Disclaimer: I don't own the Harry Potter-universe. Sadly. And the title is a twist on 'How I Met Your Mother', which I also don't own.
How I Met Your Father
"Honestly mom, I don't know what you see in that man!" A fuming 15-year-old redhead stormed into the kitchen, where Audrey Weasley was currently trying to enjoy a cup of tea and reading the Daily Prophet.
"That is no way to talk about your father, Molly, and we've taught you better than that," Audrey commented, not looking up from the article she was reading and sipping her tea. Molly crossed her arms over her chest and huffed.
"Besides, your father is a great man. I thought you gathered as much by now," Audrey continued, finally looking up from the article. She sighed when she saw her oldest daughter's face.
"Right. What happened?" Molly sat down in the chair opposite her mother.
"He said that I shouldn't let Doug interfere with school so much! Honestly, mom, it's not even August yet, I have loads of time to finish all my work. I just want to spend some time with Doug! How's that a crime?" Molly slammed her hand down on the table to emphasize her words.
"Who's Doug?" Audrey asked, wondering why Percy seemed to know more about their daughter's love life than she did. Molly blushed slightly.
"Douglas MacMillan. You know, Ernie and Susan's son?" Molly explained, looking everywhere but at her mother.
"Oh, Douglas," Audrey said, "So, what? Is he your boyfriend?" Molly nodded and blushed even harder. Audrey smiled and continued: "How come your father knows and I don't?"
"Ernie told him! And I begged dad not to tell you yet, because I wanted to tell you myself, and I was going to mom, really, but –"
"It's okay, Molly. I get it. When I was your age, I never told my mother about my boyfriends," Audrey said, cutting off her daughter's rambling with a smile.
"Did you have a lot of boyfriends? Before dad, I mean," Molly asked, with a curious look on her freckled face. Audrey shook a strand of blonde hair out of her eyes and blushed the tiniest bit.
"Quite a few, yes. But that's beside the point," she quickly answered.
"Oh, mom, come on. Tell me about them!" Molly whined, "And how you got together with dad! Please tell me!" She considered what she had said and added: "But cut out all the gory details. I don't want to hear about that." Molly shuddered at the thought. Audrey smiled at her daughter and rolled her eyes.
"Fine, I'll tell you about my boyfriends and how I got together with your dad."
"It was my fourth year when the Triwizard Tournament came to Hogwarts," Audrey started, "And Nikolai Todorov was one of the boys from Durmstrang."
"What did he look like?" Molly interrupted.
"Oh, he was dreamy," Audrey answered, "Muscular, tall, dark hair, dark eyes... Totally gorgeous, this guy. But you know, every girl was obsessing over Viktor Krum."
"Aunt Hermione's friend? Why?" Molly asked.
"Ah, you remember that uncle Ron told you he used to be a famous Quidditch player, right? Well, he didn't lie to you when he said he was famous. And he wasn't that bad-looking. So, naturally, girls flocked towards him."
"Except you," Molly interjected.
"Ah, no, you see, I was also kind of attracted to him. What can I say? I was young, and he was, well, famous."
"What about dad? Or Nikolai?"
"Your dad had already left school. And besides, we'd never really spoken to each other at school. I was twenty-six by the time we got together. And Nikolai, well, I hadn't really noticed him. Until he asked me to the Yule Ball." Molly leaned in to hear the rest of her mother's story.
"Audrey," Padma Patil whispered from her side of the table. Audrey glanced towards Madam Pince's desk before she answered.
"What?" she asked in a hushed voice.
"Someone's checking you out," Padma answered with a wiggle of her eyebrows, giving a short nod at the table right behind theirs. Audrey turned around and locked eyes with a dark-haired boy. He blushed when she caught him staring and returned to his book. A few seconds later, he glanced back. She shot him a smile before turning around and returning to her book, not thinking much of it.
An hour later, Padma had gone back up to the common room, leaving Audrey to continue studying on her own, when she heard a cough coming from behind her. She turned around and saw the boy from earlier.
