A/N: This fic is pretty loosely based on the song "Tell Me Why" by Taylor Swift. In all honesty, I kind of hate her music, but this song isn't totally terrible and it kind of gave me some good insperation. I promise to keep working on iDon't Wanna Be In Love, I should actually have a new chapter up tonight or tomorrow. So, hope you like this one!
This is pretty much just a collection of seddie-type moments and stuff. It goes in order, but the periods of time are a little spaced out.
Don't own iCarly or "Tell Me Why".
I was fourteen when I had my very first kiss. It hadn't set off fireworks in my brain or caused me to hear music, but it had left me begging, craving, for the taste of those lips again. We had said it was "just to get it out of the way", and we'd go right back to hating each other when it was over, but afterwards, I wasn't sure if that was what I wanted. I'd told her I hated her, but it was a complete lie. She responded with a simple, "hate you too", and while her tone was light, the words broke my heart. I'd begun to see her in a completely different way, discovering a new-found affection for the fierce blue-eyed beauty that had been sitting on my fire escape. When she'd left, I'd softly placed a hand to my lips, feeling my veins begin to ignite inside me. Everything about her was exciting and adventurous. She was my best friend, my worst enemy, my dream come true, and my nightmare turned reality. As I watched her small form disappear from my view, I knew that from that moment on, I would be completely, hopelessly, and irretrievably in love with Samantha Puckett.
I called her that night, hoping to clarify things. I yearned to know how she felt about me, and how she felt about the kiss. She picked up halfway through the fourth ring, not that I'd been counting. Her voice sounded groggy and irritated, but to me, it equated the most beautiful melody in the world.
"What up, Fredwierd?" she asked. I took a deep breath, calming the nerves.
"About what happened…on the fire escape…" I heard her make a pfft noise in response.
"That was nothing," she said. "We were just getting it out of the way."
"Yeah, but here's the thing…"
"There's no thing," she said over me. "You and I hate each other."
"You're my best friend," I argued.
"Who you happen to hate," she added.
"I don't hate you," I mumbled, "at all."
"Look, there's not going to be anything between us, ever, alright? Just drop it." The line went dead. I felt like I'd taken a sledgehammer blow to the heart.
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I was fifteen when I saw the girl I loved get swept off her feet by some brown-haired, dark-eyed, tall, handsome senior. I knew that his name was David and she found him incredibly irresistible, and for that I hated the kid. She and I had fought about it, resulting in our not speaking for weeks.
"You do realize he's just using you?" I'd shouted at her from outside mine and Carly's apartments.
"Oh, you've talked to him and he's told you that specifically?" she shot back. I was silent. "Didn't think so."
"He's a senior dating a freshman!"
"Who cares? It happens."
"A freshman who happens to be incredibly hott!" I hadn't even attempted to take back the words, I'd meant every one of them.
"Look, Freddork, I think I can handle my own love life, I don't need you monitoring me or looking out for me or whatever the hell you think you're doing."
"I thought we were supposed to be best friends. Best friends look out for each other."
"Well feel free to stop looking out for me any time you'd like because we are currently far from best friends." With that, she'd stomped away, leaving me standing in the hallway, teeth clenched and fists tightened. I was infuriated with her rapid mood swings and sudden changes in attitude. She was my best friend, and yet it seemed as if I knew nothing about her.
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It had been three months since I'd spoken to Sam Puckett. Those three months seemed to last an eternity. I had been out on the steps of my fire escape, breathing in the warm spring air and listening to the sounds of city night life. A soft knock on my window made me turn around, and I found myself staring into the electric blue eyes I'd fallen in love with nearly a year ago. I beckoned her to come join me, and she settled herself on the step next to me. I glanced over at her, detecting a faint redness around her eyes. She opened her mouth, speaking the first words I'd heard from her in three months.
"I broke up with David." My mind split three ways when she'd spoken. The first part of me was heartbroken for her, longing to comfort her. The second part of me was joyful, ecstatic that she was finally free of that low-life jerk. The third part of me was triumphant in the fact that I'd been right, that her relationship with David didn't last more than a few months. However, throughout all of that emotion, I was only able to utter two words:
"I'm sorry." She laid her head on my shoulder, sniffling slightly.
"I'm sorry," she said. "I'm sorry for everything I put you through. The truth is, I was afraid to love you. I was afraid to feel things towards you, because you are my best friend and you're…well, you're you." She turned towards me, her beautiful lips mere inches away from my own, tempting me out of my mind. "The truth is, I need you Freddie." Finally, she closed the space, her lips, sweet as candy, gently touching mine. I put my hand behind her head, tangling it in her golden-blonde locks, deepening the kiss. I lifted her up, placing her on my lap as she wrapped her legs around my waist. I trailed kisses down her jawline and neck, hearing her softly moan in response. My lips found their way up to her ear.
"I love you," I whispered gruffly.
"I love you too."
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I was sixteen when I realized that love didn't exist. Ever since that night on my fire escape, after Sam had broken up with David, she'd turned cold. Even her insults seemed void of emotion, empty jabs thrown at me without any intention of anything. I was sick of it. I couldn't stand the way she made me love her, only to rip my heart out and stomp it into the ground. I needed her more than anyone could imagine, more than my heartbeat, but she didn't care. We fought more than anything now, and were crossing the line between best friend and mortal enemies. Full blown shouting matches were a regular thing in the hallway after iCarly rehearsal.
