Author's Note: This story has been inside my head ever since Matt posted the song he wrote for My Blue Heaven (whose name I shamelessly borrowed) and a friend on Twitter said that Letters To Lisbon would also be a good name for a band. I thought, "hey, it's a good name for a story too!" and this was born.

I wanted to remind you all that this is my first attempt to write a fiction after almost a decade so please, be kind. I'll rely on your reviews to decide if I should keep on writing this or not, so let me know what you think.

BTW, I own nothing. Trust me, if I had any influence on this show Jisbon would have happened ages ago. ;)

Ok, enough jibber-jabber. Here goes nothing!

CHAPTER 1:

As the sea swelled and the sounds of nature filled his ears, Jane took a deep breath. He could almost taste the saltiness in the air as it filled his lungs completely. It was early in the morning and the beach was more deserted than usual, making him feel like the only man left on the planet.

That had become a too familiar feeling, he noted. Sure he went to town often enough and communicated with others well despite of his poor Spanish skills. However, loneliness was a constant companion creeping inside of him. He missed California. He missed her.

Sitting on the sand he stretched his legs completely, arms on his sides to support his weight. He thought about her often. He had always thought about her in the past, but somehow she'd become a constant presence in his thoughts since he arrived in this tropical paradise.

Maybe it was the setting; he always thought there was something incredibly romantic about the ocean. But lately it was as if every small thing had the power of reminding him of her. A scent, a sight, a song. The way soft green leaves wavered in the cool island breeze, its colors a reminder of her eyes.

He constantly thought about the things he'd say to her if he had the chance to look into those eyes again. He was a coward living in the shadows of fear back then, constantly dreading his feelings would doom her to the same faith Angela and Charlotte shared, when in truth all it did was sentence him to a life in isolation.

His heart clenched at the memory of his lost family. He'd have to be a hypocrite to say that killing Red John didn't bring him satisfaction… it did. He avenged the death of his loved ones and rid the world of a despicable human being as he choked the life out of that monster with his bare hands. However, while it did bring him some pleasure it didn't fill the void inside.

If he were honest with himself, he'd admit it actually made it bigger. Catching Red John had been his sole purpose in life for so long that the minute his quest was finally over he realized he had nothing left. No home, no dreams for the future, no one by his side.

His vengeance had forced him to give up the only person who mattered to him, the only thing that kept him sane.

Lisbon had been the only one who saw the darkness in him and stayed anyway. She sacrificed so much on his behalf and all he had done was demand more, hurt her more. He knew he didn't deserve her but that particular realization never kept him from needing her anyway.

Worse thing is he never got to tell her that.

Picking himself up and dusting the sand from his clothes, he stared into the horizon with determination.

Maybe it was time to do just that.

XXXXX

His place in the island sort of reminded him of his attic back in the CBI: there was a bed to sleep in, a small tea kettle, a few books and a desk. Well, the view was much better here, but this wasn't a competition after all.

Sitting down on his chair he grabbed a blank sheet and a pen. Where should he start? If he thought about it too much he knew he'd probably talk himself out of it soon enough.

Closing his eyes for a moment, he allowed himself to release the breath he unconsciously had been holding.

He'd just let his heart do the talking. He owed her that much.

Dear Lisbon,

I hope this finds you well. I know you're probably worrying about me, as you always do, but I wanted to assure you I'm alright.

I've finally settled in. I think you would like it here, although I have a feeling you would soon grow restless with the utter calmness that surrounds this place.

My time here has allowed me to reflect on life, something I had been neglecting for a long time.

There are so many things I should have said to you; so much I should have done. By now I should be accustomed to regret, but I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive myself for all the pain I put you through.

You were the only beacon of light in my otherwise dark existence. Truth is you still are.

Please be safe.

Patrick

He must have read his words a thousand times before licking the envelope shut. Although he meant every single thing he'd written, part of him was uncertain this was the right move. He was a wanted man and the FBI was probably keeping close tabs on her and the rest of the team in case he decided to reach out to any of them; the last thing on earth he wanted was to complicate their lives even further, especially when they've done so much for him already.

Sitting back on his chair he couldn't help but to think back on that final day; what Teresa, Cho, Rigsby and Van Pelt had done for him was nothing short of amazing. He'd always known he could count on them, but the fact they put their careers on the line for him like that was a little bit overwhelming. It was an act of true friendship. A testament his Teresa was right: they truly were family.

His Teresa. He wondered when that possessiveness had started.

They've been almost inseparable since the beginning. Not the she wanted to, at first. It didn't take a genius to realize she'd rather work alone then have someone following her around like a lost puppy, but he just couldn't help it.

Then time passed by and they grew closer together. Early on he discovered that there was a lot more to Teresa Lisbon then what met the eye of the normal beholder, and he was anything but normal. So he did what he did best: he observed.

Not just small things like how she drank her coffee (black with enough sugar to make a diabetic shudder) or her favorite dish (a large steak with cheesy bacon potatoes on the side), but the things she thought she kept hidden from others, like the fact she blamed herself for not being as close to her brothers as she wanted to be or how much she wished she had a normal life.

Looking at the closed envelope on his hands, he couldn't help but wonder if he himself would ever have a normal life again. Maybe it was too late for him. Maybe his chance for normal had died the day Red John killed his family. Maybe his second (and probably last) chance to have a normal life had been destroyed the minute he walked away from her.

Yes, he could finally admit it now: he often dreamt about a life with Lisbon.

At first thoughts of them together appeared in the form of dreams, which he always quickly dismissed.

Then those subconscious thoughts started invading his awaken hours too, and he caught himself daydreaming about her more and more.

He'd wonder what it was like to slid his hands into the gentle waves of her hair, or to be able to count and kiss every single freckle on her body.

He often thought of how her lips would taste like and sometimes, just for fun, he'd create different scenarios where he would surprise her with a kiss only to catalogue every possible reaction she might have.

But those were just dreams. Back then he knew it was pointless trying to control them, but it didn't mean he was ready to act upon his desires either. It was too dangerous. Besides, he wouldn't be able to give her what she wanted, what she deserved.

And now… now Red John was gone and while part of the darkness in his life had dissipated, he still had a long path ahead of him.

Hopefully someday he'd be ready to completely move away from the shadows and build a new life for himself.

And if he is really lucky, she'll be by his side when that day comes.

AN: So… what did you guys think? Should I keep on writing this? Please, please, please review and let me know!