This was inspired from a silly little Facebook thing that my Triplets, LittlePrincessNana and GemNika tagged me in. And I have no idea why it spawned such a ridiculous story, but here it is, in all its dorky glory. I hope you enjoy it, that you laugh and remember silly things you did in kindergarten too.

Thanks for reading, and without further ado, I give you this mess.

Hiro Mashima owns Fairy Tail.

GROWING PAINS

"Hey Natsu, does this stuff taste weird to you?"

Across the guild hall, a head popped up from behind the bar and spun in their direction. Mira hadn't been expecting anyone to suspect anything. The vial she'd bought from the potion shop in town had suggested it couldn't be detected.

She watched nervously as the Dragon Slayer looked at his blonde friend then down at his glass, giving the contents a long sniff . "Whaddaya mean, Luce?"

Lucy held her drink up and eyed it critically. There was something strange about it. The color was a bit off, the smell just a little sweeter than normal, but the most noticeable thing was the aftertaste. It was...something she couldn't quite put her finger on.

But before she could investigate further, her vision started going hazy. "Wha-"

"Natsu!"

Lucy ran up to her best friend with arms wide for a hug, but came to a stop the moment she realized what he was doing. "Natsu! Don't pick your nose!"

The little boy shrugged his shoulders, pulling his finger out and giving it a glance before holding it out to her. "Want some?"

"Ew! No! That's gross!"

Her best friend giggled, then lunged at her, hand outstretched before him. But Lucy was too fast. She jumped back, a squeak of alarm bursting out of her mouth as she turned and raced away. "Natsu stop!"

Across the room, Juvia stomped around, a tall hat perched on top of her head and a large drum strapped to her chest. "Yankee Doodle went to town, a ridin' on a pony!" she sang loudly, banging the drum with each syllable. "Stuck a finger in his cap and called it macaroni!"

Beside her, another blue-haired girl sat on the floor, legs crisscrossed and hands over her ears. "Stop singing so loud!"

Juvia paused in her song long enough to glare down at the smaller girl. "It's s'posed to be loud!"

Wendy pouted up at her. "But you sound bad!"

"I do not! Meanie!" Juvia shouted, then promptly turned around and began again. "Yankee Doodle went to town..."

To the right of them, Gajeel sat on a table, his legs swinging freely beneath him as he watched his friend march and sing.

"You're not s'posed to sit up there," a serious voice instructed.

Turning, he found Bickslow standing next to him with his arms folded, his glasses sliding down his nose. "I don't care."

"Mr. Makarov doesn't like us sittin' on the tables," he said, frowning.

Gajeel stuck his tongue out at the other boy. "Well, he's not here!"

"He'll be back-"

Gajeel cut him off by sticking his fingers in his ears and yelling, "LaLaLaLaLa! I can't hear you! LaLaLaLaLa!"

Close to the back of the room, Erza ducked behind a chair breathless and found Gray squatting in her hiding place. "Hey! What're you doin' in my spot?"

"I was here first!" he challenged, hand clutching a nearly empty glue bottle.

"So what!" she snapped. "I saw it first!"

Gray made a face at her, and then noticed she had something behind her back. "Hey, whatcha got behind your back?"

"Nothin!" She took a step back, but Gray followed, trying to reach around her. "Quit it!"

"I wanna see what you got!"

Freed crawled past them with a giggle, slipping under a table off to the side where Cana was sitting with a book. The brown-haired girl didn't even know he was there, and he nearly burst out laughing again.

A moment later, Evergreen came over, a smile stretched across her face. "Hey Cana! Look what I can do!"

Cana lifted her eyes to the other girl and huffed, "What is it, Ever? I'm trying to study!"

Evergreen laughed, shoving her hand up the sleeve of her shirt and into her armpit and flapping her arm up and down. "Listen! It sounds like I'm pootin'!"

Cana scrunched her nose. "That's stupid."

The other girl hopped around, continuously making the same sound over and over again, and suddenly another sound joined the last. Evergreen froze in place for just a moment before dissolving into a fit of giggles.

"Oh gross! Did you actually fart?!" Cana yelled, holding her nose.

Evergreen laughed again, then bent over and pointed to her backside. "My butt's talkin'!"

"You're nasty!"

Mira danced past them, a cape tied to her back and a sword in her hand. She waved it in Evergreen's direction and growled, "Engarde! I challenge you to a duel!"

Almost immediately after the words left her mouth, she took a step back and made a gagging noise. "Ewww! What's that smell?!"

At the very back corner, Laxus sat huddled in the corner, his lip poking out and trembling.

Standing over him was Levy, hands on her hips and a scowl on her face. "Why you gotta be such a crybaby?"

Laxus sniffled, trying not to cry. "I-I'm not!"