"May I ask you something?" he asked.
"Sure," Audrey said, glancing at Madam Pince's desk, "But not here. Let's go outside." She gathered her books, which he offered to carry for her, and left the library.
"So," Audrey said once they were out of the library, "What did you want to ask me?"
"Will you be my date for the Yule Ball?"
He had kind of blurted it out, and it kind of took Audrey by surprise, but she agreed happily.
"Sure, why not. My name is Audrey, by the way, Audrey Marshall," she said, sticking out her hand for him to shake.
"Nikolai," he answered, taking her hand and shaking it, "Nikolai Todorov."
"The next few weeks kind of flew by," Audrey said, "I was studying, trying to find a pretty dress, trying to find a way to do my hair for the Ball. Your aunt Hermione as well. We studied together quite often in those days, and she was even more worried about it than I was."
"How so? Surely uncle Ron didn't care what she looked like," Molly questioned.
"Well, that's the thing: your aunt Hermione and uncle Ron didn't go to the Ball together," Audrey said, lowering her voice to a whisper, "She went with Viktor Krum."
"What?" Molly exclaimed, visibly shocked, "How come?"
"Oh, you know your uncle Ron, totally oblivious to the fact your aunt was a very attractive girl," Audrey said, waving her hand dismissingly, "Anyway, on the night of the Ball, I was supposed to meet Nikolai in the Great Hall at a quarter till eight."
"Oh, Audrey," Padma sighed, "You look wonderful." Audrey smoothed her dress out nervously.
"Really?" she asked, looking in the mirror. She was wearing a strapless maroon dress that clashed with her fairly pale skin beautifully. She had decided to wear her long blonde hair loose, and her mother had sent her a pretty silver necklace that completed her outfit.
"Yes, really," Lisa Turpin commented, "Now get going. You've only got five more minutes to get to the Great Hall."
It took Audrey seven minutes to reach the stairs leading down to the Great Hall. She dwelled in a dark corner for a few seconds, catching her breath and trying to calm her nerves, before descending into the Hall.
"You look very beautiful," Nikolai said as she linked her arm through his. She smiled nervously and he led her towards a table. They sat down on the moment the four champions and their dates entered to open the Ball.
"We danced all night," Audrey told her daughter, who was now hanging onto every word she said, "And when the Ball ended, he escorted me to my dorm and kissed me goodnight."
Molly clapped her hands in delight and smiled: "What happened next?"
"Nothing much. We went out for a while, but you know, at the end of the year, he went back to Bulgaria. But we kept in touch, and once in a while I'd owl him, or he'd owl me. Kind of like your aunt Hermione and Viktor."
Audrey glanced at her watch.
"I'm off to bed now."
"But mom! Your story isn't finished yet," Molly protested as her mother stood up.
"I'll tell you all about my next boyfriend tomorrow."
"Can you at least tell me his name? Please?" Audrey smiled at her daughter's begging face.
"Cormac McLaggen."
Audrey had made it halfway up the stairs when Molly answered: "Didn't uncle Ron say he was a downright git?"
"Ah, mom, you're home," Molly started as soon as Audrey came home from work, "What was up with that Cormac?" Audrey rolled her eyes as she hung her coat and took off her shoes.
"Why are you this interested in your mother's past love life?" she asked as she walked into the kitchen, Molly trailing behind.
"Oh, come on, it's fun. And besides, you were so pretty when you were young! You must've gotten loads of guys. I just wondered how you ended up with dad," Molly said, sitting on top of the kitchen counter while Audrey poured herself a glass of water.
"Your father is a wonderful man, that's why I ended up with him," Audrey said, smiling at her daughter, "But all right. I'll tell you about Cormac McLaggen. It was the summer before my fifth year when I first met him."
"Ah, Audrey, finally. What took you so long? They could be here every minute," Andrew Marshall started as soon as his daughter came into view.
"Who are they again, dad?" Audrey asked while quickly checking her hair in the mirror.
