Disclaimer- I, in no way at all, own the song Sorry by Buckcherry or any of the characters mentioned below that you most probably shall recognize...unless you somehow stumbled here on your neverending search for the meaning of life...
A/N- Yo! This is just an old songfic i came across while going through some junk on my computer and i said- eh, why not?- and decided to post. It's like, what? a year old?, so it might seem oddly written. I thought it was kinda choppy but i was too lazy to change it...whatevs...
Easier Thought Than Done
Balance The Moon and Stars
Kakashi slowed down when he came to the small clearing, after checking his surroundings for danger and finding everything satisfactory, he started to make camp for the night. When he had his small campsite set up, a small fire and his sleeping mat out, he settled down.
He knew he was safe and only a day's travel from Konoha but that didn't stop his ingrained shinobi instincts from making him summon his nin-dogs to keep watch while he slept. Only when the dogs were secure around the site, all settled down for a night of watching over their master, did Kakashi lay down on his mat and close his eye.
A smiling tan face with a distinct scar running from cheek to cheek immediately filled his minds eye.
'Iruka.'
Kakashi let out a sigh and let his thoughts run freely through his mind, waiting for the moment when sleep would take him in.
'The mission was completed and I can finally go home. To Iruka. My Iruka. Well, not anymore, thanks to my stupid mouth. I wouldn't blame him if he didn't want to take me back. I hope he does though. I love him. I haven't stopped thinking about him the whole entire time I have been on this mission. I have a lot to say to him. I miss him. My life is just not the same without him. I need him back with me. But I had to go and screw everything up. I've always been socially retarded. Hey, it's the truth. I was never very good at putting my feelings into words so I never knew what to say. I would always find a way to screw it up. I wanted to say one thing but I always ended up saying something hurtful and totally wrong. That last fight we had was the worst. I hate to see him cry, it makes my insides freeze up. It makes my chest tighten, my heart clench.'
Oh I had a lot to say, was thinking on my time away
I missed you and things weren't the same
'Cause everything inside it never comes out right
And when I see you cry, it makes me want to die
''I'm sorry, 'Ruka.' Why can't I just say that to his face? It's not that hard, is it? I want to tell him how sorry I am for being a bad boyfriend. I never did things right, I'm surprised he kept me for so long. Without him I just feel so empty. If I could, I would tell Iruka how sorry I am about all the stupid, heartless things I've ever said to him. And there are a lot. But I know there is no way of going back in time and erasing them, I can't just take them back. But Kami, how I wish I could. I'm so Iruka deprived I feel like I lost a part of my soul. I miss the way he kisses. I miss how soft his lips are, how pouty, just begging to be ravished. Iruka's soft laughter still rings in my mind. I can still hear him laughing, his soft voice filling every corner of my mind. His giggles and chuckles. I would often find myself going out of my way to find ways to make him laugh, anything to hear that sound. Iruka makes my world go round. He gives me a reason to live. I need to find a way to apologize.'
I'm sorry, I'm bad, I'm sorry, I'm blue
I'm sorry about all things I said to you
And I know, I can't take it back
I love how you kiss, I love all your sounds
And baby, the way you make my world go round
And I just wanted to say, I'm sorry
'I messed up. I just had to go and open my big mouth. I said things that hurt him. Why? Because I can never find a way to tell people how I feel, not even my beloved Iruka. I feel like I can't make it through the days. I find myself taking more and more missions just so that I won't have to be in the village and see his sad face. I need him in my life again. Without him, I have no real purpose to make it through another day. At first I blamed him. How could I ever blame him? He did nothing but love me. I was the one that had to go and mess things up. I feel nothing but shame for saying all those things to him, for hurting him. Why is it so hard for me to just tell him 'I love you'? I try to tell him but I always end up saying something hurtful. Something that brings him to tears. Nothing hurts me more that seeing him cry. His cheeks should never be stained by tears.'
This time I think, I'm to blame
It's harder to get through the days
You get older and blame turns to shame
'Cause everything inside it never comes out right
And when I see you cry, it makes me want to die
'Kami, I want nothing more than to be able to tell Iruka how truly sorry I am. Sorry for being bad to him, for not being good enough for somebody as good as him. I feel nothing but pain and sorrow without him by my side to be my reason to smile. I want him to know how sorry I am for saying those things. I wish I could go back and stop myself from saying them. I wish there was a way to take it all back. But I know there isn't. I miss Iruka's kisses. His tender, gentle kisses that make my chest fill with so much warmth. Make me feel like I deserve to be loved. Iruka can make me feel like I deserve his love with a simple, loving kiss. I miss Iruka's adorable sounds. I miss his humming as he cooks or walks around the village, not even noticing that he does so. I miss the way he makes happy little sounds as he eats, the more he enjoys his food, the more adorable the sounds get. I miss being able to listen to him sing. Being at home and just watch him as he sung, he always seems to be so at peace when he sings. He says it clears his mind. I want to hear all his sounds again. I need to have Iruka, my heart, back. I need to find a way to make him take me back. I need to tell him how sorry I am.'
