"Job listings…" Slappy looked in the jobs section of a newspaper. "There's gotta be a job for me… What?!" Slappy peered at the text saying "Dummy needed for ventriloquist." Slappy shook his head. "I hate Mondays." He muttered as he turned from page to page. It's true, it is Monday, and Slappy gets all the bad luck on Monday. Like when he was defeated by Dennis in the Kramer residents, it was a Monday. Or when he was defeated by Rocky, Monday. And with Mary-Ellen, Monday. Slappy just sat in his trunk and waited until Monday passed.
Jimmy-O'-James, Slappy's ventriloquist, entered the room with a pitcher of Kool-Aid. "You know, you can't sit there forever."
"I can on a Monday!" Slappy hissed.
"So? I have a good day on a Monday."
"And mine is completely BACKWARDS!" The dummy scowled.
"Maybe a cup of juice could cheer you up." Jimmy offered.
Slappy looked at him for a short while, then he sighed. "Fine, pass me a cup." Slappy held out his hand.
Jimmy poured Slappy a cup of grape Kool-Aid and passed the cup to him.
"Thanks." He muttered uncomfortably as he picked up his newspaper.
"What'cha reading?" Jimmy asked.
"Job listings." The dummy replied.
"Any jobs open for you?"
"The only job I have to deal with is this lousy gig."
"I know how you feel. I never wanted to be a ventriloquist."
"Oh?"
"I wanted to be a dancer."
The room was silent and Slappy went back to reading his newspaper. "Right…"
"I was the best dancer in high school." Jimmy continued. "But, the football team beat me up for it."
"Must've been one heck of a beating from a football team." Slappy chuckled.
"Have you ever had a doggie pile on you before?"
Slappy looked at Jimmy amused. "No, Jimmy, do tell."
"It was terrible. Everything went black after the pressure caused me to fall unconscious."
"Really?" Slappy was amazed. "You don't say?" he grinned because he likes to hear stories involving pain and injury.
"And what's worse is that they hung me on my underwear."
Slappy roared with laughter.
"C'mon, that's not funny."
"You're right!" Slappy couldn't stop laughing. "It's hilarious!"
"Slappy, those laughs hurt my feelings." Jimmy pouted.
"And you not joining me in laughter hurts mine." The dummy growled.
Jimmy chucked a crumpled ball of paper at Slappy.
"Hey!" Slappy glared at Jimmy. "What's that for?"
"For laughing at my horrible childhood."
"Were your parents abusive?"
"No…"
"So, your childhood couldn't be that horrible."
"Hmmm" Jimmy thought for a while.
"Now, if you excuse me, I have to read the rest of my paper."