Hi, it's me and The Deidara Effect! And this is our first time working together
Chapter 1
"Argh! I hate humans! They corrupt the perfect world we worked so hard on to make them! Look at them, killing each other and every other living thing. They're parasites, I tell you!" cried a very angry Akane. She emphasized her words with gesticulation.
Akane's father rubbed his temples in annoyance. "Well, Akane, sweetie, maybe you should take charge of this 'issue' and stop complaining!" he responded in exasperation, not taking his eyes off of his newspaper, The Daily Hell.
A light bulb appeared over the evil genius Akane's head. I'm going to exact my revenge on the shinobi world, one group of people at a time, she thought.
"Father, you are right!" she yelled enthusiastically while rubbing her hands together. "I'll take matters into my own hands and turn those vile, wretched humans into beasts! We'll see then if they can destroy the world I helped make for them. They'll regret it, I'll tell you!" And with that, she bolted straight out of their realm.
"That's not … what I meant," her father sighed, turning the page.
Having arrived at her destination – the human realm – Akane surveyed her surroundings. I think I look like a normal human. I mean, they're all ugly anyway, she mused. She was donning a plain white cloak, no hood, and simple sandals. She patted her bun, tied up with a black ribbon. By the strands of hair that fell in her face, her hair was a muddy brown. Her skin had a sun kissed tone, but to her disappointment her arms lacked hardened muscle. She could not tell what colour her eyes were but assumed they were some awesome colour.
She wandered aimlessly around for a little while, unsure of where to go. Finally spotting a trail, she ran over to it and, using the eenie-meenie-mainie-moe method, decided to follow it east. Ambling along the trail, whistling a cheery song while thinking wicked thoughts, Akane was the most suspicious person on that trail.
For hours she walked; the sky darkened as the sun began to set. For hours she saw no signs of human habitation. Impatience pushed to its limit, she threw her head back and screamed, "Where the fuck are all you goddamn people?"
No response other than some echoes and bird calls. But somewhere just a couple kilometres down the trail, an elderly woman, having heard Akane's scream, hurried in fright inside her little shack, threw curtains over the windows, and locked the door.
With a huff the frustrated Akane spun around on her heels and ran in the opposite direction. She was running so fast that, once she saw a figure, she could not stop in time to prevent a collision.
Oof!
Both of them fell to the ground.
"Watch where the fuck you're going!" Akane cursed, painfully getting up.
The person made no comment as he picked himself up and brushed the dirt off of him.
Wait a minute! He's a human! Akane's inner voice cried.
"You're a human!" she voiced, a look of shock present on her face.
"No shit," the man grumbled. He had long blond hair; while one of his eyes was covered, the other was a bright blue. It was narrowed as he glared down at her. "What were you doing anyway?"
On instinct Akane moved to punch him, but he caught her arm with surprising speed and ease. "Calm down and tell me what you meant by 'You're a human.'"
Akane noted his ensemble – a black cloak with red clouds and a high collar as well as a fisherman's hat with bells. I knew humans had no fashion sense.
"I – I -" It was then that Akane realized with horror that she did not even think about what she would do or say when she encountered her first human. "I'm, uh, selling … stuff," she said lamely.
The man raised an eyebrow and roughly pushed her away. "I see nothing," he stated. "I also see no reason I shouldn't just blast you into pieces."
Bring it on, bitch! Akane internally snarled. "It's, uh … I'm selling … Uh …" she struggled to think of a legitimate excuse. "I'm selling myself!" She mentally slapped herself for that outburst. What the fuck did you just say, you retard?
He furrowed his brows. Perhaps she looked too ugly to be doing that? His hand found its way into one of his pockets. Oh shit, is he actually going to –
A lump of clay was pulled out and he casually began kneading it into something.
"Hey, what's that?" Akane demanded, slightly nervous.
The man smirked but said nothing. With one final push, he opened his hand to reveal a tiny little bird. "It's art, un," he stated with a hint of pride. He handed it to her. Suspicious, she snatched it from him to observe the details. "For you."
Akane bit her lower lip in confusion. Her thumb slowly moved as it prepared to squash it, but she resisted. Damn her destructive tendencies.
"Er, thanks – "
And with that he made a little hand sign reminiscent of the middle finger and exclaimed, "Katsu!"
And then it exploded.
The force of the blast knocked Akane to the side, making her crash painfully into a tree. "What … the Hell … was that for?" she panted angrily once she regained her breath.
"For being such a – How the Hell did you survive that blast?" the man asked incredulously. "My art never fails!"
"I'm a … er … it's none of your concern!" she responded as she shakily stood up and brushed herself off.
The man hmphed. "I've to report back to Leader. I guess you're coming with me."
"I refuse to go anywhere with the likes of you, scum bag!" Akane growled. This human will pay!
The blond cocked an eyebrow and formed another clay bird. It burst into a giant bird, large enough for him to ride on; it stayed put on as he sauntered over to Akane. Once again, Akane made a move to hit him, but he easily dodged it. He grasped her arm and within a second had her pinned face down on the ground. His weight on her back suppressed her breathing.
"You're going with me, hm," he whispered into her ear. She shuddered.
"I will kill you," she said weakly. Goddamn this guy's too strong.
The two remained in that position for several more minutes, Akane struggling to push him off her so she could breath. Finally, due to a lack of oxygen, Akane passed out.
The man smirked at his easy victory and threw her unconscious body unceremoniously into the mouth of his bird. He hopped on and directed it fly off towards the south.
Akane eventually regained her consciousness and found herself in a small, dimly lit room. She was on the floor. She painfully rose, her head light, and gazed around. Frustration and anger roared inside her and she resisted the temptation to explode into her true form.
The metal door in front of her swung open and a figure stepped inside.
Akane gasped. "You!" she snarled.
Deidara rolled his eyes (or eye), roughly grasped her arm, and proceeded to drag her out of the room.
"Unhand me!" Akane hissed furiously. Never in her life had she been treated so badly – her father was, after all, the Wolf King.
By the time Deidara had got her to the meeting room he had to have her flung over his sholder. Well she wasn't to happy about him doing that because she was kicking and pounding on his back.
Deidara ignored her struggling as he slung her over his back like a sack of potatoes. He walked into the meeting room. Everyone was seated at their assigned seats with Leader at the head.
"Argh! Let go!" Akane cried. She pounded his back.
"I brought her here like you said to, Leader, un," he stated, wincing as his back was assaulted. He immediately dropped Akane onto the floor and slipped into his seat, between Kisame and Hidan and across from Sasori.
Akane jumped to her feet and walked over to the opposite end of the table to face Leader, arms akimbo. She opened her mouth to speak but was cut off by a wave of Leader's hand.
"What is your name?" he asked simply.
She quickly racked her brain for a fake name. "Kie," she said, trying to keep her cool. What kind of hideous name is that?
"Then explain to me, Kie, why you survived one of Deidara's bombs and have red eyes. Furthermore, explain to me why I sense no human chakra in you."
Chakra? Oh shit! "I have no idea what you're talking about," she said.
Leader raised an orange eyebrow and glanced to his right. Konan, the blue-haired woman, gave him a curt nod.