Dear Seth,
I know you think I've changed, and I'm avoiding you. The reason I've been so
distant is that I've been questioning my
feelings lately. This summer was tough for all of us. But especially, I've been
thinking so much about Ryan, and how much pain he must feel losing Marissa. I
mean God, it's hard enough on me. But he was in love with her. And every time I
think about him, grieving, something stirs inside me. I don't know what it is.
Sometimes I think it's just sympathy, but other times it feels like more than
that. Like, maybe it's love.
When I got your messages about Ryan, I just had to come back to. I had to do everything I could to make sure he was safe, and that he knew people cared about him. That he wasn't going through this alone.
The truth is, Seth, I still love you. I really, really still love you. I just can't lead you on when I don't know what these other feelings are. I just don't know anymore. I think I may have always subconsciously had feelings for him. It's not like I'm expecting something to happen with him given the conditions, but I can't treat you that way. You mean too much to me to do that. I need to figure myself out.
Cohen. I love you. I always will. You are so much more than I could have ever asked for in a boyfriend. It's hard to believe how far we've come in just three years. I never want to lose you. Just give me some time.
Until then,
Summer