A small Non-Brit's guide to successful Harry Potter 'fanficcing' - By Fred and George
"George?"
"Yes."
"Have you ever logged on to , and read through the Harry Potter archives?"
"No, why?"
"Well, people from Australia to the USA have written countless stories around our general misbehaviour."
"They have?"
"Yep, and they nail it pretty well too. I couldn't help noticing one thing, though – "
"What?"
"You know, this whole four-corners of the world stuff is great, though by the time I saw myself calling Mum 'mom' for the third time, it began to bug me for a bit."
"You mean, they were all just completely unknowledgeable of the fact that British people don't get their Mum's attention by going 'Gee, Mom, guess what?'"
"No, no, you've got the wrong end of the stick, Georgie – boy. These people were making efforts, but every now and again in their work, you'd see the dreaded 'o'."
"Oh, right."
"Yeah, and I saw that we'd been on 'vacation' to Egypt at least five times, as well."
"Have we? Does that mean that in the future, we're going on holiday there FOUR more times?"
"No, George, I meant the fact that we went on HOLIDAY to Egypt, not on'vacation.'
"Awww, Fred! I've got a good one though. In British restaurant, you would pay the bill with a cheque – in a American restaurant, you would pay the cheque with a bill. Do you get it?"
"Yeah, George, but is that exactly relevant to all those fanficcers out there?"
"Eh….no, I guess not. Sorry."
"This is a great quote I made up, to try and show the differences between the USA and Standard English dialogue."
"Go on then."
"Hem-hem – "
"You sound like Umbridge."
"Shut up! OK, 'whilst Ron and Hermione were on VACATION, Ron went to the BATHROOM. He got changed and came out wearing his gorgeous new PANTS, and he and Hermione then took Rose for a ride in her STROLLER. When they got back, Rose was still munching on the POTATO CHIPS that Rose had GOTTEN while they were out, which she later put in the TRASH CAN.'"
*George wolf whistles* "Hermione and Ron having a romantic walk, are they Freddie?"
"Shut up George, that's not the point! The point is is that can you see what it should be?"
"Well, I seemed to notice that Ron came out wearing gorgeous new 'pants.' I mean, how did Hermione know? She shouldn't've been looking! Did Ron strip off in PUBLIC? I mean, also, why was there a public bathroom? Was there baths and showers and stuff? Awesome."
"George, you are seriously uneducated about dialogues of the British speaking nations."
"So…?"
"So, Ron was wearing new TROUSERS, which were said to be PANTS. And the said BATHROOM was a TOILET. Americans use the word 'bathroom' for at home and in public, you know."
"Oh…I get it now. Can I translate it?"
"I was GOING to do the honours myself."
"Pretty please, Freddie boy."
"OK."
"Right -whilst Ron and Hermione were on err – what did you say that was before? - HOLIDAY, Ron went to the TOILETS. He got changed and came out wearing his gorgeous new – aww, why can't Ron where his new pants in public? - TROUSERS, and he and Hermione then took Rose for a ride in her – what does stroller mean, George?"
"A pram, or a buggy."
" – PRAM. When they got back, Rose was still munching on the umm, CRISPS – yay, I worked it out! - that Rose had GOTTEN while they were out, which she later put in the – that one's obvious – BIN."
"You forgot one, Georgie."
"No I didn't!"
"You did."
"Didn't."
"Did."
"Alright, what was it then?"
"British people TEND to say GOT, Georgie-boy, not GOTTEN. I don't know whether it's a rule or not, just something I noticed."
"Shut up, Fred, you sound like Percy."
"No I don't!"
"Yes you do!"
"Don't!"
"Do!"
"Don't!"
*Fred hit George with the Jelly-Legs curse*
"Boys, have you been duelling again?"
"No, Mum."
"No, Mom! See what I did there, eh, George?"
*Mrs Weasley frowns at Fred*
"Or is this another Weasley's Wizard Wheezes creation?"
"No, Mum!"
"No, Mama!"
*turns to Fred*
"It's Jamaican for Mum."
*Mrs Weasley turns away, muttering something about 'none of the others' and 'trouble.'*
a/n – A lot of fun to write! I know technically that if Rose was born, that Fred wouldn't be around, but who cares!? Actually, I'm from the north of England, so I say Mam, not Mum, but I'm tend to write it down as 'Mum' apart from in birthday cards to my Mam, so I'm used to it. xxxx