A/N: With every book I love I must rather make a million fanvids about it or mock the crap out of it. Guess which rode I took with the summoning. Please review. Oh and if you didn't know I'm Londen (you'll see what I mean later).
PROLOGUE
Little Chloe: Basements are scary.
Whore babysitter Emily who serves no purpose at all: Where the fuck is the coke, you booger?
Little Chloe: Ima stay up here.
Whore babysitter: Stop being such a scared little baby and help me find my coke, whore.
Little Chloe: ZOMG scary people!!!!!
Whore babysitter: Would you get the fuck down here so the plot can move, Jesus!
Real babysitter: Chloe, shit where are you kid?
Little Chloe: WTF?
Scary ghost man/whore babysitter voice: Welcome back Chloe!!! Muahahahahahah!!!!!
CHAPTER ONE
Chloe: *wakes up from fucked up dream*
Londen: Where have I seen that before?
Chloe: *wakes up goes to bathroom*
Chloe's low self esteem: I look too young and babyish. I'm short. I'm flat chested. I'm blonde but not cool blonde stupid strawberry blonde that makes me look five. I don't have my period, I want my period. I'm fifteen I should be able to get pregnant if I want to. All my friends got it when they were like eight, wtf is going on? Oh and I have a stutter. GAWD.
Londen: *facepalm* Not another YA heroine with incredibly low self esteem.
Chloe's inner less annoying monologue: My mom totally died when I was in the first grade. It was bad and stuff.
Chloe's necklace: *has secrets that will yet be revealed*
Chloe: *goes to school in cab and sees kid that's not real and screams*
Taxi driver that we will never see again: WTF happened?
Chloe: Oh nothing, I'm just preparing the reader for what's coming a few pages.
Londen: Can we get to that already?
CHAPTER TWO
Chloe: *gets to fancy art school*
Chloe: *calls aunt replacement mom*
Chloe: Did I ever live in a house with a basement?
Aunt Lauren: What no-I mean yes. I mean why do you want to know?
Chloe: I had a weird dream that I was little and there was a basement and it was scary.
Aunt Lauren: Oh yeah don't worry about it, you were really little. *ehem* but remember I'm here for you and if you ever want to-
Hospital: Paging Dr. Fellows, your few intro minutes are over now back to the plot.
Chloe: That's your cue, bye.
Chloe's inner monologue: I want to be a badass director and I love movies. My friends are awesome but they make me feel immature that I don't like any dudes at my school. So I made up a crush and my idiot friend who serves no purpose other than to show you that I'm not a social pariah told him and now he won't talk to me anymore and avoids me at all costs. FML.
CHAPTER THREE
Random dude we'll never see again who's supposed to represent all of what Chloe's going to lose: You want to have my children-I mean go to the dance tomorrow?
Chloe: Sure.
Film club meeting, weird shit happens ends up in bathroom.
Chloe's period: I have arrived!!!
Chloe: *does happy dance*
Londen: Bitch didn't even get cramps.
Chloe: I'm going to put red streaks in my hair to make me look older.
Chloe: *puts red streaks in hair, hears more scary shit. Leaves bathroom.*
Ghost janitor: Hi, I'm a scary ghost dude here to make you think you're losing your mind and have you shipped off somewhere where the plot will finally take off. Now excuse me as I scare you. BAHHHHHH!!!
Chloe: *screams, runs to roof, get tackled and hauled off to hospital*
CHAPTER FOUR
Chloe: *Wakes up in hospital*
Aunt Lauren: You're going to a group home!
Chloe: Gah!
Aunt Lauren: It's the only way for you to go to UCLA.
Londen: lol that rhymed.
CHAPTER FIVE
Chloe: *wakes up in group home for the crazies*
Crazy girl: Hi, I'm Liz!
Chloe: Gah!
Liz: *Rifles through clothes*
Liz: I like your clothes.
Chloe: Thank you. I'm Chloe by the way.
Liz: *talks like no tomorrow*
Chloe's inner monologue: I wonder how crazy she is. She doesn't seem crazy, I'll bet they don't put really crazy people here.
Chloe's inner voice: Oh no Chloe. They don't put any really crazy people here. Just the ones that hear voices, see burned up janitors and fight with teachers.
Liz: Oh by the way there are guys here.
Chloe: *gulps* this place is coed?
Liz: Yeah, but don't worry none of the guys are fuckable. Except Simon, but he's Tori's so hands off. There are three nurses the nice old lady, the mean young bitch and the weekend nurse that no one cares about.
A few minutes later
Chloe: *stalks dining room to get a good look at everybody*
Liz: *magically appears*
Liz: The one with the short dark hair and bitchy attitude is my BFF Tori she's kind of bipolar. The fat black chick Rachelle but everyone calls her Rae she lika da fire.
Chloe: *Gulps*
*they go in and meet everybody*
Nice old lady nurse: *does magic pill dance that's reminiscent of an MGMT video*
Nice old lady nurse singing: Pills, pills, pills, pills!
Tori singing: Gimme gimme gimme some pills after midnight won't somebody help chase the shadows away!
Chloe: WTF?
Minutes later upstairs while everyone is getting dressed.
Tori: Rachelle, where's my new shirt whore?
Rae: Idk where'd you leave it, whore?
Tori: Whore, did you do the laundry?
Rae: No, whore. I was going to do it after new gi-I mean Chloe got settled.
Tori looking at Chloe: Whore.
Chloe: WTF?
Tori: I want my shirt, whore.
Rae: It's new, wear it.
Tori: It's new and has people on it. Ew. Wash it whore!
Rae: *fucks off*
Tori: *attacks Chloe with eyes*
Chloe: *Steps back*
Tori: Sucker.
Creepy disembodied hand: *Scares Chloe*
Chloe: Gah!
Everyone: *looks at Chloe*
Chloe: I-I-I-I tripped.
Creepy voice probably belonging to disembodied hand: Girl…plot…me…move along…
Liz: OMG are you okay?
Chloe: *stutters*
Tori: Is she retarded?
Liz: She has a stutter.
Tori: That doesn't answer my question.
Chloe: I have a speech impediment. Whore.
Londen: Oh no she di int!
Tori: *fucks off*
A few minutes later.
Chloe's inner monologue: This fucking place likes schedules way to fucking much man.
Chloe: *searches for escape route*
Mean young bitch nurse: I'm watching you.
Chloe: I-I-I w-w-wasn't doing anything.
Mean young bitch nurse: You're trapped, we have an alarm and no gate in the back yard, muahahahahahah!!!!
Chloe: That's it? I mean oh noes, I'm trapped!