Disclaimer: I don't own anything. All rights reserved to Andrew W. Marlowe and Fleetwood Mac.
I took my love and I took it down.
I climbed the mountain and I turned around.
And I saw my reflection in the snow covered hills
'till the landslide brought it down
Oh, mirror in the sky, what is love?
Can the child in my heart rise above?
Can I sail through the changing ocean tides?
Can I handle the seasons of my life?
I don't know...
Castle glances through the window. Everything reminds him of her. Soon he starts reliving that day events. The call that would change his life. For worse. He almost fainted when the voice at the other side of the line told him. She was dead. Dead. Life had abandoned her body. He couldn't believe it. He still can't believe it. Every single night he looks through the window holding a glass of whiskey. And everything reminds him of her. People walking in the pouring rain. His mind relives the night it all had started. How she came soaked to his loft and kissed him. People sitting in a bench talking. He remembered her voice, her hand's warmth and her eyes on his. People kissing under an umbrella. That two could be Kate and him. The touch of her hair, the taste of her lips, her smooth skin, her laugh, her smile, her hugs, her arms, her legs and all her body around him. Now, all that was gone. Tears always came to his eyes when he realized he would never ever feel her again. She was gone. And he doubted there would be a paradise waiting for her and him. Now he would have to get into his lonely bed and cry himself to sleep. However, he was afraid. He had nightmares with that day. He went to bed and his mind relieved that day with every detail.
Lanie on the phone. She gave him the bad new. The phone fell out of his hand. He dropped it. He couldn't believe it. He fell on his knees. His world crumbled. His heart pounded. He coiled up on the floor. Was it a dream? He wished it was. But he knew it wasn't. He had never felt his chest aching that way. Someone was ripping his heart. Tears soaked his cheeks. He felt he couldn't move. That she had taken his soul with her wherever she was now. At the morgue. She was at the morgue. He hesitated whether to see her for the last time or stay there, torn. It took him a while to stand up and put himself together.
He collected the pieces of himself that were scattered on the floor and managed to get into a taxi which headed for the ME's building. His eyes were red and swollen. And his shirt's cuffs couldn't wipe more tears. How the hell could that happen to him? He relized he even didn't want to know. She was dead. That was a fact that wouldn't change. And revenge, fury, anger and similar feelings wouldn't bring her back to life. That was a lost battle. He had no life in his body. He was a zombie. He arrived, took a deep breath and got out of the car. He wanted to sit back on the seat, go home and get into his bed. With her. But he knew she wouldn't be there, waiting for him. Instead, he walked the doors, the lift to press with a trembling finger the button which would lead him to her dead body. Lanie was waiting for him with a straight face. He hadn't looked at himself in the mirror, however, he knew he looked much worse than Lanie. She hugged him and he felt how the ME sobbed on his shoulder. She wiped her tears and told him someone had performed an autopsy on Kate's body. He was able to see her. She was in a frozen camera. Lanie took him to the cold room and opened the metal door. Her body appeared on a tray. He couldn't help but cry. His chest ached and his legs shook violently. He found the necessary strength to ask:
''Could you give me a minute?''
Lanie nodded and got out of the room. That would be the last time he would see her. That thought made him gasp. She looked as beautiful as always. Her brown long hair around her face the eyes which never would look at him again, the nose he won't rub against his anymore and the mouth he couldn't kiss anymore. It felt she was peacefully asleep. He knew she wouldn't wake up. He wanted to beat her until her muscles answered. That wouldn't work. That's why, instead, he hugged her for the last time. Her now cold skin made him shiver. Against her naked shoulder, he sobbed in a violent way. He kissed her cheek while he caressed her neck with his right hand. Lanie came in, she had read ayes and tears were stuck on her cheeks. He got him by his shoulders but didn't look at him in the eye while she advised him to go home. There was nothing he could do. But he could ask between tears.
''What the hell happened?''
Lanie wiped her tears and tried to answer.
''She was found in an alley. She wasn't the only one found dead. Cole Maddox lied next to her. It seems they killed each other. Maddox got several shots in his abdomen and bullets match Kate's gun caliber Kate...'' she pressed her lips and more tears came to her black eyes ''she was stabbed to death.''
Like her mother. But there was something he couldn't understand. She was done with it. She told him that now that she knew who was behind the conspiracy, she was going to put her mother's case apart since she couldn't touch the responsible. He concluded it had been something spontaneous. She was happy with him. They were happy together. Everyone knew about their relationship and now they didn't have to hide it from anyone. He didn't understand it. He was astonished. He took Lanie's advice and went home. He had a funeral to arrange.
Alexis woke him up. And his mind stopped reliving. During the last month, he had forgotten he had a daughter attending Columbia University. But Alexis understood it. She didn't speak a word. She knew all what her father was going through and understood it. She just crawled to his father bed, where she had slept and dreamt of a beautiful when she was just a kid. Reality was dreadful. She got between the sheets and snuggled next to her father.
''You okay?'' she asked.
''Well...'' he managed to say.
What a stupid question, she thought.
''It's been a month and I still can't believe it.'' she continued.
The relationship between Kate and Alexis had been tough. At the beginning. Alexis admired her.
''You know, dad? She was the reflection I would like to see of myself in the mirror. So strong, so independent, so self-confident... A warrior. A survivor. That's what life made her.'' he really agreed with her ''When you two started a romantic relationship I got angry. I thought she would just put you into danger like she had done before. I was afraid I would lose you. And I was afraid she could hurt you.''
He embraced her and and kissed her forehead.
''But then I know she wouldn't. I talked to her. I was furious. She told me to relax. And she opened herself to me. She told me you had helped her to feel what she hadn't felt before. That it was something you taught her. That she loved you. Like she had never loved anyone before. And that she'd rather hurt herself than hurting you. She put her hands on my shoulders and forced me to look at her in the eye. And then she said she wouldn't be with you if she didn't love you back. That she couldn't be that cruel with you. Her eyes were speaking.''
He swallowed several times. It seemed he had a tie on his throat that couldn't even allow him to breathe. He wanted to go to the graveyard and dig her up from the land that had swallowed her. He wouldn't need a spade. He would do it with his bare hands and bite by bite. He had to get rid of that thought. Silently crying, he slept holding her daughter in his arms. But the didn't know who was holding who.
AN: I want to apologize for my English, it is not my mother language and, even I'm doing everything possible to improve it, there's got to be vocabulary lacks, grammar mistakes and words spelled in a wrong way. Anyway, thank you very much for reading! :)