Hello, I'm Jace Herondale.

You know, handsome, tall, blonde, killer smile? Yes, that's me. Well, I'm in trouble, the I-Don't-Know-What-To-Fucking-Do kind of trouble.

But let me explain.

I'm happy you know. I'm not one of those dark, tormented boys with a past of abuse and sadness. Hell no, I have a wonderful family; my parents love me, my grandmother showers me in gifts every time I go visit her, I even own a horse!

I know I'm lucky, I never denied it. Being the only child they had, my family spoiled me to death granting my every wish and when I got in school I had everybody wrapped around my finger. I soon learnt that I could get everything I wanted with a little strategy: a kind smile, an innocent look from my weird (weird? Fucking awesome!) golden eyes and that was it. Homework, free lunch, toys… there was nothing that could be denied to me. And there was no need to be rude about it either: I learnt when I was a little boy that kindness and good manners get you way more than rudeness.

As I got older of course my tastes changed. I shifted from that shiny new toy soldier to a new kind of toys: girls. I was fascinated by them and apparently they were fascinated by me!

My first kiss was at 12. She was 15 and I still remember her soft lips and the sweet sensation of her hands around my neck. The fact that she was older than me made my popularity skyrocket at school and I took full advantage of it. By the time I was sixteen I was on first name basis with every girl in my school and I saw more than half of them naked. Older, younger, it didn't really make a difference, I only had one rule that I cared to explain to everybody who wanted to have a run in my bed: no relationship, no "oh Jace, I can't live without you", no "give me a chance" and most of all no "I love you".
It's not that I don't want to settle down, but I don't want it now. Hell, I'm just seventeen, give me a break. There will be time to find "the one" for now just give me good sex, thank you. And trust me, I was getting plenty of it. Until her.

Well, as I was saying, I'm in trouble and it all started with Alec Lightwood. No, don't get me wrong, I don't swing that way (he does, but that's another story), it's just that Alec is my best friend. And best friends invite each other at their homes. And when your best friend just happens to have the hottest sister ever… you see where I'm going with this?

Isabelle Lightwood is a fucking sex goddess. I mean, have you seen her? Those long legs? The things I could do with them. The boobs? Man, those boobs just make me go crazy! And she has the most magnetic eyes, all dark and mysterious. So yes, as soon as I met her I tried to lure her into my bed.

I was subtle at first but as time went by I started being more explicit. I wasn't bothered by the fact she was Alec's sister to be honest, Isabelle was a big girl and could make her own decisions, something she made sure her brother understood. Actually, I remember her punching him in the face when he got overprotective yelling (and I quote) "You fucking idiot, go screw Magnus and stop screwing with me!"

So you see, a big girl, one who could perfectly fend for herself. And she didn't want me. She made it very clear and she never changed her mind, to the point where it became a sort of joke between us. I wasn't hurt by her rejection, honestly, I wasn't. It was her right and if she didn't want what I could offer, well, her loss. Plus, I get that there are girls who just don't want to be numbers, part of an endless list of conquests but want something more. Again, their loss!

I was curious though because Isabelle never looked like the relationship type. She didn't sleep around as much as I did, but she had a fair share of boyfriends and that's why I was interested in her: I never set my eyes on someone who's bound to give me troubles afterwards, I choose carefully and Isabelle was perfect. I knew she found me attractive, I could feel her eyes linger on me when she thought I wasn't watching, but yet she refused to give in.

The real trouble started at a party. It was summer and we were invited over at Aline's. She has a nice house but the best feature in it is definitely the big, big pool. Of course we all ended up swimming and that's when I met Clary. Well, I almost drowned her to be honest. To be fair it wasn't my fault, I swear. Someone pushed me in the pool and she was in the way. I fell on her and pushed her underwater and my hands may have accidentally squeezed her ass while I was trying to get to the surface.

All fair and good except that Isabelle was there, she saw everything and she screamed bloody murder. She was so loud that it looked like I was raping Clary instead of barely drowning her! Well, not that it's better but yet… let's not digress.

So, I was there in the pool while Isabelle was helping her friend out and suddenly she looked at me with so much hatred I took a step back. Yes, in the water.

"Jace Herondale," she articulated, "if you ever touch Clary again I'll have your balls as a necklace. And just so you know, I'd rather sleep with a snake than with you! You're the worst player I ever met and you'll fucking stay away from me and my friends!"

Well, that wasn't the first time I was insulted so I didn't reply but suddenly Simon Lewis showed up, circled Isabelle's shoulders and lead her away shooting me dark glances.

