Fandom: Hikaru no Go
Title: chiisana yasashisa wo kure
Pairing: Ogata + Akira
Rating: pg-13
Description – So, why did Ogata stay Touya-sensei for such a long time?

Disclaimer – Hikaru no Go doesn't belong to me. We're here because I'm too in love to resist touching it.

chiisana yasashisa wo kure
by Miyamoto Yui

Prologue – Blissful and Desolate

"You don't have to be so scared of him."

Lifting her left hand over her mouth, Mrs. Touya giggled with gleaming eyes. They were made brighter with the soft afternoon light reflected inside of them.
"I'm not good with children." I bowed my head a bit in embarrassment, my eyes catching a scratch on the waxed wooden floor.

Everyone had left, but I was still studying with Sensei and taking a break. Out of curiosity, I sat on the veranda where Mrs. Touya held the toddler in her lap, softly patting his tummy with a slow rhythm. It was the most she could do considering how Akira bumped his head on one side of the Go board because he could not stop touching it. Already, he was falling in love with the game and his forehead had a huge band aid right down the middle to prove it.
Gurgling delightfully with the stones in his hands, she couldn't bear to tear them from his tiny hands. So we both had to watch he wouldn't put them in his mouth.

As soon as he saw me approaching, he looked up and held his chubby hand out to give the two black stones to me. Amused, I peered at the energetic creature whose feet moved up and down. Cooing, he insisted to give them to me.
I took them, thoughtfully held them for a moment, and gave them back. I reasoned knowing full well Akira couldn't understand my words, "I'm taking a break right now. You take them."
Letting the stones go, he now wanted to hold the wooden container and give it to me.

That was the first time I ever "talked" with Akira.

Maybe because I had been the first to arrive and the last to leave, Akira got used to me. Everytime he saw me, his eyes would light up. He'd stop whatever he was doing, get up, toddle towards me, and grab my pant leg. Looking up at me with that beaming round face, he'd give me a toothy grin.

I'd wonder why he'd smile for me.

"Good morning, Akira-san."
"So formal even with a toddler?" Touya-sensei commented one day as his wife ran to the whistling tea kettle in the kitchen. It was the first time he'd seen Akira's and my "morning exchange".

Sensei was carrying a special board with big colored go stones and set it up in front of me. Apparently, Akira had his own custom-made set with the colors of the rainbow and he chose Dad's color and his own. Today he had grabbed for emerald green and cobalt blue.
Holding him in his lap, they silently placed stones together. Sometimes, Sensei would instruct Akira to put them on certain points on the board.

After that morning, I was allowed to see the end of this exchange once in a while. I was the only one outside of the house who knew about this.

Whenever Akira would clap and crinkle his nose, he'd look up and Sensei would nod his head solemnly. These were the moments he let his guard down and Akira was learning, subconsciously, how to raise his.

A few months later, I walked up the corridor and opened the screen door. Akira was already there. Surprised, I nodded my head. "Good morning, Akira-san."
He was concentrating hard as he looked up at me until he shouted, "O…ga! Oga! Oga!"
Bouncing up and down, I took a deep breath as he caught my pant leg and nuzzled his face against it.

I blinked my eyes as I reached down to touch the top of his head. I didn't know what to answer to this sweetness. It had been so long since any brush of tenderness moved me that I had forgotten what it was like.
All I could say was, "Thank you."

"You really like Ogata-san, don't you, Akira?"
My head shot up to look at the end of the corridor. He'd been watching us this whole time.

"Ogata-kun must like you too even though he acts gruff," Sensei said as he walked over to pick up Akira and hold him in his arms.
The slightly playful tone in his voice stopped my breathing all together. And the lingering imprint of affection from Akira's fingers slowly vanished.

Gently, he smoothed out Akira's hair and finally looked at me. "Don't you know you've been smiling this whole time, Ogata-kun?"

Looking at me straight in the eye as if he could see right through me, I was stunned by him all over again. I gulped while feeling the borders inside my chest harden, closing the little that had softened over with scabs.

How many times must this person make me feel blissful and desolate at the same time?

Tsuzuku…/To be continued…

5/11/2019 12:10:17 PM – Los Angeles
5/12/2019 4:10:17 AM - Tokyo