The little blue-haired girl grunted and pushed a hand through his hair, messing it up. "Yes you are! I bet you're about to cry right now, you big baby!"

"Nuh-uh!"

Balling her fists, Levy rubbed at her eyes and pretended to cry. "Wah wah! Little crybaby!"

And that was all it took for Laxus to cry - big fat tears - just like she said.

Just then, the lights began fading again, and everyone found themselves sprawled out across the floor of the guild. They sat up slowly, some more quickly than others.

"What the hell just happened?"

Nose scrunched, Natsu smacked his lips. "And why the hell does my mouth taste like boogers?"

Lucy struggled to her feet just beside him and shot him a look of revulsion. "I think the better question is why you know what that tastes like in the first place. And..." she paused, head tipping to the side. "D-Did you try to make me eat your booger?"

Natsu's eyes went wide. "No..." he laughed, my smile faltering as he remembered himself doing that very thing. "No?"

"Oh my God, you did! That's so gross!"

To the right of them, Juvia rushed over to Gray's side and pulled him up, worry clouding her features. "Gray-sama! Let Juvia-" She stopped when she got a good look at him. "W-Why does Gray-sama have white stuff around his lips?"

Gray, barely hearing what she said, swallowed with a grimace. "God my mouth feels gross..."

Eyes going wide, Juvia pressed a hand to her chest and gasped. "Was Natsu right? Gray-sama is...is gay?!"

Finally realizing what Juvia was thinking, Gray scowled. "What the hell are you imagining right now? It's just glue!"

But the water woman was too far gone to hear him. She had already begun picturing her precious Gray-sama frolicking through the flowers with a nameless, faceless boy, and crying her eyes out. Erza too had overheard the blue-haired mage, and like the other woman, her mind had gone straight into the gutter. Her eyes glazed over as she stared off into the distance, not even noticing the stolen crayons she was still clutching in her hands. "B-Boy love?!"

Furious at the both of them, but more with the man who'd started it all, Gray turned to the fire mage. "Natsu, you asshole! You told everyone I'm gay?!"

Natsu burst out laughing at the other man's fury, but his mirth came to an abrupt end when the ice mage suddenly dove at him, tackling him to the ground. Fists began flying, Gray's shirt sailing off his body not even a moment later as he straddled his teammate.

Juvia, having finally come out of her daze, blinked once before her focus instantly honed in on her favorite ice mage. Finding him in such a position though sent her into a immediate tailspin as tears again began to stream from her eyes. "It is true! Gray-sama!" She watched as Natsu managed to gain the upper hand, flipping the two men's positions and seating himself squarely on Gray's stomach. It took no more than that to bring Juvia's fighting spirit back to life. Tears drying, she pointed at the fire mage perched so comfortably on her love's body and yelled, "Love Rival!"

Giving him no time to react, she sent a blast of water straight at him and cracked a violent smile when his body went zipping through the air and smacked into the wall across the guild. "Gray-sama!" she hummed happily, "Let Juvia help you!"

Wendy flushed from her place on the floor as the water woman came closer. She felt horrible for what she'd said to her before...well, what her mind said she had said. Oh she was so confused. Peering up at the older woman, Wendy called out tentatively. "Juvia?"

The woman spun around to meet her eyes. "Yes Wendy?"

Face and neck coloring faster, the young dragon slayer coughed. "Um...I-I'm sorry for saying you sounded bad."

Juvia's brow wrinkled in confused, then relaxed as she smiled. "Juvia doesn't mind. Juvia does sound bad."

"Huh?" Wendy asked, dumbfounded.

Juvia nodded absently as she bit her lip and thought aloud. "Mhm...like a dying cow."

Several tables over, Gajeel sat where he'd woken up and laughed. He couldn't really help himself. He'd seen the Shrimp's Gale Force reading glasses tons of times, and on Shorty, they looked just about right. But now, after seeing them barely clinging to the end of Bickslow's nose, he didn't think he'd ever be able to look at them the same way again.

"What the fuck are you laughing about?" Bickslow grumbled from beside him.

That sent Gajeel into another round of laughter, and he could only just manage to spit out, "You look fucking ridiculous in Shrimp's glasses!" before collapsing again. "Hey Lily! Lily you gotta see this!"

Bickslow scrambled for the glasses on his face and found himself scowling down at the offending - and overly flower patterned - glasses Gajeel was presently dying over. "Where the fuck did these come from?"

Choking out another laugh, Gajeel reached for the chair beside him where Shrimp had left her bag and dug inside until he found the book she'd been reading earlier. He chuckled again as he handed the book, complete with a half naked guy on the front, over to the Seith mage. "Here, how about a book to go with those glasses?"

"How about I beat the shit outta you?" Bickslow fired back, tossing the book back at Gajeel and sending the other mage cackling again. "Annoying fucker..."

