Title: Dragon's Breath
Author: boyblue
E-mail: ----
Disclaimers:
All characters, terms, names, trademarks, and settings, whether implied or stated, are the sole property of J.K. Rowlings with distribution and marketing rights held by Warner Brothers, and Scholastic, Inc publishing.
Spoilers: none - pure fiction
Date: 1/9/2002
Summary: How could Harry possibly love Draco?
Archive: yes
Notes:
I'm really not into Harry/Draco relationships. The stories can be great and very very sexy. But I don't get it. So I started thinking about Harry/Draco relationships and what would motivate them, and this is what I came up with. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Dragon's Breath
I read in a magazine once, where some guy said that we live 70% of out lives in our heads, 70% of what we do, we do only in our minds. We love more people with more passion. We hate with a greater vengeance. We travel to more place. Have more adventures; fun adventures with no dark forces of evil breathing down your neck. I don't know about the 70%, I guess that might be close, but the guy definitely had a point.
I hated living with Uncle Vernon. The slightest thing could set him off, the creak of a floorboard at the wrong time, and his hate and fury would come smashing down on me like a dragon's fiery breath. Hitting me with such force that it would crush me to the ground. I was easier to just hide in the cupboard under the stairs. My own private safe little world. A world where everyone loved me, where beautiful women and handsome men touched me with affection, and adventures were grand and heroic. At school, it was easier and safer to hide behind the school during play time, to sit on the garbage can, stare at the clouds, and dream of foolish things like home, family, friends, affection, and love. To dream of very foolish things. Better to be alone with dreams than to face the hatred and pain spat at him by Dudley and his friends. Better to be alone than to risk that pain. Better to walk alone away from any dragons breathing down your neck just waiting for your next mistake. I guess that was the mistake I made with Draco.
I hate that Draco hates me. I hate him because he hates me. I hate him because he doesn't love me. I want him to love me. I need him to love me. I never intended to hate Draco or have him hate me. It's just that when he wanted me to shake his hand that first day; if I did that, it would have insulted Ron, and I just couldn't do that. Ron was the first person ever in my life to give any indication that he might like me. That maybe he would be my friends. The best anyone had ever treated me was with polite indifference. Ron was interested in me. He wanted to hear about me. I couldn't risk losing that.
I didn't see it at the time, but thinking back, I see that I was so scared, so desperately frightened. Scared that I would lose the only friend I might ever have. I couldn't face Ron being mad at me. I couldn't live with the thought of Ron blowing up, and having to face the flames of his anger bearing down on me. I guess that was my mistake. I should have learn my lesson long before then. I should have just ignored Ron. I should have never even talked to him. I should have never let myself care. Better to have two people politely indifferent, than to have one more person hate me. Better to have nothing than to have one more bomb waiting to go off; one more dragon's hot breath on my neck.
I should have never been 'the boy who lived', I should have been 'the boy who never was'. It would have been better for me; better for everyone; no hate, no pain, no bombs waiting to go off, no dragons breathing down my neck. Why can't Draco love me. I'd do anything, if he would just love me. Just show me one sign, Draco; just one affectionate touch, one genuinely kind word, one sign that you could love me, and I'll surrender. I'll surrender anything; I'll surrender everything. Life is too good now, and I'm too tired. I have friends and that's good, but I'm so tired; I just can't face carrying around one more bomb waiting to go off; I can't face one more dragon waiting for the floorboard to creak so it can turn me to ashes. I need you to love me Draco; I need you to love me. I ache for that love. I dream of it at night. The back of your soft hand brushing across my jaw. The strength of you arms when they squeeze me with affection. The soft touch of your lips. Your smooth warm skin as it touches mine. The weight of your body as it covers me, and keeps me safe and warm.
I need you to be the one. I need that hate to be gone, and I need you to be the one who loves me. The one whose flames of anger I'll never have to face. The one who will always keep me safe. Make it go away, Draco, make the hate and the pain go away and I'm yours. Make the hate go away, and you can have my heart, my soul, and my body to do with as you please. I'm so tired, and the hate is getting so heavy; I can't take it anymore. Please, Draco, I need you to love me.
. . . . . Later in the hallway...
"Fuck you, Potter."
"Fuck you, you twitchy little ferret."
'Love me Harry, love me.'
'Love me Draco. Please, I need you to love me.'
