She's watching him.
He can feel it as he piles shirt after shirt into his tiny case.
This is something he did a lot in his previous life, before he met her, so the routine is familiar. The difference is he doesn't want to leave this time. But he has no choice.
Ben is gone. He's no longer the little kid that sat on his shoulders and slept in between them in bed when he got scared. He is something dark now, corrupted and twisted in a way that cannot be changed. His baby is gone. Snoke took him away. Han can't bear it. He's lost him, possibly forever.
And Leia.
She is miserable. Inconsolable. Nowadays she's barely anywhere but work. She works to forget, to conceal her pain, so he barely sees her.
She blames herself, he knows she does, but in their typical fashion she takes it out on him. Long, angry, raging arguments that end in tears and embraces. They still love each other but it's not enough.
He loves her, gods he loves her so much, but being around her is too painful now. She has Ben's eyes, dark and serious and completely mesmerizing.
But now they remind him of that look Ben gave him when he last saw him. They'd sent him away to train with Luke, having utter faith that the Jedi could help Ben, save him from himself. But when they'd said goodbye and their eyes had met it had sent a chill through his whole body. His son's eyes were no longer his own, but belonged to someone far more sinister, full of anger, fear and hate. It'd been too late. He'd known it even then, but hadn't wanted to believe it.
And now his son was a murderer. Luke was gone, Leia was heartbroken and Han couldn't help but feel like it was all his fault. But there was nothing he could've done, he knows that now but it doesn't stop him from waking up every night from violent nightmares, his son screaming at him to be a better Dad.
He can't bear it.
He zips up the bag. He doesn't take everything, in fact he doesn't take much at all but he brings what he needs, a couple pairs of pants, some plain shirts and their wedding photo. He turns finally to see Leia sitting on the edge of the bed, in her silken nightgown and long hair cascading down her back. She's beautiful, she's always been beautiful and she never fails to make his hear skip even though her hair is going grey and she has more lines on her face than she ever has. He doesn't care. She'll always be the most breathtaking thing he's ever seen. He takes in her expression, the slight frown on her face.
She isn't surprised. She knew this was coming but he can still feel her sadness radiating off her. He could always read her. He's one of the only ones that can, even now.
He approaches her and sits beside her and she lets out a shaky breath before embracing him.
Han holds her to his chest tightly, closing his eyes in pain. He promised her he'd never leave her and he truly believed that he wouldn't, but that was before Snoke and Ben and the Jedi knights and Luke.
He kisses her head once before letting her go. When she looks up at him her eyes are wet and his heart breaks at having caused her tears.
He stands and turns to leave but she grabs his wrist before he can go.
"Come back to me." She begs him and he knows what she means.
He can't promise, but he can hope.
Maybe one day, when this all blows over, they can be together.
But until then, until Ben comes back again, this can't work.
He kisses her lips for what he hopes isn't the last time.
Then he does what he promised her he's never do.
He leaves her.
And he doesn't look back.