A/N: Don't own Outsiders. Not blessed with enough talent for writing.
"Johnnycake? Johnny?"
I crack one eye open and shifted a little bit, still drifting between consciousness and unconsciousness. That slight movement set my nerves on fire, made me want to drift back into the peaceful darkness that I had just left.
Pain. So much pain. Not even my father had inflicted this much physical pain on me.
"Hey," I say weakly, not letting them know the agony I'm feeling. I scanned the room. Dally and Ponyboy were standing there, both looking at me as if I was about to break. I think I am, it sure feels like it.
Dallas keeps talking about beating the Socs, but I don't want to hear it. I'm tired of the fighting. The Socs versus the Greases conflict isn't going to go away by fighting. It just maskes it worse. Besides, look at where the fighting between us got me.
"Useless.. Fighting's no good..." I managed to say.
Speaking left me weak. So weak. I'm tired of feeling weak.
Dally is rambling on about something again. I caught the last part of what he said.
"We're all proud of you, buddy."
Happiness replaced the misery of being weak. Dally was proud of me. That's all I wanted.
The light's dimming now and it's scaring me, but the Robert Frost poem is running through my mind now. I have to tell Ponyboy, I have to.
"Ponyboy, Ponyboy..." I whisper softly. I closed my eyes. The darkness is about to take me. But not before I tell him.
Not yet.
I take a painful breath and tell him. "Stay... gold, Ponyboy... Stay gold." I know he will listen to me. He has to. He can't get hard and apathetic. It would kill the gang, because he is what holds them together now.
I draw in another breath, and I find that I can't. Breathing hurts too much now.
I'm letting go. And they know it. It hurts them to know I'm letting go, and it hurts me to know that I'm hurting them.
But I don't care anymore. I can't care anymore, because I can't stop death from claiming me now. It can't be stopped.
I exhaled one last time, and then everything seemed to drift away. Or maybe it was me that was drifting away.
I faintly hear Dallas cursing, but his voice disappears as I slip further away from life.
And then there is nothing. No pain. No sound. No emotion.
Just darkness.
Peaceful darkness.
Perfect.