Feels feels feels.
I just saw the first episode of Season 6 and, unfortunately, was inspired by it. Here we go!
~*~
"I've got to use the restroom."
Kurt slid off of his seat, painfully aware of the honey-colored gaze that must've been following him as he crossed the bar, everything else in the room melting away as tears pricked at his eyes. He slipped into the men's room, locking the door as it closed behind him and crumpling to the floor.
He couldn't shake the memories that were plaguing him relentlessly, the disappointment and heartbreak battling for dominance in his chest as he broke down in sobs. It was all he could do, all he felt he would ever be able to do: remember and sob. Blaine's words swirled around in his mind, the only things occupying his thoughts.
There were the bad memories, unfortunately, the most recentmemories. There was the first time that him and Blaine had broken up, when the younger man had told him "I was with someone." He had thought that it was the worst kind of heartbreak, that nothing could ever be worse than that, but god, was he wrong. That time, Blaine had only given away his body. But if there was one thing that Kurt wanted and treasured more than anything, it was Blaine's heart. And now he'd lost it.
"I will never forgive you for this."
"I'm seeing someone."
Kurt slammed his foot against the door of the stall in frustration, his body shaking with sobs. Dammit dammit dammit. He'd blown it. Blaine was the love of his life. He was the Kurt to his Goldie, the Will to his Jayda, the Derek to his Ariel. And now he'd lost him.
There were good memories, too, many, many more, but those seemed to hurt him the most. "You move me, Kurt." "I love you." "We're going to kill this thing!" "I love you." "I'm crazy about you." "I love you." "Will you marry me?" "I love you." "I love you." "I love you."
Kurt just wanted to scream. He wanted it all to be over. He was such an idiot. He'd pushed away Blaine, just when he'd managed to get him back into his life, and when he'd tried to fix things it was far too late.
The worst part was, he was beginning to think that, maybe, it was for the best. Maybe Blaine was better off as the Boo Boo to David's Yogi. Maybe this was how it was supposed to be.
Hell, even if it was, Kurt didn't want it to be. He missed what they once were. He missed running down the hallways with Blaine after winning Regionals. He missed holding hands and getting coffee with him at the Lima Bean. He missed the romance. The casual kisses. The silly love songs. The dancing and laughing and how inlovethey were.
He missed Blaine.
But what could he possibly do now? They were 'just kids,' after all, right? They couldn't possibly know what true love was, not yet.
Right?
Kurt found it hard to believe that what him and Blaine had wasn't the perfect example of true love. Or, at least, what they'd once had. He missed it, he missed all of it, so, so much.
"Kurt?"
Shit. He'd barely noticed the knock on the door. He quickly grabbed some toilet paper and hastily dried his eyes, containing his tears as much as he could before replying. "Yes?"
"Are you okay?" David. Part of him was relieved. There was no way in hell he could possibly face Blaine without breaking down. And yet, another part of him was disappointed, because all he wanted was to see Blaine again. "Why is the door locked?"
Kurt quickly got to his feet, tossing the tissue and flushing it down the toilet. "Heh, sorry. Must be a habit I picked up from sharing a flat with three people." He left the door locked, stood there and hoped his voice wasn't giving to much away.
David obviously wasn't buying it. "Kurt, open the door, please," he demanded, his voice suddenly serious. "Please."
Kurt hesitated a moment, but it wasn't as though he could hide in there forever. Dave would find a way in eventually. He reached forward and unlocked the door, his fingers trembling as he pulled it open.
David stood in the doorway, took one look at him, his eyes filled with concern, and it was like Kurt's entire world finally came crashing down around him. He burst into tears, barely noticing when a pair of large arms wrapped themselves around him and pulled him against a broad chest. All he knew was that someone's heart was beating against his ear and that his own felt like it had been dashed against the ground and shattered into a million pieces.
Kurt came to his senses soon enough, realized that he was wrapped up in the embrace of David Karofsky. He summoned up enough willpower to yank himself free, ignoring his now disheveled hair and tear-stained cheeks as he fled. Ignored his name being called by a pair of painfully familiar voices as he ran across the bar and practically kicked the door open, his boots pounding against the pavement as he fled out into the night.
Kurt climbed into his car and slammed the door shut, locking it as he curled up in the passenger seat, furiously wiping his eyes and slamming his fists against the dashboard in frustration. He felt trapped, stuck, hopeless in a way that he'd never been before. He wanted so badly to fix things but had no idea how. He wanted to punch Blaine and kiss him all at once. He wanted to hate David but couldn't bring himself to. He was brokenhearted and depressed and most of all confused, and out of his hurricane of emotions came even more anger and frustration that he took out on the interior of his car.
Even as he pummeled his fists against the leather of his seats, he didn't feel better in the least. It only brought more tears streaming down his cheeks, only made him feel more and more pitiful as the release of all of his pent up fury only left him with nothing but his overwhelming sadness and a few ripped car seats.
He sank into a ball, wrapping his arms around his knees and pulling them against his chest as he sobbed, listening to the gentle hum of his car and the static produced by the radio.
He reached over and turned the dial, deciding that he might feel better if he listened to a little bit of music, and immediately froze as that song came on. Of course, of course. How could he have expected anything different? It brought him back, heightened the pained tightened feeling in his chest as it did, shoved him back into his swirling cocoon of emotions as though there was no world beyond the car doors and the rain hammering down outside.
It was the song that had made him first fall in love with Blaine, back when they were so much younger than they were now and their only problems were bullies and setlists. And later Kurt had watched him sing it again, with tears glistening in his beautiful hazel eyes from across the bar, and he had known immediately that something was wrong. And now, here it was, that song, back to haunt him in all of its bittersweet glory.