* * * * * * * *
Author: boyblue
E-mail: ----
Disclaimers:
All characters, terms, names, trademarks, and settings, whether implied or stated, are the sole property of J.K. Rowlings with distribution and marketing rights held by Warner Brothers, and Scholastic, Inc publishing.
Spoilers: none - pure fiction
Date: 1/9/2002
Summary: How could Harry possibly love Draco?
Archive: yes
Notes:
I'm really not into Harry/Draco relationships. The stories can be great and very very sexy. But I don't get it. So I started thinking about Harry/Draco relationships and what would motivate them, and this is what I came up with. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Dragon's Breath
I read in a magazine once, where some guy said that we live 70% of out lives in our heads, 70% of what we do, we do only in our minds. We love more people with more passion. We hate with a greater vengeance. We travel to more place. Have more adventures; fun adventures with no dark forces of evil breathing down your neck. I don't know about the 70%, I guess that might be close, but the guy definitely had a point.
I hated living with Uncle Vernon. The slightest thing could set him off, the creak of a floorboard at the wrong time, and his hate and fury would come smashing down on me like a dragon's fiery breath. Hitting me with such force that it would crush me to the ground. I was easier to just hide in the cupboard under the stairs. My own private safe little world. A world where everyone loved me, where beautiful women and handsome men touched me with affection, and adventures were grand and heroic. At school, it was easier and safer to hide behind the school during play time, to sit on the garbage can, stare at the clouds, and dream of foolish things like home, family, friends, affection, and love. To dream of very foolish things. Better to be alone with dreams than to face the hatred and pain spat at him by Dudley and his friends. Better to be alone than to risk that pain. Better to walk alone away from any dragons breathing down your neck just waiting for your next mistake. I guess that was the mistake I made with Draco.
I hate that Draco hates me. I hate him because he hates me. I hate him because he doesn't love me. I want him to love me. I need him to love me. I never intended to hate Draco or have him hate me. It's just that when he wanted me to shake his hand that first day; if I did that, it would have insulted Ron, and I just couldn't do that. Ron was the first person ever in my life to give any indication that he might like me. That maybe he would be my friends. The best anyone had ever treated me was with polite indifference. Ron was interested in me. He wanted to hear about me. I couldn't risk losing that.
I didn't see it at the time, but thinking back, I see that I was so scared, so desperately frightened. Scared that I would lose the only friend I might ever have. I couldn't face Ron being mad at me. I couldn't live with the thought of Ron blowing up, and having to face the flames of his anger bearing down on me. I guess that was my mistake. I should have learn my lesson long before then. I should have just ignored Ron. I should have never even talked to him. I should have never let myself care. Better to have two people politely indifferent, than to have one more person hate me. Better to have nothing than to have one more bomb waiting to go off; one more dragon's hot breath on my neck.
I should have never been 'the boy who lived', I should have been 'the boy who never was'. It would have been better for me; better for everyone; no hate, no pain, no bombs waiting to go off, no dragons breathing down my neck. Why can't Draco love me. I'd do anything, if he would just love me. Just show me one sign, Draco; just one affectionate touch, one genuinely kind word, one sign that you could love me, and I'll surrender. I'll surrender anything; I'll surrender everything. Life is too good now, and I'm too tired. I have friends and that's good, but I'm so tired; I just can't face carrying around one more bomb waiting to go off; I can't face one more dragon waiting for the floorboard to creak so it can turn me to ashes. I need you to love me Draco; I need you to love me. I ache for that love. I dream of it at night. The back of your soft hand brushing across my jaw. The strength of you arms when they squeeze me with affection. The soft touch of your lips. Your smooth warm skin as it touches mine. The weight of your body as it covers me, and keeps me safe and warm.
I need you to be the one. I need that hate to be gone, and I need you to be the one who loves me. The one whose flames of anger I'll never have to face. The one who will always keep me safe. Make it go away, Draco, make the hate and the pain go away and I'm yours. Make the hate go away, and you can have my heart, my soul, and my body to do with as you please. I'm so tired, and the hate is getting so heavy; I can't take it anymore. Please, Draco, I need you to love me.
. . . . . Later in the hallway...
"Fuck you, Potter."
"Fuck you, you twitchy little ferret."
'Love me Harry, love me.'
'Love me Draco. Please, I need you to love me.'
* * * * * * * *