Disclaimer: I own nothing and nothing owns me.
Summary- The six warriors have hit a small road block with Rinku. The little yo-yo expert wants to know about sex and none of them are willing to tell him about it. What to do? Ask a female. Which female? The only one older then all of them put together.
Listening as her record player let loose the wonderful sounds of old fifties bands, Botan was content. Washing her dishes wasn't too much of a chore for her, not with the wonderful new cleaning soap that just came on the market.
It was finally her day off. And what a beautiful day! Outside the sun was up, few clouds floated overhead and the wind wasn't too humid with summer.
"Perfect day."
But, it was not to last.
Lifting her already dry dishes from the rack, when the ferry girl turned to open up her cupboards, she was greeted by the sight of Shishiwakamaru and Suzuki standing in her kitchen door, Chu standing directly behind them, Touya next to her fridge and Jin and Rinku sitting at her table.
The scream that issued from her mouth could, and probably did, wake the dead.
When her breath came back to her, all six males were holding their ears, especially Jin. The poor wind master would be lucky if his eardrums weren't broken.
"What the hell are you all doing here?! And why didn't you knock on my door before coming in?!"
"Eh, sorry love, we wanted to see the look on yer face. Didn' mean to scare ya." The tallest of the six, Chu, apologized.
"My god, how does a woman so small make so much noise?" Shishi asked Suzuki at the side, his pinky finger prodding the inside of his ear. It was still ringing.
"You didn't answer my questions. Why are you here?" Botan repeated, putting her dishes into her cupboard, passing Touya who was attending to Jin at the moment.
"Well... uh... it's like this... Rinku wants to know... Oh, how do I say this?" Chu hesitated, shifting from foot to foot under the ferry girl's curious look.
"Rinku wants to know what?"
"Oh, for Enma's sake! The pipsqueak wants to know about sex." Suzuki finished for the Aussie, looking annoyed.
Silence reigned for a moment as the blue haired Grim reaper processed what they were saying, a feeling of dread being placed in her stomach. She had been down this road with Yukina once, and Hiei nearly shot her out of the sky afterwards.
"...And?" It was a stupid thing to say, but she wanted to be sure.
"Could you perhaps tell him about it? After all, you're probably the most decent person to tell him the facts. We wouldn't want to corrupt him if we can help it." The ice master explained, playing on the deity's good intentions to everyone. It was mean, but had to be done.
"Yeah, right! Icould have told him the facts, but NOOO, you decide to take him to the messenger of death! I still don't see why-" Suzuki began, stopping when the wind master moved for the first, time only to give him a whack over the head.
"Suzuki, you had your chance, and it got taken away when you took out those magazines! Now hush up!"
Still looking a bit perplexed, Botan looked over to Rinku who had been rather quiet during this whole time. He just looked at her with a brow raised, a look of doubt on his face.
"You... You really want to know about sex?"
He nodded.
Botan sighed. This was not going to be pleasant.
"Alright. But, first I'm going to ask the rest of you to wait outside. I can't have you interrupting when this is going to be hard enough as it is." The deity announced to the older males, shooing them into the living room and shutting the door. Pointedly annoying the dirty looks she got from Shishi and Suzuki. The samurai must have tried his hand too.
Turning back around she went to sit across from Rinku, who still sat quietly. She tried to find a proper way to break the ice, even though in the back of her mind she knew that there was no good way to begin explaining the birds and the bees.
"So... um, you do know that males and females have different physical attributes, right?"
"Uh-huh."
"To what extent do you know this?"
"Guys have dicks and girls have holes."
"Well, yes. Who informed you of this fact?" Please, Enma, let it have been Touya.
"Shishi told me. Or, at least he tried."
Her face went a little green at that thought. Shishi told him this? In what alternate universe did the bird demon give advice?!
"Did he tell you what the holes were for?"
"Nope. Didn't get the chance."
"Why?"
"Chu walked in."
"Oh. Well, the holes, for females, carry a great deal of importance. One is for urine, one is for bowl movements and the third is for sex." Botan explained, thinking that maybe she should ask Touya in for some help on this. At least when it came to the male's part.
"How would that work? I mean, how do you tell the holes apart? There are three!" The little demon asked, looking very confused.
