A/N: Inspired by and written for Danie (xPerfectlyImperfect)'s Ultimate Het Competition, level Gryffindor, using the pairing Sirius/Marlene, song prompt 'You're All I Have' by Snow Patrol and prompt 'guilty feelings'.
I really hope you like it, Danie!
Living (for the Moment)
"Tell me again why we're doing this?"
"Because we're the Wizarding world's last hope. Well, us and James and Lily and Frank and Alice…"
Sirius just raises an eyebrow while Marlene bursts into laughter at the expression of half amusement and half exasperation on his face.
"Oh, Sirius. You know there's nothing that could drag either of us away from this fight. So then why are we even arguing about this?"
The couple are lying down beneath the shade of sleepy cypress trees, too restless to sleep off in their respective dorms. Enveloped in James' invisibility cloak they lay close together without really touching.
"There's something you have to promise me, though." Sirius' voice dips huskily and Marlene props herself up on an elbow, slightly surprised.
"Is everything okay?" she asks softly, ignoring his previous statement.
"Marly. Promise me you'll make it out of this alive." His voice is low, rough and urgent and Marlene's stomach swoops uneasily.
She knows as well as anyone that her days were most definitely numbered. There was nothing she or anyone else could do to guarantee her life or the life of anyone else in the Order, except perhaps joining Voldemort's minions. She knew for sure that she would rather sell her limbs at Knockturn Alley than switch sides in the immense war she and her friends were desperately preparing for.
"Sirius." She doesn't know what to say just then and she just stares deep into his coffee eyes, noticing for the first time the many laugh lines that blossomed from the tips of his eyes and the way in which his unkempt black hair always managed to sweep itself into the left. She absently wondered as to when is hair had last met the hairbrush.
The wind begins to howl through the trees as the night begins to deepen around them. Sirius shivers involuntarily, and Marlene stares at the little pinpricks of flesh that rise along with the hairs on his arms. Her gaze ascends up to his eyes again and he looks at her with a question in his eyes.
"Where's all this sudden worry coming from?" Her deep blue eyes never once leave his coffee ones, but his gaze falters and he pulls himself away from her despite the chill.
"Because," he begins, but he is unable to go on.
"Because?" she prods gently, placing a warm palm on his freezing hand.
"Hey, how on earth are you so warm?" he yelps in surprise, but her grip on him only tightens.
"Don't change the topic." The warning is very clear in her voice, and Sirius knows better than to mess with her. Images quickly flash before his eyes of the quiet girl in his Potions class who'd surprised everyone by topping the Ordinary Wizarding Levels. She had become close to Lily after overhearing a conversation about the Order between her and Alice in the girls' dormitory . Ever since then, she'd constantly managed to surprise him, keeping him on his toes.
Sirius liked a girl who kept him on his toes.
"What do you want to know?" he asks in resignation and can't help smiling at her very expressive eye-roll.
"Why are you suddenly so worried for me, Sirius?" But this time her tone caresses him, curling around his soul like a warm hug before the fireplace on a winter's evening and he finds himself tongue-tied, unable to respond.
But her eyes never once leave his and he gradually finds himself responding, hardly registering the emotion that runs thick in his voice.
"Because I feel guilty," he chokes out. "Because I don't want to be the reason you die, damn it!" He pounds the ground beneath them angrily and Marlene's eyes open wide with shock. It's her time to go silent and she wonders when she'd begun to mean so much to Sirius.
Or when he'd started to mean so much to her.
All she can manage for now is a gentle hug and the words, "You never will be." She doesn't say she'll survive, because she doesn't believe in false promises.
His strides are long and heavy as he thunders across the dormitory, restless. His feet weave the same pattern through the beds in a mindless manner and he mutters to himself, scowling in annoyance.
James and Remus give up on him after trying so hard in getting him out of the dormitory and into open air, but he is in no mood to listen. James pretends to finally let go but rushes to Marlene instead. The wild look of worry in his eyes isn't lost on her.
"What's wrong with Sirius?" she asks him he minute he gets within earshot, and Lily suppresses a grin. Marlene may have been tough, but Lily could easily see through her friend and to the growing affection she'd begun to feel for Sirius.
"He's been wearing a track into the floor of our dorm," complains James gloomily.
"He's pacing again?"
James nods in affirmation.
"What happened this time?" Marlene is already putting her books away as she prepares to follow James.
"That's what I'm hoping you'll find out."
"Sirius?" A head peeks into the boy's dormitory.
"Hmm?"
"Mind stepping out of your rut for a minute?"
He only looks up then and nearly jumps at the sight of Marlene's grinning face. Her long brunette hair flies about in the slight breeze from the windows and Sirius finds himself suddenly feeling very warm. Then reality kicks in.
"Hey, how are you in the boy's dorm?!"
"I'm technically not in, am I? Come out here!" She stamps a foot down with impatience and he's suddenly the moth to her flame, longing for just a little more of her.
"Marlene." He raises a palm to hold her cheek but she grabs it and drags him down the corridors and towards the pumpkin patch.
"Shh. Not here!"
"Where exactly are we going?" He knows that he'll follow her no matter what, but he asks just in case. Perhaps he could suggest an alternate location. Marlene wasn't giving him much of a choice in the matter, though.
"Just shut up and come, will you?"
He reluctantly doesn't speak till they reach the pumpkin patch and she's grinning despite herself.
"Since when did you begin trusting me so blindly, Black?"
"Ever since you proved trustworthy at the Order, McKinnon." His eyes are dancing with happiness and she wonders where the surly Sirius from a few moments ago disappeared off to. But Marlene has always been smart with priorities.
"What's bothering you?" she asks suddenly, and all traces of mirth dissolve from her voice.
"Well…" He squirms a little under her stern-yet-soft gaze and she watches as a multitude of emotions flit across his eyes before he decides to utter a few words.
"Sit down," he instructs suddenly and enjoys the way her eyes widen in surprise. She complies silently and the pair sit on the cold earth, nestled up against the humongous pumpkins.
"You know what's been happening, with the Order," Sirius begins in a low voice, and Marlene only nods in response.
"Remus has found out that Fenrir Greyback is going around biting innocents and kidnapping them, introducing them into his way of lycanthropy. Needless to say, it isn't pleasant." He grimaces and Marlene shudders. She knows what Greyback is capable of and she has seen the graffiti he's carved into human skin and the ugly snarl he's got on his face. For the first time in a long time, she's really and truly afraid and her mind begins to malfunction.
"Sirius, that's horrible, horrible news! Is that why Remus has been looking so dejected lately? What happened to everyone we've been trying to recruit onto our side? Do we have enough fighters, Sirius? Should it come down to a war, do we have an army?" Her voice grows louder with each word and her hands shake uncontrollably.
Sirius thought he'd never live to see the day that Marlene McKinnon lost control, and he most certainly didn't expect to be the one grasping her clammy palms in his and soothing her. Hell, he didn't quite imagine he was capable of being the salve to anyone's wound but here he was, stroking her hair and rubbing her back and telling her that it's okay, that it will be okay.
And suddenly they're kissing, lips clashing in a passion fuelled by wars and worries and an uncertain tomorrow. They are kisses that ignite the soul, whispering promises of togetherness no matter how short a time it may be. His hands are lost in her curls and her nails rake patterns down his back as she moans in pleasure and pain, fright and lust and slowly but surely it all melts into love, love, love.
They realise then that each other is all they've ever needed and if it is a war that they must face, they would rather face it as one.
Sooo, hope you enjoyed - please do drop a review on your way out to let me know what you liked and didn't like about this, thank you :)