Title: Unfulfillment

Author: Fallenbelle

Rating: T-Teen

Summary: What else could a woman do short of being a wanton harlot?

Characters: William Murdoch and Julia Ogden

Category: Angst and maybe romance? Again, I'm not sure romance is how I would describe it, but UST/longing aren't categories.

Spoilers/Setting: Takes place after season 1, sometime before or very early season 2. Meant to be a companion peace to Occam's Razor, but it's not necessary to read it to understand it.

Notes: The bolded, italicized script is dialogue taken from "Till Death Do Us Part". Italicized script is a dream sequence, this time made up by little old me! Also, blame Barbarama for this fic stemming from her comment "I wonder what was Julia's state of mind around the same period."

Ogden: Really, William, I'm surprised at your closed-mindedness.

Murdoch: Even leaving the Bible aside…

Ogden: Yes, could we?

Murdoch: It goes against nature.

Ogden: Oh, rubbish! Nature is full of omnisexual behavior. Have you never seen male dogs at play?

Murdoch: But those are dogs.

Ogden: We're all animals, William, behaving as nature intended. If God didn't want us to express our desires, then why would he give us desires in the first place?

Murdoch: To test our resolve.

Ogden: At whose expense? Surely this is not God's plan?

It was late, and everyone else that was living had long gone home. All that is except Julia, who was catching up on reports in the city morgue. That, and William, who quietly appeared even at this late hour. Curious as to the reason of his presence, she looked up at him to ask the reason for his unexpected visit, when she saw nothing but unadulterated passion in his eyes.

Nervously swallowing, she watched him approach, staring at her unblinkingly and moving purposefully. Without a word, Julia knew what he wanted and silently stood up to meet him.

As he got within arms grasp, she felt his hands encircle her waist, roughly pulling her towards him and capturing her lips with his own. Pulling her tightly against him, he backed her up against a wall, moving one hand to her head, holding it in place for his delectation.

Pressing her up against the wall with his body, he pinned her there with his superior height and strength, offering her no choice but to submit to his dominance.

Not that she had a problem with it. If anything, she only wanted to offer herself up even more if it was possible. She arched her back thrusting herself towards him so that as much of her would be in contact with as much of him as possible. No matter how she tried, she couldn't get close enough to him. She still needed more of him.

She gasped out loud in frustration-any attempts to alleviate her discontent herself had failed to bring peace, and she was at a loss. She even wondered if it was time to visit one of those doctors who specialized in manually treating "hysteria" through an intense pelvic massage-perhaps she could find relief then.

The details of the fantasy changed, but William having his way with her did not. She'd never desired for any man to demand his way with her, yet that's exactly what she wanted William to do. There was no use denying it-however much it alarmed her.

She kicked the covers off the bed in frustration and got up to take a sleeping draught. There was no way she'd rest without one-she was far too hot and bothered.

She wasn't the savviest when it came to men, but she did like to think that she knew something about them at least. It seemed as though William was attracted to her, but why wouldn't he approach her? She'd caught how he seemed to enjoy staring at her backside or how he loved to walk a few steps behind her, and he seemed to enjoy what he was seeing when she made it a point to glimpse his reaction.

But why wouldn't he ask her to dinner or even to a play, concert, or exhibition? Why wouldn't he try to get to know her a little better as Julia than just the coroner? Why?

Not for the first time, Julia wondered if he was sexually experienced at all? On the one hand, she couldn't imagine how the beautiful youth he must have been evaded the persistent attentions of the girls and women of the logging camps, and ranches he'd once been employed at, but William was so religious and proper, she somehow doubted that he had gone past some ardent and passionate kissing.

She was conflicted-one part of her part of her was excited at the thought of being his teacher and introducing him to the arts of lovemaking, while the experienced part of her despaired at being the more experienced of the two of them. She'd been with one man and their drunken fumblings had led to an event that had disastrous consequences that she preferred not to think about, let alone mention to anyone.

Still, she couldn't help but think sexual relations with William would be different, and she hoped he would be as thoughtful a lover as she imagined he would be.

Later that afternoon, Julia was straightening up her lab, waiting for William to come over to discuss the results regarding the mysterious substance found at the scene of his most crime scene. Busy putting things away, she decided that a little game was in order. Hearing the door open and his unmistakable tread on her floor, she busied herself at her table pretending not to have noticed his presence, waiting for him to announce himself while she continued to move to the beat of the music. After a few seconds, she even made it a point to bend over the table most suggestively.

After several seconds passed, she looked up and caught glimpse of him in the reflection of her cabinet's glass doors, where he stood silently, watching her.

More specifically, he was watching her hips and her backside.

She turned around and called out his name. He didn't respond-he was deep in thought, his breath shallow, and his eyes darkening to the shade of the strongest Turkish coffee they served at the rowing club.

"Oh, William, what on Earth are you thinking about," she thought to herself as she walked up to him, and laid her hand on his shoulder to bring him back to reality.

Coming out of his trance, he shook his head and blinked repeatedly, before looking at her and turning a deep shade of red, eyes suddenly fixed on the floor.

"William! Are you all right? William?" Julia asked, clearly concerned about his wellbeing. And perhaps more than a bit curious as well.

Strangely shy and nervous, he asked about the results before immediately excusing himself and taking his leave as quickly as he could. There was none of their playful banter that she had come to look forward to.

Perhaps she had teased him too much.

That night, unable to concentrate on her book, she sat in her bed, thinking of what had happened earlier in the morgue. Quite frankly, she was confused at William's signals, and she wasn't sure if she should be forward and make the first move, or just wait until he figured things out.

She thought back to a recent conversation during the Wendell Merrick case when they were examining the body of Lawrence Braxton. Besides their differing views on homosexuality, he'd mentioned that he believed that God gave one desires to test one's resolve!

She snorted, if he believed that desires were some sort of divine trial, he must be a virgin. Immediately, she was torn between desire and guilt: desire to break his resolutions and help him give into his passions, and guilt to break his integrity-something she really did quite appreciate in him.

Taking a sip of her wine, she stood up and shed her nightgown-preferring the feel of her fine linen sheets against her bare skin tonight-which also afforded unimpeded access to her body for the evening. Not for the first time, she imagined doing so in view of William, making note of his gaze as she disrobed and imagined his masculine yet beautiful hands exploring her body, shuddering at the thought of his fingers dragging over her skin.

She wondered what it would be like for him to join her in bed, where they could discover one another's bodies as she slipped under the covers

If William desired her as she was fairly certain he did, he must be in a considerable amount of conflict right now, and despite her own frustration, she decided that she could wait a while longer, as she wanted William sure and in command of his desires-not conflicted and confessing all to a priest the next day.

For now, she'd wait a while longer. Perhaps soon he would acknowledge his interest in her himself before she would be bold and took matters into her own hands, having her way with him. Otherwise, she wasn't sure what else could a woman do short of being a wanton harlot.

And William wasn't interested in a wanton harlot, was he?