"My boss, Theodore McLaggen, and his wife, Annabelle. They're bringing their son as well. He goes to Hogwarts, Cormac's his name, I think," her father answered, as he straightened his tie for the billionth time.
"Dad, please, calm down. You're getting that promotion, you're the best," Audrey replied, leaning up and kissing her dad's cheek as the bell rang.
"Oh, Merlin, they're here," her father uttered as he suddenly went pale.
"As you might imagine, the dinner was utterly boring," Audrey told her daughter with a smile, "But Cormac was rather cute, and all during dinner, we made eye contact, and it was fairly obvious he wanted to get out of there as well. So after dinner, my parents invited his parents into the living room for coffee, and Cormac and I went outside."
"Was he older than you?" Molly interjected, jumping off the counter and sitting across from her mother at the table.
"He was a year older, and a Gryffindor. He actually went after aunt Hermione after we broke up," Audrey said with a grin, "That's one of the many reasons why your uncle Ron dislikes him."
"Aunt Hermione seemed to be pretty popular, wasn't she? Krum, now Cormac," Molly said.
"Well, she was very pretty. And she is the brightest witch of our age," Audrey commented, "But back to my story. I took Cormac outside to see our garden, and we sat down in the grass and talked."
"Yeah right, talked," Molly said with a mischievous grin.
"Yes, Molly, we talked," Audrey said with a smile, shaking her head, "Well, mostly, Cormac talked, and I listened. That's another reason Ron hates Cormac, by the way. You see, Cormac talked about himself a lot. About how great he was at Quidditch. About his famous family members. It was quite annoying, to be honest."
"Then why did you go out with him?" Molly asked.
"Looking back on it now, I've got no clue. But it probably had something to do with your granddad pushing me a bit. Anyway, he broke up with me somewhere in April, because he felt that I didn't show enough interest in him," Audrey said, then added, "Uncle Ron was right though, Cormac was a downright git."
"He broke up with you?" Molly asked, "I thought you said you found him annoying?"
"Ah, yes, you see Molly, I was so... infatuated with him, that I looked past all that. Looking back on it, sure, I can see that he was annoying. But at that moment, he was the greatest guy on the planet."
"What happened then?" Molly asked, "Who was your next boyfriend?"
"It took me a while to get over Cormac dumping me, and about halfway into my sixth year, I got a new boyfriend: Justin Finch-Fletchley."
"Hi Audrey," Justin said, as he sat down on the empty chair next to hers.
"Good morning Justin. Ready for another exciting double period of History of Magic?" Audrey asked, sarcasm and boredom dripping from her voice. Justin rolled his eyes.
"It seems so interesting when you read the book," he commented, "And then you get here, and it's just... nothing. Absolutely not exciting in any way."
"Tell me about it," Audrey sighed, opening her book and taking out a quill and parchment to take notes.
"Talking about exciting," Justin said with a faint blush, "Have you got plans for Hogsmeade this weekend?"
"Not really," Audrey answered, glancing at him out of the corner of her eye.
"Would you... Uhm... Would you like to go with me?" Justin asked. Audrey smiled broadly.
"Off course! I would be delighted!"
"So he took me to Hogsmeade that weekend, and it was a blast," Audrey said, taking a sip from her water, "And we got together. Everybody said that they'd always seen it coming, and that we were meant to be and everything. Justin was, in all honesty, a great guy."
"Then why did you guys end it?" Molly asked.
"It just... It wasn't there, you know? I loved Justin, really, I did. Only... Not in that way. I loved him like I loved Hermione: as a friend," Audrey sighed, "Off course, when I told him, he was heartbroken."
"Oh, poor thing," Molly said, "What happened to him?"
"He married another girl," Audrey said, "Megan Jones. She was in our year as well."
"And what happened to you after Justin?" Molly asked. Audrey rolled her eyes at the eagerness in her voice.
"As you know, during my seventh year, the second war was roaring," Audrey started, "And we ended up going into hiding in the Room of Requirement."
