This is my submission for the QLFC Round 9. This week we are doing Shakespeare's plays, and I got Much Ado About Nothing. ACK! My prompts are also 'jealously', 'deceit', and sprinkles'. The characters in this story are as irreverent as the play itself, so yes, OOC abounds!
Thank you to Shirekat for the beta.
I do not own the world that JKR created.
The Great Hall was so quiet you could have heard a unicorn hair fall upon the floor. It was lavishly decorated for the wedding of Ron Weasley and Luna Lovegood, but at this particular moment in time, only Ron Weasley was in attendance, sitting upon a chair in the front row which should have held his family, stunned at the events that had unfolded. For you see, at the moment the minister asked 'if anyone knows of any reason', Lavender Brown piped up in her shrill voice and accused 'that cow' of cheating on Ron.
The only thing was, and Hermione had yet to figure this out, is why Lavender would choose this moment to hurt them in this way. Ron and Luna had been together for three years before he popped the question. Why didn't Lavender pull this stunt sooner?
Hermione was thinking on this fact when a smooth voice behind her said, "Hermione, you're in the way."
"Oh, stuff it, Severus. I need to talk to Ron."
"I wouldn't if I were you. He's had quite a shock."
Hermione turned to look at her friend of four years. "Severus, why would Lavender do this? Why would she accuse Luna of cheating on him?"
The pair moved away from the door and toward the Entrance Hall. "Surely you remember her behaviour during your sixth year?" asked Severus.
Hermione momentarily blushed and replied, "But she could have done this during the three years Ron and Luna had dated. And Lav-Lav is dating Seamus."
"Ah," said Severus with a hint of knowing a secret. "But it's been heard around all is not perfect at the Finnegan/Brown home."
"Well, that's still no reason for her to ruin something so lovely and so…meant to be."
"I agree. If you'd like, I can put my excellent spy skills to use and see what's going on."
"You'd do that for Ron?" she asked sceptically.
"For Ronald, no. For you, yes because you're his friend, and I won't get my coffee this weekend if you're preoccupied."
Hermione laughed. "And Merlin knows you're a grouch without your coffee." She stood on tip toe and kissed his cheek. "Thank you, Severus. Nine o'clock at Rico's on Saturday?"
"If you think this is going to let you out of buying my breakfast, you've got another thing coming!"
Hermione slapped his arm playfully. "Of course not! I've got to go see how Ron's doing. I'll Floo you tonight if I hear of anything important. You'll let me know what you find out?"
Severus returned a kiss on her cheek. "I will."
Hermione returned to the Great Hall. "Ron?" she called quietly.
Ron turned at her call. "Hermione, why? Why would Luna cheat on me?"
"We both know Lavender is lying; Luna loves you!"
"If she loves me, why did she leave?"
"Well, your mother did sort of overreact and was screaming at her. She didn't so much as leave as her father needed to get her away from your mother."
"Why would Lavender do such a thing? I mean, we only were together for such a short time. Sure we shagged a few times, but it wasn't hall of fame shagging, you know?"
"Too much information, Ron," Hermione sputtered, "and no, I don't know, remember? Severus has gone to find out what is going on."
Ron shook his head and then scrubbed his face. "Do you think I could stay at your flat tonight? I don't think I could handle mum right now."
"Of course you can, but why not at Grimmauld?"
"Ever since Ginny got married and had kids, she's turned into mini-mum."
"Gotcha. Well, come along then; shall I side along you?"
"You'd better."
The pair arrived at Hermione's flat, and soon Ron was settled into the spare room with a calming and sleeping draught. Hermione kissed his head in a sisterly fashion and said, "I need to get up early, so don't be alarmed if I'm not here when you wake up. Help yourself to something to eat, but please leave me something for lunch. I know how you eat." She smiled as she tucked the covers around his chin.
Ron chuckled weakly. "Love you, 'Mione."
"Love you too. Go to sleep." Ron was snoring before she snicked the door closed. Hermione went to her room to change into something comfortable and then to the kitchen to fix a sandwich. Since the wedding didn't happen, she hadn't had anything to eat since breakfast, having counted on the reception for her meal. She spied the pastries she had bought a few days ago and grabbed a cupcake with sprinkles on it to add to her provender. Taking the plate and a mug of tea she had prepared, she settled on her sofa and turned on the telly. Time for a little mindless relaxation, she thought.
She hadn't realised she had fallen asleep until a banging on her door woke her up. With a start, she sat up and turned off the telly, glancing at the time. Who the hell calls at eleven-thirty at night? she grumped as she shuffled to the door. She looked through the peephole and laughed when she saw a black eye staring back at her. "Why do you do that?" she asked as she opened the door.
Severus shrugged and said, "Because it makes you laugh."
"Come in and sit down, you idiot."
"What is that noise?" Severus asked, looking toward where he knew her bedroom was.
"Oh, it's Ron," she said. "He couldn't face The Burrow or Grimmauld, so he asked if he could stay here. It's the least I could do. Do you want something to eat or drink?"
"Tea would be good; I had a bite before I came over. I had an interesting conversation with Draco Malfoy this afternoon."
"Whatever for?"
"As he is Finnegan's business partner, he'd be the perfect one to answer our burning questions."
"And?" Hermione asked, folding herself into the sofa next to him, handing Severus his mug.
"As I had alluded to earlier, all is not well with Finnegan and Miss Brown. She feels he is lacking in certain areas that your Mr. Weasley," Severus cleared his throat, "excelled in."
Hermione's eyes goggled. "Don't look at me! I wouldn't have a clue about that!"
"It is none of my business if you had. Regardless, Miss Brown had been pestering Ronald while he was at his brother's shop and Ronald, with good reason, snubbed her. After that, she apparently broke it off with Seamus in the hopes that perhaps her entanglement was the reason Ron didn't want her."
