She didn't see her
Summary: Quinn cut all contact with her friend 5 years ago but Quinn and Rachel meet again at a premiere. What will happen? For day 1 (reunion) of Faberry week part 2.
Warning: rated M
Normally just a one-shot. All characters belong to Fox and RIB. All Mistakes are mine.
A/N.: Hi guys and gals! Thanks for taking the time to read this, please take a minute extra to share your reviews and your thoughts/ideas for other storylines and/or improvements. Check out my multi-chapter fic 'Lean on me' and feel free to contact me on tumblr! (kayimagine . tumblr . com ).
I sigh as I erase another page full of ideas on my new script. Inspiration is clearly not going to hit me today, seeing as it is my tenth attempt at writing something remotely coherent. I close my laptop, rather harshly if I do say so myself, and gaze around the apartment. Boxes still cover most of my living room floor, giving the impression that I recently moved in. But I actually made the move from New Haven to New York roughly one year ago and I haven't had the time to decorate anything yet. I've been needed on set almost on a daily basis and it's been time consuming but very fulfilling to have my script adapted for the big screen. I hear a few knocks on the door, indicating that everyone's here on time. Tonight's the premiere so I've arranged to meet my make-up team and stylists. They're actually my best friends and I wouldn't want any stranger touching me like they can. Why does a simple writer actually have to get dolled up for this? I'd rather stay in the background for these sorts of things but apparently the media loved my dark themed story so much, they hyped up my name and expect me front and center at the red carpet. It's not my first script to be picked up and it's not my first script to be a little edgy, so I guess the media had their reasons to jump on this. The actors and directors chosen for this movie aren't the biggest ones but they are certainly well-known in this business, so we're hoping on a good turn up at the movie theaters once this premiere is over.
I open my front door and not 5 minutes later my apartment is converted to a hair salon slash project runway.
Kim's in charge of my hair and make-up while Maddy's lining up all the dresses I can choose from.
"Q, let's mix it up a bit." Kim suggests, knowing all too well that I don't do extravaganza. A groan is what she gets.
"Come on, if you go vanilla the press will take you down and you know it. Just, let me do my magic and you will be absolutely fabulous." The blue eyed brunette's face lights up, reminding me of another fabulous fashion obsessed boy from my high school. I have no choice but to relent, otherwise she wouldn't give me a second of peace of mind.
An hour later of talking each other's ear off and parading around with different dresses, I finally come to a decision and pick a dress. When I look myself over in the mirror I can see how Kim went all out with my hair. My black dress stops right above my knees and is actually very low cut but Maddy says I can pull it off so I trust her on this. Now, let's make someone's day awesome.
"Kim, can I ask you something?" I approach her as she's busy putting her products back in their respective suitcases
"You already did." She replies dryly.
"Want to go with me as my plus 1?" Her mouth drops open. "Not like a date! Although in that case there would be so many guys jealous of me. But, seeing as Maddy has other appointments and you're free, why don't you join me. I can introduce you to the actresses and actors. Maybe you can hand out some business cards."
"Of course I'll be your plus 1! Couldn't you have said this earlier, now I only have one hour to get ready!" She frantically begins to rearrange her hair as Maddy lines up the dresses again.
Flash. "Quinn, over here!". Flash. "Over here Ms. Fabray!" Flash.
Dear Lord this is annoying the hell out of me. Thank God I'm not an actor who needs to do this every week. We're making our way down the red carpet, which is conveniently partly indoor because it's pouring outside.
"Quinn, can you pose with your date?" My eyes find Kim's, who's hanging on the sidelines, before she nods and makes her way over. We both have to laugh as she makes a joke about being my actual but straight date and the cameras capture our moment. For the next minute we make our way down the carpet when something suddenly catches my eye. There's uproar at the beginning of the carpet and flashes go off like crazy. I wait until the person of interest makes their way in my line of sight and I feel myself freeze up at the realization of who it is.
This can't be happening. I succeeded in avoiding her for 5 years and I'm certainly not going to change my mind now. I knew there would be lots of 'important' people invited to this premiere but what are the odds she was going to be here? Okay the odds might have been not so slim seeing as she's quite the upcoming star but... did this really have to happen?