Several feet away from them, Ever was frantic. She needed her fan, and she needed it now. And no, it was not to erase the evidence of her fart, thank you very much! But she very much wanted to hide behind it...for nothing short of forever. She was horribly embarrassed, and considering who had witnessed the whole thing, she knew it was bound to get so much worse.

Sure enough, Cana had barely sat up when she began to laugh. "Holy shit, Ever! Didn't think you had that in you!"

"Stop laughing!" she yelped, her face growing hotter the longer she sat there. Where the hell was her fan?! "I-I'm not even sure that really happened!"

"Oh it happened alright!" she hooted, then looked down at the copy of Moby Dick in her lap. Rolling her eyes, she chunked the book over her shoulder and laughed again when she heard someone cry out behind her. "Sorry 'bout that!" She turned back to the girls to either side of her and grinned. "Now, Ever...about that fart-"

The self-appointed Fairy Queen anxiously scanned the room, then scowled at Cana. "Would you stop saying that so loud?!"

"What's the matter, doll? Afraid someone's gonna find out that your ass talks?" the card mage snickered.

Ever could feel the heat spreading down her neck. She wanted to sink through the floor and never return.

"Cana, stop teasing her about it," Mira chided, reaching down to brush her legs off when she realized she was in fact holding a sword in her hand...Erza's sword. "What in the world..."

The other women's attention diverted her way, and both could do nothing but stare at the Takeover mage with twin expressions of horror. "Why do you have Erza's sword?" Ever whispered, ducking her head so that her voice wouldn't travel.

"I...I don't know." Mira bit her lip, peeking around the table beside her to check on her redheaded friend. Hopefully she wasn't looking for her sword just yet. "What am I gonna do?"

Cana snorted. "Die?"

"You're so helpful," Ever sneered, turning her nose up at her fellow brunette.

Eyebrow arching, Cana smirked. "And you're so talented," she fired back, lifting a hand to her armpit to mimic Ever's actions from before.

Once more the bespectacled woman went bright. "Shut up!"

"Guys!" Mira whined, waving the sword between the two of them. "A little help please!"

In the last corner of the guild, one of the tallest and one of the shortest members of the guild faced off. Though it was more of a strategic avoidance than anything else. Neither felt all that comfortable with their part in the hallucination they'd just experienced.

"Um...Laxus?" Levy asked, blushing ten shades of red. "I...I'm really sorry for um...for what I said about you being a-"

The burly man shot her a warning look. "I'm not a fucking crybaby!"

"I-I know that!" the short woman agreed instantly, her hands growing damp from nervousness. She really didn't want Laxus angry at her.

Not satisfied, the blonde hulk folded his arms across his chest and growled, "I don't ever fucking cry! Didn't cry when my damn dog died or when my bike got stolen or when my best friend broke my nose or-"

Levy was steadily nodding her head, anything to let the blonde hulk beside her know that she understood, when Freed stuck his head out from his apparent hiding spot under the table nearest to Cana, Mira, and Ever. "Yes you did, Laxus! Remember? You had Ginger for 10 years, and you said she was the best dog you ever had and..."

"Shut the hell up, Freed!"

"And that bike was the one your mom gave you before she died. It was your favorite..."

Laxus's face was growing redder and redder by the minute. "Freed, shut your goddamn mouth!"

"And I really didn't mean to break your nose, but you cried all day because you thought I did it on purpose," Freed finished, giving the larger man a smile. He loved helping his Leader out. It was rare that Laxus forgot things, but Freed was always there to help him remember it correctly.

"Yo, Freed...what the hell are you doing under there?" Cana yelled out, having seen Freed pop out from under the table.

The man instantly froze, then pulled himself back out of view. "N-Nothing!"

The lightning mage was mortified. How the hell could Freed have said all that shit out loud, in front of everyone? And why the hell was he grinning like that? Turning to the woman at his side, he growled, "None of that shit's true!"

Levy immediately nodded her head, then got confused about whether that was what he wanted, so she shook her head too. She watched as his brow wrinkled and squeaked, "I- I-I don't know what to say!"

Groans went up around the room as everyone stretched and started clambering to their feet. It was at this point that Freed began to sweat, because he knew it was coming. He waited with bated breath, and it seemed as if time was crawling. And then the first scream rang out, following immediately by several more grunts, shrieks, and shouts. And then there was nothing but the sound of bodies hitting the floor.

"Ow, my back!"

"What the fuck!"

"Who the hell tied my shoelaces?!"

Similar yells went up around the room until finally it was quiet again, and in that silence and from the center of the room, another voice called out.

"Sorry!"

Everyone looked in the direction the voice had come, and eyes the room over went wide when Freed climbed from beneath a table and ducked his head.

"FREED?!"