"I know, aunt Ginny told me about that," Molly said.
"A lot of my best friends hadn't returned to school," Audrey said, "In all honesty, in my year, out of eleven Ravenclaws, only four returned, including me. It was just me, Padma, Michael Corner and Terry Boot." Audrey paused, trying to block out the horrible memories of that year.
"When we went into hiding, I was... I was scared to death. I have never, never again been as scared as I was then. And while Padma was constantly with her sister, I grew really close to Michael. We would stay up all night together, just talking about all our hopes and dreams."
"I'm going to be a Healer," Michael said, sitting on one of the couches that were spread around the fireplace. A comfortable silence fell over the two of them, only to be broken a minute later.
"Will we still be friends when all this is over, Michael?" Audrey asked, lifting her head from his shoulder just enough to look at his face.
"Off course we will be! Don't be silly Audrey," he answered, whipping around and looking her in the eye. Audrey sighed and closed her eyes, leaning her head onto his shoulder once again.
"I'm so scared," she whispered, tears escaping from her closed eyes.
"I know," Michael answered, kissing the top of her head, "Me too."
"In the end, it was blatantly obvious that we were going to be together – if we both survived the war."
"And did..." Molly swallowed nervously, "Did he?"
"He did," Audrey answered, "But he lost a lot of close friends and family. I tried to comfort him, to be there for him, but he just shut me out completely. There was nothing I could do, and in the end, I moved on. I would still visit him from time to time, but to me it was obvious that whatever we had had in the Room of Requirement, was meant to stay there."
The front door slammed shut and Audrey smiled at her daughter.
"I'll tell you what happened next tomorrow."
"After the war," Audrey started as Molly sat down next to her on the couch, "I got a job at St. Mungo's, doing some administration. One of my co-workers was Roger Davies."
"Mr. Davies? Charlotte's father?" Molly asked, clapping a hand in front of her mouth.
"Yes, that Mr. Davies," Audrey answered with a grin.
"He is so handsome," Molly commented with a giggle. Audrey wiggled her eyebrows.
"He was even more handsome when we were younger," she started, "We were both working for the administrative department of St. Mungo's, and one day one of our other co-workers, Kenneth Towler, took us to a bar to celebrate his birthday."
"Oi, Audrey!" Roger yelled from where he was standing, "Come dance with me!" He had a big smile on his face and held out a hand for Audrey to take. She rolled her eyes, but stood up nonetheless and allowed him to lead her onto the dance floor.
"I'm not a good dancer," Audrey tried to warn him, but Roger just snorted.
"Nonsense, I've seen you dance before," he answered, "And you're just as good as anybody." After that, they started dancing to a rather fast Muggle song, throwing their arms up in the air.
Audrey didn't quite know how it had happened, but towards the end of the night, she was dancing so close to Roger there was barely any room between their bodies. And she didn't mind one bit.
"He walked me home that night, kissed me, and then Apparated home. When I got to work the next Monday, he had bought me flowers, and asked me on a date," Audrey said with a smile.
"How long were you two together?" Molly asked with a curious grin.
"For a little over a year," Audrey answered, "And then he cheated on me with Daphne Greengrass."
"He didn't!" Molly exclaimed, covering her mouth with her hand, "Bastard."
"Yes, he did," Audrey answered while shaking her head, "I dumped him as soon as I found out. I was really depressed about it, and Nikolai, the boy from Durmstrang, invited me to come visit him for a while. You know, to get away from Roger for a while."
"Thanks for inviting me, Nik," Audrey said when Nikolai showed her to her room. He lived in a small apartment, and Audrey's room was actually a rather spacious broom cupboard.
"You're welcome, Audrey," he said with a smile, "Now get ready, I'm taking you out to dinner."
"I had a really good time with him, and the longer I stayed there, the closer we got. After three months, he asked me to be his girlfriend, and I said yes. I ended up living in Bulgaria for two years."
"Two years?" Molly asked, "Why did you break up?"
