Gift and Curses

A/N::: As you'll see, I switched the words around. Instead of Mary, it's Clary XDDD

SONG::: Yellowcard- Gift and Curses

Disclaimer::: I. Don't. Own. The. TMI. Series. Or Song.

JC

Clary belongs to the words of a song.
I try to be strong for her, try not to be wrong for her.

Clarissa Morganstern. His every dream. His reason to live. His every thought revolves around her. Is she safe? Is she happy with him? Does she love me? Every breath he takes is for her. His very existence is for her.

That was why he was protecting her. Keeping her safe, he thought as he sliced off a raveners' head, that is my purpose.

But she will not wait for me anymore, anymore

He realized to late though, that she only wanted him as a brother. Or so he thought. He made that mistake again when he noticed she didn't love Simon the way she should. The way she looks Jace though, when she thinks he isn't looking is the way she should look at Simon. The way she looks at Simon is the way she should look at Jace. Every time she looked at Simon, she looked at him with love for a child or close friend. When she glimpses at Jace, her look is longing and fierce as you would a lover. But it was too late, for the both of them. He told her his feelings and she rejected his love. Jace, who never told anyone he loved them. Jace, who you had to know for a long time for him to even respect you, like you at the very least. But now, they must both suffer for their untruthfulness. For speaking up when not asked, and not speaking when needed spoken.

Why did I say all those things before I was sure?

While fighting there, with an unconscious vampire behind him and his sister a couple feet away, demons attacking on all sides, he thought to himself, Why did I confess my love for her? He threw a dagger at a demons' eye. It squirmed and shrieked in pain as he ducked a poisonous swipe as another leaped to hit him from behind and missed, spitting venom at a dravak demon.

(She is the one), but I have a purpose,

He gave a quick side glance at the knocked out bloodsucker behind him; Simon didn't stir as blood, demon and a bit of angel mixed blood splattered everywhere. Clary was fighting off a small bunch near a tree, her face scrunched up in concentration as she ducked narrow blows and stabbed other ungodly creatures. It hurt him that she displayed her concern and love for the bloodsucker but hid all her feelings for Jace. She ignored his calls frequently and avoided his gaze. Avoided him altogether.

(She is the one), and I have to fight this,

He held the blades high above his head and charged into the cluster of demons, the Fearless rune on his collarbone burning. They didn't have much time to prepare. A warlock gone bad surprised them, opening a portal for the demons' dimension to the mundane world, getting killed in the process.

As Jace fought the demons from hell, one thought kept nagging at him, not giving up until he apprehended it; he wasn't fighting the demons because he had to. He could've easily opened the portal with the rune Clary had taught him and sent them back the their home. He was fighting his feelings. His anger, frustration, love for her. His emotions went into each of his blows and throws. All his feelings towards his dearest sister.

(she is the one), the villain I can't knock down.

He wouldn't hurt her for his twisted feelings. He wouldn't blame her for haunting his dreams. No, for that, he would hurt and blame himself. Let a demon slash his arm as punishment for not paying attention and being aware of his surroundings.

I see your face with every punch I take,

He would let a skeletal demon punch him in the face stop him for trying to run to his sister so she wouldn't be killed by a dravak demon behind her.

and every bone I break, it's all for you

He would let his elbow crack as he dove and landed on his arm beside her after throwing a dagger at the demon that was sneaking up on an untrained sixteen year-old Shadowhunter. He saw the look in her eyes as she stared at him as an audible crack sounded from beneath him; raw fear and panic. He should be howling in pain, screaming his head off. But he didn't care. He wasn't afraid of breaking a bone before, so why should he now? It was for her sake. That was enough reason to break every bone in his body, if it was for her.

And my worst pains are words I cannot say,

He saw shock register her face as he got up, his right arm hanging at an impossible angle. He looked at her, the pain in his arm a dull humming compared to the pain in his heart as he looked at the one person he couldn't have. He wasn't an emotional person. He couldn't and wouldn't express how hurt and damaged he was, just by a single mundane. But if I can't express my pain, he thought, then I can make up for it with physical pain.

still I will always fight on for you.

JC

Clary's alive in the bright New York sky,
the city lights shine for her, above them I cry for her.

There he was, invisible to the stupid mundane down below. Invisible to t he mundane of the world. Invisible to the one girl he loved that was in the building beneath him. Probably with Luke and Simon and Jocelyn, he thought bitterly, maybe even watching a movie, unaware of myself on their apartment. He could imagine what Simon would say if he would see him and witness the Shadowhunter's vulnerability. Why are you being a stalker, Shadowhunter? is what that bloodsucker would probably say, all high and mighty just because he got her.

A small drop of water hit the pavement below as a mundane woman passed, spotting the drop. She looked up, searching for the source, but saw no sign of rain. She hurried her pace, not wanting to be caught up in the rain, unbeknownst to her that it wasn't rain from the sky or clouds or any rain god. It was but a salty liquid that came from a numb Shadowhunter that mourned his lost love. Everything was going for her, and yet he cried for her.

Everything's small on the ground below, down below.

Look at those small tiny mundane creatures down there, he thought sourly. Oblivious to the fighters walking among them, unaware that their worlds could be over if it wasn't for those Shadowhunters that devoted their lives to the lethal job of defeating Valentine. "They would never know what it truly means to live," he whispered to himself bitterly. Those tiny souls. As small as ants. As fragile as ants. So easy to squish and think nothing of afterwards.

What if I fall, then where would I go, would she know?

He looked down, measuring the distance between him and the pavement. What would happen if I jumped and didn't catch myself? What would Clary do?

Would she know? That question felt like a punch, knocking the breath out of him. Would someone find him before she did, and lie to her, saying that Jace died by demon poison? Or that he just… gave up?

Such a pathetic way to die, he thought conclusively. I'd rather die at the hands of a bloodsucker than be known for giving up on life by falling off a building, all for just… a mundane Shadowhunter.

Would she feel the loss? he wondered. Would it be like those siblings that know when the other is hurt or needs help? Would she have some kind of telepathic power that lets her know I'm hurt or dying? Would she come out and see my body displayed for all eyes, even mundane ones, to see? He grimaced at the thought.

(She is the one), all that I wanted,

She was everything he wanted. From the moment he saw her at the Pandemonium, he knew she was his to keep. To keep close to his heart to cherish and never let go. But he didn't think it'd be the way it is. It was not how he wanted her.

But even as her brother, he did want her. Even if she found the feelings the shared "sickening" he still loved her. Because she was brave. She was beautiful, smart. But most of all, she had captured his heart like no one else had before.

(she is the one), and I will be haunted,

Haunted by her anger. Haunted by her smile. Haunted by her devastating beauty that was everywhere he looked, every time he tried to escape it. In his fights, his dreams at night. When he eats, sleeps or falls from a blow. Every time he bleeds.

(she is the one), this gift is my curse for now.

His blood. Runs through his veins. Courses though his body. Keeps him alive. He's gifted with the angel's blood, as is every Shadowhunter. But he has more than the average Shadowhunter. More than any other being, that he and his sister share.

But if the angel's blood is my gift, he thought, than it is also my curse. Every time he thinks about it, he finds it more and more as a curse that keeps him from happiness. From being who he really is. From being loved by the only person who it really matters from. His sister. The one who shares the same blood. The same blood that was coursing through her veins at this very moment, keeping her alive.

"This gift is my curse for now," he whispered to himself as rain started pouring down heavily, mingling with his tears.

JC

A/N::: Okay, so tell me what you think. REVIEW. Please?

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