Written for the Prompt Party:
79. OQ's First Baby.
The Escort AU, future o/s
Not flesh of my flesh, Nor bone of my bone,
But still miraculously my own.
Never forget for a single minute,
You didn't grow under my heart - but in it
There's not a doubt in her mind that this is what she wants. And she is almost certain this is what her family wants, what Roland and Henry and Robin want.
But her hands still shake as she fixies her morning coffee, and her breathing is still heavy and shaky as her heart beats so fast she doesn't even need the caffeine.
Such a large part of her life has been spent worrying about removing a parent from a child's life. She can hardly imagine a child wanting to add someone to their lives, to give them all the rights and powers and responsibilities legal parents have.
She takes a few deep breaths and tries to chase her anxiety away.
She's so wrapped up in the fears spinning in her own mind that she doesn't hear him come. She doesn't realize he's there until he hugs her from behind, and it's a blast of warmth she didn't know she needed until just that moment.
"Good morning, beautiful." he murmurs into her hair.
"G'Morning," she manages, a lump in her throat preventing her from saying much else.
"Ready?" he asks gently.
"Mhm," she says, wincing at the sound of her voice. That wasn't too convincing, was it?
He spins her in his arms, and draws her chin up so she's looking at him. "What's wrong, love?"
Her breath hitches, and she folds into him easily, letting him hold her tight. "Nothing," she breathes.
"None of that, now," he whispers without judgment, running a hand over her hair. "No secrets between us. We share everything. It's what we agreed, yeah?"
She shakes her head. "I'm just worried about Roland," she mumbles. "I know he asked for this, but I can't help but worry that he may regret it, years into the future, and hate me for replacing Marian."
"Why would he ever? He's been calling you Mum for over a year now. He has no memories of Marian, all he knows of her is from pictures and videos. He loves her, we both do. But that doesn't change the fact that you're his mum. You're the one who wakes him in the morning, helps him with his homework, cares for him when he's sick…."
"I love him. He's my son. I'll never be able to think of him as anything else." Her voice cracks with emotion, and she would be embarrassed of how weak she sounds, if she was capable of being embarrassed in front of this man anymore. "I don't want anything to hurt our relationship."
"This is going to make it even better," Robin insists, as he soothes his hands over her back. "Now let me get started on the waffles, yeah?" She nods and focuses on her coffee, trying to capture some of that optimism Robin always has in spades.
"HAPPY ADOPTION DAY, MOMMY!" Roland says as he bounds down the stairs. He looks, well, like he's won a pet tiger. His dimples are full on display, eyes twinkling in the morning light.
"Happy adoption day to you! Are you excited?" she asks needlessly. Her soon to be eight year old boy is bouncing around the kitchen like a rubber ball.
"Yes, because soon I'll have you as my mommy for real ," he tells her.
They didn't need to make it legal for this to be true. But when Roland fell out of a tree a few months ago, some idiotic doctor refused to talk with her, saying he could only speak regarding Roland's chart with immediate family . And Roland insisted she was his mommy, but the doctor casually waved it off, explaining that stepmothers do not count the same way mothers do.
It hurt him, damn near brought him to tears the way the doctor so flippantly said it. And she really wants to hate that doctor forever, but without him, she wouldn't have gotten the card Roland made her a few weeks later, asking if she would be his mommy. It's one of the greatest gifts she's ever received. And she has some clueless ER doctor to thank for it.
"Mm, next time you break your arm I'll be able to hear all about it and tell them they can fix you however they would like," she quips.
Roland giggles as he sits at the kitchen table, pouring himself a glass of milk.
"Hey, mom," Henry says, his voice groggy with sleep.
"Hey, sweetie."
Roland nearly crashes into Henry, his energy clearly a bit much for the preteen. "Henry do you know what day it is?"
Well, of course Henry does. That's why he's up this early on his summer vacation, that's why he is going to wear wool slacks in the summer heat, and journey back to that godforsaken courthouse — this time for something good, at least.
"Today mom's adopting you," Henry says. "And you know what that means?"
Roland looks puzzled. "What?"
"It means you will officially be my brother," Henry says plainly. "No one can call us step brothers anymore. We will be real brothers."
Roland smiles proudly. "I like being your brother!"
"Me too," Henry says, "I always wanted a little brother. I used to ask for one every Christmas."
He did, it's true. Never in all her life did she imagine granting him that - another child of her own. She thought of herself too toxic and damaged to risk bringing another child into this world. She considered it a miracle that Henry had somehow gotten by relatively unscathed.
But time has passed, and she's forgiven herself her past sins, thanks in no small part to the new men in her life that have become her family. Robin has undying faith in her abilities. He trusts her completely with Roland, the love of his life. And because of that trust, adn that love, she no longer has any doubt that she's capable of loving, nurturing and providing like any other mother.
They had adoption counseling at the court's recommendation, and each counselor who told Robin how difficult it would be to remember Regina is a true parent with rights equal to his own. But he scoffed in their faces and told them that he has always felt that way.