"I loved Nikolai," Audrey started, "But I hated Bulgaria. All I wanted was to be home. We tried the long-distance thing for a while, but it was obvious that neither of us wanted to leave their own home. So, in the end, we just decided to break it off."
"Are you two still friends?" Molly asked, leaning back into the couch. Audrey shook her head.
"Too much happened between us. But," she said, "When I got back, I was invited to Ron and Hermione's wedding, and that's where I met your father."
"Audrey," Hermione exclaimed as soon as she saw her old friend, "Merlin, you haven't changed one bit, have you!"
"Look who's talking," Audrey answered with a smile. They shared a brief hug and then Hermione pointed out the 'Singles' table where Audrey would be sitting.
"That's Percy, Ron's brother," Hermione said, "I'll talk to you in a bit, I have to go check on the catering first." Audrey made her way over to the table where the red-haired man was sitting.
"Hi," she started, sitting down in the spot that had her name written on it, "I'm Audrey Marshall."
"Percy Weasley," he replied, "Ron's brother."
"And then you fell in love," Molly finished.
"Uh, no, not really," Audrey corrected, "You see, Hermione had placed Padma in the seat next to mine, and I basically talked to her all night."
"So, it wasn't love at first sight?" Molly asked, her face dropping slightly.
"Oh, no," Audrey said, chuckling softly, "Not at all. I was twenty-two when Ron and Hermione got married, and it took us four more years to realise we were made for each other."
"How did you find out then?" Molly asked, eager to hear the rest of her mother's story.
"Well," Audrey started, "A few weeks after the wedding, I started my new job, at the ministry, and it turned out your father was my boss."
"Haven't we met before?" Percy asked, as soon as Audrey had settled into her new desk.
"I was at Ron and Hermione's wedding," Audrey said, "We sat at the same table."
"Oh, right," Percy nodded, "You were the one that had just gotten back from Bulgaria, hadn't you?" Audrey's smile faded for a split second before she nodded.
"Well," she started, "What can I do for you this morning, Mr. Weasley?"
"I need these reports filed," Percy said, "And it's Percy." Audrey smiled as she took the reports from his hands.
"So, that's when you –" Molly started, only to be cut off by her mother.
"No, I didn't fall in love with him until much later," Audrey said, "You see, there was another man working in your father's department."
"Who?" Molly asked, crossing her legs underneath her.
"Adrian Pucey," Audrey answered, "And he was, basically, a male version of me at that point. You see, I was, as your father put it, a 'rebel'. I wore ripped jeans and leather jackets, had piercings and had just gotten my first tattoo. Your father hated the way I dressed, but Adrian was just like me."
"Dad hated your tattoos?" Molly asked, "But he claims he loves them!"
"He does now," Audrey said, "But my first tattoo... He thought I was mental. I got the Raven on my shoulder blade, and when I showed it to him... Let's just say that he wasn't excited about it."
"But Adrian was?"
"Adrian loved it," Audrey said, "And we became friends while we worked together. We had a lot of common interests."
"Hey, Audrey," Adrian called from his desk. Audrey turned around in her rotating chair.
"Yes?" she asked, sending the memo she was holding into the air.
"The Chinese Fireballs've got a gig in London next week," he started, "You going?"
"I don't know," Audrey answered, "Are you going?"
"Only if you are," Adrian answered with a wink.
"Great, that's a date then."
"Who in Merlin's name are The Chinese Fireballs?" Molly interrupted.
"They were a pretty heavy band," Audrey answered, "Your dad hated them."
"Do you and dad have anything in common at all?"
"Not much," Audrey confessed, "But that's why we were perfect. Anyway, Adrian and I started going out not long after that, and your dad later told me that at that point, he was really jealous of him."
"Because he loved you?"
"He was certainly interested, yes," Audrey said, "After a year of working in the ministry, I got a promotion, and from then on, I shared an office with your dad."
"What about Adrian?" Molly asked.
"He continued working for your father. We were living together by then, even had plans to get married."