I'm sorry, I'm bad, I'm sorry, I'm blue
I'm sorry about all things I said to you
And I know, I can't take it back
I love how you kiss, I love all your sounds
And baby, the way you make my world go round
And I just wanted to say, I'm sorry
'Every day I find myself thinking about how we got to this point. I think about how we became friends, then, slowly and with a little help here and there, we became more. I think about how I ruined it all with a few poorly chosen words, how I destroyed our happiness. I know Iruka thinks I don't know about how every night he loses sleep. I know that he lays awake at night, crying, because of what I did. Iruka cries, but he only does it when he knows that he will be by himself. He does it not to worry those around him, even when he's in pain, he thinks of others before himself. By day, he lets everyday life distract his mind; let's his students grab his whole attention, his work consume him. But by night, with nothing to distract him, it all comes back to him. I sit outside his window, unnoticed, and watch him as he cries. His body shaking with heart shattering sobs, his tears streaming down his cheeks too fast for him to wipe away no matter how hard he tries. I watch him until he becomes so exhausted from crying that he just falls asleep, curled up in a small ball under the covers, his eyes red and puffy. Sometimes he doesn't drift off to sleep and he lies awake, just staring at his wall blindly, silent tears seeping from his eyes to soak into his pillow. Then, maybe days later, exhaustion will finally catch up to him and he'll just barely make it home before he passes out on the couch. But there is still time to make things right. I can still get my Iruka back with me. 'If's it's important to you, never give up on it', or so Iruka once said. He needs me as much as I need him. I will find a way to say sorry.'
Every single day, I think about how we came all this way
The sleepless nights and the tears you cried
It's never too late to make it right
Oh yeah, sorry
'I need to tell him how sorry I am for not being good enough. To make him forgive me and take me back. Without him I feel lost. I need to tell him how sorry I am for saying so many hurtful things. I need to tell him I may not be perfect, but I'm going to try and be better. I will try to be good enough for him. Not even Sharingan Kakashi, the Great Copy-nin, can change the past and find a way to make it all better. Kami only knows how much I miss kissing Iruka. I miss the kisses when he would show me how much he loved me. The way his kisses could be sweet one moment and fervent the next. I love the way his cheeks would be flushed when he pulled away, no matter how chaste the kiss was. I would love to hear him gasp whenever I groped him, even if I usually got lectured if I ever did it in public or in front of his students. But a bump on the head or a yelling at was worth the cute blush that covered his cheeks or, even better, the hot sex that came afterwards. I miss hearing the sounds he made in bed. I miss hearing him whimper out my name while we made love. His mewling for more, begging until he drove me wild with lust and love. Hearing his sensuous moans and lascivious panting. His breathing and voice hitching, and his eyes glazing over while he stared up at me with a flushed face surrounded by his soft hair. Iruka makes my world go round because he is my world. He gave me a reason to live back then and I need him to do it now. He made me see myself as something more than a killing machine who had lost his humanity to the horrors of the battlefield. He made me human again, made me love, made me live. I need to tell him I'm sorry. I need him to take me back. To make me human again. To make me his and his alone while I make him mine and no one else's.'
I'm sorry, I'm bad, I'm sorry, I'm blue
I'm sorry about all things I said to you
And I know, I can't take it back
I love how you kiss, I love all your sounds
And baby, the way you make my world go round
And I just wanted to say, I'm sorry
'''Ruka, babe, I'm sorry. Please take me back. I know I was a stupid, selfish bastard who doesn't deserve you. You're too good for some wretch like me, but please take me back. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I was so horrible. I'm sorry I said all those hurtful things. It's just I don't know how to tell you how important you are to me. How much I love you. I'm afraid. Afraid because you mean so much to me. So much that I can't live without you. I can't. Without you, I'm slowly dying on the inside. Love, please take me back. I promise to be better. To never hurt you. Just please, please, take me back. Give me a second chance.' Now all I have to do is say this to him without screwing it up. Kami help me and make it possible for me to tell him what I really mean. That I love him more than anything in this world. Because he is my world, my reason to live.'
I'm sorry, baby
I'm sorry, baby
I'm sorry
Kakashi felt satisfied with his decision to talk to Iruka. As soon as he was safely inside of Konoha he would seek out the chuunin sensei and straighten things out. Kakashi craved his Iruka. He would not be whole until both of their broken hearts were mended and together again.
Slowly, with the image of a smiling Iruka dancing in front of his eyes, Kakashi gave into the sleep that slowly fogged his mind.
A/N- So? Did it kill all your brain cells? No? Oh, okay. Well...so, how did this make you feeeeel?
Nah, just kiddin. Feel free to leave a comment in the reviews, hearing from readers delights me to my dark, dark core (i don't gotta soul anymore) so don't be shy! Just hit the button and tell me something. Anything. Even if its totally irrelavent...i really don't care. It'll keep me entertained at least.