She was afraid that this would come up.
"Er, well, the hole for urine is very small and the one for bowl movements is the last one. And the one for sex... Uh, well, that is at the center and might be... hard to... find."
God, she felt like hiding under a heavy rock right now.
In the other room, Jin, Chu and Suzuki were pressing their ears to the door, listening into the very awkward conversation going on. Their other two companions were sitting in various seats through the room, looking more or less bored. Touya had looked through the onna's book collection and was leafing through an auto book that he would never imagine to be in any woman's possession.
"Are you sure this was the right thing to do? I mean, she keeps stuttering." The tallest man in the room asked, trying to keep his parental worriment for the little demon in check.
"Yeah, I'll bet she hasn't even had sex." Shishi remarked snidely.
"You don't have to have sex to explain it." Touya countered, not looking up from a picture of a car battery.
Before anyone got the chance to give him a teasing comment or an odd look, their little charge came running into the room screaming something about not wanting to die.
"I'm never gonna have sex! You can't make me! I'm too young to die! Chu, help me!" Rinku screamed, clinging to the much older male's right arm as the onna came into the room pinching the bridge of her nose, obviously trying to ward off an up-coming headache.
"I didn't say you'd die from sex, I said onecould die from-- well, during sex." Botan tried again, noticing the look Chu was giving her and hoping that the others weren't thinking anything that might make the situation worse.
Touya had decided that the book wasn't nearly as interesting as the situation and decided to set it down, and perhaps help the female out a little.
"What's this about?"
Botan looked to the ice master, not looking him directly in the eye and tried to find a way to explain the situation.
"He wanted to know whether or not if he had sex someday, if their might be something that could go wrong, like, say, dying... and I said yes."
The ice master's brow raised, coaxing for a further explanation while the Aussie had settled Rinku onto a couch, trying to get him to listen again.
"Why would you say a stupid thing like that?" Suzuki asked, tactless as ever.
"Because it's true!" Botan defended, another hot blush spreading over her features," In all my time as a ferry girl, I've picked up at least two dozen souls who have died during intercourse!"
"Really?" The wind master asked, hovering by Touya.
"Yeah, and give us details." Shishi piped up, very attentive now.
All eyes on her, the bluenette was very tempted to jump out the window, but she had gotten Rinku's attention back and didn't want to leave him scarred for the rest of his long life.
Composing herself, Botan tried to form a clear picture of what she had meant earlier, sitting down on her favorite chair in the process.
"Well, technically the sex won't kill you. But! The process of sex could. At least, if you're very, very old and have high blood pressure and a bad heart. That will kill you. Sex is exercise, after all. Too, much strain and poof, I come to get you."
"That would be a great motto for the American Heart Association." Suzuki commented, earning another thump on the head from Jin.
"So, I'll only die from sex if I'm old and sick?" Rinku asked.
"Yes." The onna replied, her blush fading.
"Okay... That's good. But, about the other question I had?"
"Which one?"
"What's the point of sex?"
Yet again, all eyes were on her and Botan flushed red as a type of fingernail polish she kept for dinner dates.
"Well... When two people usually are attracted to each other and love each other--"
"Don't have to love each other." Shishi interrupted, considering his own previous experiences.
"That's ri--" Suzuki almost joined in, stopping at the evil glare he was getting from Botan. Considering how much he would like to leave the room with as few bruises as possible, the blonde promptly shut his mouth.
"As I was saying," Botan continued," When two people are at the very least, attracted to each other, they start to court one another, and when they feel that they know each other very well and decide they want to mate, they have sex. Usually it's to comfirm feelings of love for one another, but if they are already mated then they either do it for pleasure," At this she paused and gave Shishi a warning look, that said 'Open-your-mouth-and-die'," Or to make a baby."
Rinku seemed to understand what she said, and finally nodded his head.
"I think I understand now. Thanks."
"Your welcome." The ferrier replied, suddenly glad that she had told him the facts instead of the others. Almost honored that they had snuck into her house.
"One more thing, though." Rinku said, catching Botan as she headed for the kitchen again to put away her plates.
"What is it?"
"Where do babies come from?"
The dishes in her hands shattered and back in the living room, the demons groaned.
May write a sequel. REVIEW, first.