"You were going to marry another man?" Molly gasped.
"There were plans, yes," Audrey said with a sad smile, "But it didn't work out. He left me after two years."
"I'm leaving you," Adrian announced over dinner. Audrey nearly spit out her food.
"What?" she asked, her voice barely above a whisper.
"I'm leaving you," he repeated, "I'll be gone by tomorrow."
"But... But why?" Audrey asked, tears now spilling out of her eyes.
"There's someone else," Adrian answered, his voice not showing any emotion. Audrey stood up and wiped the tears from her eyes.
"I hope your very happy then," she spat, throwing her water in his face and stomping out of the kitchen. A second later, she stomped back in.
"I'm keeping this apartment, asshole," she yelled.
"He cheated on you?" Molly exclaimed, "Just like Roger!"
"I fled from our apartment and I was wandering the street, when I ran into your father. He saw my face, and he took me home with him," Audrey continued, "And he stayed up with me all night, just listening to me cry over Adrian."
"He's a fool, Audrey," Percy whispered into her hair as she cried into his chest.
"What is wrong with me, Percy?" Audrey choked out between sobs.
"Hey," Percy said softly, pushing her back a bit so that he could look into her eyes, "There is nothing wrong with you. He's bloody stupid if he thinks he can find a better girl than you."
"And then you –" Molly started again.
"No, I didn't fall in love with your dad then," Audrey answered with a smile. Molly's face dropped.
"Then when did you?" she asked.
"A few months later, Rose was born. I went to visit Hermione at the hospital, and your dad was there. He was holding Rosie, and Merlin, I couldn't keep my eyes off him."
Percy was sat in a chair, holding his newborn godchild in his arms, when Audrey walked in. His face was glowing with pride.
"Hey guys," Audrey said as she stepped into the room. Hermione and Ron greeted her, while Percy offered to let her hold the child.
"Come on, sit down," he said, motioning towards a chair with his head. When she did, he carefully put the child in her arms. His eyes softened when he looked at her, and all Audrey could do was stare at him, gazing lovingly at his godchild.
She even missed Ron and Hermione glancing at each other knowingly. After Percy left, Ron snorted and Hermione sighed happily.
"What?" Audrey asked, still holding Rose in her arms.
"Merlin," Ron said, "Clean up your drool will you?"
"Come on, Audrey, go after him," Hermione exclaimed.
"Why were you so interested in him then?" Molly asked, frowning.
"Oh, Molly," Audrey started, running a hand through her daughter's strawberry blonde curls, "He looked so... His face was... It just hit me."
"Hit you?" Molly asked, "What hit you?"
"I wanted him to be the father of my children," Audrey answered, "I just knew, there and then, that he was the One. Looking back, I probably fell in love with him way back. I can't explain why it hit me then."
"So what did you do?"
"I went after him, off course."
"It's hopeless, Percy would never want me," Audrey said, "I'm not like him."
Ron snorted even harder than before and Hermione raised her eyebrows.
"Oh please," she said, "He couldn't be any more obvious if it was written across his forehead."
"But –" Audrey started to say when Ron cut her off.
"Listen, Audrey, you go after him right now, or you'll regret it later," he stated, taking his daughter out of her hands, "Now... Go!"
"Uncle Ron said that?" Molly asked, "My uncle Ron?"
"That's what got to me, I think," Audrey said, "If it was obvious to the point that even Ron knew, it had to be true, you know? So I chased after him."
"Percy," Audrey yelled, "Percy! Wait up." Percy turned around in the middle of the parking lot.
"Audrey, what is –" he started to ask, but was cut off by Audrey smashing her lips against his. She wrapped her arms around his neck.
"I love you, Percy," she whispered against his lips. Percy's mouth turned into a smile as he leaned forward the tiniest bit, closing the gap between their lips.
Read & Review, please! Constructive criticism is always appreciated, and I'm not completely satisfied with the ending for some reason, so if you have any suggestions as to what may improve it, please tell me.