"I can't believe my Daddy is saying he's too busy to pick me up from cheer practice tomorrow…" Jackie moaned for what must've been the tenth time that hour, her annoyingly shrill and whiny voice piercing through Hyde's brain like one of those scarily sharp, shiny hairpins she wears. She was really starting to grate on his nerves.
Actually, starting was an understatement.
Hyde didn't think Jackie had ever not got on his nerves.
"Would you just shut up about that already?" Donna thankfully came to his rescue. God bless Donna, man.
"No, Donna! You don't understand! This is a crisis! What am I meant to do?" Jackie's voice appeared to have gone up an octave. Hyde felt like someone was drilling through his skull with a pink, glitter drill.
"You could walk? Like everyone else does?" Donna suggested.
Jackie gave her a withering stare. "Don't be as stupid as you look in that headscarf, Donna. I don't walk. I'm better than everyone else. Walking is for poor, unpopular people who don't wear expensive shoes."
"Just get your mum to give you a lift?" Fez chipped in.
"Fez. Come on. It's 5 in the afternoon, Mum won't be sober… er... available." Jackie stumbled over her words, flushing somewhat, before attempting to continue like nothing had happened. "And besides, Daddy drives the Lincoln." She finished, flicking her hair over her shoulder.
"Well, Eric could take you?" Donna offered, either because she felt bad about her mum or because she wanted this to all be over, Hyde couldn't quite tell.
"Er, no I can't, Donna… We've got that thing remember?" Eric prompted, with a meaningful look.
Donna promptly blushed. "Oh yeh, sorry, Eric. Yeh, we've got a thing, Jackie."
Ew, gross. Hyde didn't even want to think what that thing could be.
"Well, I'm not taking her." Kelso stated.
"But Kelso…" Jackie fluttered her stupidly long lashes at him.
Ah, Hyde realised, this was what all that complaining had actually been about. She wants time alone with Kelso, in his van. The poor girl. He's far too naïve to ever get that message. He should've known that there would be an ulterior motive. Jackie always had an ulterior motive. It may be the only thing he liked… tolerated… about her.
"No, Jackie. We're not together anymore which means I don't have to be your taxi service."
"Fine." Jackie huffed, breathing loudly and crossing her arms across her chest.
Hyde couldn't help but notice how that gesture pushed her boobs up, now more prominent against her sweater than they were before.
Oh, come on, he was a guy and Jackie was hot, what was he supposed to do? Not look?
Silence fell on the basement.
Ah, Hyde internally sighed, peace at last.
"I just can't believe my Daddy won't pick me up from cheer practice tomorrow!"
"Oh for Pete's sake, Jackie, I'll give you a bleeding lift if you shut the hell up!"
Hyde only realised he was the one saying the words when it was too late.
Jackie turned to stare at him, disbelief written all over her face.
Hyde glared back determinedly from behind his sunglasses.
"Why?" she asked, raising one eyebrow. "Are you going to egg the cheer squad or something?"
"No." Hyde scowled. "Although thanks for the idea. I've never egged a cheerleader before."
"Then why…?"
"To get you to shut your bleeding pie hole, that's why."
Hyde was seriously regretting even coming to the basement with the gang today. He should've stayed with his school crew under the bleachers smoking pot.
Jackie seemed to consider it for a moment. Hyde just wanted this all to be over.
"No thanks." She said eventually. "I'd rather walk."
"BURN!" Kelso exploded at the same time that most other people, including Hyde went "What?!"
"Oh, come on, Hyde. I'd get laughed out of cheer squad. I can't be seen with someone like you. People might think we're…" she shivered and then whispered as though it was a dirty word "together."
"Hey!" Hyde protested, on the verge of actually showing some emotion for once. "What do you mean by 'someone like me'?"
"You know exactly what I mean, Hyde. That you're, you know, scruffy and smelly and poor and I'm, you know, me! Popular and cool and rich." Jackie shrugged her shallow little shoulders.
"Let me get this straight. You," Hyde stood up from his chair and pointed at Jackie, gesturing to her stupid, fluffy, pink sweater that made it look like she was 7 not 17. "Think you're too cool, for me?" Hyde didn't quite gesture to himself but everyone knew what he was referring to. Standing there in his sunglasses, leather jacket, combat boots and Led Zeppelin t-shirt, he was pretty much the definition of '70s effortless 'cool' – much to Kelso's annoyance.
"Yes, Hyde. You would ruin my reputation!" Sometimes Jackie amazed Hyde with how she could ignore any insinuations that she didn't want to hear.
Hyde smirked and plonked himself down on the couch next to her, pushing Donna and Forman out of the way, snaking one arm around her shoulders while his other hand crept up her thigh.
"And we wouldn't want that now would we?" he breathed into her face.
"Ugh… Hyde, get away from me. You smell and you're infecting me with grossness!" Jackie shrieked, jumping to her feet. "Ew, now I have to go shopping to make this day good again."
And with that she stormed out of the basement.
Hyde chuckled under his breath, smirk still planted firmly on his face.
"You're gonna go and pick her up from cheer practice, aren't you?" Fez questioned after a brief silence.
"Oh yes, my foreign friend, oh yes." Hyde grinned.
And to think, he had almost regretted coming to the basement today. This was going to be fun.