Now, I could beat Lewis with a hand behind my back but that isn't the point. The point is that everybody saw Isabelle Lightwood reject Jace Herondale and then walk away with Simon Lewis. Simon fucking Lewis, the nerd, the looser, the- argh! You can't understand how humiliating that was. Everybody was smiling, someone was even laughing. At me. I was ridiculed by a girl and her nerd boyfriend in front of half the school. The half that mattered.

I got out of the pool and headed straight home, still feeling the laughter behind me. And that's when I swore Isabelle would pay for that. She wouldn't sleep with me? Fine. But she didn't have to humiliate me in front of everyone just because I accidentally touched her friend!

Speaking of which, I never even looked at Clary that way, she definitely wasn't my type. She was short, full of freckles and definitely not "developed" enough for my standards. Yes, I mean the boobs. I guess they were just right for her frame, but you know, I had better. So, no thank you, I couldn't understand how Isabelle could think I would be interested in someone like Clary Fray.

I spent the night thinking about ways to get back at Isabelle and then I spent the following days enquiring about her; I had to understand her perfectly so I would know where to hit to hurt her the most. And that's when I had the idea. From what I gathered her best friend was Clary, she was almost like her sister. And Kaelie told me that Clary, sweet, little Clary, had the most gigantic crush on me. That was perfect.

I would steal Clary from Isabelle, right under her nose. I would woo her and make her sleep with me. And then I would send her back to Isabelle, heartbroken. What better way to hurt someone than hurting those who they love?

Yes, I was a bastard, but I was fucking pissed off. I told my conscience to go to sleep for the next few weeks and I started my plan.

Getting Clary to go out with me wasn't that hard, even though Isabelle obviously tried to stop me. But knowing Clary's crush on me, I perfectly knew which buttons to push. We dated. I took her out after school and acted like a perfect gentleman until the moment I walked her home for dinner. That's when I kissed her and looking back I can say that was my first mistake. I should have recognized the signals but I didn't. It was the sweetest kiss I ever shared with a girl. Not the best, not the most passionate, not the hottest… the sweetest.

We were just around the corner from her house and she told me she would walk alone for the last meters so her brother wouldn't come out. He was a bit protective apparently and she didn't want him to meet me (yet). So I nodded and then I gently took her hand, kissing the knuckles. Clary blushed and looked at me with such shyness that I was touched. My hand brushed her cheek and she held her breath, closing her eyes and slightly parting her lips. I slowly bent down, my hand carefully shifting from her cheek to her hair and then to her neck and when my lips touched hers she melted in my arms. She was soft, she was kissing me back slowly, moving her lips against mine with such care that I gently held her against me and didn't even try to deepen the kiss. It wasn't what she wanted. She wanted the fairy tale kiss, the light, loving peck that told her I would treasure her forever. I gave her what she wanted and completely missed the fact I never enjoyed a kiss like I was in that moment.

The first mistake as I was saying.

The second was not realizing I was breaking all my rules to get to Clary. She wasn't one to jump into bed with a guy she barely knew, so I had to win her over before. That meant dates. Lots of dates. I was so focused on getting back at Isabelle that I didn't notice that I was doing for Clary things I never did for any girl before. She was growing on me, little by little. I found out I enjoyed spending time with her, watching movies together, having dinners, walking in the park… I even took her riding Wayfarer!

She was smart, cute, she had sense of humor—we laughed a lot together. I was never bored with her. Weeks went by and not even once I tried to sleep with someone, the amazing thing being that I didn't miss it at all. I would talk to Clary on the phone before going to sleep and I would be peaceful until morning. In the end she even told me that Isabelle had given up on trying to make her stop dating me because apparently she saw Clary too happy to keep objecting. Clary was also the reason why Isabelle was so adamant in not sleeping with me: she knew her friend liked me and she didn't want to hurt her. In a sense I admired her devotion and I was starting to doubt my plan. Clary would be the one to suffer in the end and she clearly didn't deserve it.

I pushed deep down the thought that maybe I was starting to care for her a bit too much. I told myself that I didn't. I told myself she wasn't the girl for me. I told myself I didn't even physically liked her. And yet it wasn't true. Her freckles now inspired me to kiss each and every one of them, her petite figure just asked to be hold, her lips to be kissed, her body to be touched and caressed. And when my parents went to my grandmother for the weekend, I knew I could wait no more.

