A/N: Oh, joy! Another one of those shit-tastic fanfictions! Hrm, I can't write fanfiction without it sounding horribly cheesy/mary-sue-plot-ish so how about some horrible attempt at comedy? OH JOY! Now let's see, let's see, what helpless fandom will be my victim of story rape today? How about that much beloved anime Naruto? Yes, I do believe that will do! Now we need a plot, don't we? Naaaaah, I'll just wing it and see how it turns out!

Warning: WILL contain OOC dialogue/actions, randomness, and extreme stupidity.

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto nor the likeness of any characters unless I decide to randomly insert an OC of some sort... or myself.

Chapter One: Bloodlines

Neji sat there eating his candy when he saw Sasuke glaring at him, "what do you want, Uchiha?"

To which Sasuke responded with the signature emo grunt, "hn."

"Insightful." Neji tried to ignore his penetrating gaze, keeping his attention on chewing his candy, but it was if the sullen boy's stare was stabbing his nerves. "What do you want?" He demanded.

Sasuke stood up suddenly and leaned in, "my bloodline's eyes are better than yours," he taunted.

Neji raised an eyebrow, "excuse me?"

"Did. I. Stutter?" Sasuke stabbed, "I said, 'my bloodline's eyes are better than yours.'"

Neji stood up, "and where do you get this conclusion?"

"Well first off, byakugan just looks creepy, like you have some sort of ocular disease or something, it's unnatural looking."

"And I suppose sharingan's perfectly normal looking?" Neji scoffed, "it's like you've got a bad case of pink eye!" He challenged, "besides, with byakugan I've got 360 degree sight and I can see through anything!"

"Ha! So what? My eyes can see through attacks and drive you insane," he jabbed Neji's chest with his finger as if to punctuate his words.

Neji threw Sasuke's hand down, "what use is your sharingan, then? I'd go crazy just by the sound of your voice!" He said, shoving the Uchiha.

"Well my past is tragic!"

"I can't change my destiny!"

"My brother killed my family!"

"I must serve my clan!"

"I HAVE NO CLAN 'CEPT MY BROTHER WHO FRIGGIN' KILLED EVERYONE ELSE!"

Neji was silent for a moment and then he muttered, "at least I'm not the biggest douche bag to ever walk the Earth," and walked off.

Sasuke stood there, dumbfounded. "...Bitch."

End of chapter one. That wasn't so bad was it? "Yes it was..." Shhhh.

You don't have to review this shit, but hey, do as you please.