To make matters worse, she must've sensed my eyes on her because she cranes her neck and looks like she's searching for someone. That's when her eyes land on me.
Is it possible for someone to get hit by everything that happened so long ago, but in one fraction of a second? I can't figure out her expression and to my disappointment, she looks away quickly. Not before faltering just one moment.
What did I expect, really? I pushed her out of my life despite all of her attempts of contacting me.
I feel Kim's arm encircle my waist and guide me inside. I gather myself, like I've done so many times when concerning her.
"You okay Quinn?" Kim asks me with concerned eyes. I shrug and smile rather unconvincingly but Kim lets it slide. The premiere only starts in about a half an hour so we decide we still have some time to use the ladies room. We're talking as we're washing our hands and I tell her to go outside without me because I need to call my mom.
Focusing on my phone, I'm suddenly startled by a very familiar voice.
"Hello Quinn. It's nice to see you again."
I lift my eyes from my phone to hers through the mirror. I'm somewhat debating whether to turn around or not. Will my resolve crumble when I look at her directly? Do I act friendly? She never realized how much she hurt me, it was me who never informed her about my feelings. I decide to turn around after all.
"Rachel, glad to see y-" How on earth did I not see what she's wearing earlier? Her navy blue dress has a split all the way up to her hip. Her legs have always caught my attention and I'm currently cursing myself for noticing them now.
I cough away my uncertainty and straighten up.
"Nice to see you too." I put my phone back in my clutch, planning to head out. "I'll see you around." I didn't get very far when slender finger encircle my wrist, effectively freezing me in place.
"Don't you dare run away from me again, I've waited 5 years to hear from you Quinn." She slightly tugs at my arm, signaling me to turn around. Her voice sounds stern but still careful. I take a deep breath as I comply.
"I'm not running away." Is this the best you can do? "How are you Rachel?"
"I'm fine. Just slightly disappointed that I have to go to your premiere just to be able to talk to you." She crossed het arms as if she's upset. She does not have the right to be angry at me... She came to this just for me? Does she really care that much? Of course she doesn't, if she did she wouldn't have let me suffer all those years ago.
"Well thanks for coming, will this be all?" I try to sound nicer but I can't let my guard down again. Once it starts to crumble it'll go downhill pretty fast.
"No this will not be all, Quinn, where the hell have you been these past couple of years?! You didn't reply to any of my texts, e-mails, letters and calls and I know you got them so don't lie to me." She waves her hands frantically as her voice reaches a higher tone. I didn't know grown up Rachel Berry swore.
"I- I -" I stutter because I never thought I'd have to explain myself to her. When did I become this weak version of myself?
"Cat got your tongue Quinn? Thinking of a good excuse? Because you damn well need a great one. You can't imagine what you put me through when you dropped off the face of the earth. I was about to contact your mother when Santana informed me you did keep contact with the others, everyone except me. Do you know how much that hurt me? I wanted to just ask you once why I failed you as a friend, again, but I couldn't reach you." I suddenly realize how much I hurt her by doing what I did, how selfish I acted. The urge to cry and fall off a cliff overwhelms me and I have problems with keeping my balance. I feel my face flush as I step back, reaching for the bathroom counter.
"I'm s-sorry Rachel but I didn't see any other ways back then." I look up at the ceiling, trying to not feel so trapped. I always had a thing with avoiding things.
"Ways for what? Please enlighten me because I didn't understand back then why you only dropped me as a friend." Why does she need to come this close? This reminds me of the moment I decided to keep my distance. It had come to a point that I had a hard time just being around her and not act on my feelings.
"Just forget it Rachel, it's happened and I can't take it back." I once again try to avoid it.
"But I thought we'd become somewhat good friends, especially the weeks leading up to that day you thought it would be fun to ignore me. And yes I remember those days very distinctly, and I have replayed them over and over again in my mind." Rachel says, hurt lacing her voice. It still bothers me that she couldn't read my mind back then. It would have made things much easier. Which is, of course, ridiculous.
"Good friends every time Finn or Brody or random guy number 5 didn't give you attention, that's when you had time for m- your friends." I internally cursed at my slip up and the realization I was still jealous after all this time.
I don't look at her face but I can feel her eyes roaming mine.
"So, alright, I wasn't great at setting good priorities at that time - I'm sorry, but you didn't blame Santana when she spent most of her time with Brittany or talking about her or crying about her." Rachel has a point, but how can I tell her everything now when my reasons for doing it then don't seem big enough now.
"It's different." I continue when I see she wants to say something again, "Please don't think about it too much, just, don't take it too personally and let it go. I've let it go too." I lie a little bit. I reach out and squeeze her right hand before making my way out of the bathroom. The premiere was about to start.
I attended the after party for exactly one hour before making a break for it. I couldn't look anywhere without feeling Rachel's eyes on me and I had a hard time keeping my friendly face on. Kim happily drove me home after which she thanked me a thousand times for inviting her. It was my pleasure, seeing as she's actually my best friend.
I groan when I slam the front door closed behind me. Finally home, free to frown however much I want. I light up the fireplace, intending to read a book on the couch before I go to sleep. I slip out of my dress and wipe off my make-up, which takes quite a long time, before slipping in the shower. Shortly after that I'm towel drying my hair and slipping on some sleeping shorts and a shirt. A knock on the front door startles me during my reading. I glance at the clock, which is actually stupid because what does that matter when you're about to open up the door to a possibly evil stranger. I make my way over to the door, momentarily stopping to look for some kind of weapon. An umbrella will do the trick.
I swing open the door and my heart sinks at the sight.
"Could you please let me in for 5 minutes, I just – I just need to know okay?" Rachel's wet jacket and dress clung to her body like it was a second skin. Her curly long hair drenched with water. Actually, she could totally pull of the wetlook. But never mind, carry on.
"Rachel oh my God! Come in! How did you know where I live? Never mind, just come inside please."
I usher her inside, drop the umbrella and guide her over to the couch, in front of the fireplace.
"I uhm, I guess I blackmailed the information out of Santana." Rachel replies quietly, obviously suffering from the cold she must be experiencing.
I help her shrug of her jacket and give her a towel before I search my closet for a sweatpants and a hoodie. I give her some privacy by going into the kitchen and making some coffee.
Who'd have thought this would happen tonight? I can't understand why I would hurt such a beautiful, caring person in the first place. My reasons then don't seem important now. I should've powered through some more, maybe we'd been best friends. Maybe I could've been there to see her happy. Maybe my feelings would have disappeared. Ugh who am I kidding, I've been in love with her since I was 16. I'm a fucking idiot. Here I thought I'd get over her by avoiding the object of my affection and now it hits me like a truck. I thought she'd be better off without a burden like me, and that she wouldn't care if she wouldn't hear from me every day, yet here she is.
I didn't realize I am crying until I feel Rachel's front against my back and two arms encircle my waist. It sends my feelings in overload and it only makes me cry harder.
"I only needed you, not Santana or anyone else." I stiffen at the thoughts running through my head. She only meant it as friends, don't be dumb. She puts some pressure on my right hip as she tugs at my lift shoulder, indicating me to turn around and I comply. She lets her hands rest on my hips, probably not realizing what the touch does to me. I close my eyes, silently praying for her to step back and put some distance between us because I'm stuck against the counter.
I wipe with the back of my hand at my cheeks and eyes as I clear my throat, trying to put up a wall, but my attempts falter when Rachel, apparently, knows my moves. "Don't do that, don't push me away." She puts some pressure on the skin beneath her thumbs and it's all becoming too much. I take a step aside move my hands through my hair.
I take a deep breath and start out strong, "Rachel, please, why are you here? Scratch that, I already know you just want to understand, but what I meant was; why do you still care? Go live your happy life and leave me alone okay?" Only to falter near the end of my statement. I had worked 5 years to get over her, only to realize it didn't work, not even a little bit. I wanted her to go off into the sunset, so to speak, and let her date whoever she wanted without me having to stand along the sidelines.
"Because I don't want to leave you alone Quinn, you were the only person I truly wanted to be friends with." Friends.
I lose my cool and raise my voice a tiny bit. "I didn't want to be friends Rachel!" I peek over my shoulder because I didn't get a reply. The hurt across her face isn't my intention and I immediately regret it. "N-no, I did want to be friends with you." I assured her, "so badly." It came out a bit strangled because this was exactly what I didn't want. Addressing the issue.
"Then why did you stop?" Her voice is almost not audible, but I caught it. At this moment, my eyes roam her form and a tiny smile tugs at my lips. She's just so cute, wearing my sweatpants and slightly too big hoodie.
"Why are you smiling?" She asks slightly caught off guard.
"You look, uhm, really –" I trail my eyes up to hers, "beautiful."
Her eyes snap to the floor as a smile crosses her face, she fidgets with her hands before replying softly. "Thanks." She looks back up, "You couldn't have told me that when I was wearing a 4000 dollar dress."
I crack a knuckle out of habit before guiding us back to the living room, setting our cups on the coffee table.
We're silent for what feels like 15 minutes, just basking in the warmth of the fireplace and sipping our coffee when Rachel speaks up. "I'm sorry."
I lean back against the back of the couch, expecting her to continue, which she does. "For pushing you into this. For forcing you into telling me. I – I'll stop, I'll leave you alone, it's what you want and this is not healthy behavior so I better quit being a bitch about something that happened so long ago." She sets her empty cup on the table and stands up, making me stand up too, full of panic. I've been giving her a hard time this whole evening and now I'm panicked that she's leaving? This is schizophrenic behavior.
"Don't." I reach out and grab her hand, feeling her freeze up and seeing her stare at the joined fingers. "Just, - sit down, for a couple of minutes longer?" Yes, push her away and pull her back in. That will make her love me. Fortunately, she complies. Unfortunately, she drops my hand.
I go make us another batch, partly to calm down and go over my next moves and partly to splash some cold water into my face. When I come back she's looking through a finished script that was laying on the table. I freeze up because of all the scripts she can look through, she picked up this one. The one in which I wrote down a lot of aspects of me, figuring out how I felt as a young adult, a lot of things that concerned Rachel, a lot of feelings that she didn't need to know about. Of course this was all applied to the main character, but this wasn't a cliché story where I could've chosen a story about a man and a woman, no, I've kept the real life story about two females. When I wrote it, I didn't care if it would be picked up to get adapted for the big screen. It had to be a genuine, true story and not something commercialized for a bigger public.
I don't know how long I was in the kitchen so I don't know which parts or how much she read. I hope she doesn't connect the script to my real life experience.
"This is amazing. Okay I only read about 5 pages but oh my god this is really well written. I got sucked into it right away." She smiles as I set down the cup of coffee.
"It's not important, not even worth reading, I'll put it away." I lean forward to grab the script but she pulled it out of my reach and looked through it some more. When her eyes stilled my heart stopped beating for just a second.
She starts reading certain phrases out loud. "She looks her way but doesn't see her." She skips a couple of pages, "She meets Joey halfway the hallway and doesn't notice the eyes burning a hole in the back of his head." Her expression grows more serious as she skips to one of the last pages, before reading one sentence out load. "You'll never get it right." I know I should've ripped the script out of her hands the moment I saw her holding it but what's done is done and now I see the wheels in her head turning.
"Rach-"
She cut me off, "Is this true?!" She looks from the bundle of pages to me. I can't seem to find words as breathing seems to become harder any second.
"N-no, I don't know what you mean so let's forget about it shall we." I reach for the script and this time she lets me take it from her. I make my way over to my desk, neatly placing the script where it belongs. As I turn around it appears she had followed me and is standing less than six feet away from me.
She points at the desk, to the scripts, "Tell me this is a work of fiction?"
A few seconds pass before I reply, "it's based on true events."
"Quinn" She seems to take in the information and I prepare myself for the big question, "is that story about you and me?" Her eyes are trained on mine and I can't make myself look away as I nod briefly.
"I need to go." She's already turning around, gathering her belongings, when the shock disappears and I realize what's happening. Her hand's already on the door knob when I get to the door just in time and have to lean over her shoulder to push it closed with the palm of my hand. I can feel her body heat, it's so alluring that I have to close my eyes in concentration. She came to the premiere just to see me, she followed me into the bathroom just to talk to me and she came to my apartment to clear things up. I realize I can't let her go without explaining myself to her and stepping back is a risk I don't want to take right now so I stay put and gather all the courage that I didn't have 5 years ago.
"I was in love with you." It came out as barely a whisper, but I see her head bow in acknowledgment. "And I tried to be your friend but it hurt too much." My voice wavers, just like the emotions that are bubbling inside of me. "I couldn't take it anymore, seeing you date others." Her hand on the door knob tightens and I'm having trouble figuring out what she's thinking. "Please say something." My eyes begin to water and I try to keep my emotions in check. The fact that she still hadn't turned around gives me the impression it wouldn't be a good idea to try and turn her around myself I avoid physical contact.
"I thought I'd done something horrible to you." She pauses, clearly searching for the right words. "I thought you were sick of me because of my personality traits. You made me doubt myself, again." Before I can apologize she continues, "I was so lost, knowing that I had lost the one friend who mattered most to me." She let go of the door knob and puts her hand across her face, obviously crying. It makes me want to rip myself to shreds and I don't know what to do at this moment. Lowering my arm, I step forward and close the distance and put both of my arms around her. I feel her relax against me, causing me to enjoy the moment.
"I'm sorry." I repeat it gently until she stops crying.
"Kurt and Santana and everyone else were always important but I couldn't quite figure out why I was so devastated." It's like she's talking more to herself than me, but I heard her nevertheless. It makes all different kinds of feelings clash against each other.
I feel her pull away and I reluctantly let her go. At the questioning but fierce look in her eyes I stand still, waiting for her to continue.
"I didn't have a good night rest until like six months after I realized you weren't going to contact me." Rachel stares at my face. "I didn't have a social life for approximately a year, I threw myself into school work and rehearsals, I didn't fly home for a year because I thought you'd be there and I was too hurt and angry to see you." She's crying again and all I want to do is take the pain that I caused away. "God dammit Quinn! I was heartbroken!" She yells at me, as if she comes to that realization only now and making me flinch for just a fraction of a second, before I begin to think about what all of that could mean. Heartbroken? Not being able to sleep? I lunch forward, fisting the hoodie at the front, pulling her towards me. Her breath hitches, her eyes trail down towards my mouth and that's all it takes for me to crash our lips together. Her hands frantically tug at my hair, trying to pull me closer. I don't wait for permission and slip my tongue past her lips, immediately finding hers. My hands wander down her sides, to the small of her back and eventually her ass. I round her thighs and she gets the hint, by making a tiny jump so I can lift her in the air, guiding her legs around my waist. I step forwards and place her weight against the door, effectively drawing out a moan from Rachel.
"God Quinn, don't –" She gasps as my teeth find her neck, "leave me again." I halt my movements to lean back and look her in the eye. I remember the 4 years of torture, being in love with her and constantly realizing she loved someone else instead. I start doubting myself again and let het slide down until her feet touch the ground.
"I don't know if this is a good idea. You waltz into my life, claiming you loved me since then, but all I can think about is how I loved you every day since freshman year." She holds onto my hands as I speak, giving me a sense of comfort.
"Please believe me when I say that a part of me never wanted to believe that a beautiful and intelligent girl like you was in love with me… I've always admired you Quinn, my realization of my feelings came too late and I cursed myself for that. I'm sorry I made you feel unimportant and overlooked, but you were neither one of those things. Please believe me, I've wanted to do this for these last couple of years and I don't think I can live with myself if I let you go a second time." I gaze into her eyes as she speaks, I see tears filling them and sincerity pouring out of every fiber in her body. I nod my doubts away and she closes the distance once again. This time she closes her arms around my neck, making me lean down and kiss her gently. My whole body seems to be set on fire with the gentleness of her actions. It's different from before but I like how she shows her real emotions. I lay a hand on the small of her back and pull her with me to my bedroom, step by step and still kissing. At the foot of the bed I trail my hands up her arms and guide them downwards and making her hands fist the hem of my shirt. She gets the hint and trails her hands upwards, guiding the shirt along my stomach, my breasts and over my head. She clearly hadn't expected me to be bra-less and she apparently hadn't felt it earlier when I hugged her, because her eyes immediately show fire. She closes the distance and kisses me gently, but a bit more passionate than before. I step backwards until the back of my knees hit the end of my bed and Rachel pushes me down gently. I watch her pull the hoodie over her head and toss it away, revealing a sexy navy blue bra. I need to remind myself to not drool and to not come on the spot. God, she's just so damn hot. Adulthood has given her more confidence and that's exactly what she needed to become even more beautiful. I hook a finger in the waistband of her pants and trail them down until they're pooled on the ground. Matching panties are revealed and my breath hitches. She smirks as she sets both knees on the sides of my hips, still at the edge of the bed. I can't help but gasp at the wave of arousal hitting my core. She chuckles mischievously.
"You like what you see?" She husks in my ear. I don't reply. Her breasts are directly in my line of sight and I can't stop myself from leaning forward and kissing the swell of her breasts as my hands make quick work of her bra. I softly remove her bra and once her breasts are freed, I take a nipple in my mouth, slowly drawing circles around the already firm peak. She fists my hair and pushes her breasts more into my mouth, arching her back in the process. After giving the same attention to her other breast, I slowly crawl from under her and make my way toward the head of the bed, with Rachel following just above me. Her lips latch onto my pulse point, a hand cups my breast as a knee is placed firmly between my thighs and all these sensations make me moan out her name. I guide her hips down onto mine with my hands, making her gasp against my neck. I continue to guide her hips down for several minutes, until her breath is very labored and I can feel her wetness through the piece of clothing. The hand massaging my breast trails down my stomach, to the waistband of my shorts and she hooks a finger in them before trailing them down. The hand is trailed back up my legs as she paused to give extra attention to my thighs. She lowers her lips to my breast and starts sucking my nipple gently. I can barely control my breathing, indicating that I'm having trouble not to come already. I abruptly fist her hair and pull her off of my breast, before flipping our positions. I make quick work of her panties, guiding her last piece of clothing off her long, long legs. I admire everything, from her tussled hair draping the pillow, her swollen lips, her rising chest, her hands that fist the sheets in anticipation, to the apex of her thighs. I feel my own wetness dampen my thighs. This is something I've dreamed about for years and now I can actually live my dreams.
I cover her lips with my own, stroking her tongue with mine, before trailing down her body. I try to worship every piece of skin, just the way she deserves it. The way she's moaning and fidgeting beneath me tells me that she's ready for me. That's when I make the first contact with my tongue to her clit. Her taste evades my senses and we moan simultaneously. I trace circles onto her bundle of nervous as I thrust a finger inside her core. She already meets my trusts with her hips so I thrust a second finger into her tight opening.
"My God, Quinn!" Her voice bounces off the walls. "F-faster, please." Her words come out breathlessly and after speeding up, I feel her walls fluttering so I know she's close. I want to see her face when she comes so I kiss my way back up. I can see she's holding onto this moment so I thrust harder and urge her to let go.
"Come for me Rachel." And with that, her pussy traps my fingers and her legs tighten around me. I kiss her neck to help her ease down. I lower myself on top of her, obviously ignoring the throbbing between my own legs in favor of enjoying the closeness. Her heart beat's slowing down, and so is mine. Her arms hug my neck as I feel her exhale deeply.
"I can't believe this is happening." I would've been offended if it weren't for the rays of joy I detect in her voice.
"Me neither. 'm glad it did though." A push myself up and kiss herself gently on the lips.
"What would you say if I told you I wanted to take you out to dinner? To explain everything."
"I'd love that." She leans up and kisses me. "But I'm going to buy you a leash so you can't run off again."
"I won't leave you ever again, I promise."
A/N.: so, what do you think?