Yume
By Sempiternus
Summary: One-shot. Alternate universe. Future-fic. Sasuke-centric. You don't think this is how your fate should've ended up.
Author's Note: It has a lot of rambling but the basic gist of it is what Sasuke would—maybe—be thinking before Orochimaru takes over his body. (And, yes, it is very angsty. But, hey, this is Sasuke we're talking about.) I hope that you enjoy reading.
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto and am not gaining any profit from posting this.
I scath a chéile a mhaireann na daoine.
People live in each other's shadows.
– Irish proverb
You don't think that this was how your fate should have ended up. Destiny probably has a role in it, though you never openly admitted believing in that "no control" jargon that is so often used by those who have lost everything and have to believe in something in order to survive. But you think that this fits your description just fine and that it's okay that you think destiny has chosen this path for you, and it comforts you just a little to believe that you have no control. If you had control over your own destiny, then none of this shit would've happened, would it? It makes sense, even, if you really think about it—which you don't like to do—think, that is—because it leads to other thoughts that you would much rather discard, but when have you ever not thought about your own personal circle of bullshit? But anyway, this is how it is, and destiny chose this for you, you think, eight or nine years ago, when it decided that screwing you over would be the best way to go about. And it's selfish, you reflect, that you believe you're the only person who got bullshitted by what happened, because over fifty people fucking died, and you're still here, so Fate must've wanted you for something.
That "special moment" is approaching closer and closer, and you know now how to count the days when you can't see any light by over-heightening your chakra, and sensing your "sensei" and his chakra level. You've gotten pretty good at reading him, even though you don't necessarily see that as a good thing, seeing as though you're going to be taken over by him, it seems, any time now, before you've even accomplished your goal, and you don't particularly want your body to be in sync with his. If it is, then it'll be over quicker, though, so maybe it's a good thing. You don't really want to feel his cold hands—they were always cold, no matter what season or what he was wearing, his hands stay the same fucking temperature—as they latch onto your shoulders and your soul is eaten by his snake-like anima and your body is gone, and you'll cease to exist. So, maybe, if you look at the silver lining—though that's never been your forte, or something you've particularly liked to do, especially since the Fate-Fucked-Me incident, but who're you to stop your constant thoughts that come out so jumbled that you can't latch onto even one for more than a second? Except it's about him, then you're all set for the night, dreaming of red blood oozing out of his chest onto your hands, even if they won't be yours anymore, and you won't be able to even know it's happening, because your body's not going to be yours anymore—it won't be so bad.
There's a feeling in the air tonight that you can't place but can feel just fine. It's one of anticipation and excitement and you know what's going to happen. But you don't feel like moving like he would want you to—he would want you to fight this to the death, but what the hell, it's going to happen sooner or later—after all, Fate can't be changed. Besides, when have you ever done what he wants? Fate fucked him up way before you, so you think that you owe him just a bit of understanding—but not forgiveness; no, you'll never let him have to closure of being forgiven—but you don't admit it out loud, just like you don't admit that you know Fate has decided on your destiny, which is one of a pitiful ending. It's so pitiful that you're tempted to laugh like you've always dreamed of yourself laughing as the red blood poured onto the dirt beneath your feet and you finally get the feeling of emptiness that he's always strived for. And maybe that's ironic, to want the same thing he wants, but you can't change that fact and don't think you want to—after all, in the end, you've always been the same, had the same dreams and the same destiny.
You know that he doesn't believe in all this destiny crap that's been spewing forth over from you since you got locked underneath this place of hell and trapped until it is time for another being to devour your soul. You don't know how you know this, because you haven't seen the bastard since the day that Fate decided your ultimate destiny, but you think that he's to thank for all that's happened. After all, didn't he do you the ultimate favor by saving you that day? He abided by the one person whom he knew would want to die the most after seeing what had happened and saved you. You know that deep down he didn't want to save you, but his destiny chose that you should be the one that would be his ultimate demise, even if you weren't exactly a living soul when he got his wish of emptiness. So you know he doesn't believe in Destiny or Fate, because he got to help chose yours that day, and who could believe that they control something so huge? Maybe he does know how he got to help choose your Fate, though, but he probably doesn't realise how Fate already had this planned out . . . and everything you tell yourself seems to be a lie in the end. Really, though, he has all this damned karma coming at him, and you wonder why he isn't fucking dead yet, because God knows how hard you've tried to kill him in your heart.
This is what you wonder when light pours into your little home that is temporary—just like every other home you've had—and the only place you've known since you sensed your "sensei's" chakra skyrocket one day and you got dragged out of your other temporary bed that really hadn't been given to you that long ago. You don't know why this person insists you call him "sensei" but it's better than anything else you would've come up with, and it probably could've been worse. You've never actually called him by this name, because who were you to follow all these goddamn rules he sets? That got him irked, and his bastard of a right-hand man to calm him down by fucking caressing him and his ego and you think that you did not need to see that.
You're pulled up and out from yet another home forcefully, and you barely have time to reflect on how your senses were off, and it's really dusk, not nighttime, and you curse, because, really, you should be able to know these things by now. And as you're thrown into a room with no windows that's made of concrete, with the same design in the middle of it that brings up memories you'd rather not recall, you think that Fate played you a fair hand, because this is what you've been waiting for all this time. When your soul is devoured, your body will have the ultimate power, and he will be defeated, and you'll be able to say that you got emptied first, so, see, you can beat him in something. Then you'll remember your'tousan and think that, after this happens, you won't be able to see them ever again—because your soul is being eaten—but at least you can still picture your family, so at least your memory counts for something, even if you can't quite call that a blessing, as you can also recollect the words that dear 'Tousan told you that's engraved in your heart from the day you decided that you detested dear niisan for what he was.
So, since you can remember so clearly and since this is the last time you'll be able to think ever again—Fate, you believe, also has something to do with this, so there must be a reason that your Destiny has to end up this way—and try to picture what it would've been like if Itachi hadn't tried to fuck everything up.
"Don't chase after your brother anymore, Sasuke."
And, for once, you think, seeing the last seal being formed as Orochimaru holds you with his colder-than-hell hands, you're not, because Fate has a sense of humor, and chose "the-one-that-fucked-you" to become the avenger for his little brother that had finally beaten him. Your soul is filled with emptiness before it's completely gone and you think how fucking pitiful you were to the end.
Completed 13 October 2006