"Ron didn't want her because he's in love with Luna!" Hermione exclaimed, poking Severus to emphasise her point.
"I know, woman, and stop poking me!" He grabbed her finger.
"Sorry."
"I would suspect that Miss Brown's behaviour today was simply her next step in her attempt to win Ronald back. I believe that her desperation has led her to create such a tangle of deceit that she no longer can tell right from wrong."
"I'll say."
"I would suggest that Weasley and his lady love reschedule their wedding date and tell the guests to keep silent to avoid a second run in."
"In a way, I feel sorry for Lavender."
"Why the hell do you feel sorry for her?"
"Because she is so busy chasing after what she thinks love should be she's not seeing the friendship she is losing as a result."
"How should she show it? How should one show love?" Severus asked, curiosity lacing his voice.
"Well, she should respect him enough to be a faithful friend to him for one thing, even if they aren't in a true relationship. She should take an interest in what he likes. She doesn't necessarily have to be as eager about the subject as he is, but she should at least be knowledgeable enough to understand it. She should know just how far to push him before he'll snap. Sort of like me with you."
Severus gulped at her statement and asked, "What do you mean?"
Hermione snuggled down into her corner of the couch. "Well, we like the same sort of academic subjects and have a great time researching. We meet regularly for lunch and breakfast. I know you enough to know that you do not like caramel and treacle tart. You adore Bannock cake to the point you jealously guard it from me until you've eaten it, and you are a fan of fine whiskey. You actually do wear colours other than green. I know that when your lips press together and that vein right there," she reached out and touched his temple near his right eye, "begins to pulse, you're about to blow a proverbial gasket. I know that your Death Eater scar is barely visible, but you still won't wear short sleeves, and when you were six, you swallowed a shilling, and your father had to take you to the clinic to have it removed, which they ultimately decided to let you pass." She hooked her fingers into air quotes as she said 'pass'.
Severus blushed and laughed. "We should never have drunk that bottle of elf made wine you found at Black's. You'll never let me live that down, will you?"
Hermione vehemently shook her head and laughed with Severus.
"You do know me, Hermione, as I know you."
"Okay, let's hear it!" Hermione asked, leaning forward a bit to hear his answers.
"You hum show tunes when you're happy. You unconsciously clear your throat when you want to interrupt but know you shouldn't. I've seen you eat, in one day mind, an entire bag of those Muggle sweets you buy from the States called Swedish Fish. At any point in time you've got three quills stuck in that mess of hair, you make excellent steak and kidney pies, and yes, we do work and research well together. When you were seven, you fell off your bike and broke your arm. And you never wear short sleeves because even though we managed to fade the scars from Bellatrix, you are still self conscious about them; you even rub them when anyone mentioned anything to do with the war."
"I do?" she questioned.
"Yes, you do."
Hermione sat back, deep in thought. "Severus, if you were dating a woman, would you be faithful? Respect her?"
"If the relationship were serious, yes, I would."
"What the difference? If you're in a relationship, you're in a relationship."
"Well, some would say we have a relationship, but yet we have made no commitment to each other, have we? I occasionally go on dates, as do you. And although it's been over a year, I occasionally sleep with women never intending to have a committed relationship with them. Do not tell me that you haven't either."
"With women, no."
"Don't be saucy," Severus chided. "You know what I meant."
"Okay, yes. I have slept with a few men I had no intention of seeing again. Happy?"
"Not particularly," Severus grumbled.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Hermione asked indignantly.
Severus stood. "I'd better be going."
"What? Why?" Severus said nothing and began to go to the door. "Severus, don't go. Tell me what you meant?"
He turned to look at Hermione. "I do not like you dating other men." He said flatly.
"But we aren't in a relationship."
"Aren't we? Look at it, Hermione; even though we are not snogging or shagging, we practically live in each other's pockets; I'm here or you're at my flat. We are in and out of each other's departments at the Ministry all the time. We meet regularly for Saturday breakfast; we have lunch and dinner together five out of seven nights a week. I know nearly everything there is to know about you, and you know me far better than anyone, even Albus. What am I missing here?"
Hermione was shocked. Her brain shifted into hyper gear and processed all the information he had just thrown at her and their discussion earlier. She quickly processed the last four years of their lives and it clicked.
"I love you," she blurted. "I never realised it until just now because I thought love came with bells and whistles, but it just happened. We work." A wide smile grew on her face to match the one growing on Severus. "Merlin be damned; I love you!"
"Well that's a good thing, then, because I seem to love you as well."
Hermione leapt into his arms for a hug. Severus held her close for a moment and then set her back on her feet. Before she had a chance to say anything, his lips were on hers, kissing her like no other had done before. She sighed happily and gave herself over to the moment to feel everything that was absolutely right about this.
She could tell Severus was getting rather aroused, and she had to admit, so was she. The problem was it bothered her to know that Ron was just in the other room. Pulling away, she said, "As much as I would like to take our relationship even further right now, I can't with Ron in the other room."
Severus considered a moment and asked, "Could you slip away, do you think?"
Hermione smiled remembering she had told Ron she would be up and away early in the morning, and she said as much to Severus, who growled and with a pop, Apparated them both to his bedroom, tossing her onto the bed as soon as they were oriented and ravished her within an inch of her life.
And so to the end of The Bard's tale we skip, dear reader and sum it up thusly: Ron and Luna returned to the altar a few days later and quietly married, having had a very long conversation about truths.
Lavender Brown's mother decided it was time for the young lass to see a Healer in regard to her inability to see love for love.
The other couple in our tale managed to leave the marital bed long enough marry and go to Sunday breakfast at Rico's—who was so thrilled to have had a part in this tale, he gave them, as a gift, breakfast on the house every Sunday for the next year.