He turned off the radio.
It was such a metaphor, wasn't it? Kurt and Blaine... maybe that was all they were. A fantasy conjured up by two boys who couldn't have been more different. Nothing more than a silly little teenage dream.
A rap sounded against the window. Kurt turned his head, and his breath caught in his throat before he quickly looked away. No no no. He risked a glance back, and it was like his heart skipped a beat. He turned the key in the ignition, trying to even out his breathing as the gentle rumble of his car ceased. Leave me alone, leave me alone, he pleaded silently, even as he rolled down the window a crack so he could be heard.
"What do you want?" he demanded, gaze focused firmly on the parked cars in front of him, not daring to look up for fear of bursting into tears again. He couldn't do that, not in front of him.
"Kurt, what's going on with you?" the other man asked, his palm pressed against the window. "I thought you were done with me. I thought we were over."
"I could ask the same about you," Kurt replied, glaring at the steering wheel as one would look at a child molester. "What's gotten in to you? Since when were you into bears?"
"Ever since Kurt Hummel decided that he wasn't the one for me," he continued, and Kurt risked a glance up at him, stealing a peek at his beautiful, painfully beautiful eyes. His gaze was firm, sincere, serious. It was like looking into the eyes of a robot at first. But Kurt caught a glimpse of something beneath it, some deeper emotion exposed from underneath his mask, and refused to believe in it's presence. So he looked away.
"God, Blaine, you're such an idiot sometimes!" Kurt shouted, slamming his fists against the steering wheel. "It's like I don't even know you anymore!"
Blaine blinked in confusion. "What?"
"My point exactly!" Kurt continued, his breath quickening as, suddenly, his thoughts came tumbling from his lips. "Not once, not for a second have I ever doubted that we were meant for each other until this moment, right now. No, not until I saw you and Dave so damn smily and happy together. But I couldn't care less whether or not we weren't meant for each other! Because I love you, Blaine Anderson! I love you! I want nothing more than to spend the rest of my life with you but I went and blew it!"
They were silent, then. Neither one of them spoke for what felt like millenium, although it was probably nothing more than a few minutes. Kurt was shaking, gripping the steering wheel in an attempt to steady himself, keenly and uncomfortably aware that he was being watched.
It was Blaine who broke the silence.
"Unlock the door, Kurt," he demanded as he tried the handle, to no avail. Kurt's head swung over to him in shock.
"Wha..?"
"I said, unlock the door, Kurt," Blaine repeated. Kurt obliged, and he pulled the door open. He waved his hand in Kurt's direction. "Now move over."
Kurt raised his eyebrows. "What? Why?"
"Just move over," Blaine continued, his voice at an eery, obviously strained calm. Kurt moved himself into the passenger seat, and the other man moved himself in behind the wheel, tossing a messenger bag into Kurt's lap. "You forgot that."
Kurt stared at him, unblinkingly, as he started the car. "What do you think you're doing?"
"I'm driving you home," Blaine replied simply, pulling out of the parking lot. "Dave said you were... upset... and made me go after you. So I'm gonna drive you home."
So that was it. Blaine was acting purely on the whim of his new boyfriend. Kurt let out a huff, turning and leaning against the window. Had his words meant anything? Did 'I love you' have any purpose between the two of them anymore? He remembered what he'd seen in Blaine's eyes, behind his newlyfound automatonic mask, eyes filled with emotions similar to his own. The pain, the frustration, the hopelessness. All there.
They were silent for a few minutes as Blaine pulled out of the parking lot and onto the road, before the younger man finally broke the silence once more. "Do you remember the first time we came here?"
Of course he did. "Yeah," Kurt mumbled in response. "You were drunk and horny. In this very car."
"And then I walked home," Blaine agreed, his gaze fixed on the road. "And the whole time I had myself convinced that I'd ruined what we had, that there was no way in hell you would ever forgive me. And you know what?"
"I practically fell back into your arms not even twenty four hours later," Kurt replied. "Why are you bringing this up?"
"Because, Kurt, I felt one-hundred percent hopeless that entire day," Blaine explained, turning onto another street. "I had myself convinced that you hated my guts. I cried myself to sleep that night. And you know what?"
"We made up..."
"And?"
"And?"
The light turned red, and Blaine turned to him. "And, it goes to show," he said, holding Kurt's gaze firmly. "That, no matter how hopeless things may seem, anything can happen."
Kurt was quiet for a moment, focusing his gaze down to his boots. He didn't know what to say. They pulled up in front of Kurt's house, and Blaine turned to him, leaning over and pressing a kiss to his cheek. Kurt froze, and, before he could muster up the courage to respond, Blaine hopped out of the car.
"I'll see ya later, Kurt!" he called behind him as he made his way down the block. Kurt watched him go, his eyes still wide in shock.
Blaine just- Blaine just- Kurt could hardly comprehend what had just happened. He watched Blaine walk away, until he turned the corner and was out of his sight. He sighed and let out a shaky laugh, pressing his palm against his forehead.
"Is this a dream?" he asked himself, his voice barely a whisper. His hands were cold. Freezing, even. But he didn't care. Not when the pressure that had been collecting in his chest and stomach was slowly alleviating.
Maybe it was just a dream. Maybe a life with Blaine was nothing more than a schoolboy's fantasy.
Even so, he wouldn't have it any other way.
So, that ended on a more... cheerful(?) note than I expected. I don't know. Guess I'm just supplying everybody (including myself) with the slightest bit of hope for these two.
I hope you guys enjoyed! Reviews are much loved!
(****P.S. Let us all spam Ryan Murphy demanding that Fall For You by Seconhand Serenade be the song that Klaine sings when they get back together****)