This is literally written because I read a BBC Analysis article this morning and I couldn't get it out of my head. I understand both sides so well, and I needed them to talk it out a bit for my own sanity I think.
It is about the recent kidnapping case with France, the people kidnapped back in 2010, at a uranium plant in Niger, held by jihadist bandits, who are now safe and free back in France.
All my stories seem to be about tea, to some extent. I Wikipediaed French tea drinking traditions of course, but I have no idea if it is true, so please if you are French and passionate about tea, feel free to correct me.
I do not own Hetalia, the BBC, or anything other than my computer, some books, and hundreds of tea bags really.
"Britain cannot be serious about this!" an angry French yell rang through England's London house.
"Oh but we are, France," a calm British voice said in return knowing exactly what the fuss was about. He had even expected the frog to turn up. "Did you or did you not pay those terrorist to give back those kidnapped French people?" he said as he entered the hallway to meet the furious Frenchman.
"I am an honest nation Angleterre, why don't you trust me?" Francis said angrily.
"Because, dear chap, a terrorist group like al-Qaeda doesn't just hand their prisoners over from a change of heart!" the Brit spat at him.
"Je sais! But we don't play that game. We did not give them money, we have agreed not to do that, non?" France picked up a walking-cane next to him in the hallway, "Don't question my honour, Rosbif!" just as England reached for an umbrella, "I will when I think you lie, frog!" he retorted and changed his stance in preparation for a fight.
"En garde!" the Frenchman yelled and thus started an elaborate fencing match through England's house. As a Pirate and educated gentleman England put up quite a fight, but France was equally good.
They moved through the living room, from sofas to chairs, and even jumped up on the dining room table.
England parried a blow from France with his umbrella and said, "We had an agreement monsieur, and I do believe you broke it!" Before going in for a stronger attack.
France was defending himself whilst saying "I did not break anything, Rosbif. But even if I did I am happy they are back! They are French people and I am proud they are in safety!" he moved forward swiftly and suddenly England lost his footing at the edge of the table, and managed to drag the Frenchman with him to the ground.
They tumbled down on Arthur's expensive carpet and lay heaving on the floor for a bit.
"Damn, we're getting old, mate," England stated as he got to his feet and brushed off some dust. He took the umbrella and the cane, placing them neatly back in the hallway.
"Speak for yourself," France pouted.
"Ha, you're older than me, so you're old by default," England commented with a grin before coming back into the room. He was tugging on a lose thread showing his discomfort at how to proceed, now that they weren't physically fighting anymore.
"Do you… would you like a cup of tea? English breakfast? Earl Grey?" England asked as he moved towards the kitchen.
"Earl Grey, sugar and lemon, s'il vous plaît," France said and followed England into the kitchen. Arthur didn't even bother to tell the other how weird and sporadic French tea drinking habits seemed to be. Apparently they had been the first ones to add milk to their tea, but then it all deteriorated from there. The kettle boiled and Arthur swiftly made the two mugs, and they went to sit down in the living room.
They sat quiet for a while, waiting for their tea to cool down.
England was the first to break the silence. "I'm sorry. I don't mean to say that I believed your people should have died. I am happy they are back and safe," he said and looked down.
"It might have been the Niger government that payed for them, to make better relations with France. Or someone else. I don't actually know. And if I did I couldn't tell you, mon amie," France said.
"I just.. They have earned probably more than 72 million pounds the last ten years from taking people hostage. They will only continue when we keep paying them. Spain, Italy, Canada, Austria, and you have all had your captured people released, most likely from paying off the kidnappers," England sighed.
"But more importantly. The money they get from it they use to kidnap even more people. Great Britain has a zero tolerance policy and that comes at a heavy price for us. Back in 2009 in Mali when a group of European tourists were kidnapped only the Briton was killed because everyone else payed them off," Arthur said and lifted his tea, now at perfect drinking temperature, and clutched the mug with both hands.
It still hurt. Any needless death or suffering of his people hurt.
"I know Angleterre. But I can't just stand idly by when my people have been captured. When their families plead to me for help, when my people are upset and outraged. We know that military action doesn't work. God knows we have tried. I just don't see another option," France shook his head.
It was good to have an actual talk about it. Fencing was nice, but he needed this talk. He knew England was hurt, but he was justified in his view too. Needing his friend to understand.
"Of course we all feel pain, hear the families cry. The problem is that by paying them they can afford better and more elaborate kidnappings. The risk of more Europeans getting captured rises dramatically. And what when they have a lot of money? These groups are connected to known international terrorists. What if we get a new 9/11? But in Paris or London?" Arthur asked.
"I don't think they will stop kidnapping Westerners just because we stop giving them money," France answered. He had arrived at his main argument.
"These groups are out to hurt not only Westerners but often their own government. What they want is to scare away foreign investors to hurt their country's economic situation. They will keep kidnapping, until we stop going there to work or invest," he said.
England stayed silent for a while. Closing his eyes.
"That is true. And they attack the hotels our business people stay in, or shoot at their cars. It won't necessarily be enough to drive our people out though. Britons are tough. However, by providing the ransom we are making all of that easier for them."
They both looked at each other for a little while. "There is just no winning in this situation is there?" France sighed.
"I'm afraid not. I am still happy your people are fine, but France… if it was you who payed them. Try not to do it again, alright?"
"England! I did sign that agreement back in June. And I was less drunk than you the whole conference I should add," France smiled properly at him.
"Oh piss off. Although, fancy a glass of whisky?" Arthur asked mischievously.
"Are you offering because you think it might improve your own fencing skills? Because it won't. I'll always be better than you," Francis grinned.
"Indeed... Maybe we should retrace some history?" England said, staring his old friend straight in the eyes, both knowing they were equals.
Oh bloody hell. It is short, ranty and pretty factual. So, like my usual writing I suppose. All this kidnapping business is very scary. We keep hearing about it all the time. I don't blame the French if they payed the people off, because frankly, I sort of wish Britain would do the same for me if I was in that situation. Would I want to give my life for Queen and country if it actually mattered? It would put others at risk if they did help me though, and that would bother me a lot.
If you have an easy answer please feel free to contact me, or speak up at the next G8 summit or at the UN, alright? Cheers