"You're really going to take that night and pretend it never happened?"
"Yeah, pretty much."
"You told me you loved me!"
"I say things I don't mean."
"I'm sick and tired of your attitude! Sam, I feel like I don't even know you anymore! How in the world can you tell me you love me, then cut me down like that?" She shrugged.
"I was caught in the moment."
"I don't think you realize how much I need you, how much I've always needed you."
"I realize that perfectly fine. The problem is I don't need you." The words were worse than a blow to the stomach.
"I don't know what you may think," I grumbled, "but I'm not bulletproof. Call me when you make up your mind."
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She has the terrible habit of ruining someone's perfect day. I was seventeen, and finally had a steady girlfriend, and as always, she came along to ruin it. I'd just had the best date of my life, forgetting completely about the fiery blonde headed goddess, and yet here she was, knocking on my front door at two in the morning. Words of anger and hatrid rose to the top of my throat when I opened the door, but none of them came out. My mind was a jumble of confusion and frustration, searching for the right words to say.
"Can we talk?" I actually stepped aside, allowing her access to my living space. I slammed the door, hoping that would convey to her my displeasure with her unannounced visit.
"What?"
"I'm sorry."
"Again? Just leave."
"I meant everything I said that night I broke up with David."
"Please go."
"I didn't want Carly to know. I was too embarrassed by the fact that I was in love with the person I tortured on a regular basis."
"I'm really sick and tired of your reasons."
"But I finally realized that it doesn't matter what she or anyone else thinks."
"Sam, I really think you should leave." My voice was bordering hysterics.
"I need you."
"Not as much as I need you!" My voice boomed throughout the empty apartment. "Sam, I need you like a heartbeat, but sometimes I wanna run for cover when you're around. Your temper is so ridiculous, I never know what to expect! I know you can see what you're doing to me, yet you continue to do it." She looked down at the floor. "Just tell me why." My voice was calmer, quieter. "Why do you have to make me feel so small and insignificant? Why do you make it so that you're the only thing on my mind?"
"I love you, a lot, and it scares the shit out of me."
"I'm sick of you playing with my emotions. I'm sick of you telling me you love me, or that you want me, and cutting me down. I told you I'm not bulletproof, I can't take all of this."
"You don't have to." She looked up at me, her eyes full of emotion. "Despite what you think, I'm not bulletproof. I'm not capable of showing my emotions, or doing things to ruin my image."
"So it's all about image with you, isn't it?" I growled. She stammered slightly, trying to search for words to say. I rolled my eyes and opened my door.
"Just leave, Sam. I don't want to hear it anymore. You want my love? Ask me for it when you're ready to grow up."
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I was 18 years old when I suffered my first real break-up. Surprisingly, after all I'd been through, it didn't seem to have much of an effect on me. Though a few tears were shed, we'd parted on good terms. We'd decided that college would be too stressful to try to keep our relationship alive, and we'd probably be best just as friends. I was sitting on my fire escape yet again, trying to memorize every detail of this city before I left it for good. As if on cue, a small knock came from my window. I waved her in, not even bothering to look at her. I knew it was Sam. She walked over to the railing of my fire escape, sitting on it and looking at me.
"I heard about you and Stephanie," she said. I nodded.
"Mutual," I said gruffly. She nodded.
"I figured it would be. It lasted a while though."
"'Bout a year." She nodded again, looking out towards the city.
"It sure is nice at night."
"Yup." She sighed, looking at me.
"Are you going to actually hold a conversation with me?"
"Are you actually ready to grow up?" She slid off the railing, coming up to me.
"The last time we talked, I mean really talked…that time in your apartment, I meant every word. I realized how badly I'd been hurting you. It was wrong for me to play with your emotions like that. I guess…I guess I didn't know what it felt like to actually be in love. It scared me."
"I told you I'm not bulletproof," I grumbled. She nodded.
"I know. Neither am I. And I can't take this pain anymore." Her fingers lightly grazed the side of my face. "I need you Freddie, more than I've ever needed anything in my life." I looked into her baby-blue eyes for what felt like an eternity. Finally, her lips met mine, and it seemed like I'd finally found what I'd been missing. My fingers tangled in her curly, blonde locks. Finally, she pulled away from me, looking deeply into my eyes.
"I love you," she said, her voice deep and sincere.
"You'd better mean that," I said. She nodded quickly.
"I promise never to hurt you, ever again."
"You'd better mean that, too." She nodded again.
"I can't take any more of your attitude."
"I know."
"And I can't take any more of your bi-polarness."
"I know."
"And…"
"Freddie!" she said, her voice in a tone of extreme annoyance. "I know, ok?" I sighed, a small smile playing on my lips.
"I love you too," I finally said. With that, her lips connected with mine, only this time, I knew things wouldn't change the next morning.
A/N: The song actually kind of calls for a sort of break-up, but I figured that wouldn't make a very good story, so I kinda changed it. Anyway, hope you liked it! I will have another chapter of my other story up either tonight or tomorrow. R&R love you all!
Xoxo~Liz-Beth