wiltingflowersandpinkribbons and I co-authored this little piece. For other stories by pinkribbons and I, see her profile (on my favourite authors list). Specifically, see our very (we hope) amusing series called Cures.

Capt. Jack Harkness

CEO

Torchwood Institution Three

Underneath Cardiff Water Tower

Cardiff, Wales.

Dear Captain Harkness,

I am very interested in the position advertised in the TARDIS Weekly magazine. I understand that you will be furious with Owen for putting the advertisement in the magazine, and I am interested in replacing him after his unfortunate and very accidental demise. I have completed a university course during my time as a UNIT officer in alien medicine, as well as obtaining a medical certificate at the London University.

My own personal experience concerning aliens stretches from catching and analysing the behaviour of the common weevil, to such specialised assignments as disassembling the transmitting device operated by a very aggressive clan of mind-controlling tooth floss people . . . things. We never actually figured out what they're called. Although they could possibly be called Toclafane, as we did stumble upon an alien document referring to a species of a similar description by that name.

I have studied and appreciated your work in this field for the past three years, however I would personally adopt a less violent approach to situations. For example, I try to die as little as possible, something which I hear is uncommon in your team, perhaps my approach would lower the death toll a few notches. However, I am sure that you would make up the difference.

I have also noted that within Cardiff everyone seems to know your name. I apologise in advance for my coming comment, but, I do believe that you are the least secret, secret organization I have ever come across. And I've infiltrated quite a few in my previous occupation. Perhaps my presence, and my less conspicuous methods, including the use of a blue sedan rather than a very large black SUV, which is not on any world market and also incorporates various flashing blue lights into its design, would help to keep your organization a little more secret, however hard that may be.

I am not only able to deal with aliens and rather gruesome discoveries, but have also survived various werewolf attacks. Thus, because of these past experiences, I've become quite good in combat, and it's rather hard to kill me. Thanks to this, I have a lot of experience in the supernatural, something which I believe you deal with quite often.

I am quick learner, and am willing to participate in all aspects of the job, including: analysing alien behaviour, capturing, tracking, dissecting, classifying, field duties, using alien technology and dismantling dangerous explosives. I have no previous experience in which I have been directly responsible for any accidental incidents involving explosives or permanent damage. I have experience in the proper documentation and filing involved in such a position, and am willing to do my part in this area as well.

I hope you consider my application fairly and am looking forward to hearing from you soon. My resume is enclosed, along with a frozen sample of my recent discovery of a Spangle; a creature possibly from Venus, because it seems to require high concentrations of sulphur in its atmosphere to survive. As you can see, I accidentally deprived it of enough sulphur. Do not be alarmed by it's putrid smell, it is currently in its decomposing stage.

I am looking forward to hearing from your organization soon.

Yours sincerely,

Sally Sparrow.

saz: we don't own Torchwood or Sally (Doctor Who series 3 - Blink)