And Robin has proven that at every opportunity he can, letting her have input on Roland's bedtime, his punishments, and his rewards. She actually feels equal as a parent, and that shocks her. She didn't birth Roland, didn't raise him from a babe, but she has some intimate, indescribable sense of belonging to him.
"Daddy, can you pass the berries?" Roland asks.
"Oh, yeah, and Dad, pass the syrup," Henry adds, as if it were the most casual thing in the world.
But it's not.
Because he's never called Robin Dad before.
Regina freezes, unsure she even heard him right. He's only just reunited with the Colters, only just started to learn more about his father without the threat of Leo's wrath hanging over them. She never anticipated that Henry would ever think of Robin as a father, not when he expressed so much interest in Daniel lately.
Robin, to his credit, recovers quickly and hands the bowl of berries and the bottle of syrup over to an oblivious Roland and a confused looking Henry.
"I…" Henry starts, "It just slipped out, I'm sorry."
"Don't be," Robin smiles. "I'd love it, you know, if you wanted to call me 'Dad'. But I know how important Daniel and his family are to you, so that's up to you. Whenever you are ready."
"Oh." Henry says, taking in a breath and pursing his lips. "Because I've been thinking. You know how Roland said maybe his momma sent Mom to him?"
Roland giggles. "Momma did. That's why Regina looks like her. And that's why she's such a good mommy."
Henry clears his throat. "Well, yeah. And you said Marian said she wanted Roland to have someone, if she were gone?"
"Yes…" Robin says carefully.
Regina is holding on to the countertop for dear life, bracing herself for what is to come.
"Uncle Will and Aunt Lila talk about dad a lot. And I told them about, uh, about Roland getting adopted. And they asked me if I wanted that too. And I said no, at first, because I never wanted them to not be my family. But they told me they would always be my family. And that Daniel would love Robin. So…"
"They told you that?" Regina whispers, her voice cracking. "They… really think that...?"
"Aunt Lila said Robin reminds her of her brother," Henry says. And this is hard for him, too. He's staring at a plate of untouched waffles, each word coming out slow and steady. "I think he would be okay with me calling you Dad," he says slowly. "And if you do want me, as a son, like Mom is doing with Roland..."
"Oh, Henry," Robin rushes to hug him. "I would love that. I don't think I could ask for a better brother for Roland, and a better son for me. But only if you are sure."
Tears pour down her cheeks, flowing free. Her bottom lip tastes of blood but she doesn't dare stop biting it, because it's the only thing keeping her from crying out loud.
"I am," Henry says. And then he wraps his arm around Robin's neck and presses into him. She hears wet, stifled sobs as he says, "I want to be your real son, too."
"Shh, Henry, it's okay. You already are," Robin soothes, at the same time Roland murmurs a sing-songy Don't be sad, Henry. "We don't need paper to prove that we are family. We know how much we love each other."
But Henry has been raised fully aware of the significance of that paper. His birth certificate tethered him to Leo for years. And now he's free of that terror, so it is almost shocking that he's so willing to let a new person have that power, to give him those rights. It's a level of trust, a level of love she didn't expect.
Life keeps surprising her in the most magical of ways.
"So... if your mom is alright with this," Robin says, looking at Regina, needlessly. They've talked about this so many times. Regina has wanted this for him, for them, but she was adamant it must be Henry's choice — that he had to ask for it. She wouldn't force a new father on him, not ever. And during Roland's entire adoption process, Henry never spoke up. She made peace with the fact he didn't want an adoption. Truly, she had.
But it seems all that has changed, and now Robin and Henry are looking at her, waiting for an answer. She can hardly move, definitely can't speak, but she manages a weak little nod.
"Then it's settled." Robin's voice is cracking, but he's holding strong for them all. "We'll start the process today, pick up all the documents necessary at the courthouse…"
"Henry's going to be my real brother again!" Roland exclaims. And that's when she finally loses it, a choked little sound of laughter mixed with a wet cry bubbles out of her mouth. She struggles to keep her composure, but she can't.
Not when Henry is telling her that Daniel would be proud of her choices, or that Henry loves Robin as a father. She never thought she'd have this, what wonderful thing did she do in a past life to deserve such good fortune?
Robin closes the distance between them and holds Regina tight, kissing her forehead as the sobs she struggles to quell finally burst free.
"Mom? Are you okay? Did I make you sad?" Henry asks, worried.
"No, Henry, you made me so very, very happy," she assures.
"You made me happy, too," Robin murmurs, "both of you."
It's silly, she supposes, to most people. You don't need a piece of paper to tell you that you are a parent. There's so much more to being a real mother or father than being listed on a birth certificate. But for Regina, a birth certificate has carried special meaning. It's been the source of misery and guilt for her for years.
And now, on this quiet sunny morning, the four of them have chosen one another, and a document that used to cause Regina so much grief will forever be the source of pride and happiness.