I invited Clary over for dinner, letting her know we would be alone, making sure she understood what it meant. I was almost positive she would have declined saying that she wasn't ready, but she didn't. And when dinner was over and I gathered her in my arms, I found myself as nervous as I had been on my first time, all my lines forgotten, my mind blank. She was there, leaning into me, kissing me and trusting me completely and I felt I didn't deserve all that trust, that I would only hurt her. And yet I couldn't help myself, I needed her. Her eyes were closed, her hands shyly caressing my back, light touches that made me want her even more. It was slow, it was a flame growing and growing, kisses in the dark, whispers and moans, my name on her lips as I worshipped her like I never did with anybody else and her name carved in my mind and in my heart as I hold her close trying to catch my breath after the most amazing experience I ever had.

So, you see, that's the problem. Because now I'm in my bed with this gorgeous girl and she's sleeping. She looks so peaceful I really can't bring myself to wake her up so she can leave. I don't want her to leave and it never happened before. I want the sun to rise and shine on her, still inside my bed. I want to wake her up showering her face with kisses, kissing her every freckle, her eyes, her forehead, her lips… and then make love to her again and again. Except that it's so wrong. I'm wrong for Clary. And let's not forget that she's supposed to be just a mean to get back at Isabelle, a way to hurt her for humiliating me at the pool. She didn't want to sleep with me because she knew Clary had a crush on me, so now I slept with Clary and I will leave her to make Isabelle pay. I've never been such a bastard but she deserves it, she fucking humiliated me!

Yes that's what I'll do. I'll wake Clary up, I'll give her back her clothes, I'll smile and I'll tell her to get the fuck out because I want to sleep. Maybe I'll call a cab for her, after all it's two in the morning and I want her to get home safe at least.

I raise my hand to shake her shoulder but then I stop midway. Hell no, I can't do that. Not to Clary. She was a virgin for fuck sake! I never had a problem with virgins, mind you. It was their choice after all, I always made it very clear that just because I was their first that didn't mean they would be my last. I remember one girl who literally told me she wanted to get rid of the "problem" and she just thought I was the best guy to deal with it. And I was. Never say that Jace Herondale doesn't go out of his way to make a girl feel good, especially if it's their first time. I want it to be fucking memorable. I want them to remember me even when they grow old, marry and have five kids. I want them to say "Jace Herondale was my first and it was fucking fantastic."

I did it with Clary as well, judging by her reaction. Yeah, like when she—well, I'm digressing. The problem is that Clary is a nice, sweet girl. The kind who dreams about Prince Charming, the "I'll love you till I die and if there's a life after that, I'll love you then" type of girl. My total opposite.

Why the fuck did I get myself into this mess? What happened to "big girls only" ? She's as little as she can be, little and adorable and so charming I start to believe she's the player and I'm the victim. How else can you explain this sudden urge to have her in my arms and just hold her against me until she wakes up and then all the days that will follow? How do you explain that tonight was probably the best sex of my life despite her being so inexperienced? Or the wild beating of my heart as I undressed her, layer after layer until she blushed and looked away? Or the slow kiss we shared just before collapsing into my bed, my way of telling her she was the most beautiful, amazing, sweet girl I ever had the luck of meeting?

Fuck, fuck, fuck. I have to get out now. I'll go sleep on the couch. I have to get away from her before—

And she opens her eyes. The moonlight gifts her skin a pale shade that make her look like porcelain and her bright, green eyes are almost dark now. She looks at me with sleep in her eyes but when she sees me she smiles; a sweet smile, a slight curving of her lips that tells me of her happiness even before I look in her eyes. And when I do, that's when I know it's over. Clary is looking at me with such faith, with such love that I can't bring myself to hurt her or just to get up. I can't. I don't want to. And somehow I feel like I'll never want to.

"Hey." She whispers, her eyes never leaving my face.

"Hi," I find myself smiling, the most happy smile I ever felt, "is it ok for you to spend the night here?"

It's the first time I ever asked a girl to stay. Ever.

"Mmm," she answers, slightly nodding. "My parents think I'm with Isabelle."

"Good." It's all I say. Then I gather her in my arms, I hold her on my heart and I watch as she goes back to sleep, that peaceful smile still on her lips. I kiss her lightly between her hair before closing my eyes as well, taking a deep breath. It feels like it's the first breath of fresh air after years.

To hell with being seventeen, to hell with having fun and most of all, to hell with Isabelle Lightwood. Even though I'll probably never cease to thank her for being the means through which I met Clary.

It's time to bow my head and admit it. I'm in love. I'm in love with this gorgeous girl in my arms and all I want now is spending my future to make sure she knows.

Can you believe it? Jace Herondale is in love. And damn, it feels fucking wonderful.