The sound of Oz, Chevy and Violet talking washes over me as I sit on the bench on the veranda, swaying back and forth as I skim through the latest edition of my favourite medical journal. As much as I have grown to love the hustle and bustle of life in Snowflake, it can be difficult to find time for myself in such a chaotic environment. Quiet – well, relatively quiet – moments like this are a precious commodity.
"Mummy!" Olivia calls out, tearing my attention away as she lets go of Eli's hand and races towards me with a grin on her face. The floorboards rattle under her pounding feet. Her smile is stunning – broad and open and so bright that it feels like she could set a room alight with her happiness alone. Laughing, I stand and catch her, sweeping her up into my arms. "Guess what we did today!"
"Hmm," I reply, playing along, "I don't know. Why don't you tell me, Olivia Grace?"
Giggling, she shakes her head fervently. "Guess! Guess!"
A branch snaps nearby as Eli approaches, and my gaze snaps up to meet his. His eyes dance with amusement as he watches her. Looking at my biological father in this moment, it's hard to imagine that I ever thought he was frightening. Is he no longer as intimidating or do I just no longer see him that way? I'm not sure which of us has changed the most over the past twenty years. "Did Grandpa show you his bike?"
Oz and I have decided that it isn't safe for her to ride yet, but Liv adores them. Whenever she hears the sound of an engine revving, she runs out to watch the vehicle tearing up or down the dirt driveway. In her mind, since she always hears the noise just before Oz or Eli arrive, it must be good. Sometimes, I worry that her world is as black and white as mine once was; it's just that it has been flipped. But then she will say or do something that dispels all of my fears.
Still, as she nods, she gets that faraway look in her eyes that warns me that her days of riding might be closer than Oz and I intend. "He let me sit on it, and then –"
My eyes narrow when Eli cuts in before she can say anything else. He has accepted our decision to wait for now, but I wouldn't put it past him to try to hurry things along through her. "Only for a moment. There was a snake and I didn't want her on the ground while I dealt with it."
One of the downsides of living out here is the number of snakes in the area. We get a few every summer, and while we've never had an injury yet, I don't like to think of Olivia getting too close to one. "Thanks," I mouth to him, then I turn back to the girl in my arms. "That must have been very scary for you. Did you do what Grandpa said?"
She nods, her eyes wide. "It hissed, and I thought it was going to hurt him, but it didn't."
"Tell her what we did after that," Eli prompts.
"Grandpa said I was a brave girl and took me to buy ice cream. I had chocolate. Then, we saw Jenny, and she was had these yummy cookies, and she asked if I want to be a Girl Scout like her!"
A shiver runs through me at her words, and I can hear my heartbeat thumping in my temple like a warning alarm. Dimly, I notice that my friends' chatter has died away. Olivia is still rambling about her day, but I barely hear her.
"Emily," Eli starts, stepping towards me with concern written across his face.
Oz is by my side in an instant, taking Olivia from my arms and whispering for her to go inside with Violet and Chevy. "Are you alright?" he murmurs once she's gone.
I nod. Mostly. I overcame my fear of the woods a long time ago, but the idea of my daughter joining that organisation sends me spiralling back to that dark place again. It was a one-in-a-million accident – the chances of that happening to her are slim – but my gut screams at me to keep her as far away from them as possible.
"What's wrong?" Eli asks. Ever since that fateful day in Louisville, we've been working on rebuilding our relationship from the ground up. For the most part, we've been successful – but while I've alluded to that night, I haven't told him everything. By the time we were at the stage where I could have, I didn't need to anymore.
Or so I thought.
I turn to face my husband. His dark gaze surveys me, no doubt cataloguing my wide eyes and pale face as he tries to work out if I'm telling the truth about being okay. I know how I must look, but it's been a long time since I let the nightmare control me. "It just took me by surprise; once I have the chance to process it, I'll be fine." I glance towards Eli and then back at Oz. "Can you give us a few minutes? Make sure Olivia stays inside; I don't want to risk her overhearing this."
He hesitates but leans forward to place a soft kiss to my forehead. "Let me know if you need me," he says before leaving without another word.
Eli and I listen as he says something to the others. Then, the television turns on, the sound of one of Olivia's favourite cartoons creating a barrier between us and them. I take a deep breath and sit back down, gesturing for Eli to do the same.
"Emily?" he asks, his voice cautious as he takes a seat as well.
"Do you remember how I told you I got lost in the woods when I was eight?"
He nods, his eyes burning with a strange mixture of concern, curiosity and guilt. Concern at my reaction; curiosity about what I have yet to say; guilt that he wasn't around for me back then. Some demons die hard, and I'm guessing that what I am about to tell him isn't going to make it any easier for him. But it might help him understand. Besides, I sort of want him to know. "It's time I told you the rest of the story."
A/N: Something that bothered me about the book was that the only person Emily told about her time in the woods was Oz. I get why that was the case, but I couldn't help but wonder whether, how and when she told Eli.