Hi there!

I don't want to overburden the top A.N. so I'll explain how I came up with this story in the bottom A.N.

The only thing you need to know right now is the song 'To Have and to Hold' by Depeche Mode.

http:/www.[DELETE THE BRACKETS]youtube[DELETE THE BRACKETS].com/watch?v=4CEQOjCl-AA

This is Deftones' version, a more 'metalish' version but which comes with the lyrics.

http:/www.[DELETE THE BRACKETS]youtube[DELETE THE BRACKETS].com/watch?v=51xD56KMzm4

Now, I reiterate my warning: this is a dark and blurry one-shot. Not for everyone. This is totally different from the stories I've posted so far.

I need to be cleansed.
It's time to make amends,

As I look at the girl's face I know that the haze she's in is too thick to be pierced now.
Her eyes have glazed over and the alcohol in her blood makes her babble incoherently, stumble and chortle.

For all of the fun,
The damage is done.

She calls out to me from the bed where she's lying, demanding my attention since I've turned my back on her.
I quaff my drink down and close my eyes as I savor the burning sensation on my tongue, spreading deep into my stomach.
I bask in the sensation.

And I feel diseased,
I'm down on my knees,

When she moans my name for the second time I twist around, lean against the bar behind me and watch her.
She's taken off her bra and she flings it in my direction.
I glance down at it when it lands just a few inches from my feet.

And I need forgiveness,
Someone to bear witness,

She bursts out giggling, making me look up again, just to see her rolling around on the bed a few times, ruffling the sheets.
As I study her and took in her stoned features I'm not sure I find it attractive or rather pathetic.

To the goodness within,
Beneath the sin,

But soon enough she's lying naked in front of me.
She's beautiful, offering, and I'm a man.
I can't help but follow the sharp impulse of desire that tore through me and crawl on the bed beside her.

Although I may flirt,
With all kinds of dirt.

In our tangle of sweaty, pulsing limbs, I feel incredibly sensitive everywhere, everything feels hot.
The tension builds, and pleasure builds with it, until the arching thrill peaks and my body is being flooded with radiating waves of ecstasy.

To the point of disease,
Now I want release,

The lustiness slowly leaves me and a dry numbness takes over my body.
But that's only until the bitter bites of shame and guilt cut in my heart.
I turn on my side, facing the wall, waiting for her to fall asleep.

From all this decay,
Take it away.

Once her breathing has grown steady and deep, I roll out of the bed and take refuge in the bathroom.
I dampen my face and suddenly find myself fascinated by the water spiraling down the sink and escaping by the plug hole.
I sigh and stare at myself in the mirror, my eyes burning into my reflection's, wondering what's wrong with me.

And somewhere,
There's someone who cares,

But I already know what's wrong deep down.
It's been too long.
Too long since I've loved someone.
And I feel like a tainted virgin, with a lonely heart and a soiled body.

I need someone...

With a heart of gold,
To have and to hold.

How did I end up writing something like that?

Several reasons. First, I've been listening to this song over and over again during this last few days and the lyrics have been stuck in my mind since I woke up this morning. Second, I've watched the hullabaloo DVD a few days ago and when I got to the 'extras' it struck me again how libertine (to be polite lol) our guys were when they were in their twenties.

Also the song reminds me of the Matt in my story 'This Feeling Of Pure Freedom' and I wondered how he would feel after having slept with one of his girls.

And well, who knows, sometimes I think that the real Matthew Bellamy has a very contorted and introspective mind. So maybe he did felt like that one day... After all, 'cleansed' and 'sin' are two words which he used in several Muse songs.

Anyway, I hope that you like it or, at least, that you don't hate it. But feel free to tell me anything! :)