't being so nice, 'cause they don't know you like I do. Lots of people still think you had something to do with all this mess, cause you and him were so close. Closer than you should of been to a superior officer, some say. So until the old man clears your name I suggest you don't go nowhere alone, got that?

You know where to find me, friend.

Renji

I could barely keep myself from crying again. God, Momo was taking all of this worse than anyone could have imagined. But of course, she had held Aizen in such high regard, was very obviously head over heels for the man, and was run through for it.

Then again, I had felt the same way about Gin...

I swallowed another lump that tried to make its way up my throat.

Aizen... he was responsible for all of this. That motherfucker had used every single person he'd ever crossed paths with, including me... including Gin...

He used Gin to use you? No, don't be stupid, you know Gin better than that. Gin used you, just like always. He was always loyal to Aizen. Gin's just as evil as him, like you always feared. He's just as much at fault for all of this.

No! I wanted to protest my mind... but the sick feeling welling up in my stomach told me I couldn't. My captain, my Gin, had used me to further his own selfish ends.

"How could you," I murmured aloud. I could no longer keep the tears from spilling forth. I dropped to my knees, crumpling the letter in my hand, and an indescribable cry of raw anger and pain escaped from my lips.

You idiot! You fucking idiot, Izuru! I sobbed unabashedly, hands balled into fists, nails digging deeply into my palms. You fell for it, Izuru, you stupid idiot! You ate up every word he ever said to you and it was all a lie! A fucking lie!

Someone rapped loudly at my door. "Kira-fukutaicho? Kira-fukutaicho!" they called out nervously. I ignored them as I sank completely to the floor, torn by sobs I could no longer control. Time was slowing around me as I drowned in the mire, the thick, oily blackness that was the truth. It filled up my lungs and choked me, wrapped itself like a vise around my heart and tainted my blood. It had nearly edged everything else out, leaving me with only a crushing pain, an ache rooted so deeply inside myself that I was sure I might never find the end of it.

The door to my office opened, promptly followed by a shriek of surprise and fear. A woman's voice, muffled by the door she had just leaned backwards out of and the effects of the state I was in to call down the hallway, cried out for help. "Kira-fukutaicho's collapsed!"

"No," I heard myself protesting, "no, don't send for help. I don't..."

Not much time passed before I heard feet scuffling into the room. Two large hands hooked under my armpits and I was dragged roughly to my feet. The hands whirled me about and I found myself facing a distraught Hisagi Shuuhei. He looked as though he'd run full tilt all the way here from his squad's barracks, panting and sweating slightly. His dark brows were knitted with concern.

"Kira-kun, where have you been? I've been trying to get a hold of you all day. God, I thought you had done something stu - something reckless," he corrected quickly. That's right... Shuuhei was one of the few who knew how fragile I could get emotionally, and was the only one who had any idea of what had really been going on between Gin and I. He would have anticipated how I felt, and been afraid for my well-being when I didn't show up for work. Still, I wasn't exactly jumping for joy at him seeing me so debased. Ashamed of my tears, I looked away determinedly as more sobs shook my small frame.

"At G-Gin's home," I choked out. Hoping it was all a dream, hoping he'd be there when I woke up this morning to greet me, to make love... Another pitiful wail passed from my lips. "Sh-Shuuhei, I - I can't…!"

"Kira-kun," he spoke, gently but with a firm edge. "You gotta snap out of this right now. I know what this is doing to you better than anyone, but you are still a lieutenant and you have duties to take care of." Shuuhei swallowed hard, sadness and pity evident in the way his face was drawn back in a deep frown.

"But how can we... How can I possibly keep going? Without Gin..." I managed.

"That's all over," Hisagi growled, resentment for my lover ringing clearly in his voice. My breath caught in my throat and I whipped my head up to stare at him, suddenly cognizant of how shamefully I was acting. I felt awkwardly like a child being scolded by his father, or a lovesick teenager being reprimanded.

"You heard me," he repeated, losing some of his composure, gripping my shoulders tighter. "That's all over, he betrayed you, he betrayed everyone and left us all behind, and he's never coming back. He's gone, Kira-kun!" The tattooed man grimaced even more sorrowfully, and his hands loosened. "Aizen, Tosen, Ichimaru… they're gone."

I was completely stunned. It was as though hearing it from someone else had irrevocably etched last into existence, carved it onto the unchangeable surface of reality. Any trace of peace I had left was ripped from me. Gin was gone. Forever.

Quite suddenly my vision clouded to shades of gray, and I slipped out of consciousness.