CRAZY LOVE: FINAL FANTASY VII

A/N: This story is a humorous love story about the main characters (and even minor ones) falling in love with each other. Yes, even some funny yaoi. And pretty demented love, too. Oh, and random things.

"Hello, how would you like to hear a very insane story about a few heroes and villains from FFVII falling in love with each other? You do? Ok, then let me begin. It all started at a bar…"

Oh, how lovely he is a tranced Tifa thinks to herself while looking at Cloud. Cloud is just drinking some soda when he sees Aerith (yup, she's alive in this story) walk into the bar.

Oh, god she's hot! Cloud thinks to himself as he sips his Coca Cola. Aerith sits down next to him.

"Hi, guys!" she says to them, but they ignore her, because Tifa is looking at Cloud and Cloud is looking at Aerith. "Cloud, why are you looking at me like that?"

"Uh, no reason!" he turns to see Tifa looking at him. "Tifa, why are you looking at me?"

"Oh, nothing! Tee hee!" she says as she gives him a little hug. He sighs because he wishes it were Aerith giving him that hug.

Then, Vincent walks in with a drunk Yuffie (she found Cid's beer stash!). "I LOVE YOU VINCEY POO!" she shouts, trying desperately to kiss him. He's giving his all just to keep her away. Then he sees Elena of the Turks, and he drops Yuffie and sits next to her.

"Hey, Vince," she greets him. His face lights up (can it even do that?) as he closes in on her. "Vince, what on Midgar are you doing?" Vincent starts hugging her. "GET OFF!" she yells, kicking him away. He faints right next to Yuffie, who also passed out. A few moments later, Scarlet walks in and immediately looks at Tifa.

"Hi, Tifa," she says. "I'm so terribly sorry I slapped you!" she says, grabbing Tifa's butt. Tifa squeals before smacking Scarlet in the face. Scarlet slaps her in the face. They repeat for four minutes before Red XIII bursts in. He sits next to Elena.

"I'm a talking wolf-thing, wanna go out?" he asks before being ultimately rejected by a kick. He falls to the ground next to Vincent and Yuffie.

Cid and Barret rush in. "ALRIGHT, WHO STOLE MY BEER?" Cid yells before looking at the three bodies on the floor. "Whoa, what the hell happened here?" he looks up and sees Aerith, Cloud, and Tifa who is slapping Scarlet. "Ooh, a catfight," he drools, floating over to the two girls.

Barret looks at Cloud. Alright, Barret. Don't be afraid. Just go and ask him. Barret walks to Cloud. "Uh, Cloud?"

"Yeah?" he responds barely.

"Um, yo, how do you get your hair like that!" he says (no, seriously, that's what he wanted. What, you thought he was gay?).

"First you murmble… grumble… ah…" Cloud drools over Aerith, who smacks him because he drooled on her dress.

"Ew, Cloud, you are so gross!"

An angry Sephiroth jumps in and jumps back out.

"What the hell was that?" Barret shouts, looking outside.

"It was a grubble… durble… blah…"

Tifa and Scarlet are still smacking each other, and Scarlet even throws in a spank! Tifa squeals and kicks her. Scarlet gets knocked out. Cid stands up.

"TIFA! Let's go to my room and uh—" he is interrupted by a fist in his face. Reno jumps in his place.

"What's happenin', hot stuff?" Reno tries to make his best 'Donger' impression. Tifa sighs and wishes it were Cloud to say that. She punches him out of the way.

Barret, meanwhile, is trying his best to get his hair spiked up like Cloud's. Cloud then stands up. "Damn, I gotta pee." He walks to the bathroom, and opens the door to see a bewildered Sephiroth with a purple dress on and blue lipstick with green eyeliner. "It's alright, Seph, I've dressed as a girl before." He shuts the door and decides to pee on a bush outside. Tifa follows him. The two stay outside for a while.

Barret walks to the door and looks to see Tifa doing something he thought she would never do; she was riding a bike. Cloud taught her. "Aw, you taught her how to ride a bike!" he walks back into the bar and tries again to spike his hair. Aerith stands up and walks upstairs.

She opens her door to see a nude Rude (that rhymed) on her bed with a pair of her undies hanging on his head (that rhymed, too). "HELLO, HOT MAMA!" Her jaw drops, then she decides "What the hell?" and enters her room, locking the door.

Red wakes up and sees Cid and Yuffie making out. "Whoa, aren't you like 38 or something Cid and she's only like 16?" They both snarl at him, scaring him away. He looks outside and sees Tifa riding her bike. "TIFA'S ACTUALLY RIDING A BIKE? WOW!" he shouts, walking back in. He opens the bathroom to see a bewildered Sephiroth with a green dress, purple lipstick, and blue eyeliner. "It's ok, Seph, I dressed as a sailor before." A chocobo runs out of the toilet.

"WARK!" it shouts, grabbing onto Elena's shirt and dragging her into a shed, where a prepared Tseng is waiting. The shed is locked.

Reno wakes up and looks outside. The shed and a bush nearby are shaking. "Looks like some people are having fun," he murmurs before opening the bathroom door. There he sees a horrific sight (which I will not explain because it involves Red and Sephiroth) and shuts it quickly. He walks to Barret who finally got his hair like Cloud's.

"YES! OH, #$$$#$#!! $! SWEET! MY HAIR IS AWESOME!" he shouts before kicking Reno for no reason.

"Ay, ay, ay, this day sucks," Reno, sighs. He walks outside with a frown until all of the ladies look at him. They all drag him to a guest room. "Aw, yeah!" he shouts, the doors slamming shut in the dark of the night.

Epilogue

The morning sun arises from Mt. Nibel, and Tseng is the first to wake up. He scratches his spiky hair in confusion, for he has no idea what happened last night. He looks down and sees that he is totally nude. He covers himself and runs back in the shed to see a naked and still sleeping from last night's craziness Elena. His jaw drops as he runs out into the bar and sees Sephiroth, with a dress and makeup on, sleeping next to a sleeping Red. He jumps in the air and hits his head, where he gets knocked out.

Scarlet wakes up and stands up. "Tifa-baby, where are you?" she murmurs as she looks around. Then she sees a naked Tseng on the ground, and is disgusted. She runs to the bathroom, where a surprised and pooping Barret jumps in the air reading an issue of Hair to Dye For. She shuts it, and then she runs upstairs and finds almost all of the women, except Elena, sleeping with Reno. She drools for a bit, then she jumps into the bed and falls asleep.

And last but not at least, the final character walks in…

Cait Sith sees everyone asleep on the round. Then, Red wakes up. Cait looks at Red for a little. Red does the same to Cait. Then they close in on each other slowly. Slower, slower, and slower, until they are in each other's face.

Cait and Red both grin.

Cue 'Baby Got Back'

"So, did you like this dramatically romantic story? If you did, then clap your hands. Well, I'm a chocobo, signing off!"

THE END

A/N: So, wasn't it weird? Yup, I have a pretty crazy mind. Review